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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2007 8:38 am 
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Location: Houston, TX
I can relate to feeling like a "solver" of other people's problems. Not to be sexist, but it's a very masculine trait, the need to take care of others. It's also a common source of tension between couples, when a woman just wants a man to listen to her problems, not necessarily to solve them. Men, in general, don't want to listen (i.e. get involved) unless they're allowed fix it. I try to keep that thought in the back of my mind when my girlfriend is telling me about her day and, despite whatever hassles she's facing, it goes a lot smoother if I just listen. (I think, but cannot prove, that when men complain about a problem it's because they're looking to rally a bunch of other men to go over there and hit people with clubs. I may be wrong.)

So advice to friends may also need to be tempered a bit, depending on the gender of the friend.

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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2007 9:05 am 
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plonkee wrote:
Quote:
Apparently there is more of a money taboo in England than in the States


Meh, maybe/maybe not. Perhaps it has more to do with the particular company you keep.


Yeah, I have no idea whether or not thats true seeing as I mostly know English people but apparently according to athropologist Kate Fox it becomes more obvious in business meetings, where English people become very squeamish about discussing fees and costs compared to Americans. I don't mean to imply that I think Americans sit round discussing each other's finances (unless its online on a personal finance forum :wink: ), I'm sure there is lots of variation within cultures as well as between them.

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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2007 10:24 am 
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JerichoHill wrote:
I was raised a "solver."


I think there was a typo in that sentence. I'm pretty sure it's spelled m-e-d-d-l-e-r... ;)

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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2007 10:32 am 
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nickel wrote:
JerichoHill wrote:
I was raised a "solver."


I think there was a typo in that sentence. I'm pretty sure it's spelled m-e-d-d-l-e-r... ;)


If it ain't broke, I don't fix.
=)

Pretty sure no meddler there.

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PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2007 9:34 pm 

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A friend of mine has been crabbing about his finances lately. I've been trying to get him to do something about it. I'm having a devil of a time trying to get him to the level I was at before I found the personal finance culture on the net.

He talks about doing what I regard as stupid things like abandoning health coverage (which he has to pay for over the next several months due to a job change) and cashing in retirement accounts, but I have only just gotten him to the point where he's gathering his numbers for analysis. I'm not entirely sure he wants to get his finances in order, his resistance to even the simplest of sensible actions being near-infinite.

I'm trying to explain to him how much of a difference it made to track my money closely. He is one of those who thinks it's possible for a non-savant to track this level of complex figures without a ledger or a spreadsheet. If I can just get him to put it all in one place he may stand a chance.

Then again, even if I can get him into better financial habits than I've learned, there is the issue of his wife...


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PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2007 6:10 am 
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Last night I found out that one of my dearest female friends had CC debt as did her fiancee. I knew they had student loan debt, but that's kinda okay debt.

I wouldn't even say anything about cc debt, because that can happen to smart folks too.

But what caused me to choke on my food was that theyre basically debt spending for a 35K wedding.

I pointedly asked her why they needed to spend so much money when it could be used elsewhere.

Her answer: Our families demand it.

...

I think their families have issues.

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PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2007 7:25 am 

Joined: Tue Apr 17, 2007 11:16 am
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Her answer: Our families demand it.


Honestly, I've seen a lot of reckless wedding spending rationalized as "our families demand it". It might not be their families' faults afterall.


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PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2007 11:35 am 

Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:22 am
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Location: Vancouver
I have similar problems on a near daily basis.

One of my best friends is now employed by me. Yes, that was a mistake, but he has skills my business needs and I pay well... at time there are problems though - hard to be the boss and friend and still get stuff done.

Anyways, he has severe financial problems. If it weren't for the job I've given him, he'd be homeless with nothing. Instead he has a ton of toys (truck, scooter, motorcycle, giant fish tank, 8 computers, crazy radio equipment hobby ($3500 for a handheld radio!?), camper, guns, every video game console, giant tv, audio system etc.) but the kicker is 90% of his toys are broken or just in real need of a repair or two. Yet he has no money to fix them up. Now this guy never has a dime in his pocket to buy lunch, coffee etc... can barely afford gas for the family minivan and so on. But he has credit cards and buys toys with them...

He is _always_ complaining about money and how he has none and so on.

He's even asked for advice and then completely disregarded it.

I've known this guy since I was in elementary school, so I really want to help him out, this isn't about showing him I am smarter then he is or whatever... I seriously would like for my friend to be more fiscally responsible for his kids and himself...

So I know the frustration of the OP (Jericho) but I don't know the solution either.


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