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It is currently Thu Dec 18, 2014 12:17 am

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 Post subject: Becoming more assertive
PostPosted: Sun Oct 26, 2014 4:11 pm 

Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:44 pm
Posts: 24
My boss recently paid for me to go to a week long long leadership retreat, focused on becoming a better facilitator. I was at the retreat with folks almost twice mt age, I'm 29. I currently work as an organizational development consultant and do a lot of training around change management and leadership development. My boss is a great facilitator and said she learned almost everything from this retreat so I was excited to go.

Anyway, I had a really bad experience there. All the participants at the retreat paired up with another person to design a meeting for each other over the course of the week. We only had 20 mins to do it and the actual people who were leading the retreat were there to help and encourage every team. When it was my turn to present the leaders spoke through my presentation, kept making rude comments like "why r we doing this" and at one point yelled profanities. They did not do this for any other group and my partner and I never got to finish our design. In fact all the other people who were participating were as confused as I was as to why they were so unsupportive and crested an unsafe environment for us. I took the blunt of it as I was speaking at the time, and my partner got very uncomfortable.

Anyway I left feeling very unsettled. They apologized for their behavior but I do feel like this is not the first time this has happened to me. I look very young and sweet and I'm quiet by nature and I do feel prone to being taken advantage of. I've come to the conclusion that I need to learn to be more assertive. Does anyone have any tips?

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 Post subject: Re: Becoming more assertive
PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 2:02 pm 

Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2014 3:40 pm
Posts: 3
Location: United Kingdom
I can honestly relate to this situation right here. On many occasions I've left certain places feeling like I should have been more assertive and stuck up for myself a bit more. My partner used to tell me all the time I have to be more assertive but it felt alien to my nature.

The only advice I can offer that helped me is practice asking for exactly what you want, every day and don't be afraid of the answer. A 'No' only leaves you in the same position you are in now. A 'Yes' builds your confidence and reinforces the fact that you have nothing to fear. Just remember the feeling you felt after you left that retreat and had time to reflect on that whole situation. Realise you never want to feel that again and make a promise to yourself that the next time you are put in a similar situation, you will stick up for yourself

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 Post subject: Re: Becoming more assertive
PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 2:39 pm 

Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:44 pm
Posts: 24
Thanks for responding jpelts. I think you are right and i need to practice more. One thing is for certain is that I don't want to feel the way I felt at the retreat again. My small appearance also does not help, and I look much younger than I am. I had a frank conversation with my boss and she suggested that I change my work attire as well, and wear more jackets instead of sweaters which i intend to do.

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