Can't Get Spouse Onboard

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Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:24 pm

Can't Get Spouse Onboard

Postby 1qaz2wsx3edc » Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:29 pm

What can I do when I can't get my spouse on board with a debt reduction plan? She refuses to discuss the matter, she provides no support in trying to cut back. Our biggest expense is food because she always wants to eat out rather than cook at home. No matter how much my income increases and expenses decrease I can't save a dime. I'm at my whits end. If it weren't for having a young son together I would leave her.

Monthly Income after Taxes $2882
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Re: Can't Get Spouse Onboard

Postby Sonja » Sun Apr 29, 2012 1:33 am

If eating out is the big problem (next to the communications going wrong) I'd see in my budget how much we can afford for eating out. Talk to your spouse about doing this, sit in the living room while doing so and invite her to work together on it. If she doesn't fine. But then it's her choice not to be involved. As an end result you should have a specific amount that you can afford to spend on eating out. Take that as cash out of your account and only pay with that cash while eating out.

Alternatively you can make 3 accounts.
1. Household stuff (bills, groceries and such)
2. Your spending money
3. Her spending money

And agree to pay for eating out only from the free spending money. In both ways it's always clear how much money is needed for other things. The advantage of the second version is that she can still choose how she would like to spend, within the budgetted amount. So if she spends all her money on eating out, that's fine.

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Re: Can't Get Spouse Onboard

Postby ssarah » Sun Apr 29, 2012 6:02 am

Marriage counseling. If you've thought of leaving I'm guessing restaurants aren't the only issue. But a breakdown in communication is never good. Maybe she has some issues that get triggered by the discussion, maybe the way you're bringing up the topic is rude or condescending, maybe both or neither - we can't know because we aren't there.

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Re: Can't Get Spouse Onboard

Postby flinch13 » Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:08 am

I'm sorry you're having this problem... it's certainly a difficult one.

I'm going to assume your spouse doesn't know very much about money management. Does she understand the difference between paying with a credit card and paying with money that you actually have? I'm not trying to demeaning... some people just don't get it.

I also suggest marriage counseling. She has to understand that this matter concerns dollars and cents, and nothing else. She might have the feeling that you don't want to spend money on her, when in reality there is no money to spend, and that's the real issue.

I wish you the best of luck solving this problem!

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