Until the end of this week, we’re sharing “audition” pieces from folks interested in being new staff writers at Get Rich Slowly. Your job is to let us know what you think of each of these writers. Pay attention, give feedback, and after a couple of weeks we’ll ask which writers you prefer. This article is from Will Crosswell, who says he’s a young guy who’s made some dumb moves financially. But he wants to learn. His first audition piece was about the value of human capital.
I got married on June 16th. In the months leading up to “the big day,” our family and friends threw ten showers for us. Yes, that’s a lot. We’ve been truly blessed.
One would think that people would run out of ideas or themes by this point. Not us. No way.
If you’re one who’s planning for your big day (or have somebody close who’s doing so), check out the creative ideas we used so that we’d get things we needed, still get the things we wanted, and in the end, save some money.
Christmas Shower
At first, we weren’t sure what to think of this when we heard the idea. Then people asked us:
Do you want to have to buy Christmas decorations? Lights? Stockings? Reindeer Ears or Santa Hats?
Short answer: Nope. We sure don’t. As a first year married couple, we will be dealing with enough to just supply Christmas gifts to our loved ones, not to mention trying to make our house into a Christmas wonderland. (We love Christmas.)
Now, the dollars that we would’ve had to pay for those things can be put toward gifts to our friends and family. And this idea just doesn’t have to be limited to Christmas. You can try to have a “Holiday” shower where people get you things for Easter, St. Patty’s Day, or Valentine’s Day. While not everyone celebrates overtly with every holiday, wouldn’t you want to have that excitement for when you have kids at least? Or maybe for parties with friends and family?
This shower served a great purpose for us: We were able to get things that we know we would want, but now no longer need to budget for it later. The only discussion we’ll have to have now is whether to buy a real or fake tree? But that’s a discussion for another post and another time.
Tool Time Shower
No, no. This isn’t an occasion to invite your friends who are most like Pauly D and The Situation from Jersey Shore. But as guys, we very rarely have a “party” or “event” where it’s just us, outside of the bachelor party.
But the last thing you want to have to run to the store for is to buy a screwdriver, a hammer, or bigger items like a lawnmower or power drill. So a “sure fire” way to become the Tool Man (minus your Al Borland) is to have a tool shower thrown for you. It’s a pretty fun set up as well. All you need is a location, burgers and hot dogs, require a tool or garden utensil as entry fee, and you’ve got yourself a nice little party for your afternoon.
This type of shower will accomplish two things for you:
- It saves you money from having to buy these things you will eventually need.
- It makes you look like a manly man. Which as a new husband, we need all the confidence we can find, right?
Gift Card Shower
Our gift card shower was one of the last ones we received before we got married. We received the “Kitchen Shower,” “Linen Shower,” and many other usual themed showers. People were beginning to run out of ideas, so we came up with the idea for having a “Gift Card” Shower. People could save the time of having to go pick something out and leave that chore to us while still getting us something we definitely want.
After we accrued nearly $200 in Lowe’s gift cards and almost $100 in Target gift cards just to name a few, the shower was a tremendous success. So, after we’ve filled our house with the things we wanted, we have a way to repair household problems when these situations arise:
- Broken light bulb
- Ran out of laundry detergent
- Need groceries
- Cleaning products
You can use your plethora of gift cards and take care of those needs and save money for the other events in your life.
Conclusion
Using those three showers I’ve listed, let’s look at this example:
It’s Christmas time. You’re looking to set up your first set of stockings over the fireplace except…you have no stockings. You want them to be special, so you try to look at some on Amazon and find a vintage pack of three that costs about $30 with shipping.
You also need three nails (you might as well buy a pack of them), so that can run about $5.
And as you buy the nails, you remember you don’t have a hammer, so head on over and pick up one that can run up to $20.
After all the spending, hammering, and I’m sure re-hammering, you have roughly spent about $50 to set up this momentous occasion with your loved one. And the thing is, you’ve just gotten started. What could you use $50 for?
There are a lot of ways to curb costs and get some great things in celebration of your big day. What showers have you tried or attended that worked out well?
GRS is committed to helping our readers save and achieve your financial goals.Savings interest rates may be low, but that’s all the more reason to shop for the best rate.Find the highest savings interest rate from Ally Bank, Capital One 360, Everbank, and more.
This article is about Odds and Ends, Relationships
Disclaimer: This content is not provided or commissioned by American Express. Opinions expressed here are author's alone, not those of American Express, and have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by American Express. This site may be compensated through American Express Affiliate Program.
Discover is a paid advertiser of this site. Reasonable efforts are made to maintain accurate information. See the Discover online credit card application for full terms and conditions on offers and rewards.
SEARCH FOR RECENT ARTICLES
Well, I guess JD can always have a sister site: Get Greedy Fast.
loading....
You’re killing me Smalls!
Seriously, to paraphrase the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons, “Worst GRS post ever!”
Will, you need a reality shower.
loading....
If I never see another post on this type content ‘how to get the most and BEST presents ever!!’ I’d be happy.
Perhaps it’s my visceral dislike for all things wedding, but this post was obnoxious. 10 showers? Too much. Often this site errs on the side of ‘how to have fun without ever spending a dime, ever’ but this piece is an over correction the other way.
loading....
In full disclosure, I’m not a fan of showers in general, be they wedding or baby (I’m a big believer that if you can’t afford basic home/child supplies, maybe you shouldn’t be getting married/pregnant), so I may be a little biased. That said, I agree with the others that this piece could’ve used some editorial assistance, to make it less uncomfortable to read.
First, on a site like GRS, there was NO NEED to specifically call out that you had *ten* showers. Good grief. Second, if the “themes” idea was the cruz of your article, you should have bulleted them with a *brief* synopsis underneath, to keep the flow going. The ideas were there, but the organization was lacking. Alas, I don’t think this writer belongs on GRS.
loading....
My mom has done the holiday theme as a wedding shower gift (even when the wedding shower doesn’t have a theme). After each holiday season, when things are mega on clearance, she buys a few things from each holiday. Put those into a basket and it becomes a wedding shower gift.
loading....
I’m engaged…. and I was hoping this would be awesome.
’twasn’t, I think.
For our wedding … we’ve got all the stuff we want. Instead of showers and crap, I feel like we accept presents from anyone who wishes to give one *at the wedding*. We’re already planning one giant party, why plan multiple and double the stress?
Also, as we do have the Stuff that we need and want … we’re accepting presents that will fit through a mail slot.
Is there anything wrong with that?
loading....
Wow, the reaction to this post is hilarious. I feel like this overwhelming reaction is a testiment to the anti-consumerist personality that his site used to attract. You can’t write about “needing” Christmas or St. Patty’s day decorations around us without getting at very least an intentionally obvious eye roll. I love it since I had the exact same reaction to this post.
loading....
I agree with Clara–Will, if you have been a reader of this site for long you would have known that your article would be a poor fit. 10 showers–no way. I had a “kitchen shower” for my first wedding years ago, and all the ladies just brought copies of their favorite recipes for me. Gift cards? And then a wedding present on top of that? Tacky.
loading....
These audition pieces need to be screened….or just done away with. They are starting to jeopardize the integrity of this site.
Obviously this person didn’t have 10 showers. That’s nonsense, he’d have no friends left after all of that greed! This is made up jibberish.
loading....
I don’t get the whole wedding shower thing in these modern times. Unless both people in the couple are very traditional and haven’t lived on their own and have no stuff, what is the point? I get very frustrated that when a friend gets married, I am supposed to cough up for a shower gift, drinks and a gift for the “stagette” party, and a pricey wedding gift. Crazy consumerism.
loading....
I know this post seems the opposite of GRS mentality, but I appreciate the fresh thought. when you have well-intentioned family and friends who want to shower you with gifts, these sound like practical ways of doing so. it’s a great way to curb what you don’t want/need.
honestly, going through this myself right now, and there seems to be a cognitive disconnect when it comes to weddings, especially with your closest family and friends. even though thru know I despise being spoiled, it’s happening anyways.
loading....
When we got married, we spread the word that we did not want any showers. We knew how much the vast majority of our friends and family were struggling and it seemed mean to expect gifts from them before our wedding. Maybe the stuff we had accumulated in our twenties didn’t all match, but it was fine and in working condition. My husband’s family did throw us a little party where they put together a cute welcome to the family construction paper book for me – they listed all the family idiosyncracies with some creative illustrations. That was the only gift.
I think if you put your foot down, people will honor your wishes. If you don’t put your foot down, *people will do what they believe is expected of them*. And in most cases, it is expected that you spend $25 to $100 for each shower you attend. At least that’s the going rate here in Philadelphia.
I’m with the folks here who think showers need to go. This whole I’m getting married so I want everything all shiny new and matching is sort of silly to me.
loading....
I do not believe this article has a place on GRS.
loading....
Thank goodness there’s finally an end in sight to these audition posts. The villagers are getting restless as the posts get more ridiculous, and the pirchforks are coming out!
loading....
Whoa. Can we just hit pause on this one? It’s day 2 and even after all the comments already posted—there’s some that just want to keep punching this guy in the gut and kick him when he’s already face down. I’m sure he gets it and he also gets that there is no recovery for this.
And to go after J.D?? What? It’s “open enrollment” and he’s just putting it all out there. GRS used to be something completely different when I read it back in 2008 than what it is now that I came back in 2012. It’s a good blog that appeals to everyone—just not to everyone on the same day.
loading....
I suspect Will (like me) is from a large working class community where people tend to marry young. Some of you all’s confusion on this is cultural and some is from a different impression of what a “shower” is, I think. In my family multiple showers are common (as is marrying straight from your parents house or a dorm room from college) so I’ll share my input on your questions about this.
The same people don’t come to the different showers, for the most part. You might have the family of the bride have a shower, the family of the groom, college friends, groom’s family church, bride’s family church, bride’s work, etc. If you have blended family you get step families having showers too.
You might also be misunderstanding the size of these showers. When I first moved to the NE I was invited to a shower and was shocked that it was at a hotel conference room, with a meal and 100 people. Showers in my world are in someone’s living room with a cake and finger sandwiches that several guests contributed and include 10-25 people. Gifts range in cost from $20-25, not several hundred like some NE showers I’ve attended. There are also no “favors” that guests take home.
If you give a shower gift (at least in my world), no wedding gift is expected. I had to explain this to my boyfriend in this way- think of the showers as pre-gifting for the wedding. At my cousin’s wedding there were 300 guest and about 30 gifts. The rest were given at the showers beforehand.
This is just my experience, not Will’s, but I do think some of the outrage here is based on a misunderstanding of what he is saying.
Finally, I’ll answer the question Will asked. I’m from a large family and we are always in search of new shower themes. We do “round the clock” showers; each guest gets a time and chooses something relevant to that. So if you get 7 am you might bring a wisk, some recipes for breakfast and a muffin pan, etc.
We also do “poundings”, which is basically a pantry stocking exercise. You get a pound of flower, a pound of cornmeal, etc. It’s useful for setting up your first household.
loading....
Great comment! I didn’t know this kind of thing was normal anywhere, so thanks for sharing.
loading....
I come from this culture too, although I only had one wedding shower. We got a ton of stuff, and I’m very thankful for all of it. I found the shower itself to be very awkward, as I can’t stand to be the center of attention. :/ I don’t know how I could get through 10 showers with people watching my reaction to their gifts!
I get what you’re saying here about our culture, but I don’t think Will knew his audience well enough, and that’s why this article was met with such hostility. I also think the line-blurring between needs and wants was a huge no-no for a personal finance site. Part of the fun of being a poor newly married couple is finding creative ways to do things that you don’t have money to do yet, like have Christmas decorations. Our solution to that was a few tiny stockings from Dollar Tree (we got one for the dog too, haha) and we hung them on a bookshelf with thumbtacks. I even sewed our names on them and I still put them up every year. Great Christmas memories, without high-priced decorations. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
That’s part of how you get rich slowly: get creative with both wants and needs, so you can do things like pay off student loans with Pizza Hut salary, and start to build wealth.
I sincerely hope Will continues to write and learns from this experience without letting it get him down too much. I think his writing would be better suited for a site other than GRS.
loading....
Like everyone above, I thought that this choice of topic was incredibly tone deaf to the target audience. GRS readers come here to read about the things we can do for ourselves to GRS, not to hear about how the generosity of someone’s loved ones created a windfall of material goods and “yippee! I have stuff!”. While Will is not a bad writer in style, his choice of topic makes me cringe to see what he would choose to write up next. Sorry, no more for me, thanks.
With a little more thought, this article could have better fit GRS. Clearly, Will has very generous loved ones and that’s not a bad thing. But framing all of these gifts/showers as am unexpected windfall could have positioned the article to talk about what Will and his spouse will do now that they won’t have to use their income to set up house. Will they use this as the stepping off point to plow more money into any debt they have, or juice up a down payment savings account? Donate more to charity? Have a massive garage sale to sell off their old things that have now been replaced by these new gifts?
loading....
I would cringe if I was invited to a Christmas themed shower or a gift card shower.
I imagine the couple getting lots of crap/knickknacks that they might not even want. Plus, who has the room for lots of seasonal stuff?! A few items, yes, but a whole bunch of decorations…no way!
The gift card shower is like asking for cash. It’s embarassing for someone with limited resources to show up with a $10 card when everyone else comes with $40.
I like showers because I can either buy an item the couple has specifically chosen, or I can go out on my own buying an item I think they would love (spending $20 at a discount store for an item that would cost $60+…with a gift receipt of course). I understand the appeal of gift cards, but personally I would not choose to give one.
10 showers. Ok, maybe that was appropriate for your lifestyle and circle of friends. No judging here for that. But, I do not believe this article applies to the majority of GRS readers. It seems like a poor choice for an article, especially for a try-out.
loading....
A few paragraphs into this article, I was giggling to myself. By the time I got to the part about the gift card shower, I was practically rolling on the floor with laughter. I was really expecting this to turn out to be a joke.
“People were beginning to run out of ideas, so we came up with the idea for having a “Gift Card” Shower.” People were running out of ideas, so….maybe you should have come up with the idea of “no more showers?” Why was it even necessary for another? Why are you “coming up” with ideas for your own showers anyway?
Thanks for the great laugh!
loading....
I hope you received several etiquette books. Did you really throw your own showers or am I reading that wrong?
I can’t believe people really came to more then one. Maybe two for close family. Maybe.
loading....
Yes! The main issue I had with this article (aside from its consumerist bent), was that these were ideas for people getting married. You don’t get to choose the theme of your own shower! Heck, family members aren’t even supposed to host the shower, for fear of it being seen as a gift grab (although this rule has definitely fallen away in my circle).
I’m getting married next month, and had zero input on my two showers, and knew next to nothing about what sort of showers they would be when I showed up!
loading....
I am a long time reader but rarely comment. I feel like I want to chime in on the audition pieces. I am starting to feel like GRS has “jumped the shark.” I like having a variety of interesting topics but lately it just feels like a mess. The last time the call went out for staff writers it was very exciting. Even those not selected seemed to fit the site. Things do not appear to be as cohesive this time around. I think that maybe too many people have been given a chance to submit their work.
As far as my preference for articles, I find Honey’s stories refreshing. I loved reading about JD’s struggles. It is harder to relate now because I am not where he is – even though we were in similar situations at the start! I like hearing about people who make mistakes and find a way through. It is nice that some people are financially savvy and make wise decisions from a young age, but those stories are not always compelling tales. They can also sound preachy. Give me someone who is imperfect and always looking for ways to learn and grow financially and as people.
loading....
For my first Christmas tree on my own, I mixed up some salt dough and baked star-shaped ornaments that I spray-painted gold. I also got packs of Victorian animal gift tags at a dollar store (giraffes and elephants and zebras) and hung them with colored thread. It was the weirdest, prettiest tree. Children were enchanted. People still talk about it.
Frugality and creativity are rewarding like no amount of free stuff can ever be.
loading....
We got married December 1st and got plenty of Christmas themed gifts.
loading....
I agree that this post belongs on the knot, not here. For just a second though, I want to say – I just got married, we did it the traditional way, and the regular shower and surprise lingerie shower I was thrown were huge blessings to us. We both still had a year of college left and he was working part time. We might still not have a kitchen mixer or a bedspread if it weren’t for my family and friend’s kindness and generosity. Plus, I felt a huge encouragement in being surrounded at one time by all the awesome women who have set examples in marriage and life for me. Showers are meaningful, and I hope I get to shower presents on others many times in the future. 10 though – that’s a bit tacky, I hope the bride wasn’t asking for that! Hopefully she’s just super popular!
loading....
WOW – seriously????? If you were my kid I would have capped the showers at 2 – period! This is just down right embarassing – for you and your spouse and both sets of parents involved. Really – if your kids are this immature where’s the parental responsibility? Why didn’t any one of the (presumably) 4 parents have the decency and/or balls to just say “NO”?
loading....
I’m not sure why people are so offended. I found the piece amusing and didn’t not take it too seriously. Lighten up people…geez. You’ve made your point. Stop kicking the guy when he’s already down.
loading....
It seems I may have a wedding shower to attend in my near future for someone that’s an acquaintance but we’re not really close. She’s getting tons of condoms. Then I won’t have to worry about a baby shower gift.
loading....
OK I agree that 10 showers is excessive. I had several sets of folks that wanted to celebrate with me when we got married. My aunts had a tea for me and we spent the day catching up.
Now a comment for showers. I have attended several that were fun low key way of helping the bride to set up house. The need to have several showers, seems to get in the way of getting ready to be married.
The best shower that I have attended was one my church through. The gifts were advice for staying married. I took two razors and two tubes of toothpaste.
loading....
It depends. The ones who are truly poor and going through a frequent “broke” period didn’t give us anything, and we’re fine with that (not expecting anything in the first place, and definitely wishing they’d take care of themselves first). But yes, there is an economics literature in developing countries (that has not been translated to the US) about how this kind of social insurance discourages savings. I’m fairly sure there’s a sociology literature about conspicuous consumption keeping folks down as well, but not as familiar with it. But yes, if certain of DH’s relatives acted more like my immigrant dad, they would have more wealth (and more ability to be generous without hurting themselves). We still write checks or send gift cards to the next generation for weddings and babies, especially because we can well afford it.
loading....
oops, this was supposed to be a reply to @Not My Mother @128
loading....
I have a different opinion when it comes to wedding showers versus baby showers. I personally don’t like the former, but I LOVE the latter. I’m just a sucker for those itty bitty clothes. I love buying them. Plus is it easy to come up with a nice looking baby shower gift for $10-$15. It’s hard to do that with a wedding shower.
Now that I have children of my own, I also love going to baby showers to talk. It takes me back to the days when I was pregnant – both the joys and the discomforts. I also enjoy talking to other parents and gleaning wisdom from them about the difficult job of child rearing.
Usually the vibe at a wedding shower is much different, but I think perhaps in Will’s circle’s the atmosphere could have approximated what I have experienced at baby showers. Maybe they sat around and discussed the joys and struggles of marriage. This could also explain his overly positive portrayal of them and feeling blessed by ten of them. He doesn’t strike me from this post or his other one as someone who is overly materialistic. I know others interpreted it differently, but I don’t see him discussing over-the-top items – a hammer and nails? That’s far cry from Lalique crystal.
When I first read 10 showers, I thought, really? But then I realized that we had six baby showers. And no one who attended these went to more than one.
Here’s the breakdown – my work, my husband’s work, family (in another town), close friends, church, and our neighbors.
None of these were elaborate events. The work ones took place in the break room with a few snacks. If Will and his now wife live in a different city from where they grew up, I imagine they could easily get to ten and never have repeat attenders. If they are at all religious, they could have had showers at the church they attend, the two churches they grew up in, etc. It really adds up. I think the main flaw of the post was its vagueness and the fact that he didn’t realize that the number TEN would appall people so much. I wish J.D. or another editor had pressed him to break down the showers and explain that they probably weren’t elaborate catered affairs with ice sculptures.
loading....
I agree with most comments that 10 showers is excessive. If someone wants to throw you a shower, you can say, “thank you, but no we’d already had 2 showers and wouldn’t want to burden our friends and family with more.” I can’t imagine going along with that many showers.
loading....