My BF keeps asking to borrow money from me

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newb
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Re: My BF keeps asking to borrow money from me

Postby newb » Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:38 am

Thanks all. I'm happy that I was able to get the money back, and find a place to live.

It was also a red flag for me that he didn't see it as a priority to pay me back - so I'll keep my eyes open. But I also think that I should have been more direct a long time ago.

If we do make the decision to purchase together in the future, and/or live together - let's just say I learned a lot this time around, and will make sure that we are clear on what each of our contributions will be.

DoingHomework
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Re: My BF keeps asking to borrow money from me

Postby DoingHomework » Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:44 pm

I kind of agree with the others here but maybe I'm not so pessimistic. He did pay you back the first time and has again. That's a big plus that usually does not happen. But he's really got to grow up an stop using you as his bank. If his business needs short term cash flow financing (and most businesses do at times) then he would be far better off going to a real bank, learning to present them a solid business plan, and getting financing that way. Quite frankly, if he wants to borrow money from you again you need to make him do that for you. Make sure he has a solid plan with specific dates for repayment, and collateral. I suspect that will tick him off though.

To save your relationship you probably want to start locking that money away in investments like mutual funds or CDs so that the cash is not enticing him. Just tell him that you (singular) want save for your (plural) future just like he is building a business for your future. If he argues with that then you should be worried.

newb
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Re: My BF keeps asking to borrow money from me

Postby newb » Fri Jul 22, 2016 12:43 pm

Update: I've been looking back at some of my old posts in light of my new situation and boy do I wish I would have heeded the advice I got here three years ago. Not only did I end up moving back in with my boyfriend but we ended up purchasing a house together last year. We bought it in the auction for cash, 20K, I paid 13, he paid the other 7. We spent much of last year fixing it up, I paid for materials, he did the labor. It felt like my happy ending come true. The good news is, that I made sure we signed a contract with what would happen in the event we split up. Since we were both putting in different financial and labor contributions (I had intention of financing all repairs) he had intention of doing all labor, we decided that the best way to deal with it in the event we split is to split the profits from selling the house 50-50 boy am I glad we did that!

Anyway, our relationship has since gone down in a ball of flames. I recently moved out into my own apartment, and since then its been nothing but hell communicating around this house. He followed me around while I collected my belongings like I were a thief, threatened to change the locks (which I don't really care other than it hurts my feelings I guess), and has implied that I took advantage of HIM, because he put more labor into the house, he estimates 20 grand worth than I put into labor. Mind you his estimates do not line up with what he charges for his services but that is besides the point. Anyway, he has since tried to pressure me to take 20 grand, and has told everyone that I used HIM to get ahead, and am now kicking him out of the house that he built for us. There is no real point to my post - except maybe to heed others that where there is smoke there is usually fire. I could have saved myself the heartache and the headache had I just taken his constant abuse of his ability to borrow funds from me as a sign, and found someone who I was more compatible with.

DJFlare99
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Re: My BF keeps asking to borrow money from me

Postby DJFlare99 » Thu Jul 28, 2016 11:48 pm

Thanks for the update.

Are you selling this house? You probably should and just split the proceeds 50/50 and be done with him.

newb
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Re: My BF keeps asking to borrow money from me

Postby newb » Mon Aug 01, 2016 9:58 am

I am selling the house. We had a contract that said we would split the proceeds 50/50. Of course now, he has told everyone that I'm kicking him out of the house we bought (even though I moved out and am paying rent, while he lives there); and that he no longer believes a 50/50 split is fair. Thank god for contracts!


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