Hello Everyone! I've been without internet for a month now (besides what I can sneak at work)-so first of all, it's good to be back!!
Secondly... I'm hunting some advice.
My husband and I just got married 3 months ago. We've been together for 4 years all-together and get along very well. It seems like the reason we get along SO well most of the time is because we have SO many things NOT in common. We can endlessly discuss things that we have different opinions on, we can work towards a goal that we both see differently and come to an even better compromise, and we don't ever run out of things to talk about. These differences have never been a problem... until this week.
We moved out of our apartment and into a MUCH tinier, run-down, $200+ less a month apartment this week. When we arrived, the place was disgusting. It had to be flea-bombed three times and we're still being bit, my hand callouses are actually burst open and bleeding from scrubbing the floors and walls so much, AND there's no central air (one window unit, but here in florida the heat index is 110 degrees with 95% humidity this week). Needless to say, we've been doing a ton of cleaning and painting, and bug spraying, and... well, everything. We've gotten the place live-able and we're excited about the cheap rent (it's in a better safer location than our old place, and living here for 2 years will give us a good savings toward a down payment on a home-hopefully with our already aggressive saving methods upwards of 10 or 15k to put down, yay us!!).
So the big problem is that through these last few weeks of serious hard work and exhaustion, I've noticed that he just isn't pulling his weight around the house. Granted, I was raised by the bluest collars you could ever be raised by and had a 10 point chore list every day from the time I could walk until the day I moved out for college & I can get a little OCD and work until... well until I bleed, as I said before; but I genuinely think that I'm not just being a mega-bitch workaholic... I think he's being a little bit lazy.
He was raised by a single mother, and bless her heart-I love her to death; but he was never given any chores, was allowed to drop out of school at 17, and was never taught to even drive a car... so when we got together he had a lot of work to do with his life & was ready to accept help in doing so. I'm happy to say that he now has his GED and scored 15th highest in our state for that year of GED testing, he got his license 2 years ago today, and he has come a long long way and is soon about to begin tech school. All of this is wonderful, BUT BUT BUT his lack of work ethic... is not as progressive as the rest of his changes. He'll work for an hour or so on something and then sit down at the computer for 2 hours before resuming the project. He'll wash the dishes each night; but they'll still be a little cruddy still when I go to dry them.
I hate to keep nagging him, and I feel like I'm training him like a horse or helper monkey or something when I walk him through stuff like folding laundry, but I work full-time and volunteer 8 hours a week... I need some help!
It's not just around the house.. It's with everything. When I drove (I just sold my truck-it was one of the Toyota Tacoma recalls-email me if you don't know about this and are driving a Toyota), my truck was always self serviced on time and pristine on the interior. His car, which we are now sharing, hasn't been washed in maybe... 11 months, and is ALWAYS late for an oil change. There are coffee straw wrappers everywhere inside, and I know that no matter how much I nag, I'll be the one to clean it all up because I'm the only one who cares.
Has anyone else had this problem with a significant other? How did you approach this? I've spoken to him about his lack of work ethic and pride in ownership, but he just thinks I am a product of my workaholic family and that I'M the one who has a problem working TOO hard. How can we find a middle ground?
Usually we just laugh off our arguments about work ethic, but this week has put a spotlight on this difference in a way that is making life tense. I know we'll be fine and can work through it, but it's a situation where neither of us seem to want to budge. He has the "you only live once, who cares about a messy house-let's have fun," attitude while I have the "work comes before success and joy should be earned," attitude.
(sorry for the book-length post and all of the run-on sentences, I'm at work and don't have time to fiddle with good grammar!!