Well, as of today, I get to plan a wedding! Only problem is that the boyfriend, I mean fiancée, wants to possibly have it this autumn. Originally, in the back of my mind, I thought "we could do a wedding for 5 grand..." but I'm not so sure now if we plan it for so soon.

We have about $9,000 in our emergency fund, which at this point in time is also our general purpose savings. We're trying to save up to $15k for our emergency fund proper, which is approximately 6 months of bare minimum expenses, and continue to save for other goals after that. There might also be a move across the country this summer, so we'll need some money there.

Perhaps you GRS forum readers could help me out: I'm looking for resources, like books or websites, about wedding planning. But frugal wedding planning. We could save up a couple thousand between now and autumn but I want a nice wedding. I'm trying to figure out what "nice" things cost. I'm up for ideas, too, but I just want to get started and see what our personal values in a wedding will cost us, and work it down from there. (Also I am quite clueless to the whole process in general, frugal or not-so-frugal)

Got any books, blogs, etc to share? Thanks!!

we got married at the courthouse, that was really frugal (my wife even went to work right afterwards). the 1200 guest reception on the other side of the world wasn't frugal.

i think the first thing you should be doing is to work backwards--that is, you have an emergency fund, which should not be a wedding fund. the worst thing to do is to start out your life together miserably by spending all your savings for one day of happiness which will be followed by many days of catch up frustration, but i think you already know this. so working backwards, you are trying to save $15k for an emergency fund that will take you how many months to accumulate? with that in mind and your other expenses (like your move across the country next summer), how much money do you have left over each month to put towards your wedding? If you go with this autumn, what is the total amount that you could save within that amount of time? If that number is $5k, then that should be your budget and make things fit into it. If you want more, then you will have to wait until say winter, spring or the following autumn. Once you have your budget, then work within the budget. If within your budget you simply cannot do a wedding you want, then ask yourself if you can really afford a wedding at this time. If not, perhaps doing a courthouse wedding for the legal stuff, a nice cosy reception, and later on when you have sufficient cash, do a renew your vow sort of thing that could act as your "official wedding", or simply delay everything until you can afford it. ok, so this is all obvious to you.

the biggest way to save, is to not buy anything that has or from any place that has "wedding" or "engagement" associated with it. get a sheet cake or any kind of other cake from costco (yeah, i love costco) or your supermarket who can write congratulations on your wedding etc at a fraction of the cost from a "wedding cake" bakery; perhaps enlist someone to make a cake for you from your family in lieu of a wedding gift, etc. buy blank invitation cards and hand write the invitations yourself or use your computer skills to select a killer font and print them out yourselves. one of my best friends took some recycled textured paper and hand wrote everything, wrapped it up with some vines, a wonderful colored leaf, and an acorn (they too had an autumn wedding and had a wedding in a park under an oak tree, so the invites kept with the whole nature theme). have a bbq for a reception or whatever is your all's thing. reduce bridesmaids and groomsman saving on rental costs or if uniformity isn't a requisite then let them wear a nice dress or suit while you and your fiance wear what you are going to wear. music/band/stereo/karaoke all up to you and hopefully you have musician friends. make your own floral arrangements from someone's garden or from the nursery rather than from a flower shop, or if you are getting from a flower shop, then get something simple, or use something other than flowers like an arrangement of gourds/pumpkins colorful leaves, etc since it would be autumn.


we had a huge reception, which included fire baton twirlers, dancers, a 30 foot long ice sculpture, more flowers than you could imagine (two banks sponsored the reception since the owners were friends, and donated the flowers, which is another option to reduce costs--that is, having sponsors, which seems to be more common these days, we didn't have to plaster any signs or anything since they were friends of the family), several courses, etc, etc, and basically it wasn't us (we actually didn't find out about the flame throwers until afterwards when we saw the video since we changed clothes 4 times, and we didn't get to eat anything). if i could do it again, it would have been more personal and more fitting with who we are and since we didn't know most of the 1200 guests, it wasn't all that memorable for us. i think i liked my friend's wedding and reception the best, because it was them and it didn't cost much at all. they had a friend be the photographer (helps when you are in an artsy field), and i've had others who put disposable cameras at reception tables and on the church pews for guests to take photos for them rather than hiring a professional photographer who will charge extra simply because it is a "wedding". if you are members of anything or have family or friends who are that can rent some place because of their job or membership then use it. my friend's fiancee worked for the state parks, and they were able to get access and set up the wedding site and reception site for free. my uncle was in the military, and he was able to reserve the officer club for cheap for my brother's reception. stuff like that. i think the biggest way (aside from avoiding actually "wedding" stuff) to reduce costs but still have a great wedding is to keep the wedding and reception reflective of you both, and less reflective of what a commercial wedding out to be, then you will have a greater chance in keeping costs down and actually enjoying, remembering, and being happy about your wedding long after the wedding when you will either have to continue to pay for the wedding or have had enough money saved up before the wedding.

thank you for tips, googoo.

I suppose I should add that 1. my fianceé (gosh that word is so weird!) and I aren't normal people and aren't interested in the traditional type of wedding (church, bridesmaids, big expenses, etc) and 2. we are not going to go into debt for this, we would only use part of our emergency/general fund and whatever we can save up. I would not let the fund drop below $7500. (also btw we have no consumer debt at this time and don't plan on creating any)

I guess my plan is 1. figure out what our options even are 2. what do we want? 3. what will our budget be 4. how many of our wants can that budget buy? To identify 1 and 2 I feel like we need to do some research first. What other people do (so we can do it differently, of course!) and the typical timeline of events.

(A few hours after the big question and I'm really feeling it now!!)

I know a few of the big things already, like, we have photographer friends, another friend will be the ipod dj, I could do invitations myself if I wanted to, or have my friend do them (I work in printing & design), I might be able to cut a deal with some catering (not interested in the BBQ wedding or I'd have dad-in-law make his famous chicken).

Thanks for the help!

here is the glaring problem with your rational: you would only use part of your emergency fund and not let it fall below $7500 even though you think it should be at $15k. you should not think of your emergency fund as being something you can dip into for your wedding expenses, because your wedding isn't going to pay for expenses during an emergency that you feel you would need $15k to cover. start a new fund for your wedding fund and keep your money separate for the two different goals/purposes.

again, i'd see what you can save within the timeline given and then develop courses of actions to fit that budget. if what you want cannot fit, then you have to increase your timeline (remember, you shouldn't be dipping into emergency funds to pay for your wedding, because your wedding ain't an emergency) or increase your income in order to fit the budget to the timeline. After you've got your budget, then you can formulate your courses of action within the confines of your budget. if you develop courses of action without a budget, or a rough budget, then you are going to be more tempted to dip into your emergency fund to fund a non-emergency wedding (although since you also call your emergency fund as a general fund, it will be more likely to rationalize in using the money since it is after all a general fund too). i know that you would never let it dip below $7500, but when the date gets closer and you are stressing out about this and that, it will be much easier to say and rationalize that you can afford another $2k out of your emergency fund to pay for wedding stuff. you have the luxury right now to think straight, which you won't have when you are putting yourself under more pressure the closer the date draws near. before you know it you will be rationalizing that you can make up the emergency fund in x amount of months, at which time you are going to be moving across the country which will then require you to dip into your emergency fund since you are playing catch up from wedding expenses in order to refund your emergency fund already. you know what you have to save for ($15k emergency fund, wedding in x months, and moving next summer), and of course i'm being all sky is falling. you are in fact going into debt in a way if you take away from your needed $15k emergency fund, because you will be repaying it in lieu of saving for other things. granted you are owing yourself rather than a bank.

the only thing you "need" to have a wedding is you, your fiance, someone to do the ceremony, a venue, and a witness. everything else are accoutrements and wants. treat wants as wants and not needs when thinking about costs for your wedding/reception if you are planning on being frugal about stuff.

You saw this http://blogs.moneycentral.msn.com/smartspending/archive/2008/05/12/my-daughter-got-married-without-going-broke.aspx, right? (Wait, I think Josh linked to it at one point... never mind.)

Also, if you are between a size six and a size twelve, I have some wedding dresses (bought for a dream sequence of the bachelor's thesis of a friend who edited them out before shooting) of the "carnivorous marshmallow" variety that I was about to donate to my school's drama department. PM me if you are interested in borrowing--- I can send you photographs/ descriptions. (Okay, this is a long shot, but I thought I would offer... what are fellow forum members for? )

Congratulations on your engagement!

I researched this thoroughly until I finally gave in to my parents' and in-laws' demands and agreed to have the 'big fat Greek wedding' of my ethnicity.

First, make a game-plan and discuss with your fiance on the stuff that is important to you. Do you want nice invitations? Great food? None of the above? Pick 1-2 things and plan on spending a little more on those. Most people do not notice the 'little' things, so if you are doing something, make sure it is for yourself. My cousin had a fancy bouquet but during the rush of the day, she forgot to carry it and absolutely no one noticed!

Here are some good sites:

www.offbeatbride.com - I found her blog to be helpful when I realized that I didn't want the traditional 'The Knot' wedding.
www.mywedding.com - free wedding website - I liked their site the best
www.diybride.com - There is a big 'do it yourself' trend in weddings but remember not to get so carried away that you end up spending more money than if you just got someone else to do it.
www.invitesite.com - invitations website
www.ebay.com - I used ebay to order the disposable cameras & etc. Again, make sure you do some comparison shopping first. Sometimes it's a good deal and sometimes you can just get a good coupon.
www.brides.com - I didn't buy anything from them but their wedding dress gallery was extensive and easy to navigate. Just pick out the types of dresses that you think are pretty. Try on some dresses at shops (get a friend to come with you to give you advice on what looks good and what doesn't) BUT THEN GO TO A TAILOR. If you pick a simpler design, then it won't cost that much. Go to fabric shops and ask the little old ladies there to recommend cheap places to buy nice fabric and good tailors. I think this is the cheapest option but one friend of mine got a super cheap dress at Macy's close-out sale.
http://www.marthastewart.com/hitched - good for ideas. I don't care what anyone says, she's got good ideas and often has the instructions, you can do the cheaper version of whatever she makes.

The Knot.com nearly made me pass out when I saw their checklist. But if you realize that it's not set in stone, it's a good thing to print out, sit down with your fiance' and make a checklist for both of you.

My personal experience:
Don't ask too many people for their advice, especially if s/he is extravagant. They will assume that you 'have' to do certain things, especially if you are paying for it yourself. You don't (ahem, unless you have my family...and I'm still putting my foot down on certain things) 'have' to do anything. In my opinion, all you have to do is be gracious, don't get too caught up in the wedding plans and send thank you cards.

The little expenses add up, such as the veil & etc, if you have a friend who is crafty, or you are yourself, make it yourself.

Have fun and best wishes!

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Here's the link to my article on my frugal wedding at GetRichSlowly

http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2007/ ... u-can-too/

Think you need to spend a fortune to tie the knot? It’s just not so. Kris and I got hitched for a couple grand in 1993. In this guest post from JerichoHill, he explains how he kept costs down for his wedding last summer.

Weddings are expensive affairs. Couples often spend tens of thousands of dollars for an event that lasts only a day or two. I know, I know — the memories last a lifetime. But that’s the catch-phrase of the industry that’s sprung up around this occasion. In economics, this is called conspicuous consumption.

Ramit at I Will Teach You to Be Rich recently wrote an article about the cost of weddings. On average, a wedding costs $28,000. That’s more than half what the typical American household earns in an entire year!

I was married two months ago. Spending a lot on our wedding was not an appealing option, especially since we’re building a home addition at the same time. We managed to spend less than $10,000 on our wedding. You can have all the grandeur of a big wedding on a small budget. Here’s how we did it, and how you can, too.

Photography
With digital cameras, memory sticks, and a laptop computer, the difference between the equipment available to the average Joe and to a professional photographer has greatly diminished. An argument can be made that a professional photographer can capture that special moment better, but they’re also known to take a lot of pictures of the floral arrangement.

We decided that instead of hiring a photographer, we’d ask our friends and family to bring their digital cameras. Two of our friends are amateur photographers and were thrilled with a chance to use more fancy equipment for the wedding photos. One came armed with the latest techno gadgetry; the other came with an old-style camera (and I mean old-style!). Both friends had an absolute blast taking pictures.

For our reception photos, we asked that everyone take pictures of whatever they fancied, as we figured each social group at our wedding would take plenty of pictures of themselves. When guests left, they simply transfered their pictures onto our laptop computer, which was as easy as sliding the memory card into the appropriate slot and copying the files to our specified folder (which we made obvious).

By asking our friends and family to take pictures, we knew we’d get a lot of good variety, and perhaps a few more comical poses. We were able to pick and choose which to put in our own (free) online wedding album. Our friendly photographer posted the wedding album to PicasaWeb, and linked to a photo-making service so that guests could make prints of the photos they wanted. He added the pictures our friends took to the album, as well.

Chapel
Most colleges have a chapel, which is usually quite nice. Often, alumni of the college can use the chapel for their wedding, free of charge. During the planning stages, my fiancee contacted the chapel administrator at her alma mater. She filled out a few forms, and we had a nice place for a wedding for free because she was an alum. It was beautiful, but was even more meaningful because of her history!

Officiant / Organist
We weren’t picky about the type of religious ceremony we were married under. We were happy to be married by a friend of my wife’s family, who was licensed to perform marriage ceremonies. This added a personal touch. Another family friend was a retired organist, so he performed at our wedding. A deeply religious friend was honored to read from the Bible. Everyone did a marvelous job.

Reception
Renting a reception space is ghastly expensive. Why not have it at your home? My wife’s family welcomed the opportunity. Even though the reception was large, we found a way to make their space work.

Not only does having a reception at home save thousands on renting a space, but it can provide impetus for some much-needed home improvement! The money you would have spent on rent instead becomes new paint, a new patio, or dozens of other improvements that stay with your family after the big day has passed. For our reception, my in-laws’ house was repainted, the patio was re-laid, and the surrounding yard trimmed, pruned, and looked wonderful.

For music at the reception, we had an iPod loaded with tunes. We set that up to run into a speaker set, which an A/V friend of ours hooked up. When we had to interrupt DJ iPod for toasts, cake cutting, or our first dance, we used a switchboard from the local electronics store (very cheap). Otherwise, we hit the party shuffle, and off we went! Thanks, DJ iPod!

Rehearsal Dinner
We used a small restaurant and kept the rehearsal dinner invitations to main family members, the wedding party, and wedding officials. We met everyone else who came in that night at a local watering hole afterwards. I’ve been to some rehearsal dinners that were 60-100 person affairs. I can’t imagine how expensive they must have been!

For alcohol, we compared the restaurant’s wine prices with its corking fee. We found out that it was cheaper to pay the corking fee and just bring our own wine. After the rehearsal dinner, we had a night-time hangout spot lined up (a local bar/pool hall) where we could hang out with the younger crowd (that we couldn’t invite to the rehearsal).

Food
Catering is also expensive. We couldn’t believe how much it would cost for a large reception. Instead, my mother-in-law got creative with some foodstuffs from our local Costco. She enlisted the help of a women’s social club she belongs to — they had a good time getting creative on recipes. Folks marveled at the shrimp the ladies prepared — shrimp that was bought in bulk from Costco.

Clothes
I dressed my groomsman in black suits, since the occasion to wear a tux is normally few and far between. Since they had (or bought) the suit, I bought them matching ties and kerchiefs as their wedding party gifts. My wife was able to use her sister’s wedding dress, and I used an old family tuxedo. (Both fit us very well.)

Conclusion
These are just some of the many ways we reduced the costs associated with our wedding.

Our frugality led to creativity. We added a number of personal touches to the event, and our friends and family were able to help shape and sculpt our wedding day. Wedding memories aren’t made from expensive cakes, but from the oddest of quirks. (We’ll remember most our officiant’s wife telling him to speak up as we started our ceremony.)

Utilize your connections. Reach out and draw upon the community that you grew up in, and you might be surprised. With a good social network and some creative thinking, weddings do not need to be expensive affairs. (Unless you want them to be!)

Do not dip into your emergency fund/savings for a wedding! No no no! I think that would put you at a bad start for a marriage. Especially if you have a big cross-country move that may be more of a financial priority.

I would propose that you start saving for the wedding. Set a budget and stick to it. Don't use credit cards. Create a separate checking account for it. I went to a wedding a few years ago that was easily the most lavish I'd ever seen, and it "only" cost about $12,000. Forget that!?!

My best friend got married at the home she'd bought with her long-time fiancee/boyfriend. She bought a nice brown suit (also an autumn wedding) that she could wear again. They rented about 5 long tables and 30 chairs. They got hors d'ouvres from Sam's Club and a cake from a bakery. I can't recall if they had a professional photographer or not. If I had to guess, their wedding probably cost less than $1,000. They are no less married than the more lavish wedding. Sure, there were a lot less guests, but think about it. The wedding was for *them*, not an excercise in impressing friends/family. As a guest I felt much more relaxed.

As far as doing things on the cheap, check out the craftster.org forums. They have a section on holidays/occasions with a whole board for weddings. I like looking at people's projects on there and it's amazing how nice a lot of it is.

Congratulations on the engagement!

And regarding flowers (should you want them)...

They are an absolutely huge expense if you go the standard route (once florists hear the word 'wedding', the costs generally go up around 30%, same with caterers and bakers). I cannot tell you how many times I have been called in as guest/bridesmaid/etc to do the flowers for a frugal wedding. Know your colors first, know a little about what's available and what you want, and then get just enough (or even less) than what you need from a farmers' market or wholesale florist (buy them just a day or two before the wedding and cool). Then, since flowers and bouquets seem to be such an issue of stress for brides making their own, find a 'crafty' friend to do the arrangement...even if you choose silk ones. Lots of 'crafty' people either know/are willing to learn how to make wedding cakes/highly decorated cakes on the cheap, too.

While I like a lot of your suggestions, I have to disagree with this one. In the interest of full-disclosure, I'm a part-time wedding photographer myself - Swan Wedding Photography.

With that out of the way, I want to make a couple points regarding your suggestion. Photographing a wedding is an extremely hectic task. There is very little break time. If you put this on a friend's shoulders, understand that a compromise has to be made. Either your friend will not get to enjoy your wedding (because he/she will be busy running around getting all the necessary pictures), or they will miss some important moments, while they are mingling or eating dinner. A professional photographer is there to do one thing: take pictures. They do not chat with relatives they haven't seen in years, they do not chit-chat about the rented tuxes with their friends, they do not take their time savouring the delicious 5-course meal while you take your first dance and cut the cake. They are there to work. If you ask your friend to photograph your wedding, then you are effectively asking them to skip your wedding, and work instead.

Secondly, photographing a wedding is actually very difficult. Unless you have a friend with a lot of experience photographing events, you should think twice about tasking them with this responsibility. Years later, after the flowers have wilted and the food has been eaten and the music forgotten, all you'll have are the photos. Do you really want blurry, out-of-focus, underexposed memories of your once-in-a-lifetime event? A professional photographer has the equipment, know-how, and experience to properly capture the beauty and emotion of your wedding.

Finally, while many wedding photographers do charge hefty fees (it's simply supply and demand - their clients believe their product is worth it or they wouldn't still be booking weddings at those rates), many less-experienced photographers charge significantly less. Still, you should expect to pay at least $1,000 for all-day coverage. I know to a layperson, that sounds outrageous, but if you break it down, it's actually quite reasonable. Consider that the photographer has to amortize the cost of their equipment (at least $5,000 for a bare-minimum pro), their insurance, taxes, licensing, travel expenses, software, and legal expenses. Next, an "all-day" event typically means at least 6 hours of photography, which can easily yield 600+ photos to be sorted and processed. Even if half of them are culled, and only 300 make it to the customer, that represents a substantial investment of post-production time. A good professional photographer will spend roughly as much time retouching the photos after the event as they spent at the event itself. So for a 6-hour event, that represents at least 6 more hours of time on the computer.

$1,000 for 12 hours of labour is about $80/hour. That sounds like a lot, but again, I remind you to remember that that has to cover their equipment, gas, insurance, and many other expenses, not to mention the album and prints included in your package.

Oh, and forget about the disposable cameras. We did it at our wedding, and I've seen it done at several other weddings. The photos end up looking like crap. They will be dark and grainy, and the subjects will look like they're in a cave, being lit by a miner's helmet. When you figure that the cameras (with flash) cost around $20/each with processing, it would cost you a couple hundred dollars to put one on each table for even a moderate-sized reception. You'd get far, far better photos if you simply take that same money and hire your photographer to stick around for a couple more hours.

I would strongly advise against skimping on the photography. It'll be money well-spent.

When my wife and I got married, we spent around $6,000 in total. We saved money in a number of places. We held the reception in an elementary school gymnasium next to the church. This allowed us to save on the cost of travel, because we just walked from the church to the reception. Also, elementary schools are much cheaper to rent than a fancy ballroom. We made our own church decorations from fake flowers and tooling. We rented the decorations for the reception from a local rental company (basically just table cloths and a few other things). The tables and chairs were already at the school.

My wife was most proud of the deal we got on our wedding cake. My wife saw a photo of a wedding cake she loved in a wedding magazine. It was 4 layers, but each layer was atop a tier, with each tier at a different height, arranged next to each other. We went to a wedding cake store and found the cake stand, used, for $20. They were basically just rigid cardboard tubes and cake platters, but when we covered them with sheer white fabric and little white mini-lights, it looked beautiful. The lady who made our cake liked it so much, she took $200 off the cost of the cake if we gave the stand to her after the wedding! Of course, we had no need for the stand after our wedding, so we instantly agreed. Our wedding cake only cost us about $200.

Another cost-saving move we did was to do the formal photos before the wedding. This had numerous positive results. First, our photos were taken right after we'd finished getting our hair and makeup done, so the wedding party members were all still fresh (the crying during the ceremony does a real number on mascara). Secondly, by doing the photos before the ceremony, we reduced the amount of time our guests had to wait at the reception hall. Typically, the family goes out and takes photos between the ceremony and the reception, but this can make the rest of your guests restless. Thirdly, by getting the reception going right away, rather than making everybody sit around doing nothing for 2 hours while photos were taken, we reduced the number of hours we needed to rent the reception hall for by 2 hours.

The meal itself was a bar-b-que buffet.

Our wedding was about 100 people. We spent $1,000 on the photographer, $1,000 on the D.J., and $1,000 on the catering. The other $3,000 went to dress/tux rental, hall rental, liquor and wedding licensing fees, wine and beer, decorations, gratuities, invitations and thank you cards, the cake, and everything else.

I use the exact same word processing software as Stephen King - so why do his books sell better?

The equipment doesn't matter. If you put a point-and-shoot in the hands of a pro, and a top-of-the-line Nikon D3 in the hands of my Mom, the pro will take way, way better pictures.

Also, as I said in my other post, if you ask a friend to photograph your wedding, you're effectively asking them to skip your wedding. They will be so stressed about getting all the right photos (and rightly so - it's hard work) that they will not be able to relax, enjoy the day, and just be a guest.

On the other hand, if you do see them relaxing, that probably means they're missing a lot of shots you're expecting.



Indeed! That's pretty much the only difference between a pro and Uncle Bob, at a wedding! That's what you're paying them for! I can pick up a paintbrush that is far more advanced than anything Van Gogh had access to, yet I'll never be able to paint like him. It's all in the talent, not the equipment.



I'm sure they did, but surely you'll admit that the quality of the photos that came out of it were below what you could've gotten had you hired a pro, no? Here's an example of a photographer who does fantastic wedding photography: Anne Ruthmann. Take a look and see if those photos look the same as the ones your friends took. I don't mean to diminish your friends' talent or enthusiasm - I'm merely trying to demonstrate that there is a noticeable difference between a professional-quality product worth paying for, and the freebie-snapshots of an amateur.

I still maintain that if you only hire out one aspect of your wedding, it should be the photographer. A close second would be the catering.

kombat, having seen pro photographers at many weddings, having spent well over $10k for our wedding photographer/videographer, and being a pretty decent photographer myself, a pro isn't necessary at least if i was doing it over again. i have yet to see a pro photograph being stressed out at a wedding, at least if they are any good it isn't difficult and it surely isn't as much work as led to believe to shoot a wedding. i've seen other weddings with disposables that have turned out great, but of course you might get a bunch of thumbs too. in this day and age, there are so many people that are bringing digital cameras along anyways, i don't think it is really necessary anymore to get a pro to do your wedding, especially if someone is halfway proficient at photography. i made the suggestion about disposables, but it could be digital cameras that people already own. i think getting multiple perspectives rather than just one gives a far more interesting journal of your wedding rather than the rather sanitized pro wedding photos. it's not for everyone, and someone may want to pay for a pro photographer. i do agree that if you want some formal photos to do it before the wedding, too.

I'm not saying you should spend $10,000 on a photographer. As I said, you can get a decent pro for $1,000, depending on where you live. Even someone in that budget range will do a far, far better job than Uncle Bob could.



LOL, I should hope not! Part of their job is to remain calm and cool, even if things are spiraling out of control. They have to remain calm, even if they're stressing out inside.



I should have added that this largely depends on whether it's an indoor or outdoor reception, during the day, or at night. In good lighting conditions, you can certainly get plenty of usable (but not jaw-dropping) photos from a disposable. My experiences so far have been indoors, during evening receptions, where these cameras are all but useless.



Then why pay for a catering company when virtually everyone in your family already knows how to cook? Why hire a DJ when your cousin can play guitar? Why hire a chauffeur and a limo when your uncle just got his Accord washed? Why rent a wedding dress when your prom dress still fits? Why buy a wedding cake when Kroger has Betty Crocker mixes on sale this week?

You can cut corners in all sorts of ways - just don't expect the same results. This is just as true for photography as it is for any of the other things I just listed. The big difference is, people will forget those other things, but the photos last forever. If you're OK with the compromise, then by all means, save your money. Just don't expect your wedding photos to look as stunning as someone's who paid $2,500 for their photographer. You simply will not get the same result.



I never meant to imply that guests shouldn't bring their own cameras and take as many photos as they want. Of course they should! The more, the better! I'm just saying that if you want photos like this



then you're going to have to hire a pro. You will not get an album's worth of photos of that kind of quality by relying on a bunch of half-intoxicated relatives with consumer DSLR's and kit lenses. People think photography is easy, but if you take a fast-paced, unpredictable atmosphere like a wedding reception, then throw in low/mixed light and slow, plastic kit lenses, the photos will simply not be of the same caliber as you'd get from an experienced pro with the right gear.

My bias is obvious on this one, but I simply suggest you do some comparisons before you commit to enlisting a friend to photograph your wedding. The difference will be apparent. If you're OK with snapshot-ish photos, then by all means, save the money. If you're skimping on the cake, and you're skimping on the food, and you're skimping on the DJ, then it certainly makes sense to skimp on the photographer, too. Your results will reflect it, but if you're OK with that, then that's what being frugal means.

i love costco (good company, good stock, my friends amuse that they want to know before we go to costco so they can buy costco stock). the NY Times wrote an amusing Article as did Vanity Fair about how the DC and Diplomatic elite are buying from costco for dinner parties and how costco party trays are becoming the thing to have. of course this isn't a good reason for going to some place like costco or any other supermarket on the planet to get reception stuff versus having a cater do the gig for you. but it is an option instead of enlisting a caterer.

Depending on how unconventional you're prepared to be, you can have a very frugal wedding without feeling cheap. When I got married we didn't even have photographs taken; a few friends gave us their snapshots but there was no formal photography as we weren't into formalities or memorabilia. We got married at home with about 5 people present; the flowers were wildflowers that we picked ourselves from the roadside. We did throw a party for about 40 friends a few weeks later that cost us about $500, $100 for the hall (a local rod and gun club) and $400 for the catering and beer. We sent out invitations by postcards and asked people to just give us a call if they were coming. Many of my friends are musicians and the music for the party was a big jam session. It was great, and the whole thing -- wedding, reception, etc. -- cost us well under $1,000.

People can get too caught up in tradition and feel they have to do things a certain way -- sometimes you follow tradition in order to please your parents and extended family, and that's understandable -- but if you are free to do things your way then everything should be on the table and up for re-thinking.