as someone who was dragged through a dozen years with a destructive addict, and watched another 13 years of the same old patterns go by after i removed myself from the situation, i would make this my final line and then wash my hands.

sometimes these folks just have to hit bottom, and if it means being on the street than so be it. offering help once is fine, but over and over is simply reinforcing that someone will come to her rescue and it's okay to screw up again and again. the more exposure you get to her destructive nature, the more chance she has to manipulate you. if anyone is good at subtle manipulation to get exactly what they want, it's an addict.

now that i have a little one of my own, i have had to draw some hard lines in the sand with family members myself. it's sad, but i would do anything to protect my son from even the smallest hint of exposure to the things i had to deal with growing up. he comes first, period.

This is my thought also. She hasn't really come to me for much before... we just didn't talk for a long time. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt when I moved back to town and she told me that she cleaned herself up so that she could get to know her grandchildren. From what I can tell, she is not on anything when I've been around her, and I've been around it enough to tell.

But she still does have this victim attitude and doesn't seem to think (or admit anyway) that all of her bad decisions in the past have her in the touch spot she's in right now.

She also didn't ask me to get her out of the spot she's in now... I just decided to do it because I think that if I didn't she would be asking for little things for a long time. And I also want to see what she does with the opportunity. The money that I'm putting out for this is not going to hurt me.

I also explained to her (b/c she said she felt guilty for taking my money b/c she felt like she was taking it from my girls) that if spending this money was taking away from my kids then she wouldn't be getting my help. I also told her that my wife agreed to this because I don't spend this much unless we both agree on it... so if she had said no, then it wouldn't be happening.

There is no chance in hell that I'd put my own family in any jeopardy to help her out. And I told her that she should consider this her last chance to get her life together, and if she didn't make it work that the streets are her next step.

It sounds like you've found your line - you're willing to help but not enable her bad behavior/poor choices/etc. You're also wary of falling into the trap of helping her with this, but then she needs just a little more help with that, and then an emergency comes up and is there anything you could do about that and on and on and on. Great!

If you truly believe she's trying to get her act together, and have seen evidence supporting that belief, then I think you have a good plan. But if she refuses to change and ends up homeless that has absolutely nothing to do with you. She's an adult who has made her own choices and you have your own family to take care of.

I hope you only signed a month to month lease, otherwise you'll be on the hook for the year's payment.

I'm not signing any leases. only putting up the money.

I am dealing with a very similar situation with my sister, though she is trying to get help from my parents more so than me. She has been bleeding my parents dry for 10+ years and it has only gotten worse. Of course, she is a recurrent drug addict and a selfish manipulater, but she also has kids that my parents don't want to see suffer so it has complicated things. At her best times, she is a nusance, always needing a little money and a ride or someone to watch the kids or to borrow some groceries. At her worst, she has left her kids and her husband for weeks, stolen my parents credit cards, coin collection (left from my father's father to him), wedding rings, etc to fund her habits. She is on disability and spends her money on drugs, self tanning, and clothes, then when her child gets sick and has to go to the doctor, my parents have to eat the bill or watch their grand child suffer. She knows how to get what she wants from my parents by using their love for her and her grandkids.
Luckily, after years of trying to convince them, they have finally learned to say no. Even when my sister was on the verge of being homeless (through her own doing), they now say no. Now that my sister has no support from them and literally ran out of options other than dying homeless or getting her crap together, she has completed a drug rehab program and seems to be doing better. Like others have said, people in this position will tell you anything to keep up there current lifestyle. We heard how she was going to change for years and years as she destroyed my parents savings. It takes a person like this hitting rock bottom for them to want to change and any help you give your mother is only going to prolong this. She may be able to keep up the act for a while, but any support you give her is only funding her current lifestyle and teaching her she doesn't have to learn to support herself or changbe. Please consider carefully any help you give her. If you absolutely have to help her out some way, don't give her cash for anything. Always pay for whatever she is needing directly and make sure there is no way she can get that money by returning it or whatever (keep the receits yourself or tell whoever it is to not give any refunds to your mother under any reason). You must be 100% clear that any help from you will be cut off the 2nd she screws up or lies to you to try to get money. I wish you luck with this. It's gonna be hard and a long process, but just remember supporting her to continue the way shes living now is NOT helping her, its hurting her. The only way to help her is to make it necessary for her to change her lifestyle.