Thanks For you responses. Quite honestly, My Fiance is perfectly capable of telling his mother no. But when his father comes to him (Once in tears) And literally begs us for money, he melts. We've both agreed that we won't lend them any more money- the hard part is feeling like they are really struggling and we can't help. They do make a good living, but they wrapped up all of their payments into a third mortgage on their house which means they have one extremely large mortgage payment and his mother works at a college, which means she brings in 0 income during the summer. His father works for Dow Chemical company, but is frequently "laid off".
Yeah, they have hard times, but I feel like they aren't trying enough to button down. They eat pizza hut twice a week, things like that.
So My emotional side agrees that times are tough and they are struggling. But I don't want to help them until they try to help themselves.
if you can't say no at $20, you definitely won't be able to say no when it is a few thousand dollars and you are cashing out your 401k to help, because you melt. they obviously do not care that they are putting you in this position, nor do they feel guilty about it. it's not a matter of them struggling, because they obviously could be doing fine, but they have chose not to. Why should you have to make up for the bad choices they made? You don't. if you want to help them, then help them help themselves. say no. if they want help, have a sit down and discuss finances. chances are they won't be receptive. you also don't know their entire story, b/c chances are they won't tell you the entire story.