I've decided to come back from my break to start chronicling my journey towards a healthier, more balanced me. In my old fiscal fitness journal, I talked briefly about my unhealthy relationship with spending money on myself. It's tough and something I'm actively working on in therapy. I need a written record of how I can spend money on myself, and still be okay. I have to be the only woman ever whose husband had to stand there and argue her INTO buying a Coach clutch (from the outlet with a 40% off coupon).

The "gazelle intense" focus on debt reduction is unhealthy for me. My student loans are too high. Even if every extra dime went towards my student loans, it would take something like 4 years to pay it all off. It's not reasonable nor healthy to put off all extras for 4 years. That's insane. I need to accept that I will not get out of debt any time soon and that's alright. I can afford my monthly payment without any difficulty. The high interest debt will be paid off this summer. The rest is 4%. Paying off my debt instead of investing isn't even the wisest use of money.

I'll start with my small splurges. I'm doing two monthly beauty box subscriptions. This is something frivolous and silly that I'm doing purely because I love getting surprise makeup and other beauty supplies in the mail. These are each $10/mo. I'm spending $240/yr on makeup I may or may not use. And I LOVE it.

Last weekend, my therapist had me buy a new bathing suit without looking at the price tag until after I picked one I liked. Apparently, I have expensive taste in bathing suits. I tried on about 15 bikinis until I found one I liked. $100+! The price is less than the multiple bathing suits I should have bought in the last 13 years. Because it's not cool to keep the same bathing suit for 13 years. I also bought a necklace I didn't need but really wanted. Then again, I only have 1 other nice necklace.

This weekend, my assignment is to get a high end mani/pedi. It's "not allowed" to be just the basic. I think next week is to get a massage or facial. My therapist is so hard.

Next month, DH and I are taking a long overdue trip away. In 10 years together, we have never gone on a vacation together. We're flying to Venice for a 7 day cruise of the Greek Islands followed by several days in Venice playing tourist. I'm doing a cheesy gondola ride down the canal, darn it.

This summer, we're going to have dinner at Per Se. Last summer, DH and I went to a couple fine dining restaurants followed by nights out of the town. The picture that the Saudi princess's companion took of us in the Plaza Hotel as we drank crazy fancy cocktails makes me smile every time I look at it. I still can't believe we actually walked into Plaza Hotel and ordered a drink like we belonged there. Per Se is the final dinner that I feel like I really want to experience before we move back to the midwest.

It is actually hard. My therapist has me repeating that "I deserve to treat myself," but it goes against everything I have always told myself. I'm afraid of becoming one of those people who gets manicures every week but not being responsible about it. I guess this journal is also to reassure myself that I'm not being irresponsible while I get mani pedis and go on vacations.

So! All this is to say that I'm going to chronicle this while still meeting a reasonable savings goal and paying down my student loans. Maybe not as fast as possible but definitely more healthy.

Welcome back, Kaitlyn!
I think this is great news, and I'm glad that your therapist has you doing totally frivolous, unnecessary fun things. I wish you continued success, and can't wait to read more. I really hope this helps you. Enjoy your massage and your mani/pedi, and your trip to Greece, and, and, and...

Thanks peachy! I know it sounds silly. Most people come here to learn to give up their mani/pedi habits. I'm learning to create one. Ha! I've been thinking of it as financial anorexia. Just like an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees fat where there is none, I look at my bank statements and see weakness where there really isn't any.

Our only debt is our student loans.
We have six months expenses in our emergency fund.
We're on track to have 1x salary in retirement savings by the time we are 30 (we currently have ~$80k invested).

Home ownership is off the table for us for at least 2 years. My job has made it clear that they will be moving locations in 2 years, but they haven't decided where yet. Never mind that DH and I haven't decided where we want to raise our future kids yet. Do we stay here with all the benefits of a highly diverse, culturally rich area but with VERY tight finances? Or move back to where my family is from? Less diversity, less opportunity, but much lower CoL. If we stay here, all the current slack in our budget would be eaten up by daycare.

Decisions, decisions.

Hi Kaitlyn,

Glad to see you back. I think what's key is finding balance in your life and that's what your journey is about, at least for now. Just be careful to avoid letting the pendulum swing too far in either direction and I think you'll be fine. Good luck to you.

That's absolutely something I brought up with my therapist when she started giving me these frivolous spending assignments - my fear of being lured to the dark side. I mean, who DOESN'T like being pampered? Her reply was to point out how much my frugality is part of my nature. I'm entirely too spending conscious to ever go out of control. It would be a radical shift in my personality.

Kaitlyn,
I read your intro and had to laugh, not at you mind you but how guilt about spending money can paralyze us in our tracks, no matter what are our circumstances.

Though we lived on a middle class neighborhood we were perpetuallly broke. I always say - We didn't live we worried. Dad left and Mom had a heart attack. The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming. Went to college on student loans and low income grants. More college, more debt paid and I was aimlessly drifting when I met my wife. Her family hd struggled too but she knew how to save. Together we retired all debt and found balance. We coupon and sale shopped and the pile grew. I took a bit of time but eventually we got to a great place..independence. I tell you this because it is background to where my mind is now.

Almost to weeks ago I took my daughter for a late in the game college visit to what tuned out to be good match. I stepped out of tha car and dropped my 3 year old iPad on the ground and althought it was in a case designed to protect it I damaged the on off button...infact there is a dent! Now I admitt I am fully iPad dependent - my mail, music during the day an the bogs I read. So I am sitting here typing on a machine that I have to bust my nails just to put it in sleep mode..but it works- I've reluctantly decided to replace it with an iPad 4 before I hurt myself. The guilt I am feeling about spending the money is terrible. The thing is the newiPad will be paid for with some found money. Not a dime will come from savings - even if it did it would be an insignificant amount when compared to the total.

All I can say is find balance, save, retire debt and enjoy yourself a little.. It will be ok. Oh yeah it wouldn't hurt to sale shop and clip coupons. Put another way: manage your money wisely just don't let it manage you.

To me, it's always a value proposition. To this day, I can't stomach the thought of paying for 1st class airfare, even though we can afford it. I just can't see paying thousands of dollars for a few hours of comfort. And yet I take some pretty wonderful trips every year; sometime a couple of times a year. I buy my cars new, but we drive them until the wheels fall off. We drive Honda, Toyota and Nissan, even though we can afford Acura, Lexus and Infiniti (not to mention the other luxury brands).

I think it might help you to look at it in a similar way. Don't look at money in terms of deprivation or pampering. Look at it in terms of value. Are you getting the value that you want from your purchases? As long as you can afford it (by that I mean you're also meeting your financial goals and have enough to cover whatever purchases you're contemplating) and you're getting what you perceive to be value for your money, then it's all good.

I got you beat there! I've had the same bathing suit since 1987. That's 26 years. But I'm a guy. What I'm most proud of is that it still fits. It was made by Patagonia, and their stuff lasts forever. It still looks good and I've never felt the need to get a new one.

Seriously, though, I think your therapist is right to encourage you to treat yourself occasionally, that's a good thing.

Since August I've been using this software called You Need a Budget, and for the first several months after I started using it my spending actually went up, not down, because I could budget for things and spend money on them guilt-free because they were budgeted for and I knew I wasn't going to have trouble meeting my other goals because the budget showed me they were being funded as well. It felt like a floodgate of permission had opened and I went a little wild buying things I'd wanted for a long time but hadn't bought because I didn't think I could afford them. I've calmed down since then and spending has dropped way down, but as VinTek says above, it all boils down to what has value to you.

When we travel we stay in the cheapest motels (Econolodge, Super 8, etc.), not because we're "cheap" but because it makes no sense for us to pay extra for a motel room that we're only going to use for sleeping -- as long as the bed's comfortable and the room's quiet and smoke-free, that's all we care about. It frees up more cash to spend on much more meaningful things, like a good meal, a movie, or a visit to a museum.

My most recent session focused on "when is because I want it reason enough?" For the longest time, it hasn't been almost ever.

When I first started working on balancing my relationship with money, I made one silly purchase. I bought a handsoap dispenser for the bathroom. A pretty stone one. I think it cost $10, but I agonized for a ridiculously long time over buying something that frivolous when the plastic one we had been re-using was "good enough." Except that it honestly wasn't because it was impossible to get clean. My husband is incredibly patient, both while I was deciding and after we got home. I'm very proud of my soap dispenser.

I've been calling this a financial anorexia and my therapist agrees. I had a mild case of anorexia when I was younger. It's something you struggle with for your entire life. The feelings here are disturbingly similar. In a way, it helps. I can recognize the disordered thinking. Not that it makes it any easier to buy a necklace I want. I've been staring at an etsy listing for a week trying to talk myself into getting it. The internal struggle is very much the same as when I'd stare at a piece of bacon, willing myself to eat it.

Is it deprivation if I don't buy myself a necklace? Is it hurting my quality of life? With food, it was a lot easier to see how not eating was hurting me. This is much more nebulous. Sigh.

Try reversing the question. I think it will satisfy you more. Is it hurting your quality of life if you do buy it?

Shhhh! I thought that little rendevous was going to be our little secret. What would your husband say? Hopefully my wife doesn't read this. I told her I would be on a business trip...

Lol, sounds like a fun trip and you definitely deserve it.

LOL! It took me a minute to get it.
Touring Greece would be my dream trip. Primarily the Peloponnese area to visit the "homeland" and associate places with the various stories, and then just for the sheer enjoyment, a boat tour to various Greek Islands.

I don't have a problem spending money like you do, but there are things that I "choke" on. That I think certain things should cost less than they do, and if they are above that amount I just don't want to pay for it even if I want that item, have the money for it. Last year we went all the way to meeting with the planning person, to get a variance to bump out our porch. We had the money to pay for the renovation, found the guy to do it, but I balked when I found out the fees just to apply were $1200. Somehow that offended me and I said forget it. Well, year later after keeping on thinking about it, we decided to go through it. I looked and now the fees are $1750. But we are going to go through it (that is unless I balk again )

Welcome back, kaitlyn! The trip sounds fantastic -- hope you get a guy in a stripey shirt who sings "O Sole Mio" at the top of his lungs while he paddles you about the canals, in classic fashion. Just don't fall in, whatever else you do. I once read a 50's movie star's memoir that recalled her falling into a Canal in Venice while shooting a picture, and winding up with an infection because the water was so polluted. Of course, maybe they've cleaned it up since then.

Partgypsy, I know how you feel! Why is it so hard to spend money on a house (and so easy to spend it on a vacation)????

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Venice! And the Greek Islands that I've been to are absolutely beautiful! I hope you have a wonderful time! Btw, not sure if the gondolas are where you want to start your spending -- two years ago, the going rate was like 80 Euro for 40 minutes. http://goitaly.about.com/od/transportat ... ondola.htm My friend and I passed on that one, and enjoyed getting lost wandering aimlessly all around the area instead. There is so much to enjoy there

I looked at the price already. It's something I really, really want to do and have wanted to for many years. I can't imagine I'll be back to Venice anytime in the near future.

That said, anywhere you think I should visit? We've got the obvious Basilica and the ducal (?) palace.