I need advice - Where do I start?

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I need advice - Where do I start?

Postby Registereduser » Sun Dec 16, 2012 5:53 pm

I've never fit in, never had good friends, always was shy, always beat up in school, come from a family of extreme abuse and neglect and now have developed social anxiety disorder. I am 30 years old, live in my mom's house and have no hope or motivation, I can't leave the house because of my anxiety and the therapist I had couldn't help me. I make $0 a week/month/year and am a burden on my mom. She doesn't know how to help, my cousins/aunts/uncles all ignore me and my problems, they call me lazy but if I had a choice to live any other way then I would, I feel I have no choice, no where to turn.

what am I supposed to do? :?


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Re: I need advice - Where do I start?

Postby DoingHomework » Mon Dec 17, 2012 7:08 am

What do you WANT to do? Once you can answer that question then perhaps we can help you formulate a plan to get you where you want to be.

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Re: I need advice - Where do I start?

Postby fantasma » Mon Dec 17, 2012 7:30 am

The very first issue is to join a group of people with anxiety like yourself.

You guys would have to be willing to plan short outings together and with other people: please do this very slowly. Particularly hikes, kayaking outdoors stuff.

You'll get there but you have to try just a bit. There will be days when you get dressed and go out to your driveway and go back inside. Try again, until you can go and hang out even if it is for a limited amount of time.

You may have to take anxiety medication.

Get this....stop worrying about it all. Concentrate on getting better in order for you to do all the things you want to do with yourself.

Work out: walk, swim, yoga whatever active activity you can do. DO IT. These things help. learn to rethink things; when you notice a negative though stop and change it to somethihg positive.

Keep away from a sensory overload.
Be what you want to attract.

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Re: I need advice - Where do I start?

Postby catchingup » Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:13 pm

It's hard to say without actually knowing you and just to what degree you're affected but here's what I would suggest based on your post:

Get another therapist, maybe a psychologist who can prescribe meds. If you need meds take them. You might be able to gut this out with the help of a support group, you might be beyond that. Again, it's hard to tell with a short post, plus I'm not a psychologist, I just know a couple of people with an anxiety disorder.

Working out is a good idea, not only for the exercise endorphins but getting in shape can also boost your confidence. Even if you're completely housebound there are still plenty of things you can do at home.

Try filing for disability. Bringing in some of your own money to contribute to the household could reduce some of your stress.

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Re: I need advice - Where do I start?

Postby coachcomeback » Mon Dec 17, 2012 7:53 pm

Most of the time it just start with reaching out and asking for help. You have taken the first step.

Next is allowing and accepting the answer that comes to you and the faith that it will.

I am reaching back to you. Send me a message and we can talk if you like.

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Re: I need advice - Where do I start?

Postby annibe11e » Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:14 am

Crap! I just typed a HUGE reply and lost it. I'm at work, so I'll have to come back and do this later. I have social anxiety too. Big time. I couldn't get past the end of my dad's driveway for 6 months. Pure panic. Completely housebound. I dropped out of school in 6th grade because of my SAD. Missing counseling appointments BECAUSE of the anxiety I was trying to get treated for! Going off meds because I couldnt face going out to the pharmacy. Being too embarrassed to go back to the doctor I'd missed appointments with. Getting denied disability because I couldn't go to the appointments. Sound familiar? Or am I just giving you more to worry about? :doh:

I have a degree (I attended classes full of people!) and a full time job in my chosen field now. It took a long time and it wasn't easy. I don't have a magical cure, but I may have some ideas you can use. SAD doesn't go away completely, but you can kick it's a$$ til it stays down!

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Re: I need advice - Where do I start?

Postby karmaisamutha » Thu Dec 20, 2012 4:33 am

Hi my friend, I hear what you are saying and I was once in the same place as you. Good thing you have an awesome forum like this for some great advice and support.

I found this video here really helpful for me when I was feeling down.

Tony Robbins - Making A Successful Change Within When You Feel Without

Northern light
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Re: I need advice - Where do I start?

Postby Northern light » Thu Dec 20, 2012 4:39 am

How about starting out doing new things that makes you feel good at home? Read books (no novels) to learn things and feel smarter, talk to people through forums like this one (or another one depending on subject) - and how about starting a light, simple workout at home to feel a bit better about yourself? Some puch ups, situps etc. Take it step by step, in your pace.

The idear of having a group of people with similar problems seems like a good one.

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Re: I need advice - Where do I start?

Postby annibe11e » Thu Dec 20, 2012 10:27 am

I think I sent you an email. I don't know exactly how this forum all works yet. Feel free to get in touch with me.

I noticed you got some responses advising you to do things that make you feel better. I know those people don't really understand SAD and are responding to the fact that you sound depressed. I'm guessing you are because I can't imagine going through all the results of social anxiety without becoming depressed. However, I think their advice might be spot on in this case.

I was told by my doc that depression was a symptom of SAD, which makes a lot of sense, and although it's usually better to treat the root of a problem, it's difficult to move forward with overcoming the anxieties with depression holding you down. So in this case, it could be the best thing to treat the symptom first.

One thing I remember struggling with so much was getting frustrated with my situation, trying to force myself to go out and overcome it, then feeling worse than ever when I failed. In retrospect, I needed a plan. Getting fed up and trying to do too much only made things worse. If I could go back, I would focus on one thing-getting my depression treated. I would push everything else aside the best I could. I would only ask of myself that I do the things neccessary to get on my meds and stay on them. Only once I had that handled would I try to do something else.

My advice to you would be to set well-defined goals. Then, figure out how those can be accomplished. Break them down into the smallest pieces possible and work on that piece and allow yourself to not do anything else, because that little piece is the most important thing you can be doing. Avoidance behavior was something I was brilliant at and I'm betting you are, too. There are a million ways to avoid doing something that causes the kind of anxiety we're talking about here. Just recognizing avoidance behavior can help you push past it. Keep that in mind no matter what methods you use to overcome your SAD.

If you were to focus on the goal of getting on anti-depressants, your pieces could be something like this:
1. Finding mental health resources for low/no income on the internet.
2. Finding resources for people with disabilities or other barriers(maybe a caseworker to do the interacting for you)
3. Contact as many of them as you can online (this is assuming you have difficulty with talking to people on the phone)

Just do one step a day. Push yourself a little, but not too hard. Focus on your accomplishments. "I spent an hour familiarizing myself with the resources available through the Department of Health and Human Services." That's a step! Your next steps would depend on the outcome of these steps. This is just an example as I don't really know much about your situation.

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