Note: This post is from GRS founder J.D. Roth.
The best part of blogging is connecting with readers.
For years, I was scared to meet the folks I knew only online. Though it seems strange now, in the 1990s and early 2000s I drew a line between folks I knew in Real Life and what my ex-wife called my “imaginary friends.” When people asked to meet me in person, I thought it was a little creepy.
About five years ago, that changed. As Get Rich Slowly grew in popularity, more and more people asked to meet me for coffee or for dinner. Eventually, some of those people became my closest friends.
What’s more, I developed real connections with certain GRS readers whom I’d never even met. We’d exchange long emails about money or Mini Coopers or comic books. We’d get into debates about the best way to pay down debt. We’d share favorite books or restaurants or TV shows. I found it was possible to have a friendship with somebody I’d never met in person.
One of the people with whom I built a friendship was Tyler Karaszewski, whom many of you know from his frequent comments here at Get Rich Slowly. Tyler is intelligent, opinionated, and vocal. He often takes a contrarian view. (Sometimes I think he does it just for fun!) Tyler’s comments used to bug Kris (and a handful of my fellow personal-finance bloggers), but I found them refreshing. Even when I didn’t agree with him (which was often), I liked that he was thinking about things.
Last fall, on my return from Turkey, I spent a couple of days in San Francisco. On a sunny Sunday morning, I met Tyler for a walk around Golden Gate Park. As we strolled through the arboretum, Tyler told me about his life, and I told him about mine. He told me about his plans to change jobs. He was also looking to move. He and his wife, Jaime, were raising a baby daughter, and he wanted a better place for her to live.
It was a lovely autumn afternoon, sunny and crisp. We wandered the gardens. We ate burgers and fries. The Blue Angels roared overhead. Through it all, I was pleased to put a face to a name. Someone who had been only a friend online, simply a commenter on a blog, was now flesh and blood, a real human being.
In the late afternoon, we said our farewells and went about our business. Tyler returned to his life; I returned to mine. I retired from Get Rich Slowly and started writing at More Than Money. Tyler made the move with me, continuing to comment, continuing to offer his contrarian viewpoints.
Then, at the end of November, Tyler left a comment (or sent me email — I don’t remember which) to tell me some terrible news: His wife had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Jaime was young (her early 30s) and the disease hit her by surprise. Quickly, she and Tyler had to come to terms with the fact that she was dying. What did this mean for her? For him? For their daughter? Jaime started a blog to share her story.
Unfortunately, the story was all too short. Jaime died last Monday, just weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. Her service is this morning in San Francisco. Although I never met her — and although by most standards I barely know her husband — I serious considered flying down to pay my respects. Instead, I’m doing so here, posting this memorial at the precise time of her service.
My heart goes out to Tyler, and to his daughter. Tyler may have started as an “imaginary friend,” but I consider him a real friend now. I wish I could do more to offer him comfort during this time of terrible loss.
As often happens when somebody dies, I’m reminded that true wealth isn’t about money. It’s about relationships. It’s about the bonds we build with the people around us. Yes, money is important, but ultimately it’s just a tool to help us achieve happiness. And happiness is found most frequently by connecting with others.
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Tragic. Sympathies to Tyler, who yes I feel I know too from his comments. Sending you strength to get through the dark days.
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My condolences. My thoughts go out to him and his loved ones during this difficult time.
I always enjoy his comments and his contrarian points of view always made me think. It’s funny how strangers can touch your life.
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How tragic. My condolences and sympathy to Tyler.
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How truly awful. She always sounded like a wonderful woman surrounded by love. I cannot imagine the grief everyone who knows her must be feeling. My condolences.
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I am so sorry for Tyler and his family.
They will be in my thoughts as I go about my day.
You did an excellent job of telling his story and I am moved to learn how the two of you became ‘Real’ friends. He may need friends more than ever now. There may be nothing we can do for a grieving friend aside from just being there for them.
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Tyler, I caught your comment on JD’s site a few weeks ago and was sad for you and your family. I was hoping that the ending of the story would be different, that Jamie would beat this and you would continue to live together as the family of three. After I read this post, I clicked through to Jamie’s blog and read each of her posts. I could feel her love and adoration for Katie and her love and appreciation for you. She sounded like a dedicated and loving wife and mother. I am so sorry for your great loss. Please accept my deepest sympathy.
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Wow I am so sorry for Tyler and everyone in his family. Truly sad.
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I am speechless…
I had no idea. This is incredibly sad news.
My deepest sympathies for Tyler and his family.
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Cancer sucks! I am very sorry for the loss your family is experiencing. Please accept my sympathy.
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I’m so sorry. My thoughts go out to Tyler and the rest of his and Jamie’s friends and family. What a terrible loss.
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Thank you for sharing this story. I cannot imagine the pain they are going through. I send my deepest sympathy, and prayers.
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Sad news. My deepest sympathies to Tyler and his family.
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JD, thanks for letting us know. Tyler, I’ve enjoyed your unique presence and I’m so terribly sorry to hear about your wife. I’ll be thinking about you and your daughter a great deal.
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My thoughts and prayers goes out to Tyler and his family.
I started following him back in 2008 when I first started my blog. I don’t know him personally as most people I meet online, but after years of following their lives, people become a little more than a screen name.
Thank you for sharing, JD.
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Yes, more than a screen name. So sorry, Tyler. Wishing you strength.
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I am deeply sad to hear of the loss of a young mother. Many blessings and prayers to Tyler and his daughter and all their family and friends.
I believe that she is there watching over her loving family in spirit…
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I also have enjoyed reading Tyler’s thoughts, and was saddened to learn recently from his comments about his wife’s illness. How terribly tragic. My heart aches for him and his daughter.
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Tyler, I’m so sorry for your great loss. Please accept my condolences. My prayers and thought for you and your daughter. JD, how so true that money is not everything. Thank you for this sharing, truly touches my heart. Rest in peace Jaime.
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Tyler, I am so sorry for your loss. Best of luck with finding your new path now that everything has changed way before it should have. Extra hugs for your little one.
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So very sorry for your loss. You and your daughter have been in my thoughts all day. My sincerest condolences.
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How horrible and so sudden. I’m so sorry, Tyler. We lost my sister-in-law to cancer (melanoma) at 36. She was a young mom to a 5 and 3 year old. Even 7 years later, the sadness and loss of her death still catches me unaware throughout the daily routine. My thoughts are with you, even though we have never met.
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I had to come back and say that I couldn’t sleep last night, because all the pain and sorrow of losing her at such a young age came flooding back. I read your wife’s blog, and so much of it sounded similar to what we experienced. It makes me very sad to hear that another young family had to go through that.
Realizing before her second child was even one year old that she wasn’t going to see him grow up. Watching my brother in law have to juggle financially supporting a family and being a full-time care giver to two young ones and his failing wife. No one expects to have to bathe and change your 36 year old spouse’s diapers. No one expects to watch her lose her vitality so young and to hold her hand while she dies painfully on hospice in the bed you shared together. I’m sorry if this is too graphic for some, but it’s cancer and it happens far too often for my taste.
Tyler, if you’re still reading the comments, I would encourage you to seek grief therapy. My brother in law had someone come and talk to the children but neglected himself. I don’t think he has ever fully dealt with her death. He is now remarried, but to the rest of us it is obvious he could still benefit from some professional counsel.
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I agree with relationships and also how you treat others is what really matters. My wife has been fight numerous illnesses most seriously severe Ostheoperosis. People do not normally associate death with this but according to her doctors her body is about 20 years older that her actual age of 66 ans she suffers from recurring bone breaks which ultimatwly will end her life. I made a decision to take an early retirement 6 tears ago and began collecting social security at 63 to take care of her and her 101 year old Mom.. My plans to work for another 5 or 6 years went ou the window, but I felt that we hade enough saved to live modestly probably until I am 70 on my company pension and social security. We have no travel or entertainment budget since we cannot go anywhere. We have increased our charitable donations and spend more time studying our religion and time with church friends. In spite of planning for a long life together, that will not happen for us. My message is that live each day in your budget comfort zone since your long term plans may never happen. My sympathies to the family.
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I’m so sorry Tyler, my thoughts are with you and your daughter.
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Hi Tyler,
You don’t know me (I never comment) but I have always enjoyed reading your comments on GRS. You are clearly a very thoughtful and intelligent person. I am so sorry to hear of your terrible loss. Please accept these sincere condolences from a stranger.
With love,
Anon
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At last JD, you’ve finally realised that it’s not about getting rich…slowly or quickly….!!
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How mean spirited.
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Tyler, I’m so saddened by Jaime’s death. I read her blog, too, and really enjoyed her voice. She seemed to be very down-to-earth, and welcoming, and I loved the undercurrent of a wry sense of humor. Peace to you and Katie… I’m so sorry that you lost her.
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This is the first time I came to this site, and this post really got to me. I was reading it and before finishing the post, I read up on Tyler and his different posts-the credit card debt, etc- and then clicked back to finish the blog to hear about what he was up to now. My heart sank when I read the tragic news of his wife. I also read her blog and she seemed like such a loving wife and mother. I am a 25 year old woman who is constantly stressing about my future and salary and if I need more money to ensure happiness in the future. It is something I struggle with constantly. This particular post jolted me back to reality that the best, most valuable parts of life are relationships with loved ones and memories you share with them. I am very sorry for Tyler and Katie’s loss and they will be in my prayers. I hope the wonderful times they shared together as a family will keep them strong through this difficult time.
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J.D.
Thanks for this post. I only know Tyler from his comments here and on your other blog but I do feel like I know him. As you mentioned, his posts can be polarizing and I do think that he sometimes makes an argument just for the argument’s sake but he does make his presence known:)
Tyler, although you do not know me, my heart goes out to you and your family at this tragic time. This is not what anyone expects to happen to those who are young and building a family. I can tell that you are strong and you will continue to be strong for your child. I am so sorry for your loss.
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I am so very, very sorry to hear this. J.D., thank you for sharing this with the GRS community. Tyler, my sincerest condolences to you & Katie and the rest of your families. Jaime sounds like a wonderful person, deeply devoted and loving. May you all find peace and healing from your loss.
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Tyler, I am so sorry for your loss and praying that you and Katie can come to find peace. May you be comforted by the love and support of your family and friends. With deepest sympathy from a long-time GRS reader.
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Thank you J.D., and everyone else, for your sympathies and condolences.
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I’m very sorry for your loss, Tyler.
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JD, thank you for sharing this. Tyler, I am so so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you, your little Katie and the rest of your family.
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What awful news. So sorry, Tyler.
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Tyler & family,
I am sorry for your loss. –Thoughts & prayers for you-
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Thank you, JD, for letting us know about Jaime’s death. Tyler recently mentioned that she’d started with hospice so I knew it wouldn’t be long. It’s hard to imagine being that young and suddenly losing your beloved and having your dreams smashed by cancer, your whole life changed. I hope Tyler can seek the support of family, friends and professionals as he grieves Jaime’s loss and prepares for his life as a single father.
Tyler, I am so very sorry for your loss.
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Tyler,
I am so very sorry for your’s and Katie’s loss. My thought and prayers are with you, your daughter and all of your family in this very sad time. Over the past four or five years, I have enjoyed your comments and perspective and feel that I somehow, a little bit, know you and your family.
I remember the happiness of life in the little house on the beach, the sadness when you and Jaime were having trouble conceiving, as well as the joy that Katie’s birth brought. Through it all, I felt I knew you a little bit, and when you first posted about the cancer, it literally took my breath away, all the sadness and unfairness of it.
Once again, I am so sorry for your loss.
Lindsay
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Tyler’s comment on my reader story was honestly the big virtual kick in the pants I needed to take a new job with a $20k raise. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember what he said but it stuck with me and literally changed my life. My thoughts are with you Tyler, may you find peace.
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Tyler, so sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to you and Katie.
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Tyler, so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies to you and Katie.
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Tyler, I am so sorry. I just read your comment on [I]More Than Money[/I] yesterday, so didn’t realize you’d already lost your DW.
One of my best friends died of cancer in 2010, and I still miss her every day.
So sad about how unfair it all is; my thoughts are with you and your family.
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Tyler, I’m so sorry for your (and your daughter’s) loss.
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Tyler I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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Tyler, my deepest empathy for your loss.
My wife (girlfriend at the time) battled an osteosarcoma at 18 years old and is currently 8 years in remission. However, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t consider and fear experiences like yours, even more so now with our first baby on the way.
Yesterday, I sat on my patio staring at the pacific ocean and reading your wife’s blog, every single honest and true word, and by the end I couldn’t get the lump out of my throat for nearly 20 minutes. This was the most “real” piece of writing I’ve read on the internet in years.
I wish you, your daughter, and your eternal watcher nothing but resilience; and may you one day begin to fill the void that has been left in your mind, body and soul.
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Beautifully said.
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Tyler, so sorry for your loss.
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Very sorry for your loss.
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Tyler – I am shocked at how quickly this happened, and I think you can see from above comments that we are all there for you and Katie. So sorry to hear this, and JD thanks for posting this…
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Tyler, I am so sorry for your loss.
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My deepest sympathies to you and your daughter, Tyler.
Thank you JD for reminding us that all the money in the world cannot replace the love of family and friends. That is where out true priorities should be.
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Our sincerest sympathies to you and your daughter, Tyler. Our thoughts are with you.
JD, thanks for the reminder of the true meaning of wealth. Something we tend to forget a lot about.
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I’m so sorry for your loss, Tyler. We’ve never really chatted, but I do feel I’ve gotten to know you over the years from your comments and posts here at GRS. Wishing you and your family lots of strength and love.
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JD, thank you so much for sharing this– I was a friend of Jaime and although I knew Tyler was a frequent contributor here, I didn’t know that he had met you.
It was a warm surprise to do my weekly GRS catch-up read today and to see my friend acknowledged in a place I hadn’t expected to see her.
Much love to Tyler.
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