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It is currently Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:53 am




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 Post subject: Moving Home...
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 7:42 pm 

Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 12:52 pm
Posts: 20
So next week I'm moving home....to live with my parents. Woohoo. Fingers crossed, it should only be for about 5-6 months. Once I finish up grad school in a few months, I'll be able to devote my time to finding a good job in my field, as well as spend more time with my family. I'm so grateful to my parents for letting me stay, but things need to be different from the last time I lived there full-time (circa 2004).

I've written up a rental agreement stating what rent I can pay, what chores and bills I will be responsible for, and that this agreement can be reviewed and renewed as needed. I asked my Dad if he wanted to look it over and suggest changes - he couldn't get out of the room fast enough. He mumbled that we could have a "gentleman's agreement" and don't need any paperwork. My mom is no better, saying that I "need a break" after all that schooling, and shouldn't worry about trying to find a job right away.

So how do I make them take me seriously? I started reading GRS a few years ago and it's really helped me put budgeting, living below my means, and saving for retirement early and often into perspective. My parents have some different financial perspectives than I do when it comes to these topics, but they've always been very responsible with money. What I can't get through their heads is that while I'm going to be "living under their roof" as the saying goes, I need to maintain my financial independence. Any ideas how?


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 Post subject: Re: Moving Home...
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 9:17 pm 

Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:15 pm
Posts: 1321
Just tell them honestly what your intentions are. Surely they can understand that.


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 Post subject: Re: Moving Home...
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 11:36 pm 

Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2013 11:33 pm
Posts: 1
Hello,

Drawing from personal experience, I know there are lots of ways to help make your household move easier and more smooth.

Moving pretty much always takes longer than you think it's going to take. So, be smart and plan ahead. There's lots of packing and organizing you can get out of the way two months in advance of your move.


Cheers! :)
[spam removed]


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 Post subject: Re: Moving Home...
PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2015 9:49 am 

Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:10 am
Posts: 248
As a serial boomerang kid (out at 18, back at 23, out at 25, back at 29) who's family had a similar reaction as your parents to my attempt at "formalizing" our living situation, I'd say don't push it.

I say it for several reasons. If your parents say they're happy to help you out, it means they are happy to help you out. I don't know how old you are, but once you are permanently out on your own it is much harder to get help to save money...so graciously take it when it's offered. Also, after much inner reflection I realized my attempts to take control of the situation (even though it is their house) was my attempt to overcompensate for whatever feelings I had about being a not so young adult living at home.

You are working towards the goal of being permanently independent and your family recognizes that. They are probably happy to deal with any inconveniences (real or imagined by you), knowing it's temporary and likely the last time you will all be together under one roof. I admit this isn't always the case with some parents, but it sounds like you have more of an issue with moving back home than they do (and I totally get it).

My advice is, don't treat your parents like roommates or landlords; it sounds like they are uncomfortable with your attempt to formalize the arrangement. It's perfectly natural all over the world for fledgelings to live at home, no apologies. No one is stopping your from being financially independent. If you are uncomfortable with them paying the housing costs, utilities, cable/internet, etc., find ways to repay them in other ways. I came up with a low-ball rent figure to pay my grandmother which was low enough that she would accept it; she still rolls her eyes each month and says "I wish you wouldn't". But I know that she will spend it on the movies, or gardening which she enjoys. I signed up for Costco and purchase most of the household staples so she only has to shop for things that she wants for herself (I buy most of my own food as we have different tastes). She also appreciates not having to lug cartons of water, detergents, canned soda, or huge TP and paper towel packages. I help out around the house and in the yard (there's no formal schedule). An extra hand just to do the little things is always appreciated.

Sis and I have dinner at my parents' house every week and my mom cooks a large meal, that can cost $30 - 50 to prepare. Do we give her money? No. We bring what we jokingly call "offerings to the goddess", which is usually macadamia nuts or wine; things she loves but feels guilty spending on herself. She would never take money from us, but she will snatch a stack of lotto tickets from our hands without blinking. I think just making their life easier, and spoiling them a bit will be better for your parents and your relationship with them, than making them feel like they have a tenant.


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 Post subject: Re: Moving Home...
PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2015 10:00 am 

Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 9:44 pm
Posts: 353
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
LMoot wrote:
Sis and I have dinner at my parents' house every week and my mom cooks a large meal, that can cost $30 - 50 to prepare. Do we give her money? No. We bring what we jokingly call "offerings to the goddess", which is usually macadamia nuts or wine; things she loves but feels guilty spending on herself. She would never take money from us, but she will snatch a stack of lotto tickets from our hands without blinking. I think just making their life easier, and spoiling them a bit will be better for your parents and your relationship with them, than making them feel like they have a tenant.

I love this concept -- "offerings to the goddess" -- very creative and captures the sentiment perfectly :-) Your advice, LMoot, is well said. Unfortunately, this is a really old thread that was just recently bumped by a first-time poster who is likely to become a spammer.


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 Post subject: Re: Moving Home...
PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2015 2:19 pm 

Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:10 am
Posts: 248
LeRainDrop wrote:
LMoot wrote:
Sis and I have dinner at my parents' house every week and my mom cooks a large meal, that can cost $30 - 50 to prepare. Do we give her money? No. We bring what we jokingly call "offerings to the goddess", which is usually macadamia nuts or wine; things she loves but feels guilty spending on herself. She would never take money from us, but she will snatch a stack of lotto tickets from our hands without blinking. I think just making their life easier, and spoiling them a bit will be better for your parents and your relationship with them, than making them feel like they have a tenant.

I love this concept -- "offerings to the goddess" -- very creative and captures the sentiment perfectly :-) Your advice, LMoot, is well said. Unfortunately, this is a really old thread that was just recently bumped by a first-time poster who is likely to become a spammer.


Well darn. They always get me. Oh well maybe someone will find it useful, ha!


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 Post subject: Re: Moving Home...
PostPosted: Mon Mar 02, 2015 2:35 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2015 6:20 am
Posts: 29
In the future, when you're son or daughter happens to be your age right now, would you agree to his or her terms?

Although your folks know about your intentions, asking them to take it seriously is like a shot at the moon. Parents are like that, especially the good ones. You'll know when you have kids of your own.

My advice: No terms or Agree to the spoken terms your folks are gonna offer. If you insist on written contracts, your parents might think the worst of it.

_________________
Gratitude holds the key to transforming every situation.
It reconnects us to our source of inner wisdom and life force.
To activate the power of gratitude, all we need do is remember what it FEELS like...


- Mike Pettigrew (http://mikepettigrew.com)


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 Post subject: Re: Moving Home...
PostPosted: Sun Mar 15, 2015 9:36 am 

Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 12:52 pm
Posts: 20
Wow this really was two years ago... Update time!

I am still living with the parents unfortunately, but this is the year I move out! (Crowd cheers in background.) Rewrites and setbacks meant I didn't finish grad school until this past summer. However, living at home allowed me to work seasonally and take winters off to write. I am extremely grateful to my parents for putting up with me this long, and although Mom keeps hinting I should just stay (forever, she said only joking a little), this is definitely the year I grow up and become an "adult." Only 15 months until I'm 30 you know (shudder shudder).

The past few years my employment has been all over the place. Some jobs have been directly applicable to my field but short-lived, while the wonderful world of retail is always happy to oblige, with a nice low salary that doesn't quite cover my car payment, health insurance and other bills. I don't know what hiring offices think of my resume but I've gotten a few interviews the last few months. Some are close to home, some a few hours away where I could get my feet wet and stay in one place for 2-4 years before re-evaluating. One is a big-shot, big city job I'm terrified they'll offer me and I'll have to move half a coast away, but at the same time it's exciting to think about.

Well that's me these days. The next three months or so could mean major changes or I could stall out again. Stay tuned! :-D


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