What I would like to see is an honest assessment of whether it’s possible to separate the ceremony from the celebration. If I had a significant other, I’d love for her to wake up on the morning of my birthday, give me a firm handshake, and say, “Let’s continue paying down your student loans.”

For a ‘party’ as I’ve seen here, these points are valid and I agree for the most part with all of them.

Where I come from though, parties are not ‘parties’ as defined in the US. I can relate to the Quinceañera – it’s not just a party for a girl becoming a woman, it’s an opportunity to gather friends and family together for a celebration. The socializing that occurs where cousins play with cousins and get to understand who is in their family, what their culture is, and rites of passage are just as important.

‘Parties’ in the US appear to me to be mostly about getting together, eating, possibly drinking and buying presents. Then ‘time to go!’

Parties for me (which I’ve been known to spend hundreds on and some family members thousands) revolve around the people who attend.

With my kids and their birthdays, we used to have two parties. A cake and ice cream party for the classmates then a larger celebration with family and friends. The tone of the two parties were much different even though we were celebrating the same event.

My point is not to say one is right or one is wrong. We understand the different cultures and plan appropriately. By all means, please celebrate (or not ) as you wish.

My point is to ask you to please consider another point of view of a ‘party’. My culture does not just view it as ‘cake, ice cream and presents’, my culture views it as an opportunity to connect with the people, culture and traditions that are important to us. To show my children the importance of family and understanding their roots. To allow my children to learn to and show respect to their elders. To pass on my values by showing them, not just telling.

Flame suit is one, fire away

My husband made a “pirate cave” out of trees that were killed by pine beetles. We created a treasure map and went on a treasure hunt through our woods. Of course, there was a treasure box at the end. It was awesome.

I really love coming up with themes. My 5 yo daughter loves the music to the opera Carmen, so I’m thinking about an Opera party in a year or so. There is an opera house near us…so that really gets my mind going. We always have so much fun at the party…but like Jane’s BIL mentioned above, there is also adult beverages for the grown ups too. We do the kid party and then transition into adult party. Everybody’s happy!

As for inviting all the kids in a class, some parents are hyper aware of the dangers of appearing to exclude other kids/families. And maybe they would like to get to know the parents of the kids their child hangs out with all day.

We still have birthday parties for just about everybody, grownups included, in my family. It’s an excuse to get together regularly and to have a little cake. Works for us.

I’ve had a big 1st birthday for my son. But not with my daughter. Some years i just took them out to eat dinner with my family very small. For the past years that they are older and can remember more and contribute their ideas i’ve had bigger parties. I honestly missed having the big parties. I live very frugally and it’s nice to me to see my child(ren) have the spotlight for one day out of the year. Both of their parties didnt cost more than $500 including food and with my son i combined with a friend since our son’s birthday’s are a week apart instead of having two parties. All the games were our ideas and little prizes were brought throughout the year.

That being said, I can see how a mortgage-burning party might be off-putting for some people. I think it really depends on the relationships people have with their friends and family. Celebrating with like-minded individuals sounds like good advice.

I really hate it when people apply the “they won’t remember, so why bother?” logic to people who are suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia. We do things because it improves people’s quality of life and adds richness, and also because it brings the people around the person closer together as well.

When I became a parent, I had a party for his first birthday not so much for him as for us. I bought a lot of food at Costco and invited some friends who had kids and it was fun. At the end of the party, one woman asked me where the goody bags were. I had to ask her what they were, I had never heard of them.

At her son’s first birthday party, a week later, I saw one first hand – it was filled with a stuffed animal, a book, and a personalized sippy cup.

Every single birthday party my two kids have been invited to has provided a goody bag. 90% of them are at some place that offers some sort of entertainment – whether it be bouncy house or a kid’s gym or a clown, etc. Each party serves a meal in addition to cake. I think the smallest party has been 10 kids.

Our house is small. We had one round of parties at our place but with the young kids comes the parents meaning if you think you can invite 6 kids, you are getting 18 people in your home.

So this is why we started to have the $300 parties outside of the home.

Trust me, I hate it every year and I count down to the promised times when parents will drop off the kid and not stay so we can have a home party (when does this happen? 10?)

I save up to make sure I don’t go into debt for the parties but to be honest, I am not sure how to stop the cycle.

Although, I would be on board for this party if you were doing it with like-minded individuals. Some PF groups will have an occasional bonfire, where people in the group can burn their credit card bill, medical bill, mortgage payment, etc.

But beyond that, I think it would look tacky to have a bonfire party and invite friends and family. Why can’t you just take yourselves out for a spectacular dinner or even a weekend away somewhere?