Happy New Year! I thought I should provide an update.

My boyfriend's really rather nice, even though he seems overly bossy sometimes. His whole family's a bit like this, so I think it's just their way of communicating.

Anyway, he did come around eventually. Partly he was upset because he was afraid that I was giving up on my career so I could live in the same country as him again and he didn't want me to give up my dreams. So I had to convince him that they're not my dreams anymore.

Now it's my turn to be unsure of his intentions, because he's saying he doesn't want to do a postdoc either when he finishes his PhD (also in math). After looking at job opportunities for him, it seems like we might end up moving to my hometown, where I might be able to get lecturing work instead of admin work while I make a career change because I know people. It's really hard to tell how things will work out, since it won't be time for me to come home for several months. I do have a new career dream, but it might take some time before I can make money from it and maybe I never will, so I'll need to find a job for the meantime.

To galactic, you're right that a mentor would help. I think it's perhaps too late for me now, but it would have been good a year ago. I've found that's the main difference between doing a postdoc and doing a PhD. Everyone around me is someone I don't want to embarrass myself in front of, and it's hard to find someone to ask if they think my research plans have obvious flaws.

On the other hand, I think perhaps the postdoc is intended as a test of your ability to work independently, and this just means I've failed at that. I thought that was one of my strengths but I was taking my PhD supervisor's guidance for granted.

Also thanks again to everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it, and some of the comments were really complimentary. I'm really not good at math and you can get a PhD with plain persistence and curiosity, but you probably won't believe me.

I'm curious...before you and your boyfriend spent all that time, and money on your Ph.D's did you first determine what opportunities, pay and demand would be for such a degree? It sounds like the prospects are not good, or am I wrong? And if this is the case, then the lesson for you (and others reading this) is to determine the ROI (return on investment) before pursuing a degree in a particular discipline. I hope your education loans are not massive...

I am also a Phd but in engineering. I sort of know what you are talking about. And I pretty much agree with galactic.

One observation though I would add is that you sound more like you need a vacation rather than a career change. I strongly suspect that if you became an admin assistant you would like it at first but would quickly start to feel isolated again and underutilized. You will crave being around other intellectuals even if you don't see that now. I've been there - got my PhD, worked up to a high level (reported directly to CEO) position in a company very quickly, liked my job but did not like the travel and long hours so I left to be a mere engineer again. Well, a couple of years later I am happy being a "mere engineer" but I have inadvertently floated back up and am in somewhat of a leadership position again.

I am surrounded by brilliant people everyday and many of them are far smater than me. It would be easy to feel inferior. But a better way to look at it is that you are a member of a very bright community. You have your specialty and they have theirs. Like most researchersyou will have high times and low. Probably most of your greatest work will happen in short bursts when you have a breakthrough. These time might be separated by years. I know we have to trudge along in research all the time but no one probably expects a dramatic productive work every month.

I think if you want a career change then you should do it. But I strongly urge you to think carefully about it and try to figure out exactly what you want to change. It could be that you might want to teach rather than do research or maybe do research in another area because you are bored.

Thank you. It's really hard to think carefully about this. One thing that I want to change is I want to live in the same country as my boyfriend (and to a lesser extent my family). At a certain point, pursuing this career stopped feeling like it was worth the daily sacrifice of a long-distant relationship, especially as I really feel like I'm on my own at work. It's hard to judge the work itself without seeing it against the backdrop of isolation, homesickness and insecurity.

I'm not bored - I still find the work I'm doing very interesting and I think I'll keep working on it as a hobby - but I seem to have reached a point where in order to continue I need to take on the role of expert or leader. I don't really have the confidence to be either. I do see working with smart, interesting people as a perk. My hope is to have spare time to concentrate on art, so I won't mind not being completely fulfilled at work.

Actually when I started my PhD, I was a bit lost career-wise and the PhD stipend was more than I had been making working full-time just prior to that (in customer service). Because I had a scholarship I didn't have to pay for any of it. This was in Australia, where the stipends aren't so bad, I was awarded an extra scholarship by my university and teaching paid extra on top of that. Travel was partially supported so I traveled around the world while I was doing it, which was something I'd always wanted to do. And I felt a sense of accomplishment at discovering mathematical results and seeing my name printed in a journal for the first time (and then my work cited by other people).

So I don't regret doing my PhD because it was a very enjoyable time for me. I worked a few part-time jobs to support myself through my bachelor's degree. Then when I was doing my PhD it felt like I was on vacation all the time because I liked doing research and it didn't feel like work. I knew the prospects weren't great for me, but that's more about me than the degree. The ROI must be good because so far as I can see, there's really been no cost.

Actually, you are using the wrong metric. Just because it's been fun, nearly free and interesting getting your Ph.D still does not address ROI. ROI is about how well your FUTURE income can offset the cost of getting the Ph.D, AND what type of lifestyle your future income will provide you, so no, what you wrote really hasn't proven that getting such a degreee is a good financial move.

I'm not saying it was wrong to get your advanced math degree....rather, I ask if you have researched the income and opportunities available to you so that you can have a great life which can only be supported by a great income.

i disagree that a great life requires a "great income" - an individual's defined great life may or may not require a particular income level in order to be great.

You forget, it takes money to have options and it takes options to have a most fulfilled life, filled with joy, travel, music, great food, drink, experiences with friends and family. All over the world, everywhere.....options support a joyful life and options often cost real money.

And why would anyone want to spend huge $$ studying for a career that pays kakaa HomeWorkGuy?!? For respect? Bragging rights? How shallow, sir. By the 100th monthly payment on the BaZillion $$ tuition bill, that respect and bragging rights gets very old. I can think of a lot more important things to get then that...like options in one's life....options cost money....I don't love money per se, but I love and demand options in my life.

Options to fly here or there, or just stay here. Options to eat here, there, anywhere...options to ge skiing next week, lay on the beach the week after, then try that awesome Tapas bar in Pamplona, Spain a few days later. Options to sit rent a house in the south of France to finish the Great American novel, or paint a nice landscape....a life without options is a life that settles for crumbs....

unless, of course, you're cool with medical science being stuck in the early 1900s.