So here we sit with 30 yr and about $7000 in costs added into the loan. We don't want to sign and are worried about working with this person anymore. We would at least like to look into a 20yr. Sorry for the lengthly post. Do you have any suggestions?
TCstr8 is a professional, check out what he says. On a human level, I can't promise you if a different person at a different institution will be better or worse. The "$7,000 in costs added in" that you mention, are those total closing costs? Tcstr8 might be able to opine whether that is high or not.
One idea if nothing else pans out: If rate for the 30yr that's on the table is competitive & acceptable to you, one option is to say "yes" to the 30yr but work out your own amortization table to pay off in 15 or 20 yrs or whatever sweet spot of shorter term/higher payment works for you.
I am not sure whether you weren't happy with the original 15yr payment because you wanted taxes & insurance to be escrowed & the bank wasn't going to escrow for that (that is, you would pay T&I directly), or if you weren't happy because once the taxes & insurance were added in that the payment would be higher than you wanted. If it was an issue of bank escrowing, you could always budget monthly yourself for a DIY "escrow". If it was the PITI total amount, that would likely be an issue with any lender's 15 yr mtg.