If eating out is the big problem (next to the communications going wrong) I'd see in my budget how much we can afford for eating out. Talk to your spouse about doing this, sit in the living room while doing so and invite her to work together on it. If she doesn't fine. But then it's her choice not to be involved. As an end result you should have a specific amount that you can afford to spend on eating out. Take that as cash out of your account and only pay with that cash while eating out.
Alternatively you can make 3 accounts.
1. Household stuff (bills, groceries and such)
2. Your spending money
3. Her spending money
And agree to pay for eating out only from the free spending money. In both ways it's always clear how much money is needed for other things. The advantage of the second version is that she can still choose how she would like to spend, within the budgetted amount. So if she spends all her money on eating out, that's fine.