For instance, I like practical things, and put them on the list I’m required to make. One thing I really really wanted sat there unbought on the list for 3 years. Finally, my partner said (it’s his family that does presents, mine only does presents for children) “of course they won’t buy that, they think you put it on there as a joke, nobody would buy that as a gift.” And when I’ve asked for charitable donations people have said to me, “I know you said that but I can’t give you a DONATION for Christmas, that’s not a gift!”

So I just let go. It’s not about me at all, no matter what they claim. It’s about them and what they like to do. Though it is hard to make a wish list AND practice not wanting at the same time – i wish they’d let me off the hook for that.

(Actually I just had a brilliant idea and asked my partner to make my list for me. I’m not sure he’ll do it, though. He thinks it’s mean to make him remember what I like. I HATE CHRISTMAS)

As adults, I and my sibs skip the adult gift giving===except for birthdays===and give the kids gift cards. And we try to eliminate the extreme focus on gifting and instead try to concentrate on experiences and little rituals like tree-trimming and looking at Xmas lights.

Also, Robert, your daughter is hysterical. And congrats on the weight loss!

To me, how many gifts they receive is not necessarily relevant. It is how they put thought into giving to others. Even though they are young have have no money to their name, they can still “give” to their siblings and cousins. Usually this is by giving something they create, already have, or buy at a local dollar store. I’m hoping to encourage this mindset more this year.

Any thoughts by the readers on how to encourage this are welcome.

It’s hard, because I think teachers are just trying to find supposed universals like Christmas and family in order to relate to the children. In my case, the Christmas gifts thing wasn’t a formal assignment but just an informal conversation before or after class. I don’t fault her for that. She was just trying to make conversation. But I hope if she had had a Jew or Muslim student in the class that she would have at least been sensitive to that.

And like I said above, there’s no guarantee edible things won’t get tossed. Every year my husband’s grandma makes this lovely but very sweet poppy seed bread. I mean to eat it, but most of it gets thrown away because we are just sugar saturated by the time we get it.

I think my point is that we are all overwhelmed at Christmas. I love giving gifts as much as the next person, but I don’t like the excess.

But yes, sometimes even the most well-meaning teachers can be a bit clueless about issues like this. There was a Mother’s Day stall at my son’s school, letter went home explaining about it (basically reminding us to send money with our kids that day). I took our son to school and explained that we talked to him about it, gave him the choice to buy something or make something for his mom, and he chose to make something. But I guess they felt sorry for him and gave him something anyways (which completely, totally missed the whole point!). So recently when they had the Father’s Day stall (yes, it’s on a different day here) I went in again, explained again, and asked that he be allowed to abstain from it completely (after I, of course, gave him the option of buying or making something). I think she understood this time. Though he did come back with a present wrapped up (coincidentally he had taken a small toy he helped paint which was to be my father’s day gift, they gave him some wrapping paper and he brought it home with a card).

It’s just…I’m sure it’s innocent and all, but I don’t want my kids learning the wrong life lesson because of how they’re treated at school. I’d want them to learn that we value spending time with each other over material items; NOT wishing they got a lot of crap…er…cheap presents just so they wouldn’t feel left out during show and tell.

Getting side-tracked…but it’s hard to explain why we prefer each other’s company during holidays/birthdays/etc., but that if you’re invited to a birthday party you’re kinda expected to buy a present as a sort of price of admission. That’s hard explaining to a 6 year old, but how else am I going to raise them to have our values AND be able to function in the “real” world?

The last few years have been more enjoyable as I have simply stopped buying gifts for a lot of people other than those who are very close to me, and I know what they like. I know longer feel an obligation to buy gifts for co-workers and I don’t rush out to buy a gift to reciprocate when given something unexpectly. This has stopped the cycle of giving with those I no longer wish to exchange gifts…and I sense they might be relieved too.

Thus it is slowly getting easier for me to focus on the true meaning of the holiday.

Aside from the horrible gift-giving, Christmas with my partner’s family is really lovely. I think that’s mostly because it only lasts for a few hours – one big party, then done. The party is always awesome but it’s literally about 3 hours long.

My family’s Christmas is always HIDEOUS because my mom somehow convinces us that what would be perfect is if we all spent, like, 8 days together somewhere, in close quarters, with lots of late nights and drinking. So there’s always a horrible argument. The one sister who wisely remembers that and leaves after 3 days gets shit-talked behind her back for the rest of the year. So it only happens about once a decade – it takes that long for the collective amnesia to set in, I guess.

I’m happy to go to Grandma’s in February. Just not any time between Dec 20 and Jan 5.

If you haven’t used it previously, “Rusty Chevrolet” by Da Yoopers is a fun song.

At this point, the only adult left on the list is my MIL and I get her a gift to keep the peace. My husband thinks its ridiculous, but I’d rather keep her happy and we don’t travel to see her on the holidays (another complaint) so the gift is easier.

My husband I don’t exchange gifts either, I do put a few things in his stocking, rather we put any holiday budget money into our travel/vacation account.

My nephew has just gone off to college, he hasn’t started to draw down the 529 plan money, but he is very thankful and always has been that its there.

Instead, we bake goodies and spend lots of time with family over the holidays. We just explained that we’d rather enjoy the holidays by spending time with people than buying stuff at the mall that no one really wanted anyways. Not everyone was on board, but they eventually accepted that this was how things were going to be (for our family). Oh, we do let them buy stuff for the kids if they want, though I’d kinda prefer if they didn’t (it’s easier to say “no presents” when it concerns me than when it concerns someone else).

No idea what we’ll do this year though. We’ll be very far from family, can’t send baked goods (customs would likely confiscate them)…I dunno. Regardless, we’re not going to go overboard, and will try to continue teaching the kids that spending time together is more important than yet another cheap toy under the tree.

Also, there were a few times when I was growing up that I told my parents that I wanted one specific (albeit a bit bigger) thing, but would be happy having that one item. I actually still have those few items and still appreciate them 15-20 years later. In my case, it really paid off to have fewer but more thoughtful gifts.

These days if there isn’t anything I really want, I tell my family to just to get me some Reese’s candy. I hate getting gifts that I know may end up on the yard sale table a few months down the road.

I hate shopping so I attempt to finish by Halloween if possible to avoid the crowds. I keep a spreadsheet listing the people to buy for, suggestions, the item I actually bought and the cost. It’s very handy to skim back through prior years to make sure I never repeat a gift, but mostly it’s great for keeping track of what I’ve already bought for this year and hidden away. Sometimes I can also find a great idea for someone by looking back at what I’ve given others in past years. After all, my aunt will never know she got the same thing I gave his sister 3 years ago. Since the gift exchanges values are similar on both sides of the family, I’ve been able to reuse ideas since the recipients never meet!
My DH and I stopped exchanging gifts decades ago. If I need something I’ll get it myself (on sale and with a coupon preferrably). Normally if asked I can’t think of a single thing I’d want (or that I’d want someone else to choose). I truly would rather receive nothing. I’ve been in a year long purge of the clutter in our home and the idea of a pile of stuff coming through the door in a few months is totally unapealling. If pressed for a suggestion by my mom again this year, I will once again ask for gift cards to restaurants, book stores or movie theatres. I don’t normally budget for any of these items so these are little treats I can enjoy whenever I choose.