My New Year’s resolution: lowering the bar for happiness
Published on - January 17th, 2013 (by Kristin Wong) A blog to which I contribute recently won a contest, and upon finding out, my boyfriend suggested that we celebrate.
“Oh, no, it’s not a huge deal,” I told him. “It was just a small contest.”
He responded, “But if you wouldn’t have won, you’d be upset, right?”
“Yeah,” I admitted.
“So why not be happy now?”
My friends, I have set the bar for happiness way too high. I’ve made happiness an emotionally expensive luxury. When I make a mistake or fail at something, I think about it for days. I talk about it incessantly. I regale my annoyed friends and family members with the details of my mistake and point out the lesson learned.
But conversely, when I succeed at something, I quickly dismiss it. I move on. More often than not, those little milestones aren’t anything to think, talk or be happy about; they’re things I expect of myself. And while that punitive mind-set may help me reach my goals, I think it’s time to make happiness as accessible as disappointment. I’m not talking about lowering the bar for success or goals or achievements — just happiness. My standards for everything else can and should be as high as I want them to be, but by setting the bar for happiness so high, I’m missing out on just how enjoyable life can be.
A sense of entitlement
Like most frugal people, I’m anti-entitlement. It bothers me when someone automatically thinks they’re owed something that not everyone is owed. But as anti-entitlement as I am, I feel like my high-expectations mind-set comes from that same place. People with entitlement issues think, “This is what I deserve to have,” and people with ambition issues think, “This is what I deserve to be.”
It’s one thing to strive for great things; it’s another to think those things are automatically owed to you.
Making the small stuff significant
When I first started my get-out-of-debt journey, my dad gave me a copy of Dave Ramsay’s Total Money Makeover. I had a few debts after college, and his snowball plan really spoke to me: pay off your smaller debts first, because it will keep you motivated. It was the first time that I realized money is more about mind than it is about math.
The snowball advice was effective for me because it allowed me to celebrate little milestones along my debt journey. It made the small stuff important, and I was happy each time I took down $150 here and $200 there. Soon enough, I was out of debt, but what’s more, I actually enjoyed the journey of getting there. Why? Because I focused on the small stuff, and the small stuff made me happy. Being happy made the overall process enjoyable, and that enjoyment made me want to keep going. Similarly, if I take time to be happy about the milestones along my career, it would make my career a lot more pleasant. It would also keep me motivated to move forward.
Happiness inflation
Oh man, how a Shipley’s doughnut used to bring me such happiness. If you don’t know Shipley’s, it’s a Texas-based doughnut chain that makes Krispy Kreme taste like garbage — and I love Krispy Kreme. Years ago, I went to Shipley’s with a friend, and I was so excited at the anticipation of that soft, glazed golden nugget that he joked, “Wow. It’s sad that something so small makes you so happy.”
He was teasing me, but I didn’t think it was sad at all — I thought it was resourceful. The higher the bar for happiness, the more it takes for you to be happy, obviously. I then asked him, “Well, what would it take to make you happy?” After some thought, he responded: “A wife and kids. And a six-figure salary.” Whoa! That’s a tall order.
These days, I’ve been overlooking the little things. Like my friend, it’s taking more and more for me to be happy as the years go by. Perhaps it’s partially because, as a society, we’re always so focused on progress. We can always have more Stuff, make more money, be better at what we do, etc. That’s the unattainable American Dream, and I’m not necessarily against it. I think it’s good to always have something to strive and work hard for. But I’ve made happiness more costly than it needs to be. A 95-cent doughnut just doesn’t do it for me these days, and it should. Those doughnuts are really good.
Utilizing my frugality
Frugality is all about getting the most out of something. As a frugal person, I find it difficult to let things go to waste. I replant my grocery-store produce. I use our juicer pulp to make scones. I hate throwing things away, even the littlest things. So why do I throw away the little milestones in life so easily?
Furthermore, when I waste the little things, I’m also wasting potential inspiration and encouragement. If I would allow myself to celebrate the things I think are “not a huge deal,” I’m guessing it’ll be easier to feel inspired to reach my next goal. It will help me remember what I’m working toward.
So this year, I’ve made it my resolution to lower the bar for happiness — not success, but happiness. Since I make the most out of my money, I want to make the most out of my happiness, too. If I reach a savings goal, I’m going to enjoy it. If something cool happens in my career, I’m going to enjoy that, too. And not only will savoring the little things help me to appreciate the journey, it’ll keep me encouraged to strive for more.
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Kristin, loved the post. Tremendous food for thought. You’re my favorite contributor here. Where else do you write?
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Thanks for the kind words, Chasa! Glad you got something out of it.
I also write for MSN’s “The Heart Beat.” It’s a dating/relationship blog. Not as subjective as my GRS posts, but still fun to write.
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EXCELLENT! I was trying to verbalize this exact thought to a friend the other day and couldn’t make it sound this good! Thank you! Enjoy those moments…it makes the unhappy ones seem less significant!
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Someone from Texas needs to send you a doughnut!
I think sometimes humility gets in the way of publicly celebrating wins like the one that your other website had. But, when I’m at my best self, the happiness isn’t lost – it just tends to come out in different ways.
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I think you may be on to something with the role of humility, but I wonder if part of it is our priorities too?
I’ve noticed that people aren’t shy about celebrating family-related events (weddings, babies, christenings, etc.) but seem to stop celebrating career, school and volunteer accomplishments as they “settle down”. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, just that perhaps as we get older we see different things as being worthy of celebration? Or that people’s identities are so wrapped up in being a spouse or parent that they no longer see more material accomplishments as valuable?
No judgment either way — I’m just curious to hear what people think.
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YES! I do think we should celebrate our accomplishments, and it’s much easier to do it on a budget when we delight in small pleasures. I think we have to be very careful to catch ourselves when we think “I work hard, therefore I deserve x”. I think rewarding ourselves for meeting goals and milestones is motivating when we lose the sense of entitlement.
The part about the donuts made me smile. There was a quote from the TV show Frasier I loved about being able to enjoy a good hamburger as well as a gourmet steak. I can’t remember the exact quote, but the idea of appreciating things for what they are rather than attaching “high” and “low” labels to them always stuck with me.
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This is why I largely balk at the thought of being a foodie. It’s the high/low distinctions of so many types of food these days that I just can’t tolerate. In addition to it not being frugal most of the time, I don’t like the snobbery of it and the idea that people who don’t like the “finer” things in life are somehow missing out or have less evolved taste buds. So what if you enjoy a Little Debbie as much (or even more) than creme brulee? In my mind, this just means more money in your pocket.
I think it is a tremendous thing to be able to enjoy things for what they are, instead of wishing that you were eating/experiencing/consuming something better. Even if you don’t have children or plan to have them, spending time with them is a wonderful way to rediscover the joys of little things. The other day at the park my son spent 30 minutes collecting sticks (a.k.a. ice cream cones) for under the slide (a.k.a. his ice cream parlor). He was tremendously happy. This childlike quality is perhaps something we can learn to recapture.
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Foodies love food. They don’t have to be snobs about it, and most real foodies aren’t. http://www.roadfood.com/
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You might like Lonely Planet’s World’s Best Street Food. I loved seeing how even inexpensive, staple foods can become an artform and something to savour.
I think the idea of food and wine as signifiers of “the good life” has more to do with long-held ideas associated with class and wealth rather than a genuine appreciation for food. As with anything else money-related, I think we need to question assumptions and find what genuinely brings us value.
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Agreed, being a foodie has nothing to do with eating expensive food. It has to do with eating great food, whether from it comes from a food truck or a little hole in the wall or fine dining. Or most often from your own kitchen!!
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Funny – I was going to say, “And this is why I love to cook. It gives me joy about creating something, pretty quick gratification, and a product I can share, unlike the super long-term research projects I work on all day.” I’m not sure what “being a foodie” means, I suspect it’s just something people call themselves, but there’s a lot of happiness to be had in food.
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I agree with this, being in the same boat. For us, learning how to make bacon wrapped dates at home was a big thing – and easy to celebrate after (just eat them)!
I think being a foodie is recognizing the value of what you just put in your mouth. In other words, remembering it 5 minutes later. I think it also means people who enjoy the work someone else put into giving you that food (or your own work). Foodies don’t have to spend a lot or only eat “weird foods” – they just have to appreciate food as more than fuel.
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Somehow “success” and “happiness” have gotten a little too tied together in the collective consciousness over the years. We should be happy over our successes big and small, but suceeding shouldn’t be the only bar for happiness.
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Couldn’t agree more! Succeeding is great, but you shoudl be happy even if you half succeed, or in the case of this post, eat a great donut. If you don’t let the little things and littel successes (and big things and big successes) make you happy, you’ll never be happy!
And anyone who says, “Wow. It’s sad that something so small makes you so happy,” should be punched.
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I want to hear more about how you make scones our of juicer pulp. I hate throwing it away too. I recently thought we would just start composting this spring and put it in there.
Great post, Kristin!
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I’ve been composting my juicer pulp for more than 20 years. It’s a great idea. I compost with worms, which is good for a compost pile that you’re constantly putting small amounts in.
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http://www.plantoeat.com/blog/2012/06/ideas-for-using-juicer-pulp-or-what-do-i-do-with-this-stuff/
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Hey Holly! I found the recipe at the below link. You might notice that there is no recipe for scones in the link. There is, however, a recipe for muffins that I attempted and screwed up, accidentally making scones in the process. Haha! Actually, the muffin recipe mentions that the consistency is similar to scones, and mine ended up being very similar so I just went with it.
http://www.all-about-juicing.com/recipes-using-juicer-pulp.html
Oh! I also made a soup base out of the veggie pulp. I just froze the pulp, and then when I was ready to make chicken soup, I added it from the freezer. It was really good. I’m hungry.
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I was also intrigued at the juicer-pulp-scones idea. I don’t even have a juicer but this sounds like a great idea!
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Excellent thoughts! Happiness, to a great degree, is an internal decision. I grew up in Africa where I saw people with very, very little be a lot happier than those with much more. Those folks had very small glasses, which they nevertheless viewed as half full. That was a lesson I never forgot.
So much of our happiness (or lack of it) derives from standards we set. Thanks for the reminder, Kristin!
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Quick comment about different types of donuts or whatever food it is. I think scarcity informs our taste buds. The Shipley’s donut might empirically be better (no idea), but it also might taste better to you because you don’t have it all the time. I assume Krispy Kreme’s are readily available to you in the store?
I find whenever I go out to the West to visit family, I get tremendously excited about eating an In-N-Out burger. This is because I can’t get one here. I noticed a friend who lives in the South had posted on Facebook how delicious a Steak-n-Shake burger was the first time she went to the newly opened restaurant in her town. I balked, because we have one on every corner. But I’m sure it was the newness of it that made her think that in the moment.
But scratch this if you live in Texas and have easy access all the time
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I agree! Living so close the U.S. border — and with family on the other side of it — it’s always interesting to see the pleasure we get from foods that aren’t available where we live. For example, my U.S. relatives love Smarties, Mars Bars and cheese. We love Keebler cookies and different flavours of candy or potato chips that never make it to Canada. It’s amazing how much pleasure these inexpensive items bring simply because of the novelty.
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I don’t know. I live in Philadelphia. I may only eat a cheesesteak a few times a year but a cheesesteak is good eats and the rest of the country is missing out.
I really think it’s more a matter of appreciation and taking things for granted. For instance, I probably eat pizzeria pizza twice a month, and that wouldn’t likely change no matter where we lived. I don’t normally get excited eating the pizza from the guys on the corner because I don’t take the time to appreciate them. Now, thanks to Kristen, this Friday night, when I pick up our pizza, I’ll be saying to myself and my children, “Thank God we live in the NYC/Philly corridor where people know how to make a decent pie.”
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Hi Jane! Well, the moment I’m referencing in the post happened while I was living in Texas, but you’re still right. Because when I go back to visit now, I’m even more excited about Shipley’s. In fact, over Thanksgiving I even bought a Shipley’s tumbler. It was only a dollar!
Funny aside. My old boss had a client who wanted to open a Shipley’s franchise, and he met with “Mr. Shipley” to discuss. Mr. Shipley turned him down, however, telling him: “You don’t look like a doughnut man.”
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Do you think that this is something you lose over time? I can currently squeeze happiness out of anything I accomplish!
For example, today I had an interview for a volunteer position with my University building community gardens. I got the place, and immediately texted my parents, boyfriend, sister… etc.
I agree that success is not the only measure of happiness though. Today I was very excited to see a few flakes of snow falling, and a walk home the other evening in the brisk cold weather allowed me some peaceful time to myself, which is always nice.
So Kristen, celebrate every success and let the little things in life make you happy!
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Congrats on getting the volunteer position!
Is it something that’s lost over time? For me, yeah. I’m not sure why, though the obvious answer is that lifestyle inflation has paved the way for happiness inflation. Hate to admit that, but I think that’s what it is. I’m not struggling as much as I used to, so I no longer appreciate the small breaks. And that needs to stop!
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i share your dislike of entitlement thinking, however, something i have paid for for forty years is no more an entitlement than is your pay for such work as you do
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I think if you’ve paid your fair share in for forty years, it’s definately earned and no longer considered an entitlement. I believe the entitlements the author is opposed to is probably more like the kid that graduates high school and moves out of mom and dad’s straight into subsidized housing and food stamps, having barely worked 2 years (if that), or the individual who carefully maintains a cycle of working for six months at a time in order to qualify for a year+ of unemployment benefits, and in both situations they believe that this easy way out is a God-given right and not a privilage that hardworking folk have earned for them.
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Any time someone expects or demands something they haven’t earned, that’s entitlement. Kids graduate college and expect the lifestyle they had at home with their parents – that their parents spent 20+ years earning. People who demand acknowledgement for things they haven’t put the least effort into. I have a teammate who expects prime position based on seniority, when in fact she rarely shows up for practice and hasn’t improved her skills in the 10+ years she’s been paddling. Entitlement.
(Lots of people think welfare etc is ‘entitlement’ and for some it probably is. For many, it’s a last resort and I hate to see those unfortunates lumped in with the fraudsters.)
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Great post. A lot of food for thought. Enjoyed hearing your piece on Marketplace the other day.
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Is this a soap opera blog or a blog about personal finance? It seems as though when JD stepped aside the posts are less and less about finance and *all* about these “little life golden nugget lessons.” What happened to real sound practical advice on personal finances? I think like JD it’s time for me to move on to something a little od a lot more sophistcated.
tada folks!
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Aren’t you sort of romanticizing the golden days when J.D. wrote? I don’t know what happened to the search function to find things in the archives, but I was going to link to an article (or more than one) in which J.D. discussed hot cocoa. Yeah, hot cocoa. It was somewhat similar to this post in that there was a lesson underneath all that hot cocoa.
I also disagree with your notion that this type of post is somehow less sophisticated than “real sound practical advice”. If anything it is more so because it deals with the psychology of money.
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I guess I’m not the hard-core financial guru that some people are on here, but it really bugs me how often lately people are complaining about what GRS used to be and how it was so much better than it is now. I think it is pretty clear that GRS is not just about playing the stock market and building your 401k. So I’m not sure why people feel the need to do their little hair toss about how boring/useless GRS is now, so they are leaving and never coming back. I really enjoy reading the variety of things that come up on here, and if it was all strictly boring financial stuff I wouldn’t be here. Enjoying the little things is an awesome way of getting rich slowly!
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Just because a person writes about something in her life that isn’t strictly financial, doesn’t mean that the point she’s making can’t be applied to life in a financial way. In fact, while I was reading this post, I was thinking about the sense of accomplishment (and happiness) I feel when paying bills, now that I’m able to pay them in full each month. What used to cause stress (unhappiness) now feels pretty good. And how enjoying a Stroh’s Lemon Custard or Blue Moon ice cream cone from my favorite dairy – at half the price of a cone from the more fashionable ‘Creamery’ place across town – makes me smile and giggle like a little kid. It’s seriously good ice cream! And how there is joy to be found in doing simple things around the house, like caring for the garden, or cooking a good meal, or using the sewing skills my grandmother taught me to sew on buttons or repair a ripped seam so I can maintain our family’s clothes or other belongings, instead of throwing them away and buying new. There are lots of seemingly small experiences that we have in our daily lives that can contribute to a sense of accomplishment and well-being and, yes, frugality. The celebration of these experiences doesn’t need to be shouted from the rooftops – it can just be a quiet sense of accomplishment or pride in something well done. And when you’re happy with what you have and who you are, it helps you realize that you don’t need to go shopping for happiness elsewhere, on borrowed money.
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I highly recommend the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, lots of great advise especially for goal focused folks like ourselves.
Oh and I have the absolute bestest place ever for donuts, but I won’t tell because its already too popular.
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I like “The Happiness Project”.
Also, there is a documentary on Netflix called “Happy”. It compares the relative notion of happiness.
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I’ve been reading this blog for years and have never commented. Thanks for this article, it really spoke to me.
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“You know when people can get excited over the ordinary things in life, they live.” Harry Truman
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That’s awesome! I try to find the joy in little things too. We have a 2 years old and his days are filled with small happiness. I want to live like that. We’re going out for a cheeseburger today and we are all very exited.
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That is an awesome new years resolution to have and one that we should all consider. You hit the nail on the head with the “unachievable American dream”. We always want more and strive to be better which isn’t always bad, but can be bad if it gets into every aspect of life. There are a few people I know who truly enjoy each day and live in the moment, stopping to smell the roses so to speak. I definitely strive to be like that.
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“Frugality is all about getting the most out of something. As a frugal person, I find it difficult to let things go to waste.”
As a somewhat frugal person myself, I used to fee similar “guilt.” I would hardly spend any money on things I enjoy, because hey — I could be saving that money instead! But that’s no fun.
While I still save the vast majority of my money, I’ve created a separate ING account called “vacation/spending” — and I use it for exactly those things. It’s guilt free, because I know I’ve stored away that money for those occasions, while also funding all my other saving/retirement accounts!
Win/win! Great post.
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I just did this too–set up an ING travel fund so I don’t feel like I’m taking from my nest egg.
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Kristin, I like your thinking and your march toward happiness. My favorite statement of yours is that you are “anti-entitlement”. I am too, and I think our consumer culture encourages us to think we’re entitled to a lot of things that cost way too much, both to our checking accounts and our earth’s resource base. I posted the other day on how I’ve stopped feeling entitled to a 70 degree home temperature year-round. My activity level is up, and my heating bill and consumption of fossil fuels is down. More happiness.
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Donuts don’t do it for me, but bagels with jalapeno cream cheese do!
If I wasn’t able to celebrate the small milestones (paying off $5,000 in debt in 6 months), I’d be too depressed to focus on the work left to do ($95,000 in student loans to go). Great article!
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Haha–I totally remembered your love of jalapeno cream cheese bagels when I wrote about the doughnuts!
And congrats on paying off those debts! Definitely something to celebrate.
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$5000 is no small milestone.
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“I think it’s time to make happiness as accessible as disappointment. I’m not talking about lowering the bar for success or goals or achievements — just happiness.”
Great stuff. We all need to keep this in mind, and this is a fantastic way to put it.
The analogy of paying off the small debts using the snowball method to a more macro view of life and happiness was excellent too.
Thanks Kristin!
Kyle
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Great post! It’s nice when our significant others remind us not to be stupid, lol. I was getting a bit depressed about our income dropping after the Google slap last year and my hubby reminded me that we make more than we ever did in regular jobs and can afford to live a nice life at home. Sort of popped me upside the head to stop being whiny, haha. Enjoy the rest of your week!
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I am elated that yesterday I won 3 months of free membership at my gym, even though my gym is free because my health insurance reimburses me. I think I’m setting the bar too low! Great article as always, Kristin.
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I just wrote a post about that. While I am not the happy jump around person, I appreciate the small gifts life sends once in a while, and find being content with what I have and happy about little things very fulfilling. Great post.
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I have a real problem with entitlement being used as a negative term to describe someone who works for a pleasure, whether it be a fine wine, great pair of shoes that may never get worn, or a fancy sports car, if they can afford it. That is not shameful! What is shameful is expecting an entitlement just because you are existing!
If you WORK for it and can AFFORD it then you should have it and ENJOY it.
I AM entitled because I WORK for IT!!! I have no outside debt. I even own my home free and clear! I have a child in college and two in Catholic School. I am moving into a house that is double the size of what I have now and I WILL NOT feel guilty and I will enjoy every moment that I spend. I will also be buying a new car in the next month because I want it not because I need it.
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That’s not how people are using it, I don’t think?
Entitlement here seems to mean people who whine about their personal circumstances but want to work or put forth effort to change it.
That is, someone who is upset that someone else has — fine wine, clothes they never wear, etc. — but makes no effort to get it because they feel they should just have it.
What you’re describing is, well, I don’t know, someone who’s worried that someone else might whine about them? That’s a whole different kind of annoyance!
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Entitlement is when somebody HASN’T worked to achieve or earn something yet they think it’s their God-given right to have it anyway.
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I appreciate this article. It’s nice to remember that the journey is as important as the destination, and that the journey doesn’t have to be all struggle and strife. Little wonders, little victories… I can have them often!
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I am an “expert” in happiness science with a master’s degree in applied positive psychology from Penn. There is A LOT of work being done on human well-being, and happiness in particular. A simple rule of thumb, consistent with your post today, is Expectation – Reality = Happiness. Of course, it’s not that simple.
Another key factor of happiness is to avoid connecting your well-being with extrinsic factors (e.g. accumulating things, being popular, image) and focus more on intrinsic factors (building community, expressing gratitude, health).
Good luck with your resolution.
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I used to be big on rewards, but over time I realized the accomplishment is the reward. Do I need an incentive to do some of the things I do not want to do? Sometimes, however those rewards are getting smaller and smaller. I think my mind games have taken over to provide the incentive.
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I don’t know about anyone else, but Kristin’s posting is wonderful! Brought a smile to my face today:)
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As always, Kristin, really good article! Your area of expertise seems to be a very unique look at the psychology behind money and success. I always enjoy reading these from you.
I’m also of the anti-entitlement group and it took years for me to realize that some folks think along the “this is what I deserve to have” line as opposed to my own “this is what I’ll work to achieve” mindset. And I also never gave proper recognition to my achievements while mentally uplaying the failures. (Though I never saw them as “failures” so much as things I hadn’t yet completed properly.)
One small “life suggestion”, if I may? Occasionally (and just occasionally) you should seek out a goal which will automatically get you recognition from the masses. Now everyone knows that happiness comes from within and chasing the praise of others is a fool’s errand, but sometimes getting the “Well done–you’re awesome!,” slaps on the back can boost your self-esteem and it will thrive on that for years to come.
The first time I had this as an adult was when I band I was in suddenly (and unexpectedly) started to become very popular. But I have a better, more recent example. Several years ago my best friend and I started to attend science fiction conventions. It wasn’t long before we started making our own costumes to attend. (I know, strange hobby, right?) As a bit of a perfectionist freak who pays attention to detail, I obviously put tons of work (usually over the winters) into my different outfits. When I show up at a convention in full gear and see the smiles (on adults and kids), hear the “Awesomes!”, have people ask to have their photo taken with me, tell me I’m dressed as their favourite character, ask me to dance with them. Seeing how happy I’m making them is just, well… Super! (Okay, one of the costumes is a superhero, but I digress.) And it’s impossible to keep your “happiness bar” high when you see how happy you’ve made others. You hit the small milestone, it’s actually a big deal, and you know it.
So, while I never believe that people should constantly strive to seek out external affirmation (because that’s part of what puts so many people in the financial toilet–they think that success is showing others purchased stuff and that’s a never-ending spiral), occasionally (just occasionally) you should do endeavor to do something that shows the world, “BAM! Look at me!!”
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Edward, I love seeing people like you at conventions – the dedication, creativity, and talent that people put into their costumes is really inspiring.
Last year I started volunteering at the library in my neighborhood. Just a couple of hours a week, helping manage the hold shelf, it doesn’t seem like much. But EVERY TIME I go, EVERY SINGLE staff member I speak to thanks me for being there, sincerely from the heart. It’s a wonderful boost.
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I agree with what you say about setting the bar for happiness too high. It’s so easy to freak out about little mistakes and then when something happens that is good just expect that it should be that way or that it’s small.
I need to get back into appreciating the small things.
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Absolutely love this post. These days I rarely read something that makes me have a lightbulb moment. Sincerely I hadn’t realised how much I play down things as I grow older. There’s a great scene in ‘Knocked up’ where Ben and Pete observe Pete’s Kids blowing bubbles. Pete wishes he could be as excited about anything as much as his Kids are about blowing bubbles. Ben comments ‘I get it’- every time I watch that movie I think I wish I got it also. But I’m going to try. Thank you.
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I hardly ever comment on this GRS blog these days, but I was truly touched by the sentiments expressed in this post. I’m going to save it and file it in my “inspiration” notebook. I think it’s just a great idea that enjoying the “little things” is being frugal.
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I think we neglect to celebrate those successes because we expect them – our “plan” is to achieve and be rewarded, so when that happens, well that’s what we expect. When we have setbacks, they take away from our “plan” and they sting harder. Essentially, your reverse entitlement, but more along the lines of not what we deserve, but of what we expect our efforts to produce.
Thanks for making me stop to think and celebrate the wins, expected or not!
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Kristin, you might find the book “The Tao of Abundance” by Laurence Boldt helpful.
Here’s an article that discusses the principles:
http://www.soulfulliving.com/tao_of_abundance.htm
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I agree with Kristin’s thoughts. And, my favorite way to celebrate my success is replaying the good moment in my mind and sharing it with my family. It makes me immensely happy and confident. But I am also the kind of person who does the same with my so-called failures. I keep replaying it in my mind to see where exactly I went wrong. Although it’s really painful to examine one’s own failures, being brutally honest with myself helps me to learn from my mistakes and stop living in denial. So, in a way I am my biggest critic AND my biggest fan. This is how I keep myself balanced.
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This was an awesome article! It made me think about 2012 when I had three major accomplishments: lost the 10 pounds I have been trying to lose for years, passed my professional certification exam that I have been thinking about for years and won a national wellness award. I didn’t really celebrate any of these things and what a shame! After I read your post I decided that it’s time to do that and get into the habit of doing it.
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I think there must be something in the air this week because I just wrote a post about choosing happiness over sadness this week. And I’ve seen other similar posts. We have a negative biased brain. It so easy to ruminate about our mistakes, like you said. And I do the same thing too. But you’re right in that it’s too easy to dismiss all the wonderful thing in life. That’s why practicing gratitude is so important. It helps remind you of the good things and keep them present with you. So last night I had THE BEST pizza for dinner. It was a last minute decision to get one but I savored every last bite-then tweeted about it.
#happy
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