DoingHomework wrote:
Really? I have now and have had in the past quite a few female professional friends through the years and have asked about that sort of thing. None of my friends have ever reported a first hand experience with anything like that although everyone has heard those things third or fourth hand. I'm not just talking about being mere coworkers either.
In my personal experience, if anything, the guys get more polite when women are around and their language improves. But aside from that I have never seen women treated as anything but equal.
I would actually be curious to hear what you have experienced along those lines. What field are you in?
DH,
I'm a civil servant and I work for the Army. In fact, if you read my response to the infrastructure thread you can probably infer which organization. The butt-pinching, etc, happened when I was in Afghanistan. Twice I had to fight them demoting me (despite high praise and excellent performance reviews) in order to promote a woman in an inappropriate relationship with the commander (not inferring this, I overheard some of their "pillow talk", and a fellow co-worker whom I trust saw their raunchy texts). This is the same guy who, at one of the weekly hail/farewells, said to a new woman in front of 200+ people, "Aren't you a pretty one. Why don't you come up here and hold my microphone."
Another time, my organization was told by HQ they hired me incorrectly (they said they should have hired a guy off of the priority placement list instead), and when trying to figure out where to put me, their first answer was to move me (with my graduate degree) from my highly technical and specialized field into a secretary position. It took an EEO mediation session between my boss and I to get him to understand how inappropriate that was.
Those are extreme cases, and thankfully, they happen rarely. Honestly, the most common instances of unprofessionalism tend to happen (at least in my experience) on a regular basis with older men who have daughters my age. A parent/child relationship is not one of equal power, and those who relate to me as they would their daughter tend to be patronizing, dismissive and paternalistic in their interactions with me and other women my age. That they don't realize they're doing it makes it even more challenging, though I've done my best to be patient and kindly (and often subtly) redirect them to more appropriate behaviors. Things like introducing me as "young lady" to colleagues and customers, expecting me to make their coffee (or, at least, being surprised when it doesn't make itself), reminding me to pack my hard hat and safety boots when I go to the field (as if I simply don't know what is appropriate field wear), dropping their filing on my desk (again, not a secretary). I know it sounds petty on the surface, and each incident in and of itself is so tiny, but they add up to a pattern of behavior and interactions that get old quickly. (And, in case you're wondering, no I don't get angry when a man holds the door for me, as long as he doesn't mind when I return the favor.)
