Better to lose the friendship than lose your future. Whatever happens, your children will not blame your friends but you. That’s what they will remember about you.

Taka

It *amazes* me that someone thinks I will take *my* vacation time from work and use *my* vacation money to go on a vacation of *their* choosing.

No. This trend is ridiculous.

I can see it for family members who all get along and who view it as a great family vacation, but for freinds and fringe relatives? ummm. not.

I guess I am in the minority here on weddings, but you are talking about the most important event in your friend or family member’s life that they are asking you to attend. So, I say go if you can.

If you can’t go, either have an unasailable excuse or simply express your regrets and wish the couple happiness. If you say you can’t afford to attend, it opens up a whole – can’t afford the wedding but can afford ____ line of stuff.

Anyway, just my opinion.

I noticed a distinct resemblance!

I’m also fortunate that the few friends I do have would have no problem if I were to suggest that I seriously can’t afford something. Thankfully they’re just as frugal as I am, so that helps.

We get invited to about 2 weddings a year, on a pretty constant basis. We’re actually missing a really nice family wedding this weekend because it’s on the west coast.

Couple thinks: we have to invite all these people or their feelings will be hurt!

Invitees think: we have to go or they will think we don’t like them!

it’s stupid, and it causes a lot of grief (and overspending) on both sides. Weddings are events, not awards or honors or scorecards of who’s important to who.

We had our wedding downtown on a weekday afternoon and invited people who could come on their lunch hour. Then we took them out to lunch. It was nice. No stress on anyone. We had fun.

Like when a mom friend invites you to the park and after 5 minutes is all “okay, time to go buy coffee!” I used to say “my kid needs outside time, maybe we’ll see you after coffee.” but then she criticized my parenting (“don’t let your kid run your life! Have a spine!”). Saying “sorry, I can’t afford it” got criticism too. So I just started saying “no” to all her invites.

I will always get a gift or give cash to a bride or groom who marries later in life but once you pass the one wedding gift per lifetime threshold I have to say no. I had to make this a personal rule after one cousin married, divorced and remarried the same guy! Sorry but you should still have that pressure cooker from the first time around.

I don’t mean to sound heartless or cheap, I just put things in perspective. Being unmarried in my 30′s no one has thrown me a shower to help with my expenses. Should I have married twice and had 10 showers? I would have lots of stuff by now (totally snarky and sarcastic for those who can’t read humor)

I’m thinking I may get thema restaurant gift card!

I find folks who talk about how much they sacrificed to make it to an event tiresome. If you will not be able to enjoy the event because of your other commitments (financial or family), then please send in your regrets.

As for cheap entertainment. I am one of the few of my friends that enjoys cooking, so I cook dinner and enjoy having everyone over. I also use this as a way to make the meals that I have a difficult time making in small batches. There is no need for it to be expensive, well cooked ‘peasant’ food is always appreciated.

And to be honest, it will save us money to have fewer guests. This is something to consider too – when dinner menus are $$ per person, most people don’t mind having a few less to pay for.

Of course, I’m way beyond my friends getting married in droves!

I’d so much rather spend time with the couple afterwards, when they and I can hear each other!