Until the end of this week, we’re sharing “audition” pieces from folks interested in being new staff writers at Get Rich Slowly. Your job is to let us know what you think of each of these writers. Pay attention, give feedback, and after a couple of weeks we’ll ask which writers you prefer. This article is from Will Crosswell, who says he’s a young guy who’s made some dumb moves financially. But he wants to learn. His first audition piece was about the value of human capital.
I got married on June 16th. In the months leading up to “the big day,” our family and friends threw ten showers for us. Yes, that’s a lot. We’ve been truly blessed.
One would think that people would run out of ideas or themes by this point. Not us. No way.
If you’re one who’s planning for your big day (or have somebody close who’s doing so), check out the creative ideas we used so that we’d get things we needed, still get the things we wanted, and in the end, save some money.
Christmas Shower
At first, we weren’t sure what to think of this when we heard the idea. Then people asked us:
Do you want to have to buy Christmas decorations? Lights? Stockings? Reindeer Ears or Santa Hats?
Short answer: Nope. We sure don’t. As a first year married couple, we will be dealing with enough to just supply Christmas gifts to our loved ones, not to mention trying to make our house into a Christmas wonderland. (We love Christmas.)
Now, the dollars that we would’ve had to pay for those things can be put toward gifts to our friends and family. And this idea just doesn’t have to be limited to Christmas. You can try to have a “Holiday” shower where people get you things for Easter, St. Patty’s Day, or Valentine’s Day. While not everyone celebrates overtly with every holiday, wouldn’t you want to have that excitement for when you have kids at least? Or maybe for parties with friends and family?
This shower served a great purpose for us: We were able to get things that we know we would want, but now no longer need to budget for it later. The only discussion we’ll have to have now is whether to buy a real or fake tree? But that’s a discussion for another post and another time.
Tool Time Shower
No, no. This isn’t an occasion to invite your friends who are most like Pauly D and The Situation from Jersey Shore. But as guys, we very rarely have a “party” or “event” where it’s just us, outside of the bachelor party.
But the last thing you want to have to run to the store for is to buy a screwdriver, a hammer, or bigger items like a lawnmower or power drill. So a “sure fire” way to become the Tool Man (minus your Al Borland) is to have a tool shower thrown for you. It’s a pretty fun set up as well. All you need is a location, burgers and hot dogs, require a tool or garden utensil as entry fee, and you’ve got yourself a nice little party for your afternoon.
This type of shower will accomplish two things for you:
- It saves you money from having to buy these things you will eventually need.
- It makes you look like a manly man. Which as a new husband, we need all the confidence we can find, right?
Gift Card Shower
Our gift card shower was one of the last ones we received before we got married. We received the “Kitchen Shower,” “Linen Shower,” and many other usual themed showers. People were beginning to run out of ideas, so we came up with the idea for having a “Gift Card” Shower. People could save the time of having to go pick something out and leave that chore to us while still getting us something we definitely want.
After we accrued nearly $200 in Lowe’s gift cards and almost $100 in Target gift cards just to name a few, the shower was a tremendous success. So, after we’ve filled our house with the things we wanted, we have a way to repair household problems when these situations arise:
- Broken light bulb
- Ran out of laundry detergent
- Need groceries
- Cleaning products
You can use your plethora of gift cards and take care of those needs and save money for the other events in your life.
Conclusion
Using those three showers I’ve listed, let’s look at this example:
It’s Christmas time. You’re looking to set up your first set of stockings over the fireplace except…you have no stockings. You want them to be special, so you try to look at some on Amazon and find a vintage pack of three that costs about $30 with shipping.
You also need three nails (you might as well buy a pack of them), so that can run about $5.
And as you buy the nails, you remember you don’t have a hammer, so head on over and pick up one that can run up to $20.
After all the spending, hammering, and I’m sure re-hammering, you have roughly spent about $50 to set up this momentous occasion with your loved one. And the thing is, you’ve just gotten started. What could you use $50 for?
There are a lot of ways to curb costs and get some great things in celebration of your big day. What showers have you tried or attended that worked out well?
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I didn’t understand the point of this post. Get Rich Slowly by having people give you things? What?
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This article belongs on the Knot (in a greatly expanded form, mind you), not GRS.
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I totally agree. I do not get the point. Having a ridiculous amount of wedding showers does amount to getting rich slowly.
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Wedding culture in the U.S. is tacky and insane, and this article confirms that it’s getting worse than I even imagined possible. There’s no excuse for 10 showers. And, by the way, it’s an etiquette breach to have family throw a shower. Read Miss Manners or any etiquette guide.
Your friends and family do enough by getting their butts to your wedding and presumably giving you a wedding gift. Do you really need to extort them for more gifts in the name of a “shower”?? Or multiple showers?? What a bitter taste you must have left in so many people’s mouths.
We really need to go back to weddings being simple affairs at which the main focus was the fact that marriage is a profound, lifetime commitment between two people and their families. Weddings have become way too much about gifts and consumerism and the dress and the party and the catering and all things superficial.
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I still have a bitter taste in my mouth from multiple showers thrown for my girlfriends sister. Going to a wedding is a gift grab that rubs me the wrong way.
When her fiancé purchased a house, we threw him a housewarming party. 2 months later, she moved into his house. There was another housewarming party because she now lived there as well.
Then there was the bridal shower.
Then there was the bachellorette party, with gifts and a specific outfit required so we all matched at the bar that night (what??)
A second bridal shower thrown by friends, same list of attendees for the most part.
Gifts given at the rehearsal dinner.
Wedding gift.
7 gift giving parties in 3 month span, 3 of the parties requiring very specific attire to appease the bride, even if you weren’t a bridesmaid.
Never again.
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This post left a bad taste in my mouth. Getting married is not about getting stuff. Be adults and finance your own lives. TEN showers! Are you kidding me?
Even if you have family and friends who wanted to do this, you should have told them no more showers after the first one or two.
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Completely agree. This is “Get Rich Slowly”, not “Mooch Free Stuff.” I thought after Human Capital there was no downhill for this author. Clearly, I was mistaken.
JD, I can’t say this in strong enough terms. If you select Will, you will lose me as a reader.
Will, sorry – your ideas are interesting and your writing is fine. I just don’t think it belongs on GRS.
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When people were saying “I am running out of ideas for a gift for you,” what they really meant was “another freaking shower?!?”
I really don’t want to read advice from someone who advocates mooching off of others.
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This post reminds me of when my sister-in-law had a baby shower for her fourth, fifth, and sixth child. Really, don’t you have all the baby stuff you need yet? Her excuse was that other people were throwing them so she felt she needed to humor them.
The point of this story is that it is totally ridiculous to have ten wedding showers…just as ridiculous as having a baby shower for your sixth child. Yes, well meaning people are voluntarily throwing them for you but that doesn’t mean that going along with it is right…or even normal. Who in the world has ten saturday afternoons to spare…sitting around watching you open gift after gift after gift after gift. I’m nauseated just thinking about it.
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I am REALLY hoping it went something like–
Her family
Her friends
Her workplace
His family
His friends
His workplace
Their church
Their…bowling league?
Shit, ran out of possible shower-throwers at 8.
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I think maybe you divvy up friends into “that I grew up with” and “that I went to college with”?
Ummm, if they have two jobs?
I will admit that when we had our first kid, we’d just moved to a new city where we knew virtually no one. Husband started a new job fresh out of grad school and I (also fresh out of grad school, but with far less lucrative prospects) was deciding what I’d do after the baby and got a job in a fabric store until I figured it out (years later, I’m still figuring it out).
I’ve been forever grateful for the shower the ladies at the fabric store gave me — the only one (though obviously we got other baby gifts) I had. I got onesies, and cute little bunny scupltures made out of washclothes, and burp clothes and a beautiful lattice work cake. Nothing extravagant, but the thought definitely counted and I still remember it and them fondly (even the one who was always very cranky at work!)
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Yes, as I was reading this, I was hoping that different people are invited to each shower, but it does seem likely that many were invited to multiple showers…ick. I can maybe see two at the most, or possibly three if you do one that is co-ed. But ten…no.
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Eek! Sounds a little over-the-top! 10 showers? That’s a lot of things to accumulate. Agree with comment above about this post leaving a bad taste.
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This is really interesting! I would like to know what other showers you had!
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I have to say I thought this was pretty ridiculous. This person must be from some crazy rich family and social circles – 10 showers! The people I know think it’s bad enough that people have a wedding and baby shower! I couldn’t imagine asking people to buy me tools or decorations for holidays for ‘tool’ showers or ‘christmas’ showers – they would laugh in my face.
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I’m sharing the same ambivalent feeling about this article as the previous commentators.
While showers are a helpful way to set you off in your newly married life, they aren’t meant to subsidize that life.
If your family wanted to throw ten — ten! — showers for you and your fiancee, I think that’s generous and lovely; but to offer that experience as advice to newly engaged couples as a way to save money seems selfish.
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If you love Christmas so much, wouldn’t you have owned Christmas decorations already? Same with tools. I would expect an adult to at least own a screwdriver and a hammer. This post makes it sound like you weren’t alive before you got married.
Also, I have to agree with the above commenters; marriage isn’t all about ‘getting stuff’, and really, it would have been the polite thing to do to ask you friends and family for no more showers after the first two or so.
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“While not everyone celebrates overtly with every holiday, wouldn’t you want to have that excitement for when you have kids at least?”
^That is the single most ridiculous sentence I’ve ever seen on this website. Not only does it show your own level of consumerism, but it shows that you think it’s a positive thing that should be passed on to children. Hopefully they don’t learn that lesson.
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I completely agree with you, Jim. Will seems to be saying: “OK, so you don’t celebrate every single holiday there is. Well, you should, for your future kids’ sake. So have a shower right now so your friends can buy you all the necessary decorations (you better have a big house to store all that stuff), and then once you have kids, celebrate all those holidays which you never used to give a rat’s ass about with them.”
Will, if you read this, is there ANY chance that this is not what you meant when you wrote that sentence?
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This is probably one of the more bizarre GRS pieces, ok, the most bizarre. 10 showers is excessive!! The idea of a themed shower is great and I love the Christmas idea. But still… 10 showers????!!!!????
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Congrats on your marriage.
I did not find this post helpful. Actually, I found it kind of gross, because I do not think it fits the values that GRS encourages people to cultivate.
I am getting married next year. I am not expecting ANY showers, at all. I literally can’t fathom how you managed to have TEN showers.
Marriage should not be about getting a lot of gifts. It’s great that you found a way to get lots and lots of gifts that you could use, but I think this post completely misses the point.
Getting Rich Slowly =/ accumulating stuff, even if it’s stuff you’ve convinced yourself that you want or need.
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We’re also getting married soon and to me, making a registry for the wedding itself already feels like a gift grab to me.
And really most of the ‘needs’ we’ve added to the list aren’t really at all. We’ve been living on our own for awhile now (as is the case with many couples these days), so it’s not as if we’re starting from scratch the way many previous generations would have.
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Maybe you should cancel your registry. Looking back I wish I never had one. I feel dirty 5 years later.
I didn’t really notice it until a former friend was SOO greedy at her baby shower and so sad about what she didn’t get that she barely focused on what she did get. I got her $200 worth of stuff off her registry. Now we’re not friends I wish I didn’t even do that.
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I feel bad for the folks who had to think of 10 excuses to miss the showers.
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Are you serious, Will?
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The writers first article was ok but felt incomplete and his second didn’t provide any value. Based on his writing and the strength of the other auditioning writers so far, I don’t think he should be a staff writer.
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One financial problem I have with showers, especially lots of them, is that you will end up being invited to lots of them for the other people. So you will be expected to purchase a lot of potentially useless or duplicate stuff for all those other people whose friends, in turn, will add you to THEIR list of shower-able people. Your group of shower people will grow and grow, until you have 30 punch bowls you don’t know what to do with – except to buy a bigger house to store them all, as well as have room to entertain this exponentially-growing group of people.
I sense a followup post about regifting…
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Is this a joke?
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I’m glad I’m not the only one! Showers were originally to help a couple set up their own household (presumably, they had been living at home up until the wedding), not gouging your family and friends so you could run out and buy a pack of nails without having to worry about the cost.
What’s next: making money through bank robbery?
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There’s nothing wrong with asking people to get you useful things you actually want (that’s the point of a registry, stuff you actually want and no duplicates), but 10 showers seems like it’s just gift harvesting.
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Everyone is upset with the author for having 10 showers, but you don’t throw your own showers, they’re thrown for you, and in my experience are supposed to be a surprise, so I don’t see how it is the author’s fault that he had 10 showers.
But while I can defend the author on that point, I’m then confused as to how you set up a theme for a shower that someone else is throwing for you.
The good advice for any life event where you know people are going to buy you gifts, is to go ahead and set up a registry. If there isn’t that much that you actually need, then I would recommend signing up for things that you want but wouldn’t ordinarily buy for yourself (like high-count sheets – that was my registry splurge, and some friends went in together to buy them for me).
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This article should be called “Showered With Wants.”
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Glad someone else already said that. I didn’t see any “needs” on this list; things like screwdrivers are a need but what adult doesn’t have that sort of thing? I can only imagine they got “nicer” screwdrivers, which is a want. I can’t even imagine what the other 7 showers were about if he cherry-picked these three to show “needs”.
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I think the post could have been better if it weren’t for the 10 showers. The number is ridiculous and everyone is focusing on that. It is good advice to tell people to put practical things that they actually will use on their registries.
When my cousin got married and I went to her registry, I wondered if she was opening up a restaurant or something, there were so many kitchen and dining items on there, way more things than I think she would ever use. Some people, when it’s time to set up a registry, go a little nuts. It’s good for them to temper themselves and remember, (at least for most of us) 200 people aren’t going to be buying gifts for you. So if you really want that measuring bowl set, you may not actually get it if it’s one item out of 200 you put on your registry. I would make sure to have items on their that range from $5-30 so that anyone can afford to buy you a gift, but also don’t shy away from putting big ticket items on there, because a group of friends may decide to go in together to get something for you.
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I disliked everything about this post, and, while I am putting it all out there, I gotta say that I didn’t like the first one he wrote, either.
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I was just thinking about that piece this morning. I was thinking about how depending on human capital and expected finances is a bad idea. Honey, with her PhD and low income, is proof of that. (She had some comment about what she *expected* to make.) That whole post about human capital is really about counting chickens before they’ve hatched.
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Not a fan. Maybe I am just cranky today, but I don’t think I can learn anything from someone who thinks it’s a great idea to get married when the couple’s financial situation is so shaky that they “need” ten showers. Sorry to be mean. I appreciate the trouble taken to audition.
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Ugh, all those showers just seems like gift-grubbing. And you example of putting up stockings is completely against the principles of GRS. A $20 hammer? You couldn’t find cheaper stockings? (which are a WANT not a need). Disappointing, bad bad bad.
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This article really rubbed me the wrong way. I have the impression that the author thinks his friends and family owe him and his wife an instant middle class existence.
And if he really thinks it takes $50 to hang two Christmas stockings he needs a few courses in frugal creativity. How about using drawer pulls, or refrigerator chip clip magnets, or a couple of doorknobs, or a hundred other places around your home?
I’m embarassed for him.
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Ha! My favorite item for hanging holiday decorations has always been paper clips! You can wrap them around existing nails, shape them any way you want, and there’s always a dozen or more of them hanging out in the bottom of the junk drawer!
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We just set the stockings down in front of the hearth or the tree, they’re too full of fruit and nuts to hang anyway.
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Yeah, I’ve never had a “first set of stockings”. Or a fireplace of my own. What to do for Christmas? Skip all the lame expensive stuff that I don’t need.
I can’t say this “showers” post is very helpful. Then again, I’m probably not as “blessed” as you either. Ah well.
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I am sitting on the bench with the others commenting on this blog post. Sure, tradition usually has family and friends throwing 1, perhaps 2 (if family event is separate)showers for upcoming weddings, first child’s birth/adoption. Maybe a third thru work-but that gets to be a bit much. 10???!!! THUD! Just can’t see that happening.
While I laud the idea of a practical shower (kitchen basics, bath towels etc type of thing vs the $500 place setting china that most can’t afford), and I think that the themed shower is good: couple purchasing a fixer upper so get them registered at Big box hardware and select items from there. Good.
The main point of the post, however, left a real sour taste with me as it comes off as nothing more than how to mooch more off of friends/relatives etc just because you have a life changing event coming up. Love my large, extended family, but there is no way I’d ever attend more than one shower for one particular event (say wedding) per family member. If invited to a shower, tradition has it that I must also be invited to the wedding. There is 2 gifts right off the bat!
When I married, I did register at a local Dept store but insisted to get the word out that these are suggestions, feel free to buy elsewhere. Just call the store and tell them that you bought towels at another store, and they will adjust the registry (this was before on line registries)
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I wish as a society we’d drop wedding showers altogether. Many, many couples set up house before they ever marry. It’s not like they need anything.
And no baby showers after the first kid!
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I see baby showers differently — I think there should be one for every new child coming into the family, to celebrate that event and recognize the importance of each child. Of course, I also don’t see showers as only an event to give and receive gifts, either.
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I like the idea of only one baby shower (for the first child). But a lot of my friends have had “welcoming” parties for their 2nd, 3rd etc. A month or so after the baby is born, they throw a party that’s a lot like a baby shower, with bbq and cake and punch and family, but just without the expectation of gifts. If people happen to bring gifts they aren’t opened in front of everybody like a shower.
It is so much fun to get to celebrate the birth of their child, and actually meet the baby!
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I’m OK with a welcome shower, no gifts. Or an open house or welcome dinner given by the parents.
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I didn’t have any showers for our wedding. We did register for some stuff (mostly, place settings, as we had never actually gone out and gotten dishes) at the insistence of our relatives who *wanted* to buy gifts. My aunts actually threw me a mini-shower the night after the wedding, since they were in town, to give me even more presents I hadn’t asked for. It was nice, and I love the items they gifted us, but I’m glad I didn’t have more showers.
re: babies, we did just throw a second baby shower for a friend, mostly because we wanted to. We decided to do a book shower, so everyone got a kid’s book or two that they love to give her. I thought that was a tasteful and nice alternative. Plus, she did not initiate the shower (and somewhat protested at first), but most of us hadn’t been around to do a shower for her first.
It seems, to me, that there are tasteful and not tasteful ways to celebrate milestone happenings in life.
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I agree…this is gross. Childish and entitled. I am a faithful reader but rarely comment, however, I couldn’t let this one pass without noting my disgust at the content and the gleeful tone. How is this advice? How many of us are about to get married and have ten showers. Ridiculous!
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This is pathetic. TEN showers? How entitled are you? The gift card shower has to be the tackiest, greediest thing I’ve ever heard of.
You’re supposed to be happy to get married to be with the one you love, and CELEBRATE with family and friends…not hoard presents and gift cards.
Be an adult.
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I thought weddings were for love not to milk extra gifts out of your family and friends? And who doesn’t already own a hammer and nail?
I feel like the true lesson from this post is that commercialism is ugly an doesn’t belong in a wedding story.
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Agree that this post wasn’t really helpful. “Want a great way to save money? Have people give you stuff!”
Some interesting ideas for types of showers to throw for others, but where I’m from the recipients of a shower don’t get to specify the gifts or theme.
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Nope.
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Wife: Honey time to get ready for the shower.
Me:Another one!? How many is this?
Wife : only the eighth
Me: Ugh. WHY sooooo mannnnyyyy! What is wrong with your relatives?
Wife : shut up
Me : Whats this one for?
Wife : Household cleaning supplies and picture frames.
Me : shoot me.
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This is a joke piece, right?
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I had no idea showers were so profitable. How can a single person with no kids get in on this kind of action, lol?
Did he really list running out of laundry detergent as a “problem?”
I know most commenters found this article offensive, but I’m finding it funny for some reason.
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Your comment made me laugh! As a single women in my 30s, I’ve certainly never had a shower or anything to help me establish a household! I have, however, been blessed with friends and family willing to help me out with stuff they no longer needed or didn’t want to pack when they moved. One friend even bought me a “first apartment” present of a tea kettle.
It’s something I’m mindful of now — that people could use help establishing their lives (or re-establishing their lives, after divorce), not just when social convention says we should buy gifts.
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I agree. Is it bad that I think this post and the comments are kind of hilarious? Of course, I’d like to see GRS be a personal finance site, not a source of comedy…
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I’d like to hear from the people whom you invited to TEN SHOWERS! Did the guest list overlap? Did you expect your friends to give you ten gifts? Seriously? Did you have any friends afterwards?
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I think my own mother might be busy “washing her hair” by the time the fifth of sixth shower rolled around……
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Worst. Article. Ever.
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Dear author:
- Some advice. Worry about how you’ll spend Christmas with the kids when you actually have kids. By then, you may see the hidden value (and FUN) of making simple decorations with them out of construction paper, cardboard tubes, popcorn, and the like. My family of 3 (soon to be 4) uses ordinary socks as stockings. (Which is, in fact, the traditional way of doing it.)
- “Require a tool or garden utensil as entry fee.” Seriously?? An entry fee for a shower your friends/family are throwing YOU? Tacky.
- While there’s nothing wrong with using gift cards for practical things like light bulbs, laundry detergent, or groceries, there is something wrong about abusing them in order to save money for “other events in your life.” You’ve got it all backwards. You budget for your needs. You plan for your wants.
Overall I have to agree with the other commenters… This is the worst article I’ve read on GRS. Though a very good reminder of why we should all be wary of “those people in our lives” who ask, ask, ask for handouts, while giving nothing in return.
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The thought of a gift as an entry fee both amuses and disgusts me. As others have said, since when do we expect family/friends to subsidize our lives? My first tool kit was put together with extras from my parents’ garage and got me through 10+ years.
Overall, I think the article was written well but that the topic and attitude don’t belong on GRS.
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Wow. Apparently I gave off an entirely different impression than what I initially intended. 10 is a lot of showers, but we by no means asked people to throw all these for us. I got married because I met the love of my life, not so I could “get stuff.” I honestly thought this would be a fun, lighthearted, helpful post for people who were interested in throwing different types of showers for the bride and/or groom (it’s wedding season, anyway), but as many comments have been made, I did not express that clear enough. My wife and I come from humble, hard working, and by no means elitist families. We are products of teachers and railroad men and we were blessed with family and friends who wanted to help us get started, whether it was giving me a hammer or my wife a new set of sheets. We didn’t have a lot at all so people wanted to just help us out and we never, ever once asked for a handout.
I (and my wife) was honestly shocked to read the comments listed. We’re not gift hoarders or entitled. I’m sorry that this post upset so many of you. I was just trying to help and thought this’d be fun to write. So, goodnight and I’m going to go watch some TV with my amazing wife. I truly apologize. Thanks.
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In the abstract, the content is not actually bad, as someone suggested earlier if this were an article on a wedding site about ideas for throwing a unique wedding shower, I’d probably appreciate the piece.
The issue is that you’re spinning it as a personal finance piece from the recieving end no less. I think you could have even successfuly done it as a personal finance from the giving end (e.g. “How to throw a frugal wedding shower”), since something like the tool shower is actually a neat idea.
But you’re writing about the personal finance aspects from the receiving side, which essentially is translated to “Tips to save money: Have people give you everything you need”. Which, while true at some level, is generall considered in poor taste to mention explicitly, and goes against the general attitude of being able to ‘earn your own way’ in life that’s generally prevelant here.
Also personally I feel like you were mixing needs with wants. Sure you really may value Christmas or Easter to such an extent that decorations are a ‘need’ to you, but the reasoning you give (for currently non-existent children) are so distant that it doesn’t really seem like a ‘need’ anymore. I mean I wouldn’t say I ‘need’ a new car right now just because in 5-6 years my current car will need replacing.
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Will, I’m sorry that you were subjected to the wrath of the internet with this. It can be unkind place at times. I must say that I too, was really surprised by the amount of showers; I think in the current economy people find the idea of that much gift-giving a little turn off. GRS is probably not the target audience for an article like this. Good luck with other writing endeavors-don’t lose too much sleep over the comments!
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I agree with the two above posts. This might have been a ‘fun’ article to write. However, it has not been written with its audience in mind. This isn’t a wedding planning blog (where ‘creative ideas for a themed shower’ would work really well). It’s an audition piece to get a job as a regular writer for a debt reduction/wealth building/frugal living publication.
Consider: would you submit an article about hosting a baby shower to a culinary magazine? An article about making unusual baby food recipes – maybe, but even then, it would probably be better in a parenting magazine.
The other thing you have to remember is that the regular readers here have been reading audition posts since at least Father’s Day. A number of readers are getting tired of reading off-topic articles. Others are becoming increasingly aware that they only want to read highly polished pieces of writing that are:
*well-researched,
*contain some amount of personal application,
*and/or resonate with where they are in life right now.
The way you wrote this article makes it feel a little incomplete (you didn’t even name all 10 themes as bullet points), and few can relate to having 10 showers.
Plus, there are going to be readers from a variety of walks of life. Some are probably like me who very nearly didn’t even have a single bridal shower – more or less more than one. I have to admit, having to read about someone talking about how they had 10 bridal showers, all with different fantastic themes to take care of everything from tools to Xmas decor, kind of grates a little. Especially when you came to the blog looking for nuggets of financial wisdom. The people who feel the most uncomfortable are probably going to be a bit more likely to comment and complain.
It’s really scary to put yourself out in front of the public as a writer. I wish you luck in further writing endeavors, but recommend that you research your audience and tailor your writing for it.
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Aside from the great comment from csdx, I think another problem is you’re coming from a situation where you’re VERY blessed. You have tons of people you know in your life who love you and want to give you stuff.
For those of us who aren’t so blessed, there isn’t ANYTHING we can take away from this post other than “Hope and pray that one day you’ll have lots of friends and family who’ll give you stuff”. This isn’t something that can be achieved by anything other than luck, or by God making it happen.
I know some folks don’t have parents, or loved ones, or a fireplace, or $50 to spend on something frivolous like hanging stockings, so your examples could be seen as “entitled” too. There isn’t anything anyone can do to achieve what you have been blessed with (ie, real love, family, gifts), so writing a post about it only seems like “bragging”, even though you didn’t intend it to be.
Sorry the overall response wasn’t very favorable, but hopefully, these little critiques from folks can help your article-writing in the future?
And, Congrats on your wedding, and may your life continue to be blessed.
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I think your explanation of your background (teachers and railroad workers) makes me understand a little more that your community banded together to throw you showers to give you what you needed. It seems smaller and more tight-knit than anything I’m used to, and I think you’re lucky that you have people to gather together and support you.
I think the part that confused me totally is…what the heck did people get you for your wedding presents? The idea of wedding presents is to get the couple started off – which is why you register for kitchen stuff, bedroom sheets, etc – and it was mind boggling that you got all that stuff in your multiple showers. What did people gift you with for the wedding?
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Hi Will,
Thank you for responding to the criticism so gracefully. I think you explained your POV well. It does help me think a bit more objectively about the article.
I think this is really a case of “choose your audience”. It’s been mentioned that this post would work well from the other side or on a wedding planning site. The audience at GRS is primarily interested in saving or making money. This article sort of hits those points, but it’s very tangential.
I would probably have edited the “10 shower” thing to “our family, friends, and even coworkers all wanted to throw a shower” (if that bit about the coworkers is true), and then phrased it as suggested theme parties to avoid getting like a billion burp cloths. I think the 10 is unnecessarily inflammatory and the point can be made without it.
And again, I really like the way you made your point and left it be in the comments. Nice.
I will say that I agree that an editor should have caught some of these things and suggested ways to alter the article to you (or declined it straight out). As the writer (or someone close to that person) you can’t always see how things will read, because you know the backstory. I’m not sure who does the GRS editing now.
Best of luck to you in your endeavors, and congrats on getting married!
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Will, speaking as some who has worked as an editor and writing teacher, it’s important to remember that what people consider “good writing” often depends on context and audience expectations. I’ve had to turn down good writing because it wasn’t a good fit, not because it was bad writing or didn’t have good ideas.
I thought the tool theme was a good one. It’s always annoyed me that we’ve held bridal and baby showers for the women at our office, but not for the men. (They’re getting married and becoming parents too!)
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Will, thank you for responding. While I understand that people wanted to throw you showers, it is up to you to say no. Generally a shower or two is socially acceptable but I have never heard of anyone having so many. It is poor etiquette and overly burdensome on your guests.
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If you literally had enough friends and family wanting to shower you that you had to have ten showers, why didn’t you have a “give to charity” shower or something? Nobody needs ten showers worth of gifts. Even the children of teachers (I’m one!)
Why not share your blessings?
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Will,
First, I’d like to say csdx expressed perfectly the problems with your post, from why it doesn’t work here in its current form (but might on the Knot) and how you SHOULD have spun it for a personal finance site like GRS.
Second though I think JD really let you down here letting it get posted as is He should have forseen the reactions and probably rejected it as not matching the focus of the blog. Audition pieces or not, he still has an editorial duty around here.
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Given that we’ve had these audition pieces for what feels like three years, I think JD checked out a looong time ago.
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I was going to give you the benefit of the doubt since your explanation seemed very genuine. Until I read about your wife being given sheets. So, er, you don’t sleep on the bed too? Your wife is incapable of hammering in a nail? They bought the gifts for both of you.
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“My wife and I come from humble, hard working, and by no means elitist families. We are products of teachers and railroad men…”
Well, that just makes it even worse. You let your circle of “humble, hardworking” people shell out money for ten showers so you and your fiancee? In this economy???
Talk about taking advantage.
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This article is disgusting. It is dripping with greed and entitlement. Please, J.D., don’t allow this person to write another piece for your blog. I fear you risk turning off your readers who are looking for financial advice, not this level of useless drivel.
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My only other comment on this is — what happened to everyone’s stockings from childhood?
I still have my stocking, made by a friend of my mother’s (I believe). A few of the sequins are hanging loose, but it was handmade, just for me…and it’s still working fine 47 years later!
My SIL made a lovely hand-knit stocking (and they’re huge and stretch — kids love ‘em, we find them to be bottomless!) for each of our kids. They’ll have them, barring unforeseen circumstances, for the rest of their lives too!
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Our stockings have cow heads on them. My mom got them from when she worked at Kemps (a dairy company). Their slogan was/is “Kemps: It’s the cows.”
Anyhow, the awesome cow-head stockings are in my parents’ basement. If my husband and I celebrated Christmas, I would probably bother to get mine back.
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I still have my Christmas stocking that my mother crocheted for me when I was a baby. She crocheted matching ones for my sister and I, with our name on them. Would never even think of using anything else, and if someone ever gave me one, I would discretely re-gift it.
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Didn’t you just get divorced?
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That’s JD.
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I think the person we need to be upset with here is JD. JD, there is absolutely no way you read this article and thought “yea, this is going to be a good try out piece.” You have wasted our time and you have subjected this poor kid to a ton of ridicule. In the future do a better job of screening.
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I thought the point of these audition pieces was not to find authors we agree with, but authors with different points of view. Like some of the other commenters, I know that it doesn’t take $50 to nail a stocking, but apparently this author doesn’t. I find that kind of perspective intriguing.
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I’m a little ticked that JD hasn’t shown up to respond to this at all, frankly. He was all over Honey’s post, and the wealth post from a few days ago, but now it’s radio silence.
I feel like JD is throwing Will under a bus.
And yes, I’m cranky. I’ve had to give up on The Simple Dollar for anything other than comic relief, it’s so bad nowadays. And now I feel like I’m going to be giving up on GRS next.
Anyone have recommendations for some great PF blogs made for people who are in the building wealth stage rather than the debt reduction stage?
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The other half of our blog is currently in love with Mr. Money Moustache. http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/
I think it’s the badassery.
One of my favorites is leightpf.
http://leightpf.wordpress.com/
They’re both in the wealth-accumulation phase. MMM is an early-retirement blog. Leightpf is a young professional who is making good decisions for (mostly passive) wealth building but doesn’t necessarily plan early retirement (at least not in her 5 year plan), just having options in the future.
If you’re into rentals and entrepreneurship, Paula at Afford Anything is a fun read. (I’d link, but I’m afraid a third link will put me in moderation.)
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http://afford-anything.com/
She’s doing a neat experiment this year in which all of her income goes to investing, including rental properties. Not what I would do (I’m more of a passive investor), but fun to read about vicariously.
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Thanks for the links, Nicole! I hadn’t heard of some of these sites! Time to go check them out.
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Amanda, I am a real person with a real life. I can’t be here to monitor the blog 24/7. I do my best, but sometimes I have other responsibilities. In this case, I’m preparing for a huge conference this weekend. It’s not that I’m “throwing Will under the bus”.
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Hey JD, when you have a moment, I think that Will’s comment at 44 should be highlighted (it does answer a few questions about his article).
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I’ll defend JD here. The piece is loosely tied to personal finance and clearly the ties are being stretched a bit for these audition pieces, but I think this article should reflect most poorly on the ‘kid’ (how much more condescending can you be?) not as much so on the site or JD. The writer should have spent more effort getting to know the audience and writing for the audience here at GRS. Just keep this piece in mind when ‘voting’ for the staff writers when the time comes.
And if you still feel like its JDs or GRS’s fault, then vote with your mouse and don’t click over to GRS in the future.
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Hm. I don’t agree. With any publication, it’s the editor that’s ultimately responsible for the content. (Chain of command and all that.) Editors have to have higher standards when it comes to things like style, tone, bias, accuracy, audience expectations, clarity, etc. Writers can’t always spot problems in their own work – it takes a second set of eyes.
That being said, not every article is going to be a winner. Sometimes editors know it and sometimes they don’t and sometimes they just have to learn from their mistakes like the rest of us
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I read the RSS feed of GRS, and I almost never come to the actual site. This article was so bizarre (for GRS) that I had to come and make sure I wasn’t crazy for seeing it this way. I concur with the other people who have commented, this was a terrible article for GRS.
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Yes, nothing says “manly man” (to quote Mr. Crosswell) like a) waiting until you’re married to own tools, and b) acquiring said tools via something called a “tool shower.”
Level with us: was this fiction? I mean, you refer to a theoretical shower where people give you St. Patrick’s Day-themed gifts. You know, because St. Patrick’s Day is a staple on everyone’s gift-exchanging calendar.
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BMW shower is at my house. Everyone’s invited, I’ll have beer and burgers, please bring a side, and a car. Thanks!
Honestly, I think this is probably the most ridiculous post I have ever read on here. I can not understand how it got posted. Presumably one of the editors on the site had to read it first, bit I can’t imagine how that could be true.
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“As a first year married couple, we will be dealing with enough to just supply Christmas gifts to our loved ones, not to mention trying to make our house into a Christmas wonderland. (We love Christmas.)”
This is the part that gets me the most. Like, god forbid they have to go one year without store-bought Christmas decorations.
If you love Christmas, then freaking celebrate Christmas. If you love Christmas decorations, and don’t have money, make them your damn self.
Will, if you’re looking for where people got the sense of entitlement from, this quote is a prime example.
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this, absolutely. a headline about getting “needs” followed by a paragraph about having every store-bought christmas decoration given to you just sounds insane. Holiday decorations are a never a need.
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Long time reader, first time commenter, because I cannot believe how much this article disgusts me. It goes against the grain of pretty much everything I’ve read on GRS over the last few years. Advocating mooching gift cards out of friends and family for “when these situations arise:
Broken light bulb
Ran out of laundry detergent
Need groceries
Cleaning products”
Really ? Are you serious ? My heart breaks for people who cannot afford these basic needs because times are hard. But that does not seem to be the situation here. Why would your friends and family pay for your groceries and detergent just because you got married ? How on earth can you appear to be proud of that ?
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I think that most couples would want to build up their own choice of Christmas ornaments and create their own traditions.
I know I sound grumpy about it but I find American wedding showers a bit over the top. I like the old tradition of a Kitchen shower where women had a little afternoon tea together and brought a small gift for the kitchen…tea towels or something. I hate the sexy night gown thing. I could go with the manly tool barbecue idea if we are not getting into the expensive stuff.
I still have not got used to the wedding gift register after living in the US for 30 years. I find it very bad manners that you tell guests what you expect to get. Alright to have a chat with your sister about it but not all the guests.
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Oddly, for our first Christmas as a married couple, DH’s (extended working class rural) family seemed like it bought out several Hallmark stores worth of “First Christmas together” gifts. It must be something cultural. (See also: matching Baby’s First Christmas gifts after baby was born.)
(Of course, we were living in a teeny tiny urban apartment, but we retrieved said gifts from my parents’ basement once we moved into a house many years later.)
They were also incredibly generous with wedding presents in general. We didn’t have a shower or registry because we were moving across country to a teeny tiny apartment (and as we were so young, most of our friends could afford the plane ticket or gas to the midwest but nothing else, and we wanted them there over a gift), but DH’s extended family unexpectedly gave us enough money in checks from relatives he didn’t know he had to be able to pay part of the deposit on our teeny tiny urban apartment. We were very grateful. Of course, we now reciprocate for the next generation with a check as adults whenever we get an invitation… themed showers not required.
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” DH’s (extended working class rural) family seemed like it bought out several Hallmark stores worth of “First Christmas together” gifts. It must be something cultural. (See also: matching Baby’s First Christmas gifts after baby was born.)”
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say those working class relatives aren’t very wealthy. Cultural or not, this sort of over the top gift giving is why.
(Honestly not a dig at you. Just observing the sort of spending habits we readers of GRS are learning to avoid.)
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I suspect that your comment gets to the heart of why readers have objected so strongly to this article. Most of us, I think, are sympathizing with the author’s family members, friends, and co-workers, many of whom we imagine — in this economy — to be struggling themselves and unable to afford gifts for ten showers (plus a wedding). Yes, maybe they seemed eager to throw the showers and give the gifts, but that doesn’t make it right.
I know that my own annoyance with this article had more to do with the author’s apparent disregard for his loved ones’ own financial circumstances than any greed or sense of entitlement on his part.
One of my goals in becoming financially independent has been to help set my own loved ones free of *their* burdens. I don’t think I’m alone here.
In any case, thanks to the author for clarifying your situation in your follow-up. I hope that you can walk away from this having learned a useful lesson, rather than just hurt feelings.
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We got married in early December and received a lot of Christmas themed gifts. While we appreciated them and kept several of them, a lot of them weren’t to our taste. I think Christmas decorations as gifts are actually very hard to get right. Unless you know specifically the type of colors and themes that a person likes, you are just as likely to get them something they wouldn’t want to put up as you are to buy the perfect Santa or whatever. I kept some of them for a few years, but I have since given away many of them in the past six years.
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No wonder he has done some dumb mistakes with money. He’s obviously surrounded by people accustomed to a high level of spending. So all their friends think it’s just great spending their money on giving this couple a whole bunch of things they really don’t need to be happy in life. Seriously? This is just weird. In those surroundings getting rich slowly translates to getting rich never.
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Sorry Will but your article upsets me. If you want to be a staff writer on GRS I assume you are a reader of the site & therefore should have an idea of what kind of posts are relevant. I am sorry that you don’t have a friend, relative or neighbour willing to lend you a hammer & 3 nails. In the UK we don’t have wedding showers so I’m even more confounded by this. I really liked your first post so don’t give up.
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