Quoting this, because it needs to be re-read. Andrea is 100% right.

Well I found out what the problem was. She knew that I wanted her to go back to work when the baby was old enough for daycare or a babysitter. She says she can't stand the thought of leaving the baby with someone else and doesn't want to go back to work. She was afraid to tell me that because she thought it would make me mad. I have no idea why she thought that... we have never been in a serious arguement and I've never tried to make her do anything she didn't want to.

But, I did finally get the answer out of her. When she started the explanation she was crying because she thought I wouldn't like the answer. I told her that I was fine with whatever she wanted to do, I just wanted to know how she felt about it. So that's solved for now. Luckily, right before the baby was born I took a new job that gave me a big enough raise to replace her income.

I'm glad I posted this here. I've been trying to get her to open up to me face to face for 2 years, but now I'm thinking instead of trying to change that about her I'll try harder to adjust to the way that she does feel comfortable communicating with me.

Thanks for everybody's input.

How do or did her parents interact? Perhaps she learned from her Mom that the woman shouldn't have an opinion??

If anything, I think she is embarrassed of her mom and wants to make sure she's not like her. Her mom is very loud and is always complaining about something... the world is out to get her. She treats her husband like crap.. she's always talking down to him. She is the exact opposite of her mom.

She is much more like her dad. He is very soft spoken. Very laid back and easy going. He never speaks up when his wife talks down to him. She is definitely more like her dad.

Well either way, it sounds possible that she picked up relationship communications from her parents (as you describe it - her Dad).

If it's a repeated thing that you bring something up, she doesn't answer, then she text you later, it may be that she hasn't thought about it before. So, you bring it up, she has nothing to say THEN, but then she thinks about it and has something to say later. Give her time to think about things when you bring them up.

I have the opposite problem, and I'm really unhappy about it myself. It's annoying that if my girlfriend asks me about something I don't usually have an opinion about it. For me things in my past have made me devalue how I think or feel about things to the point that I can't even tell myself what I think or feel about them a lot of the time. If I try I just get really upset; it's easier to just not care. I know it's an issue and I've been working on letting myself know what I want and to be able talk about it. I also worry, even when I can logically see that I have no reason to, that telling people things will make them mad.

I guess this doesn't contribute much advice. People have covered it rather well I think and as well as my story I guess I want to say that she may have genuine issues about communication that she needs to work out. Unfortunately you can't tell people things like that, they will change only if and when they want to.

I'm happy you two managed to work it out Shaun. I've had similar issues before, with things being held back because "I would get mad." When I never remember ever getting angry about an opinion. I don't pretend that I'll ever understand it, and think it is something that just needs to be lived with. I wasn't too worried, since you expressed that this was pretty much the only area where you were having this problem. When communications break down in a localized area like that, it is usually fairly easy to break through.

My husband sounds exactly like your GF, we have been together for over 17 years now. Their indecisiveness comes from layers upon layers of communication issues that they have experienced in their life. These issues build up like an onion, one by one, layer by layer. This will be a lengthy process of continual communication to help her get through it but don't give up. It will get better, a lot better. My husband and I now have absolutley wonderful conversations on a daily basis.

Have PATIENCE. That is my best advice. Keep open communication with her about your future like you are doing now, except give her that time on how she chooses to discuss it with you. Dont show any discontent upon her not being able to discuss it right away. Most of the time she probably has thought about it and has her own opinion formulated but she is worried on how you will react to it. It has nothing to do with the way you react to other discussions it has to do with how others have reacted to her in the past when a similar situation arose.

I don't advise you telling her about her communication issues as this will only make her feel like something is wrong with her in your eyes and cause her to create another layer on her onion.

Each conversation you have in which the outcome is positive for her will gently peal away a layer of that onion she has built up. Over time her layers will be gone and she will feel completely safe to discuss most anything with you at any given moment.

Hi --

There have been some great responses to your original post. I suggest that perhaps instead of focusing on your girlfriend, Shaun, you may want to first focus on yourself. You seem like an real extroverted kind of person -- you want to talk through all the issues. Your girlfriend is going through a major life event -- physically and emotionally -- and she is very likely an introvert based on how you've described her (she wants to think about issues before talking about them). I'd highly recommend dramatically reducing the number of questions you ask and, instead, simply be with your girlfriend and new baby -- which, I am thinking, may be a bit challenging for you, but please try it.

If she is truly introverted, lot's of talking and discussion will very likely make her more tired at this moment. If there is something urgent that you need to have answered right away, introverted individuals typically respond better if you give them ample time to think about a response -- they don't like to be required to answer questions right away. So, you may want to try saying something like, "Tonight when I get home from work, I'd like to hear your ideas on how you like staying at home compared to going back to work. I'd really like it if you'd think about it so we can begin planning, based upon your thoughts." This will give her plenty of time to think the issue through before talking about it. It may sound silly, but some folks do like to ponder something before talking about it.

Those are just a few ideas. You seem to be a person that really cares and I wish you much luck (and happiness).

so don't

hi shaun,

I think early marriage is the solution of all your problem..bcoz i was facing the same porblem some days ago.