Take it from me! You will be very annoyed if you have to pay for something that he's responsible for. It will make you . That is money that could've gone towards your saving etc.

I think my original bad move was getting married. However, I have really learned from this experience. This was the first time I have had to deal with a divorce, an attorney, and other things to unwind the mistake that I made.

The attorney I had fought really hard for me in many ways. Going in, she felt I would probably end up with an alimony payment. I gave him a lot of the assets - a paid off truck, a boat, all the home furniture, etc. in lieu of alimony. The only thing we really had to resolve was the properties and the mortgages.

To let you all know, I have another appointment with an attorney on Monday. I hope there is someway to resolve this. Thanks for the advice. When I get home tonight I am going to work on posting my budget.

This is the kind of thing a lawyer can advise you on. You might be able to get a lien on his settlement in your favor to ensure he pays the mortgage until such time as he refinances. A family court generally cannot force the lender to remove you from the mortgage but it can modify the divorce settlement to force him to pay to protect your credit. If he then fails to do so you have a means to force any creditor who reports you to a credit bureau to promptly remove negative information.

It sounds though like he has not defaulted in 3+ years so you might be over the hump. Maybe he will live up to his obligations. But if not I think you need to protect yourself. The fact that he was abusive definitely scares me. He could use the mortgage as one last way to strike out at you.

Obviously you want to avoid involvement with him but you can do all of this through a lawyer.

Incidentally, it is a--holes like your ex that give all men a bad name! I hope everything works out for you and the experience does not make you too cynical. Most of us make mistakes in our life. If the biggest mistake you ever make is marrying teh wrong guy then you will have done well.

It sounds like you are on a good path now.

Sorry but this is incorrect. Divorce law does not supercede contractual law. It all boils down to who signed on the dotted line. If her name is on the mortgage, then she is liable. Period. A divorce judge can rule any way he likes but he can not force the financial responsibilities of one party to another party who didn't initially sign for the debt. *However*...she can haul his butt back to divorce court since he is defying the divorce judge's orders & get him to comply that way.

Furthermore, a divorce court can not force credit bureaus to do anything. They are only reporting what has been given to them. Nor can the consumer force them to alter the reported information. You have to go back to the creditor who owns the debt if there's an error.

I have made a whole bunch of mistakes in my life - haven't we all? - but this was the biggest one that has had the most lasting effects. Actually I have not become too cynical, but I have become much more selective about the people in my life. Thanks to my church, family, and friends I am a much better and stronger person for having that experience. Now I have a really nice man in my life that makes me happy. Live and learn I guess

Let me clarify: First off, I said that the family (divorce) court generally cannot force the lender to remove one party's obligations as part of the divorce. There can be rare exceptions but I agree with your basic point about that.

The other point I made about getting a lien on his judgement is different. He has an outstanding obligation under the divorce decree - to refinance. He was given extra time than is customary because of his situation and the economic conditions. If he now has a judgement from an unrelated case then his situation has changed. If she can convince a judge that he is likely to spend his judgement and then default on the mortgage just to get back at her then the judge MIGHT put a lien on the judgement to make sure ha cannot do that.

If he is ordered to refinance and pay the mortgage within 5 years and he does not then he is in violation of the court order.

As far as a court being able to order a credit bureau to do something, they can. We got an order to force a bureau to remove something immediately just last November. Long story, but it can be done. The information to be removed was something placed on my wife's credit report in retaliation for use getting a collection agency fined and an individual fired and a license revoked. A court with jurisdiction over the collection agency ordered the three bureaus to remove the negative information within 72 hours because the collection agency failed to comply with its obligation under a previous order. Basically the collection agency had screwed up and tried to collect a debt against my wife that was not hers. When we reported them for illegal tactics they were fined and the owner of the firm was punished more severely. He then reported a false collection action that we discovered. When he refused to remove it we petitioned a court to issue an order and it did. The credit bureaus, by the way, were very cooperative. Once my wife faxed the court order they removed the negative information in less than half an hour.

Trust me, it can be done. We did it. The circumstances were different but my basic point that you can get orders to require credit bureaus to remove information reported to them is true under the right circumstances.

Doinghomework - that is very interesting information! Thank you. As it stands right now he is not in default but the January payment hasn't been made yet. He may catch it up (as he has done in the past) or he may not.

The last time he was contacted by my attorney he caught up the payments (2 behind) and it was fine. This time is a little different since he isn't living there and I don't know where he is beyond a PO Box #. We will see - I could be worrying for nothing but I am worried none the less. It is amazing what a late payment can do to your credit - last time this happened I went from 823 to 670 pratically over night (or at least it seemed). After the payments were caught up the credit score jumped again and has remained in the upper 700's. The good news is I don't have a need for new credit right now as I have a car and a home and my credit cards are in good standing with decent limits if I need them, BUT good credit is important.

Was this in divorce court?

If he doesn't, since this is still in your name, expect for them to come after you for their money. And they are within their rights to do so.

Which is why I worry until it is either sold or refi'd. I understand that they will come after me and I will be responsible. However, maybe another call from an attorney (that will no doubt cost me $500) will get him to pay it. But finding him is now part of the complication.

I have a cousin named Guido that is good with a lead pipe at encouraging people to do things they don't want to do. He'll do it for $100 & a case of beer.

Or is that going a bit too far?

No, it was not divorce court. It was a superior court in the county where the collection agency is.

I completely agree that a divorce court has limited jurisdiction. I'm not disputing that. But if the ex has obligations that he fails to meet that impact her, there are things that can be done.

Ok here is my Budget:

Income:
Payroll $6,100.00
Rental Income $1,000.00
Total $7,100.00

Fixed Expenses:
Mortgage (Rental) $1,086.00
Mortgage (Primary) $1,100.00
Heloc (Rental) $250.00
Furniture Loan $135.00
Water Electric Trash $229.00
Gym $10.70
Insurance - Auto $110.00
Cable & Internet $109.00
Cell Phone $99.00
$3,128.70

Variable Expenses:
Food & Dining Out $410.30
Donations/Gifts $400.00
Home Owners Assoc $60.00
Auto - Gas & Maintenance $400.00
Lawn & Home Maintenance $250.00
Entertainment $150.00
Hair/Clothing/Misc Personal $200.00
Other $500.00
$2,371.30

Escrow for Rental Home $400.00
Savings - EF & Misc $600.00
Mortgage Prepayment $600.00
$1,600.00

Total Remaining $0.00

The payroll is the net amount. I am on salary and have dental/vision/health insurance and my 401K coming out to get to this amount. My FWT is a flat amount based on my previous years tax liability so I should come close to even and probably won't have a tax refund.

The "other" is for the legal fees that I see coming up and what ever is not used will be going into savings.

The entertainment includes bowling league, kindle downloads for reading, movie rentals, race entry fees, cross stitch kits, etc. (I am kind of boring, lol).

Hair/Clothing/Personal care includes the doctor visits and the one medicine I need on a monthly basis.

P.S. - I have asked for input so please don't worry about hurting my feelings. I need to know where I am leaking money and honesty is important

Oh and I get periodic bonuses so that is split between savings and mortgage paydown.