I guess my main point is that if your kids don’t have money or opportunity to earn it in high school (like myself & my son) it doesn’t mean you can do a lot of other things to make sure they are ready to handle money when they do earn some.

My parents did such a great job teaching this, along with a few mentors I had in high school, that we were able to pay off our mortgage by the time I was 32 & were debt-free a few yrs later. We made a huge deal with our then 6 yr old son as well about paying off our mortgage early. All through his growing up years we reminded him of things we were able to do with him because we didn’t have a mortgage.

Living on one small income & putting most of that into his education meant we still lived very frugally but talking about our budget openly makes a huge impact, I think. We did hound, or moan about what we didn’t have. We just stated facts – we have this much & we have these choices. We weighed our choices & chose. I am very excited to see him doing this now with his own money as well as time – is it worth my time to save money this way.

Love this blog & the encouragement it gives to families to stay on top of their budget, no matter how small it is.

I think you hit the nail on the head by starting teaching your son early on. That is the main part I was getting at, understanding and valuing money at a much younger age than after high school. At 18 going off to college, life is already full of learning and new experiences and expenses now that you are off on your own. Having a solid foundation in place before that is a huge benefit and lets you focus on everything else.

Your son is light years ahead of most at 19, and likely ahead of many at 29 as well! Biggest advice to learn from that would be to start early and use things as teaching opportunities the way Jen did. The anecdote about the toy is a perfect way to plant that seed early of what things are worth in a very practical and natural way.

In my son’s case, we chose to not require him to get a job through high school (it was something my husband & I disagreed on, he worked hard through high school & I didn’t, he said our son would be working the rest of his life to let him enjoy high school – so that’s what we did). But, we still taught him about finances & how to handle money. When he was small & he wanted a new toy, I helped him figure out how many hours dad had to work before he could buy it – did we want dad away from us that long just to get a toy? Through high school he helped my husband maintain our budget, saw what bills came in, how much we saved & what went to charities. We talked about money openly & often. When we wanted something new as a family we met & decided what we had to give up to get it & agreed on what we’d do.

At 19 he’s working his 2nd full time job, taking advantage of putting 15% in his 401k & his employer matching a percentage of that & paying his own way as well as saving most of his pay-checks while he has few responsibilities.

I say all of this to say that yes, working through high school is one very good way to learn how to handle money but it’s not the only way. And it’s not impossible to learn it after high school, it’s just much harder. Talking about it openly can really make a big difference. Looking at choices as a family helps children to see the cost of things.

Where I’m from I wasn’t an exception to the rule, but in university I was shocked how many people had no idea how to deal with money. I think that the best thing the son can do is get a job and use half for incidentals as he deems fit, and bank the rest for when he needs it. Even working a few shifts a week will give him enough cash to enjoy the rest of his time when not studying or working, as well as teach good lessons about what things are really worth (is another beer at the bar worth half an hour of my time working tomorrow?). By the time he has worked to accumulate some money, he’ll have appreciated how hard it was to earn the money and be more likely to take some pride in having savings than to spend it on things he doesn’t truly want. Paying for something with money you earned makes you look at it differently and value it more because of the sweat it took to earn that money.

And from my experience, the dirtier and lower paying the job, the better the lesson (although at the time, I wouldn’t have said either was a good thing!). In university my work ethic was sky high because I knew I wanted to do something better than that for the rest of my life. If you’ve been in a pit shovelling rotten corn in 90 degree heat, you are pretty much prepared for anything else life throws at you!

Best of luck to both you and your son. I have a feeling you will feel much better sending your youngest off to college knowing he’s well prepared to deal with his finances, but you are certainly on the right track!

Also, unless this kid is going to college in South America $25/month is ridiculous. My parents budgeted $300/month for my sisters incendentals alone through college.

My advice? Actually allow him to make a mistake. Maybe you don’t like the way he spent his graduation money. But until he feels like he made a mistake and regrets how the money was spent he is unlikely to truly learn any lessons from the experience. You can minimize the magnitude of the mistake by only giving him a smallish sum of money (another $400 perhaps)? But really in the grand scheme of things $400 isn’t going to look or feel like much to him if he’s buying textbooks and paying tuition.

It helped that the campus bus system was free and most of us had the kind of crappy jobs that come with “perks” like free food leftovers or free movie admissions. But in general universities try really hard to make things accessible to students.

Now, $25 might not be enough to learn how little you get for blowing your whole month’s spending money on one big night on the town. But it’s likely more in line with what he’s going to have for “fun money” as a new graduate in a few years, suddenly responsible for rent, transportation, professional-style clothing, etc.

I have a coworker now whose son is 18 and has never used a debit card machine. He also – still – doesn’t have his own bank account. He’s not ever been employed. And THEN she has the audacity to complain when he acts totally and utterly helpless. Well … what did you expect?

We parents must do a better job inundating our children with experiences revolving around money. I just don’t think teaching beats dealing with one’s own cold, hard cash.

Early in my first semester, my mother came down to campus for a visit. We went into town and she asked me to stop by the bank. I had no clue that she planned to open a checking account for my own personal use. She loaded the account with $500 and set up a monthly transfer of $100 from her account to mine. She wasn’t clear with the intent of this account, but the idea was for me to handle this money as I see fit.

College is a special place. My chance to be a pseudo-adult by managing my own schedule, my own well-being and my own finances. My perception of this windfall was to enjoy life without parents. Thanks, mom!

Needless to say, I blew through all of it in a matter of a few weeks. Off-campus food? I’m in! Beer run? I got it! Wireless mouse? Cool! I spent without any regard for the principal because I knew I was getting another $100 at the end of the month. Lifestyle inflation quickly set in, but I was having the time of my life.

Despite everything I knew about money, I fell off the wagon when it came to putting my knowledge into practice. I was guilty of frivilously spending money really meant for me to save or spend wisely.

When I later caught up with my mom over winter break, we discussed the status of my account and I had told her outright that I spent it all on nonsense and have been “living” off the $100/mo ever since. She was disappointed, but expected this outcome. She essentially spent 800 bucks to teach me a lesson on budgeting.

She doesn’t regret it nor do I.

Thank for your transparency in this matter. It takes a lot of humility to admit that you haven’t handled something properly in the past and to make the necessary adjustments to head in a different direction.

A few things that I’ve found crucial in navigating parent/student financial decisions:
- Just because you’ve made financial mistakes in the past, doesn’t mean that you’ve missed your opportunity to teach your son financial lessons/principles now. The importance of modeling doesn’t end when your kid walks across that high school graduation platform. It’s just as important for a kid/young adult to see their parents correct their mistakes, as it is for them to see their parents make the right choices.
- Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Sit down EVERY semester with your son and make a budget with him. Be abundantly clear about what expenses you will cover, what expenses will come from his savings and/or earnings, and how to bridge a potential gap. This way, you largely eliminate most potential surprises and misunderstandings.
- Don’t attempt to hound him or micromanage all of his financial decisions, but rather force him to be conscious and take ownership. Ask questions that encourage him to monitor and be aware of his decisions and the associated consequences. “So how close were we on that ‘incidentals’ figure? Do you think it needs some adjusting?”

Be encouraged by the fact that it is NOT too late to have a positive financial influence on your son. Good luck and God bless!

(That said, I don’t think the OP needs to pay for any of this. No reason the kid can’t get a job to fund outside socializing. I just don’t think it makes sense to set him up to feel like a failure if he spends more than $25 a month.)

Throughout his years growing up we never hid money issues, either good or bad. I believe this helped him tremendously. He always had a savings account but never a checking until he graduated from high school. He is currently working part time, but looking for full time. Last I checked his checking account had a higher balance than mine.

I must say college was a learning experience for both my son & me.

The only thing I wonder about is how you defined with him which expenses you were going to cover? My son is still young (7) so we basically cover everything except toys, and I wonder when to transition out of that.

I know too many adults who don’t look at the total amount of money available in their budget, but instead look at whether a cost is justifiable – it’s for work, it’s for the kids, it’s food, etc – and end up treating the credit card like Mom, as if the interest is less if it’s something they really really really need.

I attended a small liberal arts college that was almost in the middle of a cornfield. There weren’t too many bars in the small town, so people drank quite a bit. In this scenario, $25 for the month might last you one entire weekend.

Even if you don’t drink, $25/month won’t last long between health and beauty supplies and grabbing the occasional pizza with friends.

Maybe I missed it, but does the OP’s son plan to get a job on or off campus.

Word of caution on using a clunker laptop (like more than 3-4 years old) is that schools usually have some sort of virtual learning environment and they might be buggy if you don’t have a recent operating system and/or browser. You may be required to turn in assignments through it and professors often post answer keys/grades/etc. there, so having access is key. But again, computer labs can be super helpful.