Ask the Readers: If parents are paying for college, are any majors off limits?

If the daughter had straight A’s and great curricular activities, she sounds like a reasonable person who made the choice to follow her passion, unlike many low grade students who would go to college and study any “easy” major because it’s fun. I would finance her studies on the condition that she keeps a 4.0 GPA.

While I think that parents should support their children it really is their money and they aren’t obligated to pay for college so it is their decision. I would be conflicted as well but I think I’d have to withhold the money or at least part of it. If they want to major in something like that they need to pay at least half of the cost so they can decide whether or not they think their prospects are good enough to pay off their loans after they graduate.

I used to work in the film/television industry in Toronto in the 90s. When you factor in all the unpaid overtime I made about $3/hr.

Technology has advanced so much now it’s a lot easier to make a movie yourself. Try that instead.

I majored in biology and got a job working for the university (Northwestern) immediately upon graduation. They paid me less per year to work in their newest genetics research center than they charged for tuition per year. It didn’t take me more than a few weeks to realize I didn’t want to be someone’s lab slave for the rest of my life, so I applied to graduate school and quit my job a year later to begin my masters degree at a state school in another state. That masters degree is actually what led me to success. I worked in my field of expertise for 8 years.

And then I left it all behind a year ago to be a SAHM

I really disagree that a film studies major is frivolous. Our son majored in classical saxophone performance and then decided not to pursue it as a career. He then got dual master’s degrees and now works in a management job for a symphony. A niece had a dream of musical theater performance but at the start of her senior year decided to major in directing. Smart kids figure out a way to make their passion in the arts create a viable career – or they go to medical, law or graduate school and leverage what they learned previously. There is no guarantee that becoming an attorney will produce a good job as there is an excess of law school graduates and many also find they hate the field. If you said you would pay for college, then pay for it. Encourage her to get as many internships as possible and to do informational interviews with prior graduates in her field to see how they found work.

I think the question boils down to a moral/philosophical one. Are you willing to unconditionally support your children’s dreams, or are you going to attach conditions and reward behavior you think is correct?

I know it’s not that simple, but college is a turning point for many people and part of that is figuring out who they are away from hovering parents. I think Jacqueline and some of the commenters above have good tips for making the decision an informed one, but ultimately I do think the choice is up to the student.

Of course it’s their money so they can do what they want with it…but they seriously risk damaging their relationship with their daughter. It almost sounds like the parents are trying to control her through college money..if she doesn’t do what her parents want they’ll cut her off. It also sets up the family to have resentment between siblings.

I don’t think it has to be an all or nothing approach. There are double major programs, she could do a minor in a “practical” field. For the first 2 years when most gen-eds are being completed, I would definitely pay 100% and then work out an agreement for the last 2 years.

Just keep in mind, people change their ind on major usually a few times before settling down. The best course of action is to give her support, let her try things out and make a decision, and be there to support her along the away.

Please do NOT impose your ideas of financial success via a college degree on your children. Success can mean so many things, and true happiness in a profession is a profoundly desirable things that shouldn’t be discounted.

I don’t know how most people parent, but my parents told me from a very young age that I could do anything I wanted to, and to follow my dreams. I was a very musical child, and was given piano and voice lessons, ballet, etc. I always loved it. For most of high school I flirted with different ideas-archeology, writing, political science, etc. Finally, it became clear that I could no longer avoid following my musical passion, and I went on to get a Bachelors degree in Vocal Performance (a Bachelors of Music/B.M.).

My parents cautioned me that I would have poor job prospects, and did I feel it was wise? I said “Maybe not, but you’ve always told me to follow my dreams. How can I live with myself if I don’t try this?” My dad told me later, that when I said that, he couldn’t go back on all those words, and that he had to believe in and support me.

Their assistance in paying for my part of my undergraduate education, along with my own hard work (I now have my M.M., or Master’s of Music in Vocal Performance that I received on a full scholarship and graduate teaching assistantship) means that I have NO educational debt. I am an opera singer, which means I do something I love with my whole heart and pays 15-22k a year, and teach on the side (which can be better and this next year I should do fine with my largest studio yet). So many of my friends who had to finance their entire education with loans now can’t afford to work as opera singers, because they need to find higher-paying jobs to make their loan payments.

My parents’ financial assistance enabled me to truly pursue my dream on a level that would not be possible otherwise. Oh, and even though I make beans for pay, my parents do not give me any financial assistance now, and have not given me any since I graduated from college.

So please, please-if your child is driven, has a passion-please live up to those words you told them. Whether it was an actual promise, or an implied ‘You can do anything!’ Believe in your child and give them a chance! I am so happy doing what I am doing, and I know my parents gave me this chance, through some financial support, but more then that, the BELIEF that sustained me.

That’s a really tough question! I think the take-home point for all of us should be to start this conversation much earlier! Lay out your expectations for the money, if you have them, years in advance of actually having to pay out. This is a basic basic thing about expectations – you have to make them known!

I actually talked with an undergraduate just two days ago who said her mother was unhappy with her choice of psychology major so she double-majored in something her mother thought was valuable, economics. She didn’t seem to mind the compromise much and actually the two majors worked synergistically during her internship last summer.

My parents didn’t say anything about my choice of college major though they were shelling out big bucks for me to go to a private school. My mother was an art history major and never used her specific subject matter in a job – so either she wouldn’t have had a leg to stand on or she would have some sage advice. But the college I went to only offered STEM majors so I’m sure they weren’t too worried about me defecting to major in a fine arts or humanities area.

It sounds like helicopter parenting to me. If your child was raised with the understanding of financial support for college with no strings attached, it’s not fair to change the rules once she’s there. And, trying to prophesize your child’s career based on high school interests and strengths is a fool’s errend. College is about so much more than job training. Even if she got a “job-specific” degree, there’s no guarantee she’s going to put that degree to use – especially if she’s not really interested in it, or feels resentful because her parents forced her path.

Huh. My parents didn’t pay for my college (they didn’t save any money), yet they still told me I had to go to the technical commuter school my Dad taught at instead of the state university I wanted to go to. My parents also told me I had to major in engineering. It was not up for debate even though I’d proven I was disciplined, was a good musician, and a good student. I wanted to study music or at least have the opportunity to double major and explore my options, but that was out of the question for my parents. Yeah, I should’ve rebelled more, but I was also raised to be obedient. The concept of people choosing their own majors and career paths was so odd to me for the longest time because I wasn’t raised that way. Ever wonder why there are so many Asian students studying engineering and medicine? This is why!

I stuck with it and became moderately successful in my career, but I hated it the entire time, which is why I’m now semi-retired at 42. There’s a statute of limitations for blaming your parents, but it took me a long time to make the best of an unhappy situation.

You should try to TALK her out of it, not THREATEN her out of it.

If you can’t talk your daughter out of a major choice like this, you need to re-examine the quality of your relationship with her. Why did you not see this coming sooner? Why would she not listen to her parents? I think that’s the bigger issue.

(And I’m not saying you’re bad parents. Just sayin’.)

I started out in college right out of high school majoring in art. For 2-1/2 years I struggled with it, wanting the degree but knowing how “impractical” it was. Since I couldn’t find anything else I was serious about, I ended up dropping out, figuring I would go back when I found something more practical I wanted to do. Ten years later I finally went back, and majored in…..art. I got my bachelor’s in fine art and have absolutely never regretted it. I don’t work as an artist now; I am actually a librarian. It was the bachelor’s in art, however, that got me my first library job. Once I was in the library, I realized it was what I wanted to do and went on to get my master’s degree. Without the first degree, I would never have been considered for the library position. I really don’t think there is any such thing as a “frivolous” degree. It was the best decision I ever made, I only wish I had done it sooner. I would have had many more years of decent pay and raising my children would have been a lot less stressful, since I spent most of the time after dropping out working in photo labs for little more than minimum wage. I would let the daughter go for her dream.

I say follow the Golden Rules: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Karen’s gold. Karen’s rules.

My employer pays for the education of its employees – IF and ONLY IF – they pursue approved degrees. I don’t hear anyone here complaining about how unfair the policy is.

They are currenly paying for my MBA, but would not have paid for an MFA (Master of Fine Arts), and there is nothing wrong with that. They pay for what they value, just as Karen should. They pay for degrees that they plan to get a return out of, just as Karen should.

I’m not saying that Karen should look to monetarily benefit from her daughter’s chosen career path, but she should definitely gain emotional benefit. There is much to gain emotionally from watching your child succeed (or at least not struggle) in life.

I know. I know. There are a lot of unemployed people with business degrees. There are a lot of unemployed people. But I’d venture a guess that there are far more unemployed/under employed people with liberal arts degrees.

My personal bias, leads me to suggest that Karen agree to pay the going rate for tuition at a state university for any degree her daughter wants – as long as it’s a business or economics degree. I’m even OK with agreeing to pay for up to an additional year of school so she can minor in film. If the daughter wants to go to a more expensive school, she pays the difference. If she wants to take a different course of study, she pays it all.

I know far too many people who followed their 20-something “passion” only to find themselves working in unrelated fields. Many of them are working more than one job to make ends meet and don’t have time to pursue their “passions”, which may or may not be the same as they were 10 or 15 years ago.

Why do so many get caught up in the emotion of “following your dreams” when heading off to college? Make a rational decision – it just might fund your dreams for years to come.

I completed a 4-year degree majoring in Theatre Arts. While I would never trade the experiences I had or the friends I made, I would love to have the $35,000 back. Furthermore, I wish that I would have started on a more practical path earlier in my 20′s. I would have been in a much better financial position if I did.

The thing with these “art” degrees is that you don’t need them if you want to pursue your art. If they want to support their child’s dream, they should encourage her to follow it by actually getting herself involved in the business. Go and work for a casting director, or carry coffee for the second assistant to the director. Go out and get your foot in the door NOW! Nevermind now, yesterday, in fact. Encourage her to learn by doing and watching the pros. That is how people learn these sorts of businesses, how they become successful in these artful adventures, and how they meet the contacts who will help them get there.

My advice is to save their money. Her dream would best be followed by getting involved in the film business. Their finances would best be served by paying for degrees that are worth their money. Not all degrees are created equal.

If she still wishes to go to school, it is ultimately the parents money and they can control how it is spent. I would also argue that if she doesn’t want to go out and enter the filmmaking workforce now, her personality probably isn’t cut out for it in the end. They are not obligated to spend it on a degree they do not think will be helpful to her future. While I would start out trying to convince her to take another course, their trump card is the fact that they are paying. They simply need to tell her that if she wants to go to school for film, that is fine, but that they won’t finance it. This could possibly strengthen her resolve to go to film school even more, or maybe it will wake her up to what is important. Only they know their child and how it would effect her. Regardless, they don’t have to participate in her wishful thinking.

Finally, I would not immediately roll that money over into the other children’s accounts. In a few years, she may change her mind and wish to study something completely different. Then, they can use that money to help her out.

I don’t feel that Karen and her husband should restrict their daughter’s major because I don’t feel that I don’t think that valuing money over burning interest is wisdom.

Beyond my own values though, the parents’ preferred choices are not necessarily any more practical than her daughter’s preference.

A story: My mother always wanted to be a librarian, so she became a librarian. Her cousin wanted to make money, so he became an accountant. Now that they’re in their late 50s, who do you think is more successful in terms of happiness, impact on their field… and even salary? My mother the librarian.

Another story: My friend started law school a few years ago because she wanted to earn a lot of money. She passed the bar last year. She and her other friends from law school have no jobs and no money because the market is flooded with recent law graduates who made the same assumption that Karen did: law is practical and there will always be jobs. There aren’t. Lesson: not all “practical” fields are actually practical, and there are no “safe” bets. Has Karen done up-to-date, region-specific research before pushing her daughter in this direction?