Comments on: Bouncing back from financial grief and loss

By: Mario

Mario — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 22:41:19 +0000

There are a lot of things I have grieved over. Losing lots of money was not one of them…

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:29:11 +0000

Thanks, Chris! And yes, learning after loss is the only way to make something meaningful out of it.

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:28:12 +0000

Thanks, Vinita! I’m glad this was helpful for you!

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By: Chris @ StockMonkeys.com

Chris @ StockMonkeys.com — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 21:07:56 +0000

It’s tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel after a significant loss, financial or otherwise, but what tends to work for me is learning from the loss. I try not to look at a loss as a setback but an opportunity to do it differently and hopefully better. Great article.

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By: Vinita Zutshi

Vinita Zutshi — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 15:04:53 +0000

Bobbi, You’ve recognized a widespread problem and given it a name. And as always, the beast loses its power once it’s been identified.

Thanks for making it okay to feel bad about financial loss – for so many, feeling bad is like an additional layer of guilt and pain. Your empowering solutions are a breath of fresh air and perspective.

I really enjoyed the post – thank you!

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 21:37:28 +0000

I bet you can, Jason. Good luck to you and I hope the article continues to be helpful to you.

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 21:35:25 +0000

Very true, Lana.

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 21:34:21 +0000

Thanks for your insights, Tony!

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 21:33:34 +0000

This is an interesting point, Hope. Losses do tend to put the “small stuff” into perspective. (Even if we do have to be reminded occasionally!)

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 21:32:04 +0000

Stephanie, it does help to know what’s ahead and to have a name for it as well. I think lots of the people I spoke to about financial losses really didn’t have a name for what they were experiencing. They felt relieved to be able to call it grief!

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By: Hill Roger

Hill Roger — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 07:36:09 +0000

I wonder how a newly established firm could handle it’s financial losses. But overall this post could help any entrepreneur in handling the accounts(losses/profits) at it’s best.

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By: Jason

Jason — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 02:28:32 +0000

Thanks for this guest post. I was lucky enough not to lose my home but I am certainly under water and I can relate to some of the feelings mentioned in the article.

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By: Lana James

Lana James — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 02:22:38 +0000

Very, very well said.. A must read for anyone who have been through same situation and those who experienced a lot of catastrophes in life. This can serve them as a great motivation because I myself, learned that no matter how many times you fall down on your knees and how hard it is, what’s more important is the times you get up and the conviction you carry as you continue your journey in life.

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By: Tony@WeOnlyDoThisOnce

Tony@WeOnlyDoThisOnce — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 00:17:28 +0000

Great post. Like anything else, we are the sum of our experiences. As a musician, if I have a bad performance, I will carry that baggage with me for a long time to come. We must stick with it, however and dust ourselves off. Time is a beautiful thing that way…we can rebuild ourselves. Thanks for this!!

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By: hope

hope — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 23:51:59 +0000

I’ve chosen the self-employment route and having had a salaried, union job for many years I often have this kind of ‘what the hell am I doing!’ reactions from time to time. The one thing that helps me is reading about courageous, creative, innovative people who inspire me to press on in tough times. Just yesterday I read about Nigella Lawson (tv cook and food writer) who lost her husband, sister and mother to cancer in the last few years, she said in a recent interview:

“I’ve been through such a lot that it makes me more of a risk-taker at work. Failure at work doesn’t worry me. It’s not life-or-death.”

Having been through tragedy myself, I have to agree with her but I still need reminding.

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 03:23:37 +0000

I’m so glad this was helpful for you, Anne. I’m sorry that you have a loss in your family. My thoughts are with you!

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By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 02:05:41 +0000

Thank you for this post. I am planning to quit my job and make a career change. It is risky and it will bring our household down to one income. I have already had some of the feelings listed here and this gives me a renewed sense of confidence that I can psychologically deal with what’s ahead.

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By: chubblywubbly

chubblywubbly — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 22:22:57 +0000

I remember getting sucked into a multi-level marketing scheme. That was a huge waste of $650.

This happened before I met hubby and when I first told him the story, he laughed at at my naiveness. My retort was that “I married you didn’t I?” =P

In all seriousness, I love my hubby. But it is a huge joke between us on how I am bad at making investments, so I leave that up to him. I am glad that he laughs at my mistakes instead of blaming me though.

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By: SLCCOM

SLCCOM — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 21:35:53 +0000

Congratulations! That is a worthwhile goal, and definitely something to celebrate. Be sure to recognize that you really DID accomplish something, and do something (free) to reward yourself.

Yes, you fell short of what you wanted to accomplish. That doesn’t mean that you didn’t have a very meaningful accomplishment.

There was a post about setting a goal to expand income. That might be a better way to approach this year.

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By: Surprise Millionaires

Surprise Millionaires — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 20:45:52 +0000

Thank you so much for this timely and very helpful post. Unfortunately, many people who have experienced financial setbacks have resorted to some very destructive behavior to deal with their grief. Finding positive outlets for the negative feelings that result from financial setbacks is a must.

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By: Anne

Anne — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 18:12:58 +0000

As I read this article I realize it does indeed cover all forms of grieving.

It spoke to me as I grieve over a family situation.

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:29:02 +0000

Wow, that’s really interesting, William! And yes, being financially prepared does take some of the sting away. And I like your point about understanding the greater economic situation so you don’t feel like it was just something you did yourself. I had to sell my house in 2009, largely because of the recession but also because of poor choices I made. While I felt grief about losing my house, understanding that the crashing economy had something to do with it did help.

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:25:58 +0000

Thanks for sharing your story, Somsiah. And I’m so sorry about your double dose of grief. It sounds like you are starting to see the gifts within your loss, though, and I’m glad to see that. Best wishes, my friend!

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:24:24 +0000

I hope so, too, Elizabeth. One of the reasons I wanted to write about this topic is because most people DON’T understand that financial and job losses are huge and can create grief for the person experiencing them. I would really like it if our society could be more sensitive to losses of all kinds rather than only the ones that fall within our social norms.

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:21:38 +0000

You have a very good point, Elizabeth. I understand what My Financial is saying – and it’s a good point – but you really can’t prepare for the grief that comes along with loss.

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:20:24 +0000

AMW, I’ve heard other people say they give themselves a time limit to moan and complain, too. I think that is a great idea! Especially when it comes to logistical problems, taking action as soon as possible is really helpful.

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By: Bobbi Emel

Bobbi Emel — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:18:51 +0000

Yes, I completely understand what you’re saying, Jane. It can be very discouraging. But again, I encourage you to see if there is anything you have learned about yourself during this time. Maybe something you didn’t know about yourself or something you’d like to change. It’s hard to see the gifts and lessons when there are big obstacles in your way, but look past those barriers and you just might find a gem!

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By: William @ Drop Dead Money

William @ Drop Dead Money — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 15:10:25 +0000

Good post! I lost my business in the recession and went through most of what you described, depression and the whole bit. What Elizabeth says is true: you can’t plan your way out of or past grief, but I’ll say this: having an emergency fund and having investments to fall back on does take a bit of the sting out of the depression and beating up of yourself.

One other thing I learned from the whole exercise is: if you understand the economic cycle, that the economy has a recession every 7-10 years like clockwork, it helps you prepare emotionally. The money and feelings still hurt, but at least you know it’s not just you, it’s the whole economy. Sounds trivial, but that does make a difference. It’s one thing to get blindsided, but it’s different if you know this is the way life is, and “I got caught this time.” It still sucks, but it does make it just that little easier to understand and get through it.

And get through it we all do, fortunately. We’re beginning to see the deep recession recede nationwide. The new season brings new opportunities, more than four years ago.

The bad news is this is all going to happen again, probably around 2016-2019. That may sound far off in the future, but it isn’t that far. This pattern is more than 200 years old, and has been remarkably consistent in our lifetime. (If you doubt it, check out this chart: http://bit.ly/economy_chart)

I for one am bound and determined to be better prepared next time.

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By: Somsiah

Somsiah — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 13:35:43 +0000

When you lost a loved one, and the main earner, your grief doubled. The road to recovery is longer, in my case, the financial grief came much later; in consumer debt. The pearls – are the lesson learned from the experience itself, and the updated self.

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By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 12:48:02 +0000

Take it from someone who has been there: you can be prepared with resumes, an updated portfolio, a killer job interview suit, an emergency fund, etc. but there’s still going to be an emotional impact. These steps can lessen the stress, but you can’t plan your way out of grief.

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