I've been watching this forum for a couple of weeks and I finally decided to join it tonight. I found this place by accident. I was searching for some information on Quicken budgets. Somehow I ended up here. I started reading the blog and the posts here and it really opened my eyes. My wife and I are currently have credit card and car loan debt of about $71k. We also have a house that is valued at about $130k which we owe about $60k on. We both ignored the growing credit card balances and increasing monthly payments. After hanging out here and reading Dave Ramsey's book, I've had my eyes opened and I think that I'd be scared to death if it wasn't for what I've learned in the last couple of weeks.

My wife is being supportive so far, but I'm not sure she totally understands how bad things are and what it is going to take to turn things around. I tried to talk to her about creating a budget together. She didn't want anything to do with it and still has her head in the sand. I went ahead and put a budget together by myself and so far, she seems to be willing to live by it. We used some of our tax return to complete baby step 1. I gave the $1000 to her so that she could keep it in her personal savings account. I think that helped to get her on board because she knows she is the keeper of the emergency fund.

We have 2 cars with payments that total about $1000 together. I'm planning to sell my car and I have her support to do it. She even seems to be helping me because she MIGHT have someone who is interested in purchasing the car we were going to keep (her car). If we can sell hers and mine, we will be able to purchase a cheap used car for her and put about $15k towards our debt. I'm going to be driving a 10 year old vehicle (paid for) that we have as a spare car.

I'm also planning to start a business on the side. I'm a computer guy in my day job and I think I'm going to start advertising myself to the "Harry Homeowners" out there who have computer problems and need help. I've been doing this kind of work on the side for about 9 years for friends, family, and customers of my wifes business. Now I'm going to try to take it to the next level to get some extra cash. That's where the title of this post comes in. I delivered newspapers in order to cover the medical bills when my children were born. It was supposed to be a 6 month thing, but it turned into a 5 year thing. I don't want to have to go back to that again!

Welcome!

It sounds like you've taken the solid first step.

Be sure to keep us updated on your progress.

Sounds like some great strides towards becoming debt-free. One thought, if your wife continues to be reluctant, download Dave Ramsey's podcast from iTunes, or listen to his radio show when it airs, when your wife is around. You can't force her to read a book, but you can listen to the radio--you know, just for your own sake --and with any luck she'll absorb a little bit of it.

I actually like Dave Ramsey; I think that while he can be a little blunt, his message is always hopeful. I have NEVER heard him say to anyone, "Your situation is hopeless; just give up, bury your head in the sand, and keep spending like you were." He knows his callers can get out of debt, and so can you.

It sounds like you are going to be posting some great success updates in the months ahead.

You might want to look into how you can make more per hour in your side business. Perhaps you can eventually move to helping small business owners, who might be less price sensitive.

You need to get your wife on board first. One of the top things people argue about in marriage (that leads to divorce, too) is money. If she's a spender and you're a saver, that's fine. There is usually one of each in a marriage. But, you have to be on the same team moving forward. It won't matter how much you want to save if she can't stop spending. You'll just be spinning your wheels.

Sounds like you've made the right first steps. Props for that. But work as a team -- it is so much easier than going it alone.

My wife is making slow progress. She is asking questions about how we will work within the budget. She is not fighting me on this. She just doesn't want to talk about it. This is her usual pattern and I have to let her have time to deal with things. I'll know that she is ready when she removes the credit cards from her wallet. I haven't asked her to do this yet. I removed them from my wallet a week ago and I told her what I did.

I added her debts to my quicken file. We used to keep our finances somewhat separate. They're all together now. Most of her debt will be the first to be paid off. It worked out this way because she had lots of cards with low balances. This is also helping her accept things because I used to ignore her debt when I tried to pay things off. Overall, it's exciting to get things going.

Definitely a good situation for snowballing debt and starting with the small ones.

Today marks the first of 13 milestones. We paid off the first small credit card balance. It wasn't much money, but it's one less debt.

Other things are moving slowly, but at least there's movement. It looks like we won't be selling my wife's car right now. We told our prospective person how much we wanted and it might be more than he wanted to pay. We're going to revisit selling that car after my car is sold. My car will go up for sale in a couple of weeks. There are a couple of repairs that need to be made to it before I advertise it. I also started my new side business. Now I've got to advertise and get some customers.

Congratulations paperboy! keep it up and keep us informed! My situation is strikingly similar to yours in most respects. I plan on paying off my first card sometime in early april. I am looking forward to that day more than any other in many many years.

I too, have no intention of ever again taking a second job at the supermarket stacking shelves on the nightshift ever again as I had to 4 years ago, so I've decided to part-time it with a second business: http://thishouseissold.com

you can read my debt story and follow my quest for freedom at The Great Escape from Debt Hell

Welcome!

We paid off $55,500 (see my old FFJ post http://www.getrichslowly.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=194 ) in 2007 using Dave Ramsey's methods. My husband was on board with the idea of getting debt free and he read part of TMM but he never really thought we could do it. I did the heavy lifting on budgeting, the debt snowball, paying the bills etc. Yes your wife needs to be on board, the TMM won't work if one spouse continues to spend but she doesn't have to be involved on a day to day basis (at least that is my experience). My husband only sat down maybe 5 times during 2007 to review the budget. We did (and do) have an agreement that all purchases over $300 have to be discussed and agreed upon.

Today I realized that my wife is on board, but she won't come out and say so. She's been pointing out where I am wasting money (I'm not allowed to point back) She doesn't want to talk about the budget or help to set it. I went ahead and put one together and she is happy to just follow it. That's typical of her reaction to stressful situations. If we are having problems somewhere, she usually turns everything over to me. I've taken over paying all of the bills or doing the heavy lifting like Sam had to do. She is happy to let me do it because it causes her a bunch of stress to deal with it. We went to the grocery today and she actually kept things under budget!

My wife has no idea what a debt snowball is and she could care less about how it works. I give her about 2 months before she sees the power of the snowball. I'm moving slowly when it comes to changing her ways. I have to give her time to accept things and then she goes with me 100%. Our next battle involves what money she needs to give me from her income. Ultimately, we got into trouble by keeping our bills separate. I now see that everything including income needs to be combined. That's the next step she needs to take. I'll know if she is ready for it by the end of the week. I only dropped the bomb on her this morning when I told her that everything needs to go through our primary checking account (including her income).

These past couple of weeks have been difficult for me emotionally. I keep going alternating between the "we can do this" and the "we're doomed" feelings. What gives me hope is the realization that the first few months are going to be the hardest because we're changing everything we think and do with money, we are restricting our spending, and we are starting out on this journey with only faith in the plan. I've started listening to Dave Ramsey's program as often as possible and it has been great at reinforcing my belief in this and my drive. I'm even to the point of considering stopping my 401k funding temporarily in order to get things moving quickly. I don't have an employer match and with the way the market is going, taking a few months off might not be a bad idea.

My husband didn't get this concept either. He wanted to pay off our debts in order of interest rates (which made more sense to him since he is a numbers guy) and I wanted to follow the TMM plan. I told him that I wanted to stick with the TMM snow ball but that we could review the plan a couple months in. Once I stated paying off debts, I had the first 7 of our 8 debts paid off in six months, he was totally on board.



We were both 35 when we got married in 10/06 and as such well established in our careers and money habits. Working the TMM got us to think about our money as "our" money and our debts as "our" debts. However, we are still working from his, her, ours accounts. Husband transferrs most of his money to the ours account but he has full control of "his" spending money (up to our $300 limit which has to be discussed and agreed upon). We will eventually get to just an "ours" account but what we have set us is working for us.



Most people walk around not giving a minute's thought to how much debt they are carrying. When you sit down and add it up and put it down on paper it is scary. But, once you get going on paying down your debt you'll start to feel better and getting it all paid off is a wonderful feeling. I still listen to Dave Ramsey or catch his t.v. program once in a while. While I know what he is going to say it helps me stay focused on living a debt free life.

On the 401k front, we continued to contribute to our 401k during baby step #2 but we considered stopping and/or reducing our contributions. We figured out that we could do both - pay down debt and contribute to our 401ks so we did.

I know it! one minute, I'm on fire planning the big paydown, and then the phone rings with another creditor calling, and I'm back down in the slough of Despond!

The only way I saty sane (if indeed I have retained a measure of sanity) is by taking a deep breath and focusing on "one day at a time".

Yes it is scary once you have staretd the truth inthe face, and once you have seen the truth, you can never "unsee" it.

At least you have a 401 K! Weve been living from paycheque to paycheque for so long, that we never got one started! It's one thing we want to get started within a year assuming we are succcesful in chiseling down our debt which is a clear ad very present threat to our family and everything we have. We are one distaster away from bankruptcy. The 401 K (or canadian equivalent) can wait for now.

I said earlier that I'd know for sure that my wife was 100% with me by the end of this week. I told her early in the week that we needed to have her income deposited into our joint checking account each week. Today, she gave me her earnings for the week. I didn't even have to ask.

We also went to the grocery again today and underspent our weekly budgeted amount. It feels great to actually have both of us working towards the same goal. We've been married for 17 years. We've always had a relationship that can best be compared to Seinfeld. We would be the equivalent of George Costanza's parents. Every time we talk, it escalates into shouting. But that's just how we communicate. We never go to bed mad at each other. We just blow up immediately and then move on. We can yell at each other one minute, and then be totally civil the next. Since we've both focused on addressing our inability to manage money, we haven't been shouting as much. The stress I feel when we walk into Target is gone. That used to be a store that we would shop at for a couple of items and walk out $100 poorer. Now we go in and I don't worry because we are only buying what we went there for. She still has to stop at Starbucks, but I'll gladly overpay for her to have a cup of coffee than to have her not stick to the budget.

We've also been successful at controlling our eating out. We used to eat out almost every meal on the weekends. We would easily drop $100 per week or more on eating out. My new budget calls for $50 a week in eating out money. That usually means 1 time for the 5 of us. I don't dare cut this back any further. Eating out is a very social thing for my wife. We usually go out to eat with her parents, or some close friends. I think I'd have more luck getting rid of cable than getting her to not eat out at all.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and comments. It really helps me to stay motivated. Some of you are in worse shape than me. Your stories and comments give me hope. Some of you are in better shape. That motivates me to get to where you are. This is a really cool place to hang out and I look forward to learning more about everyone through this board.