Hi all - first post here. So much good information that I wanted to ask for thoughts from the community about where I am at and how to move forwards. Apologies for the long post...

The history - I was a successful exec for 14 years and had a great salary and some shares in the company that looked to be worth a lot of money in the future. I was a spender - always buying on credit and living beyond my means. I never worried - I was moving forwards, earning more, getting promoted - and I always had my big payout coming from my shares to look forward to.

In short - after reaching near the top of my company, I lost the faith - fell out of love with big business and the lack of care and integrity of my bosses, I got a divorce - from my then wife, and not long after, with the company. This came in the form of them getting rid of me over a silly technicality that saw me lose most of my shares, and probably resulted from them seeing my lack of belief in them after all these years - we agreed to part ways.

I was extremely glad to be out of what I saw as a dog eat dog environment that had led to me being ashamed of who I was - I wanted to change my values. The process however did hurt my pride and my self belief.

I started a small business - I needed to be as far away from the corporate world as I could get. 6 years later I still have the business but it will not meet my needs financially. I have done various consulting work and am making a half decent living now doing these things. My spending habits are changed and debt has only mounted again due to living costs (2 kids etc)

Money however has been an issue for the last 5 years - we never have enough, are always struggling to make ends meet, worrying lots etc- it is a major major issue in our lives and we need to sort it.

I feel like I am underachieving in a big way - I am now 42 and have a lot of confidence in my ability and am strong and good at persevering, but I feel like I have the wind in my face too often. My aspirations are to be comfortable and not to have to worry about money.

I am now ready, after getting closer and closer to the corporate world again, to re-enter on my own terms but am struggling to make it happen - too much always depends on me getting whatever job I am looking at, and the pressure, fear and hope leads to issues and sending the wrong signals I guess.

I feel like I am blocking my success - I always seem to have too much riding on whatever I am going after job wise, I literally cannot "afford" to fail. I now have an opportunity with the company I consult with 3 days a week, as a CEO of one of their businesses - but my contract as a consultant runs out in a month, so once again I am not in control, and the consequences of not getting the job scare the shit out of me....

If you are still here, and have any experience or thoughts on my situation, I would truly welcome them..

Thanks for reading.

I do not have that type of experience, but given what you have written, I see no reason why you can not be successful in your financial objectives. You have the experience, you have your head on your shoulders, and your objective is clear and realistic. So, I wish you the best. Go get 'em, tiger!

Are you spending wisely? Where is your money going? Take a look at your cashflow to see why your money is lacking. You downgraded financiall but did you continue w/the same lifestyle?

No - cash we do earn is going on basics, no extras at all.

My post was really about attracting more, unlocking and reaching potential to make more..

It sounds like you've run yourself right up to the edge of the cliff with respect to billable work. Apparently you only have one customer, and there is a potential for you to join that outfit in a senior position.

I'd be lining up additional customers on my own. Use your network of associates and previous customers to drum up more business. I'd also be pursuing the CEO opportunity as long as I thought it matched my skills and interests, and stayed consistent with my views of being happy.

Perhaps you've been torn between corporate work and self employed. If I were you, I'd make up my mind and go for one or the other. Focus works, and perhaps you're not as focused as you need to be. I also sense that you work better in a corporate environment simply because you haven't been able to get over the financial hump after more than a few years trying it on your own.

Have you tried a smaller corporate environment, like perhaps a few of your associates making a go of it? It's a good way to make higher income, have more autonomy, and not get caught up in the sludge of a larger business operation.

Know yourself, know your technical/managerial strengths, and get yourself positioned in the marketplace (on your own or in a corporation) to make the best use of what you have to offer. That's one of the best ways to satisfaction at work and more income to work with.

Clair- very insightful, thank you for the thoughts..

I do think a big issue has been the lack of focus - I have often in my life grappled with the corporate Vs artistic/creative sides of my personality, and once out of the corporate world this internal battle certainly came to the fore. When I have had a clear direction in the past, then I have always succeeded so this would back that up.

I want to reclaim control of my own destiny and drive my own success, whatever environment that ends up being in. A smaller corporate may be a good option.

Once again, thanks..

Peter