Otherwise, I think the easiest way to handle these conversations is to start by discussing how you’re handling it. If you talk to your family much, putting your own affairs in order will give you quite a few opportunities to open the conversation about how other people handle theirs. If you’re close enough to ask them to join you when you go to the lawyer, that’s a great idea (assuming you don’t totally disagree on who should be in your will). It desensitizes the topic, shows them how to do it, and you can let the lawyer ask them to do one.

You could also do the TV/movie intro. Watch something together which brings up the topic, and then ask about it. (If necessary, add a few episodes of hoarders.)

If you want to be a little crass in bringing up the topic, you could always ask a family member or friend to will you something that’s not particularly expensive, but you both value. (Can I have your recipe book?)

As difficult as they may be, we must have these conversations ahead of time.

Thanks for the post.

Everyone should first and foremost educate themselves on the laws of the state in which they live. This is for the sake of their own heirs, as well as understanding what will happen if a parent dies. If there is no will, the disposition of the deceased’s estate can vary dramatically.

Also, children should not “expect” to inherit a single dime, regardless of how wealthy their parents may appear to be. A *lot* of hurt feelings can be completely avoided with this mindset. This is money that their PARENTS have earned, and *they* get to decide how they want to divvy it up – including giving 100% of their estate to a charity, or a disabled grandchild, if they so choose. (In my experience, simply “reading the will” before the parent dies might only lead to a nasty family fight in their parent’s final days.)

If the deceased is in debt, then creditors get first dibs on the estate, regardless of what is in a will – or if there is a surviving spouse. The only way to avoid this is if your state allows “transfer on death” – meaning a real estate deed or bank account immediately transfers to an heir upon death, and does not go through probate. Also, if an insurance policy lists “estate” as the beneficiary, then creditors will have first dibs. If you want that money to go to the care of minor children, then you should talk to a lawyer about setting up a trust, rather than designating the “estate” as beneficiary.

She suggests talking to your nearest and dearest ahead of time regarding where to find the important papers. Keep this information in a binder, and tell that person/persons where to find it. If you have a will, include your lawyer’s contact information. Write down everything you have, even if it doesn’t have much monetary value.

My mom passed a few years back from brain cancer, 4 months after showing the initial symptom that sent her to the doctor for a MRI. During that time, she was in a nursing home for 2 months and hospice for 2 weeks and the LTCI did come in handy.

Eventually, we decided to bury her in a different cemetery (the one in the town my parents lived in, the plots they owned were 2 hours away). My dad has since bought the plot next to him and sold the old plots.

In the year after my mom’s sudden and unexpected death, my dad went into hyperdrive. He redid the will, made me power of attorney and executor, and is very much “planning for his own death.”

It still makes me very sad and I wish every conversation I had with him didn’t involve some detail of paperwork/finances that begin, “When I die…” but at least there will be no surprises about his finances and what he wants when he does eventually go.

I also had a conversation with my parents when I traveled to a “difficult” place for work. I am single so they and my sister will handle my estate anytime until they go. Mom knew a friend whose daughter predeceased her and she knew nothing about her daughter’s finances and her estate was a nightmare because they had to track things down.

I keep trying to talk to my parents about this, but I keep getting shut down – “We’re not going anywhere yet,” etc. Does anyone have tips on how I can get past this stone wall?