My fiance asked me a weird question the other day. He was picking out his 5 year service award from his company's website, and being the awesome fiance he is, he wanted to check with me what to get. It was all very typical cheap crap: a 20(!!!) cup rice cooker, a low quality cookware set, mass produced jewelry. That kind of thing. He wanted to get the cookware set. I said no, because I already have most of those pieces, and the pieces I don't have, I would want to buy quality ones. He laughed at me and said that I won't, though. I've talked repeatedly about buying things like a quality knife set, liquid measuring cups, etc, but I won't spend my money.
He then asked me what I *would* spend my money on.
This really made me think. I know what I want to spend my money on. I know what I say I will spend my money on. But what will
I spend my money on.
Fiance knows I have a weird relationship with money. Growing up, my parents were not the best ever with money. I learned very quickly that I couldn't spend my babysitting money, because it would be needed to pay the water bill. Or groceries. That kind of thing. It became ingrained in me that money is not for me; it's for the family. I would panic if my bank account had less than $2000. Even when I had up to $5000 in it (in high school, no less!), there was never enough. I still couldn't spend it on myself. I would drop a grand on my sister's theater camp while agonizing over buying a pair of $30 shoes when mine were falling apart.
Right now, I have more money than I ever have, and I *still* can't spend money on myself, even budgeted in! I tell myself it's because I want to save for the wedding, or pay off my loans, but that's only partially true. Fiance had to twist my arm to accept buying a groupon for a massage, even though my back is really bad and a massage is very desperately needed. I talked in an earlier post about all the things I wanted to buy this summer, and honestly, I haven't gotten a single one of them.
Okay, I did get a haircut, but even that was a matter of safety. I work with rotating equipment, and I can't have a ponytail that is too long. I couldn't even talk myself into getting it colored.
I have a friend getting married in November, and I'm challenging myself to buy a good dress for it. Most of my clothes are cheap/falling apart/chemical stained.
Does anyone have any advice on coming to a healthier relationship with money?