Eagle, I admire your kindness, and your resolve to help a friend in need. I only hope you know to put your own family's well-being first, and do not let "Tony" drain your emotional, spiritual, and financial tanks dry. As others have mentioned, at some point, Tony must take responsibility both for his own situation, and the solution.
I appreciate the words of encouragement Kombat. I have never put Tony’s well-being ahead of my family. Honestly, we do not feel drained by this whole car loan thing. This loan was in a way a gift to Tony as he would’ve paid a ton of interest (15-20%?) had he gone through a dealership or “loan shark” (rent to own type) lender. It just fell into place as one of his friends had a 4-5k car in great condition they offered to sell to him at a reduced cost. It was really providential. I do believe that Tony is taking responsibility for his situation and the car will help him get a new job. He’s now applying for other positions.
Your language reinforced my concern regarding this situation - that this relationship is changing (or has already changed) from "friend-friend" to "teacher-student" (or worse, "master/lender-slave/borrower"), which would fundamentally alter the way you interact with each other, and not necessarily for the better.
Just beware that this friendship might not be salvageable, and if it's not, it's not your fault and you tried the best you could to be the best friend you could be. There's a very fine line between "helping" someone and "enabling" them.
I know Tony appreciates our help. But I agree the relationship is sometimes strained. However, for the past year or so it has been rather good. Tony, begrudgingly at times (lol
) admits that my advice has helped him a lot. However, I do not tell Tony what to do with his money. It’s his life and his responsibility to deal with the consequences of his choices.
I’m aware that at some point we may part ways with Tony. Hopefully it won’t come to that as we share the bond of faith in Christ. I’m sure that is difficult for some to understand. Not saying that we wouldn’t part ways. Just saying we will always be friends.