This exactly!!!

She talked to me about her desire to look for a different job, and wanted to know what she would need to make for us to cover our expenses. I believe it was that evening that she applied for a position that paid the much lower amount.

There have been some really good points made, along with some misconceptions. I take the blame for the misconceptions because I created a thread to vent without having enough time available to fully portray the situation.

My wife has never had a driver's license. It wasn't supposed to be a permanent thing when we got together. It is my sole responsibility to get our child to and from before & after school care. My wife and I drive to a park & ride in the morning. Most days she is not done work on time, so I have to get the car, pick up our child, then return back to get my wife. I stay in a job I don't like because it allows for me to leave on time every day. We have sacrificed having a normal routine so she could pursue career advancement. There was never a push on my part for her to make more money.

The issue she is having with her current co-worker is not new. The face & name is different. The specific details may vary. However, it all comes down to her never sticking up for herself. It is frustrating because she certainly sticks up for herself at home!

The salaries in question are in the $50k & $75k ballpark. Had she applied for a job in the low $60s, I wouldn't have been as frustrated.

It is just hard for me not to get frustrated that she will allow a workplace bully to cost her a large chunk of income. I am also concerned that it might result in her putting in her notice without having another job secured. Having a stable emergency fund has always been a priority of ours. It will be hard to swallow if we have to dip into it because of this situation.

Also, it will be hard to swallow if she leaves the company and decides to go back and work for her former manager. She encountered multiple bullies in that position as well.

How does she know that she won't encounter the same issue in a new, lower-paying job? If the problem is a recurring one, then running away won't help, because you can't run away from yourself.

My spouse no longer works, and it is well worth the money [not earned] not to have to hear about the crap [although it may seem normal and routine to me for workplace drama] on a daily basis.

Of course she doesn't know.

In her current situation, she is in charge of the difficult employee. In prior positions, she was an individual contributor. So now she has to address problems that she would otherwise just internalize. For many, having the ability to address the problems would be a good thing. For her, it just adds more stress.

This solution has entered my mind many of times. However, while she has built a career over the past ten years, I have wilted away in a dead end job. I consider my degree to be worthless because I never utilized or further enhanced what I learned in school. I also work in a field that is moving in a direction that makes long term stability highly unlikely. My manager has 6 people under him with enough work for 2.

When I first started reading, I was 100% on the side of the wife. No one should continue working at a job where you are treated badly. We have all worked jobs where we are treated like crap, and there is zero chance my spouse could convince me to stay at a job like that just to retire a couple of years earlier(there is also no way I would encourage my spouse to keep working in a hostile environment).

However, if the OP is correct when he says that the spouse's issue is being in charge of a difficult employee, I can totally understand the frustration. Effective conflict resolution is an important part of maintaining your sanity and happiness. The fact that she is the boss now boggles the mind. If the employee is truly that terrible, then fire him/her. If the employee isnt bad enough to fire, then obviously its not that bad. If you lack the authority to fire the employee, then go to someone who does and explain the situation.

Office bullies exist, but they are also people with no real authority over you. Its not like a schoolyard bully who can literally beat you up and take your lunch money. An office bully only has the power you relinquish to them.

In conclusion I would say that yes, she should learn to deal with conflict, but that the husband has no authority to tell his wife what job she has to work at, regardless of the alleged sacrifice made. If you truly despise your job, find another one. I doubt there is only one job in the entire city capable of meeting your needs regarding your kids.

You both seem to have issues you need to work through(as we all do).

I really don't know the exact situation, but from what was said, if she wants to have y a desirable job (money-wise) she is going to need to learn some assertiveness/supervisor skills. I have been in a terrible job, due to the supervisor. In that situation there is nothing much one can do, other than put up with it, or leave.
In her case, if the problem employee is a subordinate, than she really has no excuse because she has the control. I am assuming unless it is a situation where it is the owner's nephew or some such protected status where they really cannot be disciplined, or the person seems like they might retaliate in some physcial way to being disciplined. Ironically I was in a situation like that (co-worker) and everyone breathed a sigh of relief when he used his work hours to secretly train for another job and then leave with a take this job and so on. But the rest of us breathed a hugh sigh of relief. We were hesitant to eat baked goods he brought to share because we weren't sure what he did with them...

You actually sound a bit my my husband and I. We both have our limitations, and have "enabled" each other in those ways. But we keep reminding ourselves, that there are more degrees of freedom to do things, that are out of our routine. If you wanted to get a better paying job, but then giving up the car duties, maybe there is a way to make that happen. Don't rule something out just because the transition might be hard.

Just to clarify, I do not tell my wife what to do. I am just expressing frustration about how she lets people at work negatively impact our lives. I agree with the guy that stated that men do a better job of not bringing work issues home with them. I have several crazy stories I could tell regarding what I deal with at work. Although I do share some of the stories with my wife, they do not come home with me as baggage. When I leave work, I leave the work frustation behind.

As far as the difficult employee my wife is dealing with, unfortunately termination is not that simple. We work for a large corporation that has many steps that need to be followed. It can be a long painful process. That process can be even more painful when the employee is in a protected class.

On top of these issues, my wife is still trying to learn the new job. That involves a lot of meetings & training. Finding time to even address some of the issues has been a challenge.

I am not against going out of my comfort zone and trying for a new & better job. However, unless she gets her driver's license and can share driving duties, it just isn't realistic.

My wife and I are in a similar situation. We do love doing everything together. We have been married a few years now and just had our first child. Since we only have one vehicle and she currently doesn’t work (in the past she did do some babysitting and had a nice paying online job; now she’s working on her undergrad) her not being able to drive wasn’t as big of a deal.

Currently, right before our child was born she got her permit. She passed the written test easily with a course online. (see [url=idrivesafely.com]idrivesafely.com[/url]) She already attempted the driving test on the practical side of things before the baby came and didn’t pass. But we need to keep on trying. Our goal is for her to get her license this year. There is a lot of fear associated with this but I always try to encourage her and help her see the light at the end of the tunnel.

We’ve talked things over and even though having a second vehicle would result in added costs it would be a great benefit especially with the doctor’s appointments, errands, grocery runs, etc. Plus it would give her a little more independence and take some of the pressure off of me.

Also keep in mind that part of being in management is learning to deal with stressful situations and helping others move forward. Conflict resolution is part of this as someone already mentioned. I think the best thing you could do would be to encourage her to take small steps towards resolving the situation with her subordinate.

Of course for anything to change people have to want to change. I’d say check the website out and talk it over with your wife. Hope this helps.

It was discussed late last year that she would get her license this spring. We are now within a week of spring being officially over, and she has yet to get her permit. She did pick up a book, but has never opened it.

When our 2004 minivan was having issues, she pushed for us to buy a new vehicle. Please don't get on me about this one. For the sake of compromise, we bought a new vehicle. I made sure it was something she would be willing to drive. I now have a car payment that I did not want, and a second vehicle to insure. All in hopes that she will follow through and get her license.

Pregunta: Does your wife even know how you feel right now (about both her job and lack of driving)? If not, I would suggest open, honest and loving communication opposed to asking random people on the interwebz what they would do. If your wife knows how you feel, perhaps that would change her perspective right now.