With all due respect, you've already "started a family" by getting married. A husband and wife are a "family." Why do you want children?

As a childfree (by choice) married individual, I'm sincerely curious regarding the reasoning behind why people would have children. Objectively, I only see negative consequences. It will severely negatively affect your finances, it will strain your husband/wife relationship, it will preclude exotic travel and early retirement ... I honestly don't understand the motivation for having kids these days.

kombat, i can't answer for the OP but...

we celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary shortly after our baby was born. we both wanted kids *eventually*, but were very much happy putting off children and enjoying life together unimpeded by parental responsibilities (and getting through our education and paying off student loans and such). eventually interest in growing our family came to the forefront. not everyone has that interest, so i can see where it might be hard for an uninterested person to understand how an interested person might feel about it. the negatives are real, and the positives are largely intangibles, especially so early on. personally, i've been one to live more for the experiences than the "stuff" anyway.

I have been thinking a lot about this topic as well. I am 23 and fresh out of college. I don't plan to have kids until 25-30, but I feel like these are good things to think about. My boss who has 3 kids is convinced you need at least $75,000 a year to support a family. Is that number pretty crazy? I feel like my parents didn't make that much and I certainly don't make that much lol.

Here is a link on how I am trying to save. Any advice would be appreciated. http://ourwallets.com/saving-money-for-our-first-kid/

I felt the exact same way until I hit my late twenties. Objectively only seeing negative consequences is because of an anti-kid bias those without kids have.

There are plenty of objective advantages to having kids, having someone around to make decisions for you when you are elderly. Someone around to help you out later in life. Financial security is only part of the problem. You could reach a point where you are alive, but physically unable or mentally unable to care for yourself. Do you really want to be in the hands of the state at that point?

Besides that, the reason I wanted children has everything to do with the experience of raising a family, and having a part of me remain in this world after I die. Death is inevitable, something you think more about the older you get. Having a child is a way for me to live on past death.

Having a child also allows you a sort of second childhood yourself. As a friend put it for me, you get to see the world through a child's eyes all over again. It is a remarkable experience for me and its not even been a year yet. It has cost quite a bit of time and money, but has been totally worth it.

I still would agree that anyone not completely committed to the idea shouldnt have children, as they test your patience and your bank account. But its not like you cannot figure out a way to include a child in your future plans, be it exotic travel, early retirement, etc... These things beomce a little more difficult, but not impossible. A small price to pay, IMO.

My brother-in-law wanted a boy because boys' toys are more fun to play with. Also, having kids means you get to play with silly toys without looking quite so silly - this same brother-in-law had way too much fun playing with the wheeled-wooden-rabbit-on-a-string my mom got his son for Easter (so did my sister)

I've noticed that some people just want to be parents. They want to care for a child, they want to experience the trials and tribulations of getting them to adulthood as well as the joys of seeing them learn and accomplish new things. Two of my siblings are like that. I'm not. When I taught music I enjoyed teaching and helping the kids learn and develop, but I was also quite happy to send them back to their parents when we were done

Wow, in my opinion that is a terrible reason to have kids! You would actually create your own caregiver? The ethics aside, simply hiring someone when the need arises is a whole lot more financially efficient.

Not your own caregiver, your own decision maker, which is totally different. Someone basically who can handle your affairs once you no longer. Not someone to physically take care of you. So dont have to depend on the state to do what is best when you are 92 and have dementia, but a still healthy bank account.

Anyway, that isnt really the reason to have kids, but it is an advantage.

I plan to hire a lawyer for that.

Perhaps kgb2788 should’ve said expanding her family. Let me say first that I have family members who are unable to have children. This is a difficult and painful thing to realize especially if it is to physiological reasons. Some have chosen to adopt while others have chosen to remain “childfree.” It really boils down to personal choice.

Sure the added responsibility, strain on finances, changing diapers, sleep deprivation, stress on marriage, reduction in free time, etc. all contribute towards this important decision. But let me address the motivation for having a kid.

Love. A child is a unique little person created as a testimony of each spouses love for one another. Depending on your belief system children are a gift from God. Not to mention there is nothing like having my little one hold my hand or laugh at me when I make silly faces. When I first saw him something clicked and I realized life would never be the same. The little life I was holding was my responsibility. I can’t express the love I felt towards that little guy.

To re-experiencing childhood. Children learn and grow at different paces. They are fascinating and can bring such joy. Playing with Legos, G.I. Joe’s, or trains with a little one again can be a blast.

Learning. It is great to experience a child’s learning. Some children are auditory learners while others are visual learners. Some children are excellent at Math & Science while others lean towards Literature/History. Some are athletic while others are more tech savvy.

Parenting Principles. I get to teach my child my families values. I can correct what I think could be done better in my upbringing. With the help of my wife I can better understand different perspectives of child rearing. I can do my best to educate a child to grow up to be a strong, responsible, contributing individual to society.

Legacy. Just as my parents did for me I hope to pass on the torch to my children. I hope my family tree doesn’t end with me.

Sacrifice. I thought I was a person who shared my time and resources with my wife. I didn’t think of myself as selfish. But after having a child it’s like I didn’t know the meaning of sacrifice. A completely helpless little person depends on me and my wife for his entire survival. A little mind-boggling but it is such a priviledge.

For 100 reasons to have kids see this link: http://inashoe.com/2010/07/reasons-children/

How is it unethical to have a child and one of the reasons to [hope] they care for you in their old age? See other reasons in previous post.

From a finacial standpoint if you invest X (say $150k) in a child doesn't that child potentially over his or her lifetime more than make up for that investment (say $400k to ?? in a lifetime) as a contributor to society with proper education and some luck [providence]?

Not sure I would like a lawyer being the sole person responsible for my well being when I'm older... Just me.

You would if your child grew up to be a drug addict or someone who is irresponsible with money.

I think you should prepare for that as a parent even if you'd like to think your child will make the best decisions for you since you did the same for them as a child.

There are plenty of situations in which people have children but hire a lawyer to take care of certain things when they are old/sick and cannot figure things out for themselves.

Obviously you would have a plan in place for when you get older, as not being a burden on my child(ren) is definitely a priority for me.

However, it would be nice to know that there is someone you trust looking out for your interests when you become unable to make decisions on your own anymore.

Hiring a lawyer isnt going to substitute the judgement of someone who actually cares about you. For example, if the lawyer is doing a terrible job and being negligent in his advocation of your rights, a child could fire that person and retain a new lawyer. If you are alone, and your previously hired lawyer decides to just take your money and provide very little service, there is little you could do about it if you cannot advocate for yourself.

Or the child could be a lazy mooch and slowly drain your estate with you blissfully unaware in your dementia-ridden state.

I've heard countless sad stories of children taking financial advantage of their mentally-incapacitated parents. At least a lawyer is legally bound by fiduciary duty.

My feelings on this matter are that having children with the intention of relying on them in your old age (either mentally or, even worse, financially) is an absolutely horrible and selfish reason to have children.

For one thing, your kids could turn out to be dumb, greedy, selfish, incompetent, or any number of other things. I would not want to place my fate and finances in the hands of someone like that.

Secondly, birthing and grooming someone you intend to be your caregiver in old age is outrageously selfish. Ever stop to think that maybe they have other plans for their 50's, and they don't include wiping your butt while you repeatedly ask them, "Who are you again?"

Thirdly (and this one is my favorite), when I tell people I have no intention of having kids, they often ask, "That's so sad. You're going to be so lonely in your old age. Who will visit you when you're in an old folks home?" Setting aside the selfish aspect of such thinking (as I've already covered it above), I think it's hopelessly unrealistic. Just go visit any old folks home right now, and ask the residents when was the last time their own children came by to visit them. A week ago? A month? A year? The vast majority of socialization that takes place in those homes is between the residents themselves, not with their children whom barely ever stop by to visit (why would they want to? It's horribly depressing). If it weren't for your money (inheritance), would they visit at all?

I don't see anything wrong with a couple have 1 or 2 children. Three is a stretch. Beyond that I do think they are stealing resources from the rest of us. But that's another discussion.

I think having kids for the reasons you listed (Eagle) is fine. I think if someone decides to have a child just so that he has someone to nurse him when he is old, well, that is unethical. But aside from the ethics, nursing care is a few thousand a year. Spending all the money to raise a child just to not have to pay someone for that service does not make sense financially, especially given the long time between the child expenses and the nursing expenses.

Yes, most children "earn their keep" in society over a lifetime. Not all do of course. But my point was only that having a kid just to create a caregiver (or decision maker) for yourself makes no sense financially and is pretty selfish ethically in my opinion. I did not say that having a child does not make sense financially because that is really just a personal decision.

If people followed this philosophy eventually the human race would become extinct.