This guest post from long-time GRS reader Knot Theory is part of the “reader stories” feature at Get Rich Slowly. Some stories contain general advice; others are examples of how a GRS reader achieved financial success or failure. These stories feature folks from all levels of financial maturity and with all sorts of incomes.
I'm a consumer of the personal finance blogosphere as much as anyone. I support the efforts of J.D. and others who write about money because I know it's really moved me to make some big changes. But the truth is: I can”t always relate to their situations.
So many of these blogs seem to be written by people who work in their pajamas or by people with no opportunity cost to blog (they're either financially independent already or stay-at-home parents). These are both great things, but I don't hear much from a Joe Sixpack schlub with a 9-to-5 like me. Instead, there's a lot of Tim Ferris-type noise about how us poor saps who go out and punch a clock are the suckers.
Plus, there are so many blogs advocating early retirement in the form of extremely low cost lifestyles, or quitting your big power job to become something touchy-feely, etc. You know what? That's not everyone's reality.
As an experiment, I thought maybe GRS readers would like to know that one of your fellow readers has, in fact, done the opposite of what many of these bloggers recommend: I've gone from a touchy-feely feel-good job to one that's boring and practical — and I couldn't be happier for it.
Doing What I Loved Led to Ruin
When I was eighteen, everyone told me that I should choose to do what I loved. Well, I knew exactly what that was: I was going to be a high school math teacher.
I worked hard for several years to become a teacher. I achieved my dream. But what happened wasn't what I had expected.
I'll admit that the highs were absolutely amazing. I'll be describing the negatives a lot more here, but the truth was I loved my job. Working with the students was a rush I haven't experienced since. I wanted to do everything I could to help them. The truth is I loved the students and they were what motivated me every day.
But there were plenty of downsides. I knew going in that there were problems in the system. I knew I'd deal with drug addiction, homelessness, teen pregnancy, cultural barriers, and other issues. Still, my first year was amazing. I was given the most at-risk students the district could throw at me. I won the accolades and approval of my peers, and I slept well after long days of feeling great.
But somewhere along the line, something happened.
As my career progressed, I got into the position where I had to report certain problems, like suspected drug use, gang activity, child abuse, and so on. The truth is, you're never prepared for this. You do an awful but completely rational thing: You begin to build little barriers to avoid getting involved past a certain point to protect yourself. It wasn't this kind of thing alone that wore me down, although sometimes even now at 3 a.m. I still stare at the ceiling thinking about some of it.
My growing cynicism began to take its toll, and I began hating myself for working to support an education system that I saw as corrupt. The incompetence and protectionism I encountered was amazing. I don't mean to make it sound like my administration was incompetent and evil (ditto for the teachers). There are good people in public education everywhere, but there were things that just began to wear on me.
I realized that the job I loved so much was actually destroying me. I was living an emotional roller-coaster ride every day. The stress was incredible because of the constant mood whiplash. Most importantly, I realized I had become entirely cynical of the whole public school enterprise. That's when I knew that I had to get out.
Choosing to be Happy
In 2005, my father died unexpectedly. This event rocked my world and made me question everything.
I knew that I just couldn't teach anymore. I resigned. I left the thing I loved more than any other, and wept bitterly the day I did so. The agony of that decision was unlike anything I've ever experienced before in my life or since.
Emotionally and financially destroyed as a person, I moved back to my hometown to rebuild. It took a few years of working at Big Box retail, eating peanut butter and ramen, and two horrible jobs and sharing a place with my brother, but I went back to college for four years. I was a much better student this time, I have to admit, but it was because I went back with a purpose. I wanted to get out of Big Box retail and go do something that would pay better.
I walked away with my master's degree in accounting. That's right: I walked away from the career I was so emotionally invested in, the thing I loved to do, and into a career that's honestly just a job for me. It's just something I do for money, nothing more or less.
I miss teaching a lot. Every day, in fact. But the truth is I'm so much happier than I've ever been. Getting out of teaching and not being emotionally invested in my work has forced me to do things besides work more. I've learned how to cook, I'm making new friends, I'm reading more, I'm rediscovering my love of things I used to do before I was ever a teacher all over again. I do productive things on the side too, like study for my CPA license.
The money is a wash, honestly. I make as much as a I did as a teacher, although the potential is probably greater now. And the thing is now that I'm thinking about other things, I've learned so much about saving, investing, and I'm doing much better with my salary and working toward eventually being independent of a salary if at all possible. Ironically, I actually have fewer material things than I did before.
The Point
It took some painful life lessons and some hard financial times to learn that doing what you love is, in fact, absolutely not the paradigm we need to follow as individuals or a society. Instead, get out there and grab what affords you the most opportunities to be the best overall person you can be.
Would I ever go back to teaching? I think so, but not like before. At this point, I'd like to think I'll go back in the future, but as a volunteer. I won't do it until I'm financially set to do so without caring about being paid to do it. I noticed that the only teachers who managed to hang in there for years and years without being closet alcoholics were people who really didn't need the money, including a couple who I knew donated their salary back to the district.
Maybe for you it's not teaching. But consider that if there's some kind of work you're so emotionally vested in, even if it satisfies you, getting into it may come at a cost that you cannot anticipate. I for one will never encourage anyone to “do what they love” ever again.
The wise sage Dr. Seuss once wrote:
So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.
I'd like to think through this I've gained some maturity and perspective. I've learned that just as it's not emotionally mature to be an idealist, it's not mature to be cynical either. Our culture prides itself so much on cynicism like that's the hallmark of human intellect and self realization, but truthfully it's not. Life, the universe, and everything is so much more vast and rich than just assuming absolutely everything sucks and is terrible. It's important to be moderate and well-tempered, and you just can't do that if you're not a balanced person.
Your career is just one part of your life. You might not become a much happier person just because you do the work that satisfies you the most. You have to consider the effects it could have on you as a person besides just having to do the work. You should do the work that gives you balance, and not the work you love the most.
I just LOVE this article! It is such a refreshing perspective. I have worked for years in a field that interests me, but certainly is not my passion. I continue to do it because it feeds and housed my family, but just as important, it funds my passions and allows me to generously support the causes that are important to me.
Thanks for another view……
“Your career is just one part of your life.”
My husband and I decided when our older son was born that we would concentrate on our family even at the expense of our careers. This has meant not working crazy hours in the pursuit of a promotion, not interviewing for jobs that meant relocating, and a complete career change for me so I could be a stay-at-home mom for the early years.
We made the right decision. It was based on “who we love” versus “what we love.”
I loved this quote too. Often we associate our happiness with our jobs. Granted, we spend a ton of time working and probably should be somewhat happy during those hours, but work shouldn’t be the only means of finding pleasure and fulfillment. I’m with you–I would easily (and have done so) hold back on my career for the sake of family. For me that was just a bigger priority, for others it may be flipped. But we shouldn’t always try to seek fulfillment in work alone.
Sounds to me like he didn’t get his dream job. Just one that it is closest to it. That teachers have to do the job of social workers isn’t a necessary evil side issue, it’s indeed a failure of the system. I bet he’d been a great and happy teacher at another kind of school, whe he could have focused on teaching math.
Nonetheless, it was an interesting take on the “it’s just job to me”. Not everybody needs to love his job to be happy, sometimes people who are ore detached from their professionals jobs are even better than colleagues who emotionally invest in them.
Also, not everybody has passions that can be mapped to a job. At least not jobs that can sustain a family. In that cases, it’s totoally sufficient to find a job they don’t hate.
Peter, you may be right. It seems like most teachers who have the advanced students do not seem to have as many problems.
On the other hand, teachers who view teaching “as just another job” do not tend to make it as teachers either. Knot wouldn’t fit in that category, but it doesn’t guarantee he would have made it in another school.
The following article describes Teacher Burnout a little more in depth:
http://www.teacherade.com/2011/09/teacher-burnout-you-want-to-teach.html
As a teacher of advanced students I can assure you: the same issues are there, but I hear what you are saying. Many people believe since the kids are “smart” that they must be easier to teach. However, I still deal with the same behavior issues, helicopter parenting, issues with depression and anxiety, substance abuse, etc. with my students. Sure, they do pick up concepts at a faster rate, but highly intelligent does not always go hand in hand with highly motivated, well behaved, and ready to learn. That being said, teaching is a highly involved, emotional job and we regularly lose good teachers to burnout. If I did not have the colleagues and support system that I do have I would not be able to do my job each day. Teachers must have support or we will lose some of our most talented and driven educators. All that being said, I fully support anyone who decides to make a career change for their own mental, emotional, or spiritual health. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Thank you for this article! I too have felt like not enough is being said for the dedication of having a job that isn’t a dream nor real drudgery. I feel like the hard work of a regular job is being devalued while there’s a cultural force pushing people to only do what they love, which often as you point out, all that we can make it. Maybe what we love to do is best left to our own time while we accomplish what we need to do? Thanks for sharing your ideas about balance.
I agree 🙂 I remember my mom once telling me that some people have careers they are passionate about and some people have jobs that pay the bills and their passion/focus is elsewhere. There’s nothing wrong with either path. Honest work and a good work ethic were what’s important.
You have to remember that personal finance blogs are a pretty select part of the population. You don’t blog because it’s a practical career — you do it because you enjoy it. Some people need a job they love to feel fulfilled and others don’t, and you can guess which side of the equation bloggers tend to fall on 🙂
To add to that – I’ve found that once I *have* to do something, it becomes a lot less fun.
I love writing, but I think if I turned it into my livelihood, I would quickly grow sick of it. There’s something to be said for preserving your hobby as a hobby!
If I were asked to rate your analysis I would rate it an excellent one.This is one of the best posts I have read till date. Do you know that you could make a bestseller of the concept you just explained : “You may not find happiness in love”.
Now this is what I call an ultimate post.
Woo. ‘Bot flag.
Maybe you didn’t enjoy teaching as much as you actually enjoy learning — and you loved your enthusiasm about learning with others. Teaching and learning are two really different things.
You state, “I’ve learned how to cook, I’m making new friends, I’m reading more, I’m rediscovering my love of things I used to do before I was ever a teacher all over again. I do productive things on the side too, like study for my CPA license.”
Those are all learning based activities. None of those activities are transferring knowledge to another person. There’s no actual teaching there. If teaching was a passion, I would imagine you would be doing it in some form.
If teaching really is a passion, you won’t last in the cubicle at work long. I didn’t. I’ve been teaching for almost 30 years, but I don’t teach in a classroom. I don’t have the emotional attachment you had with your students. Perhaps you need to re-examine what you loved about teaching and find a new topic and a new audience.
Maybe you should just let the author reach their own conclusions and not relate your experience to their choices. A different perspective than I usually read and one that I think lots of people will find insightful.
When the author clearly states that he loves teaching but then goes on to say that he essentially settled for accounting, I can’t believe this is going to be a long term happiness. He’s already speculating about going back into teaching.
Look, do what makes you happy, but don’t settle because it’s easier to pretend you’re just as happy.
While the author does state that they love teaching, sounds like they now love their life even more. Might they one day put more emphasis on their career to generate a happy life than they do now? Perhaps, life is always changing and and then at that point they may return to teaching.
Agreed. I don’t see this as a good example of work choice at all. It is a common, totally understandible, story of burnout, breakdown and settling for something that doesn’t touch emotionallyl. I would also wonder how long Knot will be satisfied this way.
It helps to remember that we are far from being animals, humans are extremely complex creatures and in 5 years the author may find that he LOVES being an accountant for whatever reason. In a nutshell I had a great passion in high school that many pursued but I did not. I later found a career that I knew was a right for me, which it wasn’t, and I also told myslef there was another job I would never do NO MATTER WHAT, and I’ve done that for 10 years and now cant see myself doing anything else! The moral of the story is you never really know where you can find happiness, but it likely has little to do with your “passions.”
I found the article interesting and refreshing. And I found Nick’s comments thoughtful and possibly very insightful (only the author can say for sure). I believe they were offered with the best of intentions.
I’d like to point out that the longer you stay at your job and move up, the more opportunities you will have to mentor junior colleagues. Thus, the writer may still have the chance to engage in teaching activities as an accountant. There can also be a teaching element if he is advising clients.
As a teacher, I interpreted his comments as “I have time to pursue these interests now.” Teaching takes a lot of time outside of the school day. A 9-5 job that ends at 5 would give a person who changed careers a lot more free time on a daily basis.
Even though I was in the heart of the Tim Ferris lifestyle social strata (young, urban techies) I always felt that it was the ultimate dissociation from reality to assume that everyone could and SHOULD live like that. There’s a reason that startups are filled with young people: they have the lack of outside ties and the passion to be completely caught up in what they do. I did that scene, but as I got older, I wanted to have a life outside of work so I switched to jobs in the same field that were nice, but not a dream, and am much happier.
More power to you for finding happiness in new ways; you can always tutor/teach on the side if you get the urge.
I’ve worked at a start-up before. Long hours, low pay, and eventually it collapsed in on itself. When I left they looked at me like I was abandoning my unit in a warzone or something. In reality I was on the Titanic and just grabbed a lifeboat before I ended up going down with the ship.
Every situation is different. Its just as easy to find happiness working for someone as there is in working for yourself. After all, its not really a job that makes you happy.
I enjoyed this essay and I am thankful that it was published here. Like the author wrote, it was time for some balance in messages.
Too bad the author forgot that toward the essay telling everyone what they “should” do.
What works for one person isn’t the answer for everybody. What works for one person at one time in their life isn’t even what will work for them later on.
I feel for the author.
When I was in college I knew a lot of education majors. I was impressed with their dedication. Being a few years older, I am meeting that same group of people, only this time as ex-teachers.
Congrats on finding a way to a happy career. You may find that at some point, going back to teaching, not as a full time job but maybe as a math tutor or in a volunteer capacity might be a way to indulge your passion, while keeping your sanity. Big Brother/big sister, boys n girls clubs are always looking for adults that can spend time and be a role model for kids.
My son’s math tutor charges $50 per hour, and that’s in in a semi-rural upstate New York area. We’ve always paid without complaint, even though it’s a lot of dough up here, because he is a great tutor, it’s the only SAT prep we are paying for, and we could manage it. But I know there are some poorer kids for whom our tutor waives his fee. Maybe somewhere down the line you’ll consider doing this kind of tutoring, perhaps as a sideline. It might be a way to have the joy of teaching with a nice supplemental income and without being beholden to a public school district, and also to have the satisfaction of helping poor or troubled kids without having to involve yourself in aspects of their lives that don’t concern math.
This is a very thoughtful concise comment. The public school system is a very poor place to teach. It is not set up for that purpose. There are many better ways of serving the young, starting with home-schooling your own children, starting a small tutoring business and doing some pro-bono work, as Kingston suggests, or even making you tube videos like Sal Khan.
Thank you, thank you, one of the best things I read here! I, too, am pretty put down that all the posts talk about “go after the dream” without reservations. I have so many friends doing so also, and I do understand that living in US often afford you to do so. BUT, still, it is a choice of each of us. I moved to US with an MD degree. To work my “dream” would mean taking a couple of years to learn English and taking National Boards, after what going through residency of 4 years and working 24/7. I had a little child and a husband in graduate school. I was (an am) totally against taking credit and going into debt. That meant I had to work, so with my degree I got a job in biological science at the university. I don’t hate my job, but I surely don’t even like it a little. It’s so far out of what my passion is, which is helping people…even as I became proficient in language (which I learnt “on the job”) and my husband got his degree, I realized I will never want to be a doctor in this country, as medicine here is a fight with insurance companies and those patients that love to sue you, and I would have had very little time to be truly spent treating and tending to people. Kind of like you had recognized that teaching high school is not simply sharing your knowledge, but working the system and dealing with 21st century teenagers, and as a mother of two of those, one of whom got every thing you described during his time being in high school, man, I feel your pain, and no, working in different “best” school would not save you from this. Anyhow, not going into bashing the education system in this country (and I’d love to), this article is about the fact that having a “JOB” instead of “dream vocation” is not that bad of an idea. I work 8 to 4 and once it’s over and “the clock punched”, I rarely think about it at all. I can tend to my family fully, take care of the kids, cook, follow other passions, and be financially stable without fear. I gave a thought of “jumping the ship and following my heart”, completed LMT program and a bunch of other health-related certifications, and considered having business full time, but instability of this time’s economy lead me to do it only part-time as a side-kick, while working my “job” for security. I’ve got 3 kids to put through college and have to build retirement with my husband (who also works 9-5 in totally not “saving babies” type of importance), so that we not only have no debt but could at least partially retire (a.k.a. not work these jobs anymore but rather something less demanding) in 10 years or so. And last, but not least, the financial blogs often talk about “living frugally for the sake of those dreams” as going everything-less and eating rice and beans (or Ramen noodles). While I can teach you frugal (as a former Soviet), and by any American standard I live on nothing, I am not going to forgo things we love (which for us a lot of travel) for the sake of working a dream job. Gotta live life before you get close to a bucket:)
There is a great need for experts who can work with elderly clients who live far from family and manage their medical and logistical needs. I can’t remember the name of the field, but if you call your local Senior Center you can probably find out.
Your need to care for others, the fact that your kids are nearly grown, your medical knowledge and the serious money you can make that way sound like a great fit for you. This is a field that has a professional society and certification, so this might be a good time to prepare for your next career.
“Get close to kicking the bucket,” Olga. Wow, you really have done well in learning English if you’re using idioms like that! Good for you…and fascinating comments here.
I would argue here that it’s not good or bad if you go through several careers in your life. At some points, you’re better off working a less stressful job (in our hero’s viewpoint, accounting, though I would rather be poked to death with a dull fork — I have trouble balancing my checkbook). At some points, you can afford to take more chances. Where is it written that you HAVE to do the same thing lifelong…even if your degree is in that discipline??
Taking the chance and trying something different, even when it meant more schooling and big pay cut in between — now THAT’s courageous. Good for Knot Theory.
Great article, and one I think a lot of people can relate to. A job doesn’t have to something you absolutely love. Your job doesn’t have to define you as a person. I too work in accounting. I “like” but do not “love” my job, and that’s fine. My job enables me to meet my family’s needs, which really is my primary role anyway. My role as “father” is more important to me than my role as “accountant.”
I came here as a result of doing research regarding the topic of job satisfaction.
Upon stumbling across this article and some of the earlier comments like Justin’s, I was reminded of a book I read many years ago that’s served me well. It was entitled “Conduct Expected.” (There’s also a revised edition for the 21st Century.)
One of the Top 10 rules in William Lareau’s book was “Don’t expect much satisfaction from a job.” When many other factors are outside your control (e.g., coworkers, market conditions), this makes a lot of sense. It enables you to then know what you can control, beginning with attitude.
I’ve been teaching for 15 years in an inner-city high school and can relate to much of what Knot Theory writes. I love the sense that what I do really matters, that I’m helping kids change their lives for the better. At the same time, I hate the head-butting with recalcitrant students who hate school as a matter of principle, the bureaucratic hoop-jumping required by the school administration, and the long hours (I write this on a Sunday morning, with hours of work waiting for me to tackle it before Monday morning). I’m looking forward to the day (five years from now?) when I will be financially independent enough to switch to a job that won’t be as rewarding but will allow me to live a more balanced life.
If our society wants to keep passionate, dedicated teachers in the classroom, we need to find a way to reward those qualities and make the job less stressful. I’ve seen far too many of my colleagues – young, energetic, passionate – burn out and switch careers because they got tired of the stress. What a waste!
I, too, have been disturbed by the “find your passion” and “do what you love” mantras. I loved being a chef, and running restaurants, but the long hours and stress nearly destroyed me, and a crooked business partner ruined me financially. When I interviewed with a manufacturing firm, the recruiters told me, “We don’t think you’ll be happy here, you’re too used to being in charge.”
When another firm hired me later to do assembly line type of work, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. No early morning or late night phone calls from my employees, and I was responsible only for the quality of what I did, not the whole operation.
Having a job where you’re not emotionally invested makes it far easier to enjoy your free time, outside the work day.
It’s true. Sometimes you just can’t beat a completely mindless job that leaves you with the energy to acutally pursue your life outside of work. One of the best jobs I ever had was a waitressing job where I had absolutely no responsibility. Most of the other jobs I’ve had I’ve quickly moved into a management position and have had a lot of responsibility. At this particular job, the head waitress was a complete control freak and wouldn’t delegate any responsibility to those under her. I was in heaven. I made a decent living thanks to tips and I enjoyed my job. I could go home and not think about work. I still had energy to spend time with my friends after an evening shift. Now, I have a very stressful job with a lot of responsibility and it sucks. If I did a good job waitressing I usually saw the reward in good tips but now if I do a good job managing I just don’t get chewed out. I haven’t necessarily seen adequate monetary reward for not sucking at my job.
I’ve spent the last year at home taking care of my son and have gotten so much done! I’ve sold all of our extra stuff on Kijiji and Ebay, I’ve been teaching piano, I’ve been making crafts and selling them online etc. Now that I’ve been slowly transitioning back to work I don’t have time or energy for any of that anymore even though I’ve only been working 8 or so hours a week.
Happy for you for finding happiness in non passion. Basically what you need in a satisfactory job are Good salary, constant recognition, non-pushy boss and good colleagues to work with. If you get that you can be happy at any work even if you are not passionate about it.
I know what you are talking about. There are bloggers who start thinking of retirement the moment they start earning some money from their blog.
I am a blogger who love day job more than my blog. My theory is we as human, chase for creativity and gratification in our work. A blog writing gives us both opportunities, more than the day job.
So the bloggers start thinking about taking up full-time blogging.
I really enjoyed reading this. I haven’t gotten into a career yet, but I think it will probably be a ‘boring’ 9-5.
Thank you for this essay. I have spent the better part of my adult life believing there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t doing a job that excited and defined me. As a culture, we are made to feel that if you are not living the Paulo Coelho-type life where you go for what excites you at the expense of all else is the only way worth living, and all other people are losers in a big way. Your essay has validated my experience and that of so many others! Bless you!
I like your theme of “finding balance”, which is at the heart of nature as well as human interaction. Too many of the “work your passion” types seem to think that focusing on your passion means excluding everything else. Humans are complex beings. Anyone who focuses on just one thing is far too one-dimensional to be an engaged person where community, family, and yes – job, are concerned.
On another note, I know this post wasn’t meant to condemn our education system – but did a good job of that anyway. Clearly some major reforms are needed in our schools, but I don’t see them taking place anytime soon, sadly.
It was nice reading this.
I’d always thought of myself as avoiding the keeping-up-with-the-joneses mentality. I couldn’t care less about what material possessions I do or don’t have. I just care about experiences, learning, my relationships with other people.
But constantly reading advice from people to “do what you love!” made me anxious. Do I love what I do? Should I be doing something else? Look how happy all these other people sound. Look at how they love what they do so much they can do it round the clock, whereas I can’t stand going over my 40 hours.
But this makes me realize…I am happy. I’m done listening to people who advise everyone to do what they love. Envying what I think they have is what makes me unhappy with what I do have.
I read, I was excited with the opening lines, but then I don’t know– this isn’t really an anti-Ferris tale at its core, because it’s still about “quitting to be happy”, which is, you know, okay and all, but while the author is now happier, what happens to students in need when the adults in charge leave?
I’m not trying to finger-point here, I’ve done my very large share of quitting and changing and experimenting, so I’ll be the first to plead guilty to quitting things. Once upon a time I studied science thinking that it was cool. But while learning about science was very cool, working on research was one of the most tedious things I have ever done. And yes I tried doing field research and I tried labs and I tried different things but I just didn’t have the stuff for it– mainly, a metric ton of patience (I’ve learned since those days that I’m afflicted with ADHD, which explains a lot, ha ha ha ha).
Anyway, when you’re very young and decide on career or marriage or other long-term things you’re bound to be deluded and not really aware of what you’re getting yourself into. And then you have some rude awakenings. Anyway, know thyself, blah blah– it’s the work of a lifetime really, so we make mistakes and learn and move forward.
So I think the author had to deal with some lost illusions here. Teaching is really about people, not about math. If you’re an introvert, being heavily involved with people all day will burn you out, and fry your brains. (That’s besides the problems with horrible school systems of course. ) And so being an accountant might be a more fitting occupation. This article isn’t really about quitting a passion, it’s about learning who you are, and what you can realistically be expected to do, and what kind of commitments are you equipped to make– reality vs. illusion. So it looks like he made the right choice.
The point I was trying to make originally though is that we still don’t see a very unpopular topic these days– doing your duty. The conventional rational belief of our day is that life is all about me me me me me me me and my adventures, me and my comfort, me and my happiness. And yes, that’s fine, but only to a point, and there needs to be a balance, no? (and I’m no longer talking about the poster, I’m talking about the lifestyle bloggers now).
There’s such thing as living for others, and the idea of sacrifice doesn’t need to be a dirty or dorky one, and it doesn’t need to be a religious one either because we’re social animals and we see examples of it in nature all the time.
There’s the individual and there’s the group, and human life happens in the space between those two levels of biological organization–we live for ourselves, but we also live for others. We’re a mixture of altruism and selfishness, and that’s how we’ve survived as a species.
Anyway, it seems to me we’re lacking stories about… what is it… “I had a hard boring job but I showed up every day, didn’t become a drunk, and provided for my family for 25 years.” “I put away my dreams of becoming a surfing instructor and financially supported my aging parents.” “I stopped dreaming of being a novelist and took a job so I could feed my kids and I don’t regret a thing.” I’d like to hear from old-school disciplinarians who have contempt for the notion of chasing personal happiness at the expense of others.
Those kinds of stories are unfashionable today, but they are still necessary if we’re going to make sense of the real world, and I’d like to hear more about them. Not because I want to be a paragon of self-denial (I really don’t, I really love pleasure), but because we’re stuck on the myopic perspective of me me me me me me me me and it’s terribly annoying when the subject of a conversation never changes.
And now for a funny song with unfashionable lyrics:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5T87_KuVC8
—
ps- damn, that was long-winded.
Blog posts about happiness and bliss-following never fail to bring to my mind people stuck in third-world situations with virtually no way out (not to mention people in terrible situations here in the U.S.). I can’t help asking, why do people of my educational and economic level — never known significant deprivation, certainly not hunger or cold; college was a given — get to think about raising their happiness quotient to its absolute maximum, when others who didn’t win the birth lottery will just have to be content cleaning toilets or some such? I’m all for being happy and having people be satisfied with their lives, but there comes a point when the emphasis on perfect satisfaction in one’s job is an exercise in self-absorption that makes me queasy. My dear former boss used to say, “You honor the world with your labor,” and you know, if you’re the sucker who can’t achieve a 4-hour workweek, oh well, that’s not such a catastrophe.
Kingston, you have brought up an important point – happiness. I grew up in a very poor neighborhood but the happiness people had was almost tangible. Most of us had nothing but we did not complain and people helped each other out a lot. When I started working I was surprised when colleagues from the “developed world” would express surprise at how poor Zambians (compared to them) were very happy. We were equally surprised at their viewpoint and we would tell them that it was not always about having money, but other things eg. friendship and good health. So I guess like the author said, life comprises many other things apart from having a career in a field that you love.
“Anyway, it seems to me we’re lacking stories about… what is it… “I had a hard boring job but I showed up every day, didn’t become a drunk, and provided for my family for 25 years.” “I put away my dreams of becoming a surfing instructor and financially supported my aging parents.” “I stopped dreaming of being a novelist and took a job so I could feed my kids and I don’t regret a thing.” I’d like to hear from old-school disciplinarians who have contempt for the notion of chasing personal happiness at the expense of others.”
This comment just literally changed my perspective. I’m 30, with a wellpaid and pretty interesting job but living at home supporting my parents financially and otherwise, and I just realized that reading all the “leave it all and pursue your dream” posts was actually creating dissatisfaction with my current state instead of rejoicing that I CAN take care of them and myself as well. I’m adjusting my dream job description. Thank you. Thank you.
I agree your idea that “we live for ourselves, but we also live for others. We’re a mixture of altruism and selfishness” but I have a different perspective as to those who “have contempt for the notion of chasing personal happiness at the expense of others.”
First, I think our jobs/careers themselves are often already a form of altruism-so long as the right attitude is there. My first real job was a waitress/server. My job was to give others happiness by providing an amazing experience, and doing that job made me happy. I am now a gov’t employee doing a job that serves others in an essential function. It is the attitude of the person that makes the job altrusistic. For example: a travel agent whose first priority is to ensure her client’s happiness in the trip (as opposed to booking accomodations that best increase her monetary gain). Likewise, a teacher that has the concern and passion for her students.
Second, for a lot of people, they do this act by way of hobbies and outside events: Habitant for Humanity, leading a scout troop, volunteering in a school, etc.
I am confused, though, by this thought there are some who “have contempt for the notion of chasing personal happiness at the expense of others.” I have never been involved in a single activity that served others where my own happiness was not increased simply because I was serving others. The two thoughts are not mutally exclusive.
If a person expressed that he or she has abandoned his or her happiness to help another, personally to me, I would think that person is expressing such an idea solely to gain a benefit (e.g., you should be beholden to me based on my sacrifice for you). And if one is leaving happiness behind to help another–who wants that? If my dad took a job that made him miserable so he could better support his family, I can tell you that I would have felt that and hated it. Happiness is actually contagious. When I am happy, I act differently, and my children feel it and become happier. When one of us is unhappy, you can feel the bad mood spread if we don’t nip it. I would prefer to live with a happy but poor family than a rich but miserable family.
Still wading through comments but I love El Nerdo’s take on the topic.
Just wanted to say: when you say, “I’d like to hear from old-school disciplinarians who have contempt for the notion of chasing personal happiness at the expense of others”, my beloved recently summed this up more simply as, “Not being a pimple on the ass of society.”
🙂 A little less long-winded. 🙂
I think this is far more like real life for the vast majority of people. I work at a job I like okay but is it my “dream job”? Not by any stretch. I am paid extremely well but work nights, weekends and holidays. The work is not particularly difficult but also not very rewarding. I have fantastic benefits and I work very close to home. Life is about taking the good with the bad.
I used to love my job. Now I just like it. I don’t think I will ever invest myself emotionally in a job again — it is not part of my identity any more. I get much more satisfaction out of not being at work. Thanks for the reality check!
This is very interesting. I was a teacher too and loved it. I understand what you mean by the rush. If only it was just teaching…after we started a family I became a school counselor. Now it feels much more like “just a job.” I don’t mind it and I give my best effort, but I am glad for the end of the day. I don’t work over the weekend, at night, etc. so when I leave at 4 I am truly done. I will keep this job until retirement probably, and I am ok with that. It pays pretty well so we can travel and do other things as a family and there is no beating the time off. I feel like I have done what the author did, in a different way. I am keeping the job that lets me have my life. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, being in the school system at all, because I’m not living to my potential, or could be doing something more, but there’s a lot to be said for balance and just living. Why don’t they teach that in college?
Hello,
I am interested in transitioning into a career counselor. Can you give me any advice in terms of schooling needed, can I enter without schooling. I have a training and dev. background now.
Thx.
John
That is very brave to stop doing what you enjoy and returning to the rat race and a boring job, but I’ve also had to do this in the past. However life follows a cycle and who knows what opportunities will come up in the future.
I went the other direction.
I have always had a passion for teaching so I taught in schools and in corporate America. I couldn’t stand being limited by cubicle walls and by the pittance of a salary my employers would throw my way. I hated the soul-sucking meetings, the office politics and the allegiance to a corporation.
So, at the age of 47, I thumbed my nose at it all, kissed my friends goodbye and told them I would see them on weekends, and I became a contract trainer.
In the past year I have doubled my salary, paid off $60K in debt (now completely debt free except for my home), have been able to put money away for retirement, have traveled to six states on weekend for fun, and have eliminated all but 2 meetings this past year. My client has asked me 4 times to work for them as an employee and I have recruiters calling me daily.
You spend 1/2 (or more) of your waking day working. Why would you settle for a job that doesn’t enthrall you?
Because not everyone has access — via skills, talent, and/or personal and professional connections — to a job that enthralls them and can also pay the bills. In fact, most people don’t.
I have only a high-school degree. My parents where lower-middle class. My only professional connection was to a man who had a local ice-cream shop. The little bit of college I did attend was done on my dime: no student loans. I worked 2 jobs and attended school to attend, but ultimately had to drop out because it became too expensive and I didn’t have a focus on where I wanted to go.
Please don’t lecture me about my privileged background. It didn’t exist.
The only thing that I had that most people don’t is passion, drive, and the desire to not end up like everyone else.
I find it fascinating how the majority of people on this site are quick to jump to support the author and eager to tear down someone who succeeded. Instead of trying to learn from someone who didn’t settle for a “boring job”, you would rather have a beer with someone who is just like you.
I don’t think Kingston’s comment was a personal attack on you. Everyone has different abilities and interests, but I don’t think everyone is intrinsically motivated. Some people are motivated by external factors like income, prestige, family expectations, etc. That’s okay too.
If everyone had a job that enthralled them, many essential jobs would have a serious shortage of workers. I don’t know how many people are “enthralled” by delivering mail or collecting garbage, but these are essential services.
It’s fine for people to do what they love because there are people willing to do what they don’t love.
I know this is an old article and thread of comments, but I’m really enjoying reading it all and wanted to throw in a couple cents worth of my own for posterity.
I have a job that I love, but it doesn’t happen to be the one I’m paid for. The job I love is being a husband and a father to a pile of children ranging in age from 14 down to “due in June.” My other job, which pays quite well and that I spend 40 hrs a week at, I don’t love. It’s fine and like the people I work with, but I wish it were more engaging and intellectually challenging, but it isn’t. I agree with the OP, balance is very important in almost every area of life. I have found that it is also easy to think about what would be gained with something new, like a new job, but what would need to be given up is rarely considered until it’s gone. There are opportunities for me to take another position with more responsibility, much better potential for raises and more intellectual challenges, but it is certainly true that those jobs would require more time, attention, and energy leaving less for my wife and children — it’s a zero sum game. Is it settling for a less than ideal job or is it learning to be content with a job that allows me to live out my priorities? I believe it is the latter.
Hi Nick- How did you get started in contract training? My “dream” job was always teaching- until the reality hit. I have often thought about the medical field as well but have been met with the same reservations.
I know two truths about myself
1. I love people
2. I love to teach people things
I agree very much with this article and respect the author’s viewpoint.
You don’t need to quit your job and “do what you love” to be happy. Many, many people are quite happy with a 9-5, and there are a few people who are itching to break free from that path. They’re a minority, and it’s one that I find myself in.
The frustration of this minority, comes not solely from being in a 9-5 job or in following the path that the lifestyle designers seem to rail against, but from being in a position where we – and I mean each of us individually, because there is no “one way” – feel a pressing, deep-rooted need to make our own way, choose our own clients, work our own hours (and maybe wear our own pajamas while doing it) There have never been greater opportunities to do that than now, which is why, I think, we hear of so many people doing it.
But, if this isn’t a frustration you have, then you should not quit being employed and take on an entrepreneurial life. Just as not every person wants to be a scientist or a lawyer or a musician, not everyone wants to be an entrepreneur. One isn’t superior to the rest, and all that matters is that people find happiness.
Thanks, Knot Theory, for expressing this seemingly contrary opinion. You’re not alone.
Super interesting perspective. Thanks!
In America, so much of our identity is linked to our work. As though THAT’S what defines us as a person. No one cares what your hobbies are, or what you’re passionate about, or whether or not you’re trying to save the whales. All they care about is “So, what do you do?” What do I do? I do a lot of things. Oh, you mean what’s my job? Why does it matter? It’s how I earn a living, not what defines my being. This is one American attitude that I just wish would go away.
If answering that question causes you to pause, then you’re not in the right career. Or, you think so little about what you do, that you don’t actually see value in what you do.
If I met the author at a cocktail party and he answered the question, “I am an accountant. I help people reach their financial goals by making intelligent decisions. What I do is to help people create a future where money is the least of their worries,” I would be convinced that he was in the right field.
But he doesn’t. He says he’s happy. He’s not passionate, or enthusiastic. He’s allowed himself to be a cog so that he doesn’t have to expose himself to the difficulties of his last job. To me, I think that’s more than a trade off. That’s settling. That’s giving up.
Hi Nick. What do I do? I’m an enabler. I help people achieve success by helping them identify and resolve the obstacles and circumstances that are holding them back. I love my job – and I’m very, very good at it. Nothing quite compares to the rush of seeing one of my team shine. Does loving my job make me happy? Nope.
When you genuinely love your job, it’s easy for an employer to take advantage of that and pay you peanuts. Or get you to work weekends – which is easy, because you genuinely love what you do, so why wouldn’t you want to do it more often? And then, before you know it, you end up working 90 hour weeks, skipping holidays (or worse, spending them tethered to your blackberry) and the rest of your life starts to suffer. Keep that up for a few years (decades?) and you eventually have to find passion and fulfillment in your job because that’s all you have left.
If doing what I love is going to cost me my relationships, my life balance, my health, my sanity and my happiness, then yes, I’m going to find a new way to make a living and hope I free up enough energy to actually live a life instead of doing a job.
Never confuse being passionate with being happy (just ask Romeo and Juliet. . .) and kudos to Knot Theory for having the courage to be happy living his life instead of just happy at his day job.
Following my passion made my relationships stronger, made me happier, put more money in my pocket, reduced my stress and allowed me to work fewer hours.
I’m finding it fascinating how people think you have to sacrifice so much to do what you love.
If your goal is to be like everyone else, why are people reading this blog? I just don’t understand it.
“What you do” doesn’t define who you are as a person. But we use that question to pigeon-hole people in order to fit them neatly into our preconceived notions. I could be a Walmart cashier who spends my free-time working to eliminate child poverty. But if someone asks me “What do you do,” and I answer that I’m a Walmart cashier, I’ve just put myself into your box. How we earn a paycheck shouldn’t matter. But it does…in this society. Sadly.
Why do you say you are a cashier at Walmart? Why not say that you are working to end child poverty and a few sentences about how you are doing that?
Unless your job is what defines you, you shouldn’t answer with it.
Because “What do you do” means “How do you earn a living.” That’s what matters to people because that’s what we as a society place value upon. It gives us an easy system to fit people into nice boxes in our mind. “I’m a doctor” comes with an understanding of what you do, how much you earn, and numerous other “stereotypes” (for lack of a better word.) But a person can be a doctor, and saves lives, and be quite good at that, but also have other interests outside of that that are more meaningful to that person. Maybe I’m alone in thinking that talking about work, or defining your life by your occupation is silly. I think from now on when someone asks what I do, maybe I’ll tell them that I rock climb when I’m not volunteering with children, and snowboard when there’s snow on the ground…just to see what kind of reaction I get from them, since it’s not what I do that they really care about, it’s how I earn my money that REALLY matters.
Steven, I’ve been telling people what I do outside of my 9-5 (many cases 7-6+) jobs for years. They usually get the point and move on because things like fitness and sewing isn’t that interesting unless there’s money attached to it.
How do they respond usually? With a quirky look like “The hell just happened?” Haha!
There’s a great little saying from StoryPeople that says:
“I just tell people I’m an agent of the devil, she said. It leads to much more interesting conversations than if I tell them I’m in retail.”
I think you could fill in the blanks with what YOU want to talk about, not how you actually make the money you use to live on. That’s what I do! So much more fun anyway.
I used to think poorly of this custom, but when I think about it, I grew up in a country where the opening question was “what’s your last name/ who is your family” or “who do you know.” Basically, it was a class-based society, individual merit be damned, and you’re pigeonholed by the birth lottery.
Here, in ‘Merica, yeah, the business emphasis is annoying, there could be a little more of playful conversation before trying to place the other person in the social scale, but at least it’s a meritocracy– it doesn’t matter where you were born or if you have an aristocratic last name, what matters is, well– “what you do,” and I’ve learned to appreciate the good side of it.
This is why I’ve started saying “I do many things.” It’s true. Only one of them makes money, and it’s the one that makes people’s eyes glaze over. They’d rather hear about Dragonboat racing.
I agree that this is a very American preoccupation. My husband is Irish, and whenever he mentions that he was met so-and-so at a party or whatever, I’ll ask – “Oh, what does s/he do?” And my husband almost always answers – “I have no idea.” He might ask what soccer team the person supports, or where he or she grew up – but he considers it in bad taste to ask about someone’s occupation. He also finds it amusing/crazy that at 43, I am still trying to figure out “my life’s calling.”
Steven stated that “In America, so much of our identity is linked to our work. As though THAT’S what defines us as a person. No one cares what your hobbies are . . . .”
Surprisingly of all places, you may get asked about your hobbies at a job interview. It’s a very common question.
Yet it needs to be handled strategically.
I once heard about a lady who said she liked to go skiing. She had the right background for the job, the experience and was very thrilled about the opening. Going away skiing was very invigorating and actually gave her new ideas to use later at her former places of work.
The hiring manager’s secret evaluation? “She probably won’t be available during our busy season in December.” So she didn’t get the job.
So even if you are asked what you do in your free time, the expectation is it has to be job-related.
There was a time that people thought of not being a workaholic. That became obsolete in the 24/7 mobile economy.
Maybe that lady could reconcile by carrying a cell phone and tablet on the slopes, until we pass a “don’t text and ski” law.
Thank you for writing this. It will stay with me for a long time.
I appreciate this article. However, I’d like to know more about why the author decided to leave teaching altogethe rather than to try teaching in a different environment. It seems like the teaching job discussed covers two things: (1) actually teaching math, and (2) impacting the lives of at-risk kids.
If teaching math is the true passion, then I’m curious why Knot Theory didn’t give teaching a try in a school with less high-risk youth (i.e. not an inner-city school, or a private school, a Catholic parochial school, a boarding school etc). It seems like that could help (though of cousre not eliminate, since all schools have SOME at-risk kids) some of the major difficulties he encountered.
I’m assuming Knot Theory did consider this, so I’m curious to hear more about why he did not go that route and chose instead the route to big box then accounting. It might have insights for those of us in different career fields.
At-risk kids are in every school. They’re harder to find in an upscale setting, though.
Yes! My teacher friends work in a variety of settings from inner city schools to middle class neighbourhood schools to private schools. You’ll find some pretty messed up kids in all of them. Having a good income does alleviate a lot of problems, but it doesn’t eliminate abuse, drug and alcohol problems, teenage pregnancies, eating disorders, suicide and violence. These problems may not happen as often, and may be better hidden, but they still happen.
Yeah. One of the things I like about my job (college professor) is that there seem to be just as many girls who think they suck at math as there were when I was doing volunteer tutoring in inner city public schools. Or rather, I wish that weren’t the case, I wish that K-12 math teaching were better and didn’t destroy confidence, especially of girls. But I do much of the same fixing in a college setting that I was doing in K-12. (Just with less trigonometry, more statistics. More middle-class, less lower SES.) It’s probably not quite as much value-added for my current students as for previous (they’re already in college and have more opportunities anyway), but there’s still a lot of work to be done.
You can also teach at community colleges or universities. Or large companies like Bell labs or Microsoft. you can bet that they pay really well.
I agree with other commentors that if the author loves teaching they’d be teaching in some capacity. Perhaps at a university? Teaching accounting? LOL
Speaking from my own experience (which is, of course, the only one I can speak from…), the fact that I truly love and am passionate about my job does not mean that I advocate that anyone go on a quest for the perfect job. It is not an either/or equation. I believe that passion is something we bring to the things that we do, not something we “find”.
I did not plan to be in the “career” I am in now – bluntly put, I shovel coal for a living – about 3 tons a day from May to November. What’s to love? I have been able to find joy in being outdoors most of the year, working with (some) people that I very much respect and like. I am not responsible for anyone’s performance but my own. At the end of the day, I go home and do not have to think about work at all until it is time to go back. I can focus on my friends, my garden, my animals, my music – the things I work to support.
I also encounter vicious politics, discrimination and blind hatred. I have simply reached a point in my life where I have finally learned to focus on the things that I do value and refuse to give my attention to the ugly and negative (beyond what is required to protect myself…). As a certain Jedi said: “Your focus determines your reality”. Until very recently, I would have been driven to distraction by the negative people in my workplace or the monotony of my work. My attention to those things would have given them absolute power over me, and I would have been looking for the “next best thing” soon.
We each have to find the path that provides balance, but I think it’s more a choice of perception than a matter of circumstance. That is how I read this post, anyway. Thanks for the perspective!
I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this article. On the one hand, I love that the author did what was best for him and made the decision to not teach. I work with youth in a camp setting (yes, it can be a year-round, full-time job) and LOVE it, but I know that even if I wasn’t starting something new in August I’d be ready to move on in a few years. I know what being SO emotionally invested in your job feels like, and I know what it means to leave something like that to better your own life.
I also like that he pointed out that you don’t have to be in the *ideal* job. Some people just do things they like, some do things they can tolerate, and some don’t even do that because it pays well (I do this, and I am not sorry for it).
That being said, I don’t like the tone of the article. I don’t like the insinuation that all of us “touchy feely” types really aren’t OK because it’s not “reality” for everyone. Just like his story, that’s what we all have. I make the decisions for myself that I know will work best for me. I know that none of my friends or family would make those decision for their own reasons (some of which I don’t understand, and some of which I do, but really, it doesn’t matter), and that doesn’t make any of us wrong. I wish in his quest to offer a different perspective (which is to be commended) that he didn’t make it sound like us “touchy feely” types are somehow wrong or unrealistic.
Hi,Lauren.
If you reread the post you will see that the comment on “touchy-feely” types was actually made in JD’s introductory lead-in to Knot Theory’s commentary and not by Knot Theory.
Awesome, practical, relatable post. I went to a liberal arts college and had four years of professors with tenure drumming on about doing what you love. They all mean well, of course, but what it actually led to was me feeling insecure about the fact that I couldn’t find something I loved to that degree in order to then try to make it reality. I’d still like to achieve that some day, just in terms of working on something that’s really personally meaningful, but in the meantime there’s nothing wrong with having a job that provides me with the funds and the time for a lifestyle that I enjoy where I can leave work at work.
Great article and well written. The “pursue your passion” is not a one-size-fits-all solution. I enjoyed being a golf pro for a few years, but never would have made enough to accomplish my financial goals (security being #1). I also pushed myself to learn a completely different field (finance) and found another passion in the process–financial advising.
I miss teaching, but I’m right there with the author that leaving was the best thing for me. It was also the best thing for the kids. I’m a good teacher, but all the other crap that comes with it, and the expectation that teachers will sacrifice all of their free time for the sake of the kids is an asinine guilt trip laid on teachers by a culture that doesn’t want to fund real education. Like the author, I could see going back part time when money is no longer an issue.
I went back and got a masters in computer science, and ended up running a website for a major tech company (hint: the big boss is very fond of sailing). I am making a lot more money than I did, I have a lot more free time, and now my job takes me around the world on the company dime, allows me to tack on vacation days to all my trips if I want to, and allows me to work from anywhere with an internet connection. Last year I went to Jaipur, India and St. Petersburg Russia for fun and didn’t have to cover the plane fare. I ended up semi-Ferris with what I thought would be a corporate drone kind of job.
Random aside – I think Ferris is a jerk – I read the books and heard him speak and the fact is he hustles way more than I would ever want to. He’s not really living the life he advocates – selling a book and touring to support it is work, even if he enjoys it.
My philosophy has always been to find *something* to like about every job. If I can’t find something to like, it’s time to move on. The day to day stuff I do for work is decidedly not exciting. I answer email for a living and reset people’s passwords all day. I don’t hate it, but I’m not going to miss that aspect when it’s time to move on. I love the travel, speaking at conferences, and the overall flexibility I have to work from wherever (and mostly whenever) I want to. That is freedom.
Hi, how did you get a masters in computer science? Did you have a bachelors in computer science? If I could go back, I would have majored in computer science, but I chose biology. As a teacher I get reimbursed for masters level classes only so that makes slowly transitioning difficult.
Just another thought—what I have learned is that my real passion (investing in the lives of others through communication) can occur in more and different places than I knew way back when I was in college and my early 20s.
Back then, I was convinced that my dream would only occur when I was a paid speaker and consultant, on stage before 100s of people. Now, in my late 40s, while I have done that often, it never quite became the career I thought, yet for the past 25 years, I have done just that—invested in the lives of others communicating with them about my ideas of how to live well.
I have done that while working retail, working in a church, working in construction and now, as a College professor. Sometimes that actual job is NOT the passion, but something inherent in the skills or tasks of that job. Knot Theory didn’t say precisely, so maybe my thoughts do not apply to that specific story, but perhaps even as an accountant, there are many times when KT is still instructing others.
Anyway, I have learned over the years to not get trapped or stuck with the title of position, but look more deeply into what I am doing. And, for me, I always am finding the way to invest in others.
What a relief to read about the other side. Thank you for posting this.
I loved this story. So few people take into account that doing what you love as a job can take the fun out of it. I love quilting, but turning it into a business would take the fun out of it and I would be unlikely to make enough to live on.
I really enjoyed this post! Thanks for sharing.
While I completely understand the perspective of the poster, I find his conclusion that he’d never recommend anyone go after the job of their dreams to be a little sad and cynical.
Yes, going for the dream job isn’t the right path for everyone, and recommending it blindly to everyone you see isn’t reasonable. But neither is the alternative of wholly discouraging it. It’s an individual choice that has to satisfy the needs of the person.
For some, having a career they’re passionate about is very important to them. For others, a job is a means to earn money to do other things. Neither path is right, neither is wrong.
I’ve had “just a job” positions, and I hated them. I managed to luck into my current career path (Video Game Digital Distribution), and I love it. Yes the hours are long, and the stress can be high (management), but I get to work with product I’m excited about, with people who are excited about what we’re doing. That makes getting up in the morning easy. On the flip side, I have friends that want a job that just pays bills and they go home at the end of the day or on the weekend and just don’t think about it, and focus on other things they find fulfilling. That’s absolutely OK too.
It’s all about finding your own path. I’m glad the writer of this piece found his, I’m just a bit sad at how jaded he became towards others following the dream path.
I loved this article, but also agree with you.
In addition, I wonder if he would be so content with accounting if he had not initially pursued his dream.
Agreed. I taught ESL in Russia first thing out of college, because I had minored in it and was super excited about getting to live there for a while. The company provided training to those who didn’t get their certificates before starting and English had always been my best subject, so I figured I’d be fine and would stay a few years, maybe – my Russian would improve and I could network my way into a better paying job.
I ended up hating teaching and left as soon as my contract was up. I did fine and liked some parts of my job – my students did well and the school wanted me to stay – but lesson planning did me in. I never felt like I was putting in enough effort, I was always afraid my students weren’t getting enough from my lessons, and I didn’t feel any more comfortable in the position at the end of my contract as I did after a month.
But I can assure you that had I not gone for it when I was younger, I would have regretted it, and would still be perusing TEFL recruitment pages and wondering whether I could swing a career change at this point in my life instead of pursuing training for a career that’s more suited to me.
It’s easy to say not to follow your passion when you started your career off with it, decided it wasn’t for you, and found something you could drop at the end of the day. It doesn’t work that way for everyone – in some cases, you just need to test a job out for yourself to determine whether you’ll be able to tolerate it. It’s easier to do when you’re younger, to be sure, but I wouldn’t deter someone who hates their job from pursuing another path just because of my experience with it.
This is an excellent article. As someone who has worked for years in a non-exciting, but steady, well paying job (insurance adjuster), I can attest that having the money and paid vacation time to pursue my passions has been a plus. Knowing that I could find work in my chosen profession pretty much anywhere in a big metropolitan area (my choice of where to live) led to less sleepless nights. Due to some major changes in my life, I’ve had to take an early retirement and the good salary allowed me to make plans for just this kind of development.
I like this!
And it reminds me of one of the insights in Your Money or Your Life. Your job is what brings you money. Your work is what you do. Sometimes they intersect, sometimes they don’t. We don’t have to get paid to follow our values and goals, and being financially independent allows us to not worry about the money part when we do follow our goals (or even dreams).
http://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2010/10/11/the-whether-or-not-to-follow-your-dreams-post/
http://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2010/10/19/another-comment-on-doing-what-you-love/
I find myself following much of what was written in that book. Thanks for reminding me, I’m going to pull it off the bookcase, dust it off, and read it again.
There’s a great YMoYL book club going on over at min hus right now: http://minhus.blogspot.com/2012/03/ymoyl-book-club-whos-in.html
Thanks Nicole!
Oh my gosh, THANK you for this post. It was exactly what I needed to read at this moment.
For several years I subscribe to many blogs that all have a similar message of “Screw the day job, do what you love, life’s too short, look at me I did it and I’m super happy and successful” etc etc.
I was inspired. I did it too.
I quit my stable but boring job, moved to NYC, ran my own freelance business, and invited a world of stress and anguish into my life on a daily basis. Before I just had a feeling of growing discontentment and that maybe I could really “make something of myself”. I sacrificed many of the creature comforts I had before and also my peace of mind to “do what I love” because it was all worth it, right?
For a while I felt that if I quit now it was a personal failure and I’d be going back to a “regular job” with my tail between my legs.
And the unfortunate reality is, because of my tunnel vision for what I was doing for years, I now lack crucial experience in certain areas necessary to get hired at a regular job now in the fields I want. I’m going to have to start my life all over, go back to school, move back to my hometown, possibly take a “Big Box retail” job. Its scary and almost feels like moving backwards. Almost….until I read this post.
Your post really has helped me realize that maybe I just need to give myself a break. Acknowledge what’s not working anymore and do what’s necessary to get my quality of life back so I can be a more balanced person and in turn make others happy. Right now I’m in bad shape and I’m not doing anyone any good in this condition.
This post had a big impact on me, thank you.
This is a perspective I have never heard or considered before. But I see how having a job that consumes your passion would be very taxing on your life.
I think this might be something I need to think about. I know a lot of students who are working towards their dream jobs, but these jobs will require not only long work hours but long hours outside of work in order to remain competent at them.
The job I am focused on now will need me to be able to dedicate lots of times studying new science discoveries and new theories. This is in addition to the stressful work of helping hurting patients. I think that the reward of helping others will outweigh those negatives but you writing this makes me think that for a lot of people (and maybe myself), the cons will actually overcome the pros, no matter how great the pros.
Ha, how did I know that when you went back to school, it would be for accounting and eventually to be a CPA? Maybe it was the CPA intuition within me. 😉
Really surprised no commments on “I noticed that the only teachers who managed to hang in there for years and years without being closet alcoholics were people who really didn’t need the money”
That is a huge generalization. I’m not a teacher but I know teachers who have been in the industry their entire careers. Maybe you should have just changed your school district or moved not everyone is the same. Go to work for a charter school, the students are more invested in the process, especially if they had to fight to get in.
I was thinking of commenting on that, but the experience of teachers where I live is very different. Because of the good pay and amazing pension, many teachers here hang long after they’ve burnt out because of the money. Teaching has long since ceased to be their passion, but it was their chosen career path for life and many who are unhappy can’t take the pay cut or loss of the pension plan.
On the other hand, new teachers have a very high defection rate. It’s very difficult to find full time work these days, so sometimes passion has to take a back seat to paying the bills.
I am surprised not many people commented on that, as well. My father was a music teacher for 35+ years in a public school system. He was not a closet alcoholic, nor was he financially independent. He supported 3 kids, and a wife on his salary. He retired at age 58, collects a pension, and has continued teaching at a college as an adjunct professor and a private music teacher for the past 14 years. He continues being very happy teaching.
Good point. My wife is a teacher in a low income school district. She had a rough time at first, but has settled in nicely. She enjoys her work, and I think it fits her very well. Considering the pay is so low as a beginning teacher(at least in this state), that I cant imagine people really choosing teaching because they need the money.
It’s important to note that the work the world needs done and the work that the world wants to do aren’t the same thing.
The work that the world needs done includes a lot of things like picking up trash and installing sewer pipes and stocking shelves and picking fruit.
The work that the world wants to do includes a lot of playing professional sports and being a photographer for national geographic (or the BBC, or Playboy) and writing best selling novels.
The people who advocate “following your passion” often seem to ignore this completely, and think that if you just do a careful job of matching people up with jobs, then everyone will be working on their passion. It’s simply not the case. There are far more jobs available as plumbers than formula one drivers, and far more people passionate about racing cars than plumbing. No amout of creative matching is going to have all those people working in positions they’re passionate about.
So you have to realize that it’s a competition – there are fewer jobs in the “passion” fields than there are in the “work that just needs doing” fields, and if you’re going to pursue the former (and succeed) then you’re going to force someone else into doing the latter because you took his spot. This is totally fine, the world has always had competition for the most desirable positions, and there’s no reason that’s likely to change any time soon.
But the key here is to realize that this is a competition, and it takes hard work to win, and further, that anyone (like Tim Ferriss) that you might be taking advice from has already won. It’s easy to listen to someone standing on the winner’s podium tell you how great it is, but that in itself implies neither that you could get to the same position if you tried, or that you would, even if you could.
Pursuing your passion is a lot like pro sports. A lot of people will try. A few will succeed. Those people will have inspiring stories to tell. Many of the people who did not succeed will feel afterward that maybe they should have spent all that time when they were trying to make the big leagues on something more productive, since things never panned out anyway. You will never hear their cautionary tales, though, because they never made it to the top and were never given a podium to speak from.
Yes!
It’s a competition and I’m fine with it as well. The dark side of this competitive arrangement however is that as a society we worship idols and celebrities and don’t value enough the work that needs getting done. And that’s a damn shame.
If we all compete for the “passion” jobs, then those who have to labor and toil are seen as “losers” who “couldn’t make it” and are deserving of contempt. It’s socially acceptable to look down on pizza delivery boys, workers with paper hats, people who scrub toilets, etc. (Oh yeah, don’t deny, some of you chuckled when I said “paper hat”).
My problem with that attitude is that while it pushes the individual to want “more”, it’s self-destructive when you look at a society as a whole. Sure, not everyone can “win”, but everyone deserves dignity and respect, and everyone’s work contributes to the world, and the golden boys and girls we worship so much couldn’t shine without someone to build the podium or operate the spotlights.
Kingston quoted a beautiful phrase in a comment above: “your labor honors the world.” I wish our world honored labor in return. Then maybe we’d have a lower misery quotient (apparently, 20% of American workers are disengaged with their work.)
So, I enjoy the competition– but I hate the unsportsmanlike conduct that spoils the game.
Worshiping idols who’ve “made it” can consist of revering the person on the front cover of a magazine. (Ironically, magazines have been folding lately or deciding to no longer offer print editions.)
Such stories which can be uplifting at times can also make one feel inadequate. If that person seems to have it all, why can’t I?
Moreover, they make it sound like the person achieved it all on their own. The support team is rarely mentioned. Or if they are, the story is still presented as if it couldn’t have taken place without that person’s aura, charisma and magic.
This then affects hiring decisions, where instead of looking for the strengths, the focus is on locating “proven” superstars only.
I’ve especially loved sagas in business magazines where the cover one year features a person as the superstar who revolutionized an industry, only to then serve in another and bring it to its demise. Recent stories about the potential destruction of department stores that have lasted almost as long as 131 years of Ladies Home Journal comes to mind.
Makes you wonder if a so-called passed over loser may be a superstar in his own right, just like supposedly with-it successful people can and do fail.
I suppose though that there’s still quite a lot of fun in it for a mechanic that loves formula one racing. Or the guy/gal that has to pick up the refuse from the crash sites at a track.
Sometimes we have to open up our minds to the possibilities of where our passions and what the world needs from us intersect.
Or just go to the track on weekends – that works too. 😉
Generally I agree with and like the story.
However – as someone who’s in the accounting field and has had to train and manage a whole lot of people who went into my field as a safe, secure, reasonably well paying profession but with no great aptitude for or love for the beauty of accounting – I wish they wouldn’t have done it.
It’s made hiring the right people very difficult. Even after 4 years of business school, many don’t get the concepts – like that balance sheets should balance and other minor things like that.
Also – 20+ thumbs up to Tyler K’s comment.
LOL regarding balance sheets!
I can still hear my financial accounting teacher: “The balance sheet must balance!” 🙂
Haha, I just keep thinking about the wave of do-what-you-love-ers a couple years ago when cooking shows got really huge. There were a lot of intern applications from people who loved Gordon Ramsay and Anthony Bourdain but were afraid of handling knives.
This was interesting to read. I had a great English high school teacher who had a lot of passion and knowledge, not just about English, but about life in general. He encouraged my writing and applauded my work–not just mine, but everyone he taught. He didn’t play favorites. He inspired a lot of students, and it was because he LOVED what he did, and cared about us. We, ironically, were a group of at-risk kids. He retired years later after mega-years of teaching. I’ll never forget him.
But that’s not for everyone. I see your story as a success story. You realized you needed to make a change and worked hard to do it. You like what you’re doing now and see a future in it. You may even go back to teaching in some way, which would be great.
I just don’t agree that one shouldn’t do what you love, follow your passion, or whatever it’s called these days. I’ve found in my own life that balance is the key. I work at making enough to pay my bills and save. I spend time with people I care about. I take steps to leave a job when I’ve had enough. And I listen to my heart. In the course of my life, I’ve had the best experiences with people who love what they do, even if it’s a rep at the cable company working with me to hammer out a billing issue (always involving an overcharge, NEVER an undercharge, incidentally) So I believe in doing what I like to do. It’s just as important to leave when I’ve had enough. I can grow to like more than one profession.
I think this is a great, very self-aware post. Even as someone still on the path of “my passion,” I’ve realized that what I really want is life balance – I just don’t have the drive to put the hours and energy in to be great and accomplish a lot at it, because it’s pretty important to me to still have time to do things I think “normal people” do (sleep, exercise, spend time with people, have a couple of relaxing hobbies). The calculus of “doing what you love” sometimes involves trading in elements of that balance, so it’s just not worth it for everyone. I’m a LOT happier, even in the same work situation, now that I’ve stopped making it the driving force in my life choices and self-worth. (And I probably won’t be as successful, in work terms, as my colleagues who put in their everything 10 years from now. But that’s ok….)
It’s pretty clear that your passion is in teaching/mentoring/helping develop others. Could you do your passion in a way that doesn’t involve the public school system? That’s something you didn’t address here. I’m betting there is middle ground that combines both doing your passion and finding balance. That’s what I’m working toward. I know it’s a fine line.
Thank you for a very thoughtful and balanced post. People often forget that there is a reason that people are paid to show up and work. There also are many jobs that are essential to society that few, if any, people will love doing. Advising everyone to work only at a job that they love is simply not realistic or practical, nor is it fair to the many people who work hard, but don’t necessarily love their jobs.
This is by far the best article I have come across on GRS in some time. Thank you.
I’m not convinced that he found his real passion, perhaps it was teaching but maybe if he was doing it as a private tutor, he’d make money and be happy.
That aside, I think this article is rather important – puts a totally different spin, and is refreshing in that it is from someone who does do a 9-5.
In the end, if this writer is truly happy, then great for him/her!
A brave and thought-provoking article. Thank you!
Nice article.
I too think that the ‘follow your passion’ advice is over hyped by some bloggers. Of course if you can find a job that you’re passionate about and you love then thats great. But having a job you merely like instead of love doesn’t mean you’ve failed. I think thats the main problem with the ‘follow your passion’ advice, its too broadly applied, impractical for most and too high of a goal to set for everyone.
Thank you!!! I always have felt as though there is something wrong with me for keeping my ‘boring’ job for almost 25 years. During this time, I put myself through 4 years of university, tried a sideline that was my passion, had 2 kids etc. What I learned was a job is a job is a job. It’s ok to not live, breathe and sleep as though your life depended on your work. I get paid fairly well, and although challenging because of working with the public- I know my job- it’s pretty good, has aspects that I love, and some I hate- but it is a job. I appreciate knowing there are other people out there who work to live-not live to work.
Thanks again, and I know where you’re coming from.
I fully hear where your coming fun.
I turn Wrenches for a living, and LOVE my job, But its not my passion.
My passion is to cook, and I know that if I was to cook for a loving I would hate it. I wouldn’t be able to cook my way, and the things I like. Someone whether a Boss or a Customer would dictate my day. and I would not be able to express my passion the same way.
So I cook at home, and turn wrenches for my day job. I love to turn Wrenches but at the end of the day, I love my job, and still have my passion.
I work to live, not live to work.
Wow.. absolutely a great point! “get out there and grab what affords you the most opportunities to be the best overall person you can be.”
Sometime the things we love probably won’t get us as far as we could go. I had a similar story.. I wanted to be a firefighter since I was 4 yr old and everything I did was working towards that goal. I became a volunteer, was going to school for firefighting and even got my EMT license. Then one day I realized the job wasn’t for me, I knew there were better opportunities out there for me. I felt like I was hitting a ceiling with firefighting and even though I loved it I knew I had to walk away.
Fast forward 8 years and I am successfully self employed and feel like the sky is the limit. I miss firefighting, but found my real passion in life doing what I do now.
I am a former CFO, Consultant and entrepreneur. I chose to teach roughly 11 years ago. It was the right choice for me after 30+ years in industry. I spent a career training my staff and enjoyed it.
Teaching is a profession that is always changing and not necessarily for the better. I am just 5 years away from retiring for the second time. My former professions allowed me to reach financial independence at an early age (38 y.o.). Good luck, you can always come back at a later time.
Thank you for your candidness on this subject. I too am a reader who seems to be very different from the average blogger, but one of the reasons I love this site is because of people like you who will write in and share a very real story, then I feel as if I belong here too.
Right now I am in school to become a teacher. I have wanted to teach since I was a teenager,(14). I am now 48 years old. I have been raising my son by myself for the last 18 years and for most of the time could not attend school. I have been in school for nearly five years and I will be graduating in about 1 1/2 years. I took my current job when my son was 2 years old. He was very sickly and I needed a good insurance plan. I gave myself 10 years to complete my schooling to become a teacher, thinking that I could do it all, work, raise a child and go to school. Well life happens and it has been 15 years and I am still working at that job.
My son is now 18 years old, I have given notice to my job. I want out, now. I want to do what I love for a living. I feel I have sacraficed enough. I plan to lower my expenses even more and I too am just learning about investing, money saving strategies etc…
At first I thought your article was going to encourage me to feel stupid for quitting my job, but then I realized your words of wisdom, as I kept reading, almost contradicted themselves. I beleive that in the begining your passion was so strong that YOU allowed yourself to get imeshed and you became unbalanced. This is NOT a crime against you or anyone else, as a matter of fact I beleive it is quite common for people like you and me. I also beleive that you most likely touched more children and helped them than other people who go into the profession for other reasons. I believe that your time as a teacher was very contributory to the world, and THAT is why we are here.
AS human being we make up all kinds of reasons why we exist, but I believe the truth is we are here to serve one another and help eachother and ourselves to the best of our ability. You did that and you still are, it just looks differently. I hope someday you feel differently about telling people to do what they love for a living, because I think it is important to love what we do no matter what it is. Find the gift in everything, because there is always a gift. Thank you agian for your words, they put a smile on my face today.
I certainly understand and agree with your choice. The one suggestion I would like to make would be to consider teaching homeschoolers if you decide to go back to teaching. You can work independently and with students and families who love to learn and you wouldn’t have to deal with the bureaucracy.
Wow! After spending quite some time in a job where i have 24/7 accountability, I just wrote my resignation letter today! This article hit really close to home. My dad died just this past year and it has really made me evaluate where I am with my life. My job was my passion – and it has completely drained me of my life so now I want to get my life back and yes, do something that I may enjoy but that has a start and end time of day. Thanks for validating that this life change is OK!
I don’t understand how your story is against tide of all the blogs your criticize. You did exactly what they advocate: YOU LEFT A JOB YOU HATED for one you liked more.
Yes, teaching started out as a passion. And then it wasn’t and the job or you changed. So you left a miserable situation and worked hard to create a better situation. That’s what many of the blogs you referenced advocate. They don’t say to stay in a job that USED to be your passion or that USED to make you happy.
Wow. That was a really moving post. Thank you for having the courage to share a perspective we never get to hear.
I can almost completely relate to this poster, save for the fact that I never actually took a teaching job. I discovered during student teaching that as an introvert with social anxiety disorder, while I loved teaching, it was taking every ounce of energy I had. I couldn’t imagine living more than 6 months like that, so after graduating, I took a job as a bookkeeper. I found that I LOVED it. Now I work in a budget office, and the favorite part of my day is solving the accountants problems that they either don’t see or don’t care enough to figure out. I know I will be happy as an accountant, so I’ve just taken the next step to go back to school to be one. I don’t think accounting is my passion, but it is highly satisfying.
My husband is going through a rediscovery right now of his passions vs. what he wants to do, too, and every little bit of discussion helps us.
great commentary and rebuttal. Well written and thought out. all the luck possible in charting new territories, whatever they contain.
started to read the comments, then ran into a few that started raisin’ hackles….so stopped. Too nice a day for that, so instead: from one former teacher to anther…I get it. Good for you. There’s more places to teach than a public school, there’s more ways to learn than a curriculum standard, there’s more humans to teach….you’ll find them.
Thank you for posting this article. It is nice to hear that we’re not complete losers for working for the man to make ends meet and have normal hours for our kids. a wonderful post that proves I’m not just one more sap, living the dream, staying home while my husband works an alright job that pays the mortgage and lets him come home before our kid’s bedtime every night.
Great story! It’s true that not every 9-to-5 job is soul-sucking, and not every “fulfilling” job is perfect. I love my job despite relatively low pay, and it is my passion, but I have no backup plan should I fail (more motivation to succeed).
I wish the education system could be reformed. We need more teachers like you, and all educators and students need the proper support to succeed.
It sometimes seems difficult to achieve, but whatever your job role you can take pride in doing it to the best of your ability. There can be a lot of fulfilment gained in every position, whether you’re a toilet attendant or a CEO. If you can be sure you’re doing the best job you can and you’re still not getting satisfaction from it, then it might be a sign you need to re-think and move onto something else. Your passions and priorities will probably change over time according to your values held at that time.
I was expecting a straight ‘left my passion because I stopped loving it after doing it every day’ story.
Thanks for sharing.
It’s a pretty common story in journalism, too. The realities of working in the industry and the lifestyle sacrifices mean most don’t last – you really need to love it to do it for a lifetime.
Yeah, even the chefs and bakers I know who love it say they couldn’t do it forever. I think it’s a little more acceptable now to have more than one career in a lifetime. This whole idea of the “one true profession” has to go!
Thank you! Finally, I feel like it’s ok to have a boring job. There is something to be said for it, and you said it perfectly.
Thank you for publishing this. I was getting really sick and tired of certain PF authors touting “DO WHAT YOU LOVE”. What one might have a passion for might not be the best route, or even be sustainable.
I am in your shoes as well. I went to college decades ago to become a graphic designer. I was in the industry, trying to make a living, for 14 years. Most of those years were either earning a super-low wage or doing freelance. There are simply *not* enough jobs out there in the graphic design world for the hordes of amazingly talented designers. And in a recession, in-house designers are often the first to be laid off.
I finally realized, after having to take retail jobs just to survive, that graphic design will never be a sustainable way of life for me. (I’ve been living on poverty-level wages now for the last 7 years). I needed to get a different degree, in a field that had plenty of jobs.
So, I went back to college for a Masters in Accountancy, with the hopes of becoming a CPA. I’m 1.5 years from graduating, then, I’ll sit for the CPA exam.
I have doubts about this career change now though. Over 2 years ago, I picked “accountant” based on the amount of jobs available. Unfortunately, now it seems that so did *everyone* else who had previously “done what they had a passion for” as myself. After I started my accounting classes, I started seeing PF articles similar to yours, where the author went back for an accounting degree. Now, I’m beginning to worry. I think everyone had the same idea… I wonder if this will saturate the accounting industry, the same way the graphic design industry became over-saturated?
CPAs are in great need.
GOOD CPA’s are in need. If you have the talent, you’ll go far and do well. If you don’t, maybe not. It’s not a warm body in a chair market. Read Cal Newport’s blog – especially the “Be so good they can’t ignore you” stuff.
Excellent. I always start with the goal of “being the best.” As long as there are jobs available, I shouldn’t have a problem. So far, I’ve been through 3 semesters of classes towards my accounting degree, and have achieved straight A’s in all of them.
In the words of psychotalk, how about “reframing” this. You have a no stress job that pays well, that you are well qualified for. As you progress in this career, you can use your teaching skills managing people. When you are ready, you can teach continuing education courses at night, or tutor high school kids taking the SATs. There is nothing wrong with a 9 to 5 job with great benefits. For me, working on my own is stressful because I have ADD, procrastinate, worry, etc. Glad you shared your story. Ann
Thank you so much for this post! As someone who has been a social worker for the past ten years, I can relate to the emotional roller coaster that your work day brought to you. It’s exhausting and often leaves you too drained to tend to the other areas of your life. You have to sever yourself emotionally from the work in order to survive. For the past two years I have decided that I want a ‘boring job’ and have been trying to break into a different kind of work. When I tell people this, I often gets looks and comments that make me feel bad and selfish about this decision. Unless you’ve been in a profession that works directly with challenging, vulnerable populations, I don’t think you can fully understand the toll it can take on a person. I admire teachers, social workers and others in ‘helping professions’ for the incredible work that they do. For me, I look forward to the day when I have a job that I can leave behind at the end of the day and am able to give greater attention to the other aspects of my life.
I’ve mostly had “job” jobs, some of them lowly – paper carrier, fast food, etc., but I often enjoyed many aspects of them. “Job” jobs can be mindless, allowing you to think of other things, and be done with the job when you clock out.
The “job” jobs I’ve had gave me the income I needed to do some things that I could never have been paid to do, such as homeschooling.
Knot Theory may not get the soaring highs of watching students succeed, but his day is level, not descending to the lows he experienced as a teacher.
I think he did the right thing for himself.
I thought I wanted a career but after a while I realized I just wanted a paycheck.
Thank you for this refreshing insight. It seems those who have their own businesses believe others can only be happy if they do it, too. That may be true, but there are other situations, much like you describe. The opportunity cost of my quitting my job to have my own business is so large, it could never work. For years I have been thinking this was a shortcoming to be fought against. Your post has opened my eyes. I can accept that I work for someone else and appreciate the honor and freedom of having the salary I do.
Thank you.
I cannot YES this hard enough. I am on the road to leaving what was once my passion. As a teenager the only thing I really wanted to do was become a pastry chef. So I took on thousands of dollars in student debt to go to cooking school. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and slap my nineteen year old self! In many ways I’ve achieved my dream and I do love the work that I do. But years of baking has turned my passion into resentment. At one point I realized I didn’t even enjoy cooking at home anymore.
I think “doing what you love” has hidden costs. Identifying yourself too strongly with what you do makes it tough to cope with the downsides of your chosen profession. Sometimes I felt like I couldn’t complain about my job because I was pursuing a career many people only dream of. Last year I went back to school to pursue a BA in economics. While I had one colleague respond to this with a snarky “why?,” most of the people I work with have been very supportive. The weird truth is that a lot of fine dining cooks and bakers dream about getting boring desk jobs!
Like JD everything changed for Knot Theory after something tragic happened in his life.
Coincidence?
I know for myself, I made alot of changes after I left my ex. It changed my outlook and what I wanted to do with my life.
I am not going to compare losing a loved one to leaving a loved one but the common theme is loss.
It spurred all of us to make changes in our lives.
And also what constitutes good change as opposed to a life crisis.
Just wanted to note this, maybe an article should be posted to cover this.
The thing I like about being an accountant is the fact that I feel I have the best of both worlds. I am a good accountant and I enjoy what I do. However, I hate working. I only work as much as I have to. Having a job with a high hourly salary allows me much more freedom to pursue things I enjoy.
People with 9-5 jobs they had might want to reevaluate their needs vs wants. Maybe they can work part time doing the part of their job they love too!
Fabulous post, thank you for putting this thesis into words. I’ve experienced directly and watched others in the Liberal Arts field follow their bliss and run into huge barriers — including truly crazy bosses, back-stabbing co-workers, corrupt boards of directors.
Perhaps better career advice that “follow your bliss?” — Find Your Tribe.
They will make room for you and at least you will be working with friends! (from one of the Dummies books on Career Changing.)
I dont think I could ever agree with anything anyone has ever said more. You, ma’am, are a genius.
This story could have been written by me since it is practically word for word my journey in and out of teaching. Society refuses to accept that silly inspirational teacher movies are the exception, not the rule. Teachers are on the front line and ripped down when they don’t solve the problems of poverty. Two years of seeing your hard work you put into your students washed away by the drugs, gangs, rampant teen pregnancy, domestic abuse, neglect and suicide is all it took. Ultimately it was the feeling of powerless that was too much, and more money wouldn’t have made the difference. Respect and autonomy might have kept me there. The only teachers that seemed to stay were tied to the job by car, mortgage and family obligations.
Considering the burnout rate we really need to have low barriers of entry into the field as well as exit opportunities. Paying teachers more is not a simple solution, the school day and the school year needs to be longer.
As a 5th year high school teacher I’m a little disappointed to hear of another good teacher feeling driven out by the system. I’ve been fortunate to teach at a highly effective public school with a low-income student body but a highly competent administration.
I love this profession as well, and I know my students enjoy my class (was voted Teacher of the Year for 2012), but I go home with very little stress–much of this is attributable to the effectiveness of my school culture in providing support for students as well as rules and limitations that minimize behavioral issues and allow me to focus on teaching U.S. History.
My suggestion is that you, and any prospective teachers, one day look for a high-functioning school that operates as a community. They exist! In the right setting, teaching can be immensely fun AND allow for a balanced lifestyle. Right now I’m reading this with no stress about tomorrow (I’m on spring break!), and this year I’ve been able to jointly pursue my interests in teaching as well as stand-up comedy. When you only work 180 days a year there are plenty of opportunities for self-growth.
Absolutely. I would definitely be a proponent of thinking of it as negative savings. Otherwise, we have a more positive view of extracted the money from our savings accounts. That’s just my personal opinion, but I can definitely see it both ways.
I know a lot of people who have passions that are not their jobs or careers.
The Chief Financial Officer had a passion that was not finance. He had other passions – including travel. We were talking once and he said he realized that he was good with math and fiance and then there was what he was truly passionate about (history and travel among other things) and he realized he could use the math stuff to finance his passion and have more opportunities for travel and so that’s what he built his career on.
He’s traveled and seen more and was able to collect things he’s passionate about that he wouldn’t have if he had chosen the other option.
Out of all the non-teaching jobs, what lead you to choose accounting?
If your passion is sucking the life out of you, it does make a lot of sense to switch to a job that’s just a job. Same holds true if financial insecurity is something you absolutely have to have to feel happy in your life. Nothing wrong with punching a clock if it gives you the opportunity to be who you really want to be in the “rest of your life”.
Daisy
I agree that there is nothing wrong with punching a clock every day, but no job can suck the life out of you without your permission.
When I read the title of this post, I was expecting to be all for the content. I hate to say it, because I am a strong advocate of working for someone unless you really LOVE what you do, but I have to disagree with the sentiment expressed in the article.
I feel like the author gave up, not because (s)he didnt like teaching, but because it was hard. “Its too hard” isnt a reason you should abandon your lifelong passion.
Maybe Im being too harsh when I dont know the details(although I know plenty about the educational profession and its much harder than an outsider would think), but I dont like the idea of just giving up when the going gets tough as a strategy to happy life.
I dont mean to judge, just curious if maybe moving to a better managed district, or a better school would have been more prudent than just abruptly resigning to become an accountant.
I like this post. I’m working on my Ph.D. to be a college teacher, because teaching is the career that I love. But all these years of struggling to keep up in graduate school while working two or three jobs just to support myself (because I don’t have loans or a spouse to support me) have worn me out. Even though I still enjoy teaching, there are certain things that I’ve seen and experienced that have made me view this career very differently from how I viewed it several years ago. Several undergrads tell me that they want to go to grad school too, but I try to help them see that they have other options; I think it’s important to go into this field with a realistic perspective rather than an idealistic one. I’ll be the first to admit that I was a little too idealistic when I started.
A lot of things, good and bad, would not get done if we did not have idealistic youth. Part of the change is getting older and seeing the bigger picture.
I agree with Stella. A lot of things happen to anyone in the world and it’s up to us how we react/ respond to these events. That’s why I’m very thankful to sites like GRS and other personal finance blogs because it’s not really just about our finances (mainly) but only what we do with it to make a better change in the things with greater value (family, friends, children, Experiences).
True, but sometimes it’s not completely up to us. Sometimes there are things that happen that are truly beyond our control.
Thanks for being a voice of maturity…my husband busts his tail to make the money to allow me to be home with our children. His dream job? No. His dream for his children? Absolutely. We all make sacrifices and choices in life…it is just so seldom we give voice to the “boring” choices. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us…I very much appreciate your candor.
I know what you’ve lived. I had to walk away from being an RN for as much as I loved the job. But it was very, very stressful and making me not a good Mom. I quit when the 2nd child was 1 and had 2 more kids and ended up, after being a sahm & the youngest were in High School, a Master Gardener working in landscaping! I’ve always missed the challenge of Nursing (like you miss the challenge of teaching) and used to feel guilty about the “threw my degree away” (and my license) and I don’t make the big bucks, BUT life is gooood. REALLY gooood. (And being an RN was a great education for raising 4 kids!)
Hey Patrica……your story is the same as mine! I ended up working in a plant nursery for 15 years and loved it. For years though, after I gave up nursing, I would dream that I was back at work in the hospital and it was always about how much work I had to do and how little time I had to do it in. Memories of the stress of the job. Aloha
Hi everyone! I think this article is the other side of the coin. I’m well aware that nobody (or there may be a few) thinks that working on a 9-5, day job or graveyard shift occupation makes you a loser. There comes a time when we indefinitely ask ourselves the big WH- questions.
WHAT am I doing with my life?
WHERE am I now? Where did I come from and how far have I travel?
WHO do I love? Who do I share my passion of living my life?
WHY am I in this job? Why do I get up very early and sleep so late? For what is all this?
KT made it very clear, he’s teaching job affected him much deeper than just his finances. I agree with him with all his points, but he also put a disclaimer that it was just his own perspective.
I’m very happy to be able to trudge the path towards financial freedom while tackling a career as a speech therapist. It’s a very fulfilling job and I’m not about to give it up. I am doing a lot of things on the side (like anyone else, there are ups and downs).
Great article!
I actually went from working 1st shift to 2nd shift and love it. I was told a 2nd shift guy does not get exposure to upper management or other issues that people working days get to deal with. I actually think that is the best part of working second shift. It is less stressful and makes the job more fun.
Great post! I too live the 9-5 lifestyle. I’m glad someone spoke up for the rest of us who choose this kind of life. I make good money and while I don’t love it, I don’t hate it, either. I have great co-workers and my job often produces tangible results that’s very fulfilling. It’s what allows me to pursue my other passions (travel and photography). This was an insightful take indeed. I wanted to be a writer, but I am now thinking that my parents were right; if I had taken journalism, I’d be doing what I loved but be financially strapped…
I find the comments really interesting.
Knot says he’s content with his decision and it was right for him, and yet comment after comment suggests things he might do instead.
“Follow your professional bliss and do what you love” is great advice. For some people. “Find a job that takes care of your needs and wants and find your bliss elsewhere” is equally good advice and yet it is treated as lesser, or as giving up. Some people need or want the satisfaction of earning a living doing what they love. The idea of being a cog makes their soul ache and quiver in fear. But for those who can perform well at a job that has no real hold on their identity, cog-dom can work just fine. Why can’t we just let those people be. Why must we insist that there is something better for them out there? Is that really any different than telling someone who sews for a living that they could make a lot more money as an accountant, so they should do that and sew in their spare time? It seems so many people accept those who earn much less but do something they are passionate about, but everyone stumbles when it is time to accept someone who chose to earn more (or work fewer hours, or have less stress or more stability) by *not* doing what they are passionate about.
Work can be at the heart of identity, or it can be totally separate. Neither is inherently better.
http://blogmaverick.com/2012/03/18/dont-follow-your-passion-follow-your-effort/
mark cuban (dallas mavericks nba team owner) says the same.
“Dont Follow Your Passion, Follow Your Effort”
“””
Let me make this as clear as possible
1. When you work hard at something you become good at it.
2. When you become good at doing something, you will enjoy it more.
3. When you enjoy doing something, there is a very good chance you will become passionate or more passionate about it
4. When you are good at something, passionate and work even harder to excel and be the best at it, good things happen.
Don’t follow your passions, follow your effort. It will lead you to your passions and to success, however you define it.
“””
the writer of this article went from being a math teacher to being an accountant, which makes it hard for me to understand what’s so liberating about anything written here. he went from dealing with math everyday to….dealing with math everyday. he just wasn’t self-aware enough to know that he was still pursuing his passion. or maybe he knew this, but felt that writing his story from this angle would get a better response.
it would be completely different if he went from being a math teacher to a working in a pet store, or being a cook for example.
it’s like somebody in a band who quits playing the guitar, only to start playing the drums. their passion wasn’t necessarily the guitar–it was music.
i also find it depressing that he would tell people they shouldn’t follow their dreams, when he’s actually still following his (i.e. math).
not sure about this one.
I don’t think it’s so much that as teaching is not following a passion in one’s field necessarily. I teach and originally went in to teach History. Being in an urban city, very little of my job is actually around the subject, my research is still outside of it. Rather, my job is dealing with 7 classes of 30 – 35 students, students who are pregnant, drug abuses, gang members, take care of their own parents, administrators, grading, planning, paper work, meetings, etc. To teach one has to be passionate about working with young people along with the heavy emotional baggage.
lol. since when is teaching at-risk kids math “dealing with math everyday”?
i think you missed the point.
Hell yeah! It takes amazing amounts of courage to admit that doing what you love may not be satisfying for you. This is one of the best posts that I read on this blog. Thank you!!
Bravo! I love your message and perseverance. Readers always appreciate the bold truth. People have to live frugally because life happens and not everyone’s life is set up the same way. We all have to make choices that will make us happier in the end. This epiphany only comes with time and experience. I am still finding my path and until then I just go to work to pay the bills. It’s the hobbies we find in our down time that help get us through our work week.
“or quitting your big power job to become something touchy-feely, etc. You know what? That’s not everyone’s reality.”
This line spoke to me. I recently picked up YMOYL on the recommendation of Every PF Blogger Ever and… didn’t get that much out of it. The book presented challenges, for sure, but was too touchy-feely and I lost interest in calculating real wages and whatnot. I think that I’ve already heard the core message through the world of online blogs that the book wasn’t something new and groundbreaking for me, and I suppose I don’t value leaving the rat race of work… yet.
Excellent article, this was great
A lot of you seem like you’d like the book Rennaissance Souls. It talks about getting a J-O-B to finance your passions, or getting a job that incorporates your passions, changing jobs when your passions change, etc. Really good book that deals with this exact topic.
I recently read a book that described this as career vs calling.
The author suggests we all have unique interests, talents and abilities that enable us to fulfill a specific purpose in life – our calling. Our calling charges us up and it’s what we’re passionate about.
Our career pays the bills and allows us to pursue our calling.
When you’re able to align your career with your calling, the author refers to this as the “sweet spot” in life.
Does this happen for everyone? Clearly no. Is it possible and something we should pursue? Perhaps, but sometimes we just do what we need to do because we believe it will provide the best life overall.
THANK YOU. Man, I’ve grown tired of all this unicorns and rainbows self-help mumbo-jumbo. I only read anymore for the possibility that there will be something of worth. This article fits the bill.
I could so relate to this article! I tried a career singing opera, but was so put down by the criticism, the prospect of being my instrument, the sense that I was a singer 24 hours a day and never got time away, that I grew to loathe it. I’m MUCH happier in an administrative position, making more money and with regular hours and benefits – and I now love to go to see the operas that so inspired me to sing in the first place!
We go around this topic often in our house – the thing is – if you have the job that like but is not your ‘passion’ but it is a 50+hr a week job – when do you have time for your passion?
I can relate to the person that wrote the post.
I love doing engineering work, what I do not like is the extreme stress and long hours that come with my current position working in an engineering field .And is quite important to separate both things to decide how to proceed.
I love to write, but If I had to do it all the time under extreme circumstances I will most likely hate it.
Most of the time is not the job, are the structure around the job what make us not love in it.
Thank you for a wonderful post.
I respect this post! How can anyone not respect such a well-thought life decision? I still like to think that most people *can* find a way to turn their passion into a career – but I have to agree that this does not work for everyone.
I understand completely. I am in a very similar position in that I love the job I’ve had for the last 15 years – but it will be ending in 10 weeks! The last 3 or 4 months have been so stress filled that I just don’t want to do this any more.
Now I find myself trying to “decide what I want to be when I grow up”, as I still need and want to work for another 20 or so years before I am eligible to retire. I’d like to have just a “job” this time – to give myself a break from the 24 hour brain drain cycle.
I wish you much success as a CPA!
I LOVE THIS. THANK YOU.
I am an accountant too, and it is just a job. But it allows me to live a LIFE I love. Thank you for sharing your story so eloquently; clearly it rings true for many.
This article reminds me of the day my father explained why he chose to major in a subject area he liked but didn’t love. He said that he did not want to grow to hate the activities loved because they became a job rather than a hobby. He chose to make a job out of something that he was less passionate about so that he could continue to love his passions.
I keep this advice with me as a tempering factor in my career: a reminder that one’s dream job doesn’t always live up to the dream, and that a career isn’t the only way to define myself.
Right now I have a job that is challenging and all consuming. I really enjoy many parts of it but I really hate the parts I don’t like. I also know that from the toll it is taking on other parts of my life, that this will not be a forever job – and that’s okay.
Our lives are constantly in flux (are they not?), and therefore our careers may be as well. I don’t plan on staying at one company my whole life. But as you pointed out, your job is just one part of your life. For some people, it involves much more of themselves. For others, it’s just a means to an end of getting paid so that you can enjoy the rest of your life. Good on you for sharing your tale.
I’m currently a second year teacher in a Title-I school- and have been struggling with the same questions: do I continue to do what I love and what I always THOUGHT I wanted to do- but am exhausted (emotionally, physically, and spiritually) by the end of the day– or do I try something else?
And this is where I’m stuck. I don’t want to quit on my kiddos- but I can’t keep going at this pace either.
Does balance really exist? Is the grass greener on the 9-5 side? How do you make the leap from what you love, to a 9-5?
I LOVE this article and this guy…He shared not only ideas about job and opportunity but also real living everyday, with hard stuff and sometimes good deal…Thank you to share that. Actually I’m in the same situation and I’m really feel not alone!thank youuuuu!!!
I too work at a school, and I love the interaction with the students, and am kind of irritated by the system. I have had the opportunity to also be a Coach. I do not know what sort of athlete you are or were, or what your current time commitments are, but I love the opportunity to teach and interact with the students. Another option is to be a mentor to students. I know several companies in our local area encourage their employees to do these things, both with financial incentives, and extra time off. Try to find what you lost that made you happy. GOOD LUCK!!! And remember, “The only thing saving us from the bureaucracy is it’s own inefficiency.”
Just brilliant …. brilliant …
ive decided im going 2 be come a full time teacher
thanks..
I had such an emotional reaction to this post – as near as we could have the same experience, I think we did. I taught English and made it three years before the same kind of internal collapse… and am a year and a half into my “pays the bills” job!
I have to agree with you – now that I have a job I can show up to, do well, and leave behind when I go home, I am so much more involved in my real life (friends, family)and long-term goals (blogging, crafting). I am also a much better wife!
I also agree with a few of the comments – I think teaching isn’t your or my dream job… it’s just the ideal job we would work in the ideal world. So wouldn’t a dream job need to meet the restrictions of reality?
I enjoyed the post. I found the author to be insightful. It is amazing how life challenges cause us to refocus on our purpose in life. For me, it was my cancer.
Hi everyone. Sorry I can’t respond to each comment.
A few things:
RE: condemning the school system, substance abuse by educators, etc. – Not my intent to highlight this, it is what it is. I’m under no delusion everyone’s life is the same as what I’ve experienced as I’m only one person.
RE: doing the same thing in a different setting/you should have done X. – Well it happened like it happened. There’s a lot of nuance to this story that was left out for the purpose of expressing my perspective. One big thing was I always wanted to attain a post graduate degree, and that led to certain decisions. And yes, there’s opportunities to do similar things where I currently am.
RE: you’re just going to change careers again/you just want to go back – maybe. I’ve learned not to think in rigid terms like this any more, whatever seems best to do at a given time given the information I have will color any future decisions. And you know what, I very well may wind up teaching accounting, you just never know.
RE: you will hate your current job – Well so far so good. I could see me having problems at a Big 4 where you do nothing but monitor one account for a huge client, for example. But I wear several hats, and I do something slightly different every few weeks, it never gets stale. I don’t have emotional investment in my labor but I still care about trying to do a good job; when I develop an audit finding for example I will do it to the best of my ability. I do care that I do it right. The thing is even if I did come to hate it eventually, it’s still going to be a very different experience.
RE: My Own Cynicism/I’m too cynical – whether I personally am or not I will not argue, because that’s not the point. My point was we as a culture have pushed people to think a certain way about careers and work and I see this perspective pretty frequently trumpeted in personal finance circles, and truthfully it bothers me we don’t see all the different angles on it. The problem is that people who work day jobs generally aren’t media content producers.
Thank you JD for keeping GRS going, and helping make this readable. I may be a sincere writer but I am certainly not a good one.
And thank everyone else who read and/or commented. Some have agreed with me, some have respectfully disagreed, and some have said it was essentially interesting but found my reasoning to be lacking or flawed. All of these added something for me to think about, whatever stance you took, and I appreciated your judging the general idea I was trying to get across rather than judging me. That takes a lot of cognitive sophistication.
It’s hard to see it sometimes as a personal finance devotee, but the subject truly is something people need to talk about more, and it’s so cool that we have such media where people can organically add thoughts to the discussion. I guess I am a little contrarian, but it’s not on purpose. This was fun to add a little something after absorbing so much over several years, and even though I made some mistakes I may try it again sometime.
I like the idea of following your passion, some people have managed to do so. Not all people follow their passions foolishly, and not all of them do it at the expense of feeding their families.
Only a fool would do that. Anyway I wish people here at GRS would realize that just because you read something doesn’t mean you need to apply it to your life.
People here are offended for being told to follow their passion. Why? If the post doesn’t apply to you don’t read it then.
We have so much advice in the 21st century and information that you have to filter a lot of stuff. You need to be an independent thinker.
Anyway like I said before I like the idea of following your passion, but one of the things that I like about my job is the ability to come home, forget about work, go out with my friends, my boyfriend, read about stuff I like like history, go online, play video games, just pursue my numerous hobbies.
And I wonder if my passion became my job would it feel like “work” after a while? I’m still trying to figure that out.
Haha! Love the post…sounds like we traded jobs! For several years I sat in a cubicle crunching numbers and thought I was going to die of boredom. So I became a math teacher and LOVE it! I didn’t do it because I was following a passion, it’s more because I didn’t want to sit down all day and I like time off. The key to survival is to look idealistic to make admin happy, but recognize that you can’t save the world. At least it works for me. Sounds like we made a good trade 🙂
I cannot share how much I feel along side the writer about leaving the teaching workforce Singapore. Those who know me well enough will know that its very much in my nature to ‘impart’ and ‘develop’ but in a very different sense from the norm so I really struggled with the ideologies of a silo-system. I like to think it is the idealist that struggles to find its cause in such a scenario and it is the idealist who ends up burning out. And so many teachers go in to do some good for humanity right?
We had the opportunity (excuse?) to leave the system when my husband was posted overseas for work and now I’m in that same place trying to make sense of what to do next. I’ve got some bits and pieces of project to keep me sane in the meanwhile. While, I’m not quite sure I’ll make the same move toward accounting, I do see myself taking this season as a time to detox from the emotional investment I had in it.
When asked nowadays if I’ll go back to teaching (now, in Hong Kong), I share the same sentiment with the writer too. I don’t see myself going back the same way it used to be (perhaps I am scarred from the “system”) but at the moment the volunteer-teaching for the NGOs I work with here is very rewarding. It’s reminded me of why I wanted to do this in the first place and that teaching doesn’t stop when you leave the classroom.
I can see down the line that whatever role I take in the teaching industry, it will have to be a fine balance between idealism and ‘this is just a job’. But I’m glad to know that at 35 I’m not the only one who is still learning this.
Thank you for offering validation to the majority of us common folk who are too smart enough to work hard, but human enough to dream of greener grass, and whether we’re making a mistake.
I know now that I’m not.
Go back to teaching. You miss it. It’s where you’re suppposed to be.
Refreshing perspective. Working a corporate job in a cubicle is not the death sentence that most personal finance bloggers make it out to be.
I to went to school to be a teacher, but I found that I didn’t like the politics of it. I LOVED teaching. I still do. But I don’t teach as my primary job. I got a job working a few hours a week at a local tutoring center. It’s the perfect job in my opinion. I don’t have to deal with the parents or school district or anything like that, I have at most 6 kids at a time – and only for SAT seminars. If I’m just tutoring, I only have 3 at a time, and my lessons are all planned out for me. I don’t have to take homework home to grade, and I love working with the kids. If you’re interested in teaching a bit on the side, and especially if you have a teaching certificate, I highly recommend it. The pay was peanuts, but I wasn’t doing it for the money. I consider it a paid hobby.
My favorite quote, from a 9 year old boy I worked with every day I was there:
Him: Miss Jenny are you married?
Me: Yup!
Him: Do you have kids?
Me: Nope.
Him: Why not?
Me: I don’t know, we just haven’t had them yet.
Him: Maybe you’re doing it wrong.
That kind of moment makes it all worthwhile.
I am trying to go down the Tim Ferris route but only after I spent the last nine years getting a practical job as the author did here. I like Tim Ferris’ approach and hope that I can make it. However, I learned a lot about the real world and myself in leaving what I loved and choosing to go into a career for the sheer reason that I could get better job. I have no regrets. It’s a good article and I’m glad someone is willing to talk about the down-to-earth decisions a person has to take.
I didn’t read the comments. I just wanted to say – great article. Thanks for sharing your story with us. =)
I related to this article. I’ve always had boring, regular jobs. For a long time, it frustrated me that I wasn’t “doing what I love”. So on the side, I got involved in writing and acting. I ended up getting published and also doing theater work for about 7 years. It was satisfying and a lot of fun, but it paid almost nothing, and the prospects for money weren’t good. When I had my first kid, I had to get serious about money, so I started trying to make the most of my day job. Eventually, I got promoted, and after a lot of hard work over several years, I became a manager and was able to set up things the way I wanted (which included treating the people on my team better than they’d been treated in the past). Now I’m very much satisfied with my job, and the money is enough to support my family. Can’t really complain.
While my story is not nearly as emotionally wrought it follows the same line. I did what I loved, opened a coffee house, and then began to hate it. Long hours, no money, no fun outside work, never saw the wife, but boy did I love making coffee.
In the end I sold the coffee house and went back into IT. Now when I walk off the job at 5pm then I am done with work. I can enjoy making coffee plus many many other things.
Very touching and heartfelt article. Thanks for writing it. Finally, a 180 perspective. I got tired of reading all the “do what you love” articles from blogs all over the internet. The truth is, if you did what you loved as a job, you probably wouldn’t love it anymore since it would feel too much like WORK. Besides if you did your hobbies in your spare time, you will appreciate them more because you DON’T have that much time to do them.
Do you really find accounting boring? How long have you been in the accounting field? How many years did you spend teaching?
When or if you progress in accounting or get a job in a big accounting firm, the hours and stress will come. In the first few years you might find it acceptable. It would be interesting to hear your perpective after 10-15 years being in a boring and stressful job.
Great article! I can certainly identify with this one. I got my degree in English Ed, and I loved student teaching, especially the middle schoolers. But after it was over, I could see that I would soon tire of the red tape, the regulations, etc., and I knew that that would get in the way of enjoying the actual teaching. So I ended up getting other odd jobs after college, even though that seemed entirely inexplicable, considering my successful college career. As I get a little older, I’m realizing that teaching in a public or private school setting is not the only way to enjoy teaching. My dad, for example, loves teaching (I get that from him), but he has never taught in such a setting. He was a computer engineer, and ended up being an instructor in computer programming for a large corporation’s training program for new hires.
I’m currently a stay-at-home mom who loves teaching her own kids. I have also taught a homeschool co-op, which was fabulous — the great things about classroom teaching, with mostly great students and without the ridiculous administrative red tape.
Do what you like to do….chances are, you will become very good at it.
Do what you like to do, remember, you don’t start off looking to make money, you start off doing whatyou really enjoy and then you find a way to make a living doing it.
“Excellence is a journey, not a destination”
Your only truly happiness is when we can serve other people.
Awesome story, very inspiring. I’m going through the phase where what I’m doing I love but it’s destroying me worse and worse every day.
Good for you. I made the mistake of not realising that I should of left IT(my passion) and got a boring job until after I had a complete breakdown and now completely burned out. Though being sent the other side of the World by my employer who was paying me penuts and who messed up my expenses and salary leaving me the other side of the World to return to eviction and fallout from other bounced automated payments did not help one bit at all. But when you work for a Canadian company on US soil on a UK contract and a boss who failed to sort out a work visa your screwed.
What I know now in life:
1) Always have at least 3 months of money in reserve.
2) Work is work, not a hobby as your only paid for what your contracted for and never the extra’s
3) Have multiple sources of income, diversify
LOL, go teach at a private school or junior college for crying out loud. You clearly cannot detach emotionally from your students so you cannot survive in public school.
Thanks for the great post – I really needed to read this.
I am at a point in my life where I have to choose between two similar paths. So far, I have chosen a career path that affords unknown opportunities – the mystery and adventure has kept me motivated to mould my future. However, I work in an agency environment – which means future earning potential is pathetic. Also, this path has made it hard for me to find a corporate job that has good earning growth potential.
I have come to realise that BALANCE is the key to MY life – so I need to get a job that affords me this balance. My window of opportunity to adjust my career is closing, and so I need to make a decision to continue on this path and hope for the best or land a job to put me on a path to a corporate job that pays well.
I’m ready to go BORING 🙂
I think it’s commendable that the author recognized that the way he was indulging his passion was destroying him and saved himself from that situation.
I’d encourage him, however, to try and find some way to engage in the ‘the good parts’ of his teaching passion – be it getting involved as a resource for homeschoolers or volunteer work as a tutor or contributing to khanacademy.org in his free time. Find the good parts so you can enjoy life.
maybe the real issue here is that we don’t always know what our dream job really is like until we got it. if we are lucky, the dream job would be as good as we dreamed it to be. if we are not lucky, it would turn out to be different. when our dream job turned out to be different than how we dreamed it to be, we are either left with no dream job any more or we can search for a new one. It is not easy to find a new one though… a lot of people never know what their dream job is for their whole life. just like not every student know what to major in when they are in college. In those cases, it makes perfect sense to pursuit other things in your job… money, environment, fun, status… etc…
I just graduated w/ a bachelor’s, all set up to enter a credential program to start teaching history.
I too have heard the “follow your passions” speech hundreds of times since I was a little. This idea is actually a very Western way of thinking. My dad, who emigrated from South Korea, has (contrastingly) told me hundreds of times that a job is what you do to support your family, PERIOD. (to quote Red Foreman,”that’s why they call it a job, not ‘happy fun time'”. I have grappled with these two opposing view points (old vs. new generation, money vs. passion, what ever you want to call it) for years.
In a liberal atmosphere where not following your passions is anti-chic and interpreted as square, I chose to follow what I thought was my passion. Armed with retrospective knowledge despite my youth, I think I’m starting to understand why my dad thinks the way he does. What I really wanted was security – something I could get paid to do that I would absolutely love doing and never grow tired of. This idea of a passion is immature at best. Passions can evolve and change; what I value at 18 is not going to be what I value at 40. My dad relative to myself has a hyper restrospect ability, with the foresight to understand what was really important in the long run. Contrary to this modern idea of occupational passion, maybe I won’t die tomorrow and might actually want to live debt free someday. Maybe my job doesn’t have to define me, better yet, maybe my job is about more than me. Maybe I need to stop asking hypothetical questions and instead make experience my guide.
I’m just a young 21 year old trying to learn from the mistakes and successes of the author, the comments, and my dad. Perhaps my hopes of learning without making my own mistakes is greedy. Perhaps the way I view and frame the situation as a conflict of interests is wrong to begin with. I don’t have the answers, but I am searching.
My respect and gratitude to the author and some of the posters, who have left some incredible personal accounts and words of wisdom. It has truly opened my mind.
-Nelson
I think the get a job to make an income and the get a job to follow your passion trends have both been exploited by the commercial establishment. No matter which path you choose, it’s always good to do whatever you’re going to do for a higher purposes rather than just feeling good, always being in balance, or making enough to make ends meet.
I truly believe that if you are going to have a career or job, you should only do them if you are happy and enjoy doing them. Life is not about forcing yourself to do things which make you unhappy; it’s too short for that! And our talents do not just lie in one element/area; we may want to believe that, but we have multiple talents, we just choose to be stronger in one of them. Great post!
Personally, I believe a passion is a passion is a passion. No mundane job can ever make you as happy as enjoying your job day to day. Sure, there are shades of grey where you can tolerate a job because you have financial commitments , eventually that is all it will be. Most jobs are full time 40 hrs /week -thats alot of time spent doing something that just pays the bills and eventually you will tire of your lack of involvement.
Im about to quit a full time , very well paid job to study an MA. I have full security in my job but its not my passion. I can fund my interests and have a beautiful home but its a life wasted when you spend half your time not doing what you love. Im petrified but i know you have to make life work for you, life is short , i think majority of people in society end up just living with a mundane job , its just a lucky few who persist in living outside those rules. our young goals and dreams come from our healthy thinking. Taking a lame job just for money for years is giving in to our defeatist conformist side. I know because i have done it and i will happily die knowing i have followed my heart and tried.
I can’t agree more! I used to love sewing. I started sewing when I was a small child, and I even sewed my own satin gown for the prom. Once I got a job as a seamstress and I thought I would be in heaven every day! It made me dislike sewing. I hardly ever sew anymore. I have two sewing machines and I haven’t touched them in years. I never would have thought that would happen. I think the worst thing to do with something you enjoy would be to have to do it in a regimented way in order to get paid for it. Maybe others have had different experiences, but this has been mine.
I identify with you on such a level that reading this made me shed a tear. I am doing what I love right now and it is so emotionally draining that I am no longer the person I was just 2 short years ago. I am resigning and I am going to move into a different field where I can move back psychologically to a more balanced and centered place. This was a great article.
Also, I have my meeting with my boss tomorrow and that is when I am handing over my resignation letter. This article was very timely for my life. Thank you!
Interesting post, however I think the point is confused. Lets see:
-Author follows passion
-Author gets burned out by things not related to his passion but to having to work within “the rules the man imposes” around his passion
-Author leaves passion and resorts life priorities
-Author pursues more stable job for money
-Author plans to pursue more passion again outside of “rules the man imposes” through volenteering coupled with financial independance.
So I agree that advising people to only work at a job they love isn’t the best advice. But the article still validates the tenents of pursuing passions within the bounds of Financial Independenace as the main problems the author had with pursuing their passion was the need for money within the confines of the system that had very frustrating constraints.
For some of us, having a chance to work/job in our passion is a miracle. And for others, like the author and me, our passion leads to our ruin. I’m resigned to the fact that I am going to be working in a career I dislike with work that is always hard and challenging. Work that forces me to give up my dreams, hobbies, and pastimes. Passions lead to nothing.
Im in the same boat right Im tired of my current career and am seeking a new career. Im just bored and fed up. Im hoping I will decide on a second career soon.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am in the same boat… a job I love that is an emotional roller coaster. So, again, thank you.
Your story sound a bit like mine. I was a Spanish and history teacher for a short while. I loved it, but it was also very emotionally draining on me. We had to move nearer to my wife’s family because of her health, and that forced me to resign my teaching position. Now, after looking into about 100 different careers, I’m pursuing a master’s in accounting. Your story inspires me to think maybe I have made the right decision not to go back to being a teacher.
You just helped me make up my mind, thank you. I’m an engineer who’s dream job no longer seems viable, but instead of quitting the field altogether, I may go the temp route instead and use less exciting, but more flexible engineering work to allow for more freedom to pursue my passions that I’ve had to long neglect.
Perhaps it’s not how the job makes you feel, it’s the collective job+life picture, and perhaps a job that’s a little sucky that enables a wonderful life, rather than a promising job that kills your life, is a viable route.
Great article! I have experienced something similar in pursuing my passion for tennis. This however in reality over the past 10 years as a coach, hasn’t quite turned out the way I expected it too. It is still a sport I am passionate about, but not one that I enjoy doing as a career. I have tried changing the environment on a few occasions to see if this would make a difference, but only confirmed what I had previously been thinking and now know. Currently reviewing my next move what ever that may be, but what i do know! Is that my work/life balance will be key and that my hobbies remain my hobbies.
Thanks so much for your perspective and honesty. I really needed to read this tonight. 🙂
Very good article. Far too often, the importance of job satisfaction is overinflated. This whole idea of “fulfilling, meaningful” work is often romanticized. The cold hard reality is most work is boring as hell. It’s a means to an end. If you can find things you like at a job (the work itself, people, lunch) well that’s good, but to do like so many did in the 80s mistake one’s job for a career and thinking a career is a life that makes you a somebody, well it’s a good thing to walk away from.
This article is totally perfect for where I’m at. For the past 1.5-2 years I’ve been working for a company in the field of personal development. While I loved going through it as a student and contributing as a volunteer, I’m noticing over the past few months things pop up that I could relate while reading your story. I feel that when you start to get paid for what you “love to do” it changes the dynamic between you and that thing. Looking back, I had much more fun and fulfillment when I was a volunteer contributer; I felt I could truly come from a place of unconditional. Being in the role I’m in right now definitely is not working for me.
Reading this is supportive of moving past the guilt of wanting to leave something I love.
Thank you.
I loved this post. It is exactly what I am experiencing right now in many ways. I work in mental health and loved working with kids. It allowed me to experience so many great moments, but also many sad ones. I’ve contemplated leaving this field after becoming disillusioned, jaded, and bitter by how systems aren’t really about bringing people up, but keeping them down. I learned how not everyone who works in the field or in areas to help people improve their lives have their best interests at heart- at times it’s very political. There are many truths that I wasn’t taught in school. I don’t want to be a part of that kind of care and I’ve experienced my own mental health suffering due to being exposed to inefficiency, feeling powerless, and a whole bunch of other things. I can understand how people develop from bright eyed and bushy tailed students fresh out of grad school into rushed, unsympathetic, overworked, and underpaid professionals struggling to get by themselves. Now I’m trying to figure out how to merge my talents, strengths, and interests so I can be financially stable.
Perhaps working at something like the Boys and Girls Club would be a good fit? Or Big Brothers Big Sisters? Something where they are not governmental and actually do want to help people up.
I totally feel the same as this reader. I LOVE teaching but feel it is destroying my life outside teaching. I am passionate about finding new and improved activities for my students, it eats up my free time. What is more I too am disappointed with apparent incompetence and protectionism I see – when those who just want to draw a paycheck and check out at 3pm get to stay on year after year destroying students’ joy toward learning. At private schools it is worse – if you are in the “in crowd” you can teach with no credentials at all. Teachers who thumb their noses at state standards, proper assessments, or even just trying to find new ways to help students learn elbow out anyone who cares. And yes, after the first time you have to report abuse I don’t know if you ever climb out of that hole. I can’t image loving anything more than teaching but I think I would love my life more if I quit. I am hanging on now, not ready to give up my dream. I am a math teacher too – if I was younger I would quit for engineering, accounting, etc but I am just too old to go back to school (which I would love) because no one would take me seriously and hire me. I go on, at 50 years I still get that girlish excitement when I find something new for my students. My colleagues roll their eyes as it seems my passion is annoying. I will try one more year….
If you have a Master’s degree, look into teaching at community colleges. Or contact local businesses, and see if they need some math classes for employees.
It is really sad that you are considering leaving. Good math teachers are a real gift.
Wonderful. I managed to make myself feel utterly guilty and desperate for not following my passion and instead working towards an accounting degree. As a single mom after years of being a stay-at-home support-husband’s-business
Quite inspiring!
Almost in despair but when I read your story.. give me the courage push through..
I was once doing the job that I love.. Indeed.. yet after almost 3 years in service and see the real things happening and all the scream in the office and other stuff. I started becomming sluggish. I felt that theenvironment that I am working for is not thathealthy anymore for myself.
And yes I quit my job, pursue my master degree.. hoping to accomplish it this time.
True, its hard at first especially in terms of financial aspect. But I know.. Time will come. I’ll be better person and can able to earn for a living.
Thank you for this article. I am going to try teaching one more year, but you have summarized my experience as well. Teaching or any other career a person chooses as their passion can easily take over and consume the rest of their life. I, too, now dream of a job or career that I can do well that leaves me time to enjoy and explore the other areas of my life.
this is the exact article i needed at the exact time i needed it. i just worked my last day as a metal fabricator on friday and monday i start school for accounting. i was far too emotionally invested in my work, it was affecting my health, even when i wasn’t at work i couldn’t stop talking about it. and i realized i need to separate my work from my passion. all day today i was second guessing myself and doubting that this was the right path for me but after reading this and looking at myself, its exactly what i need to be doing. and that Dr.Seuss quote just drove it home. so i sincerely want to thank you for writing this and putting the idea out there that sometimes doing what you love for a living isn’t the best idea.
Thanks for an amazing article. I agreed whole heartedly with your perspective. I’ve spent over a decade in an engineering career that was supposed to fit me, I was supposed to enjoy. It got to be an old and grinding experience I eventually burned out from. I’ve been in a factory for three months, and my life outside of work had flourished.
Thanks again. It was an inspiring read.
I’m so happy to have found this article. I quit my dream job because I ended up having an unhealthy relationship with it, working all day, all night, weekends, etc. because there was a lot to do and I loved it. But others at the company were lazy and didn’t give a sh*t, and management refused to hold them accountable. I loved the work, but hated the people, and hated the system. I woke up every day excited to get back to my job, but exhausted from a restless night of little sleep, since it got to the point where I was waking up suddenly at 1am, 2am, and just feeling so angry at everyone. I quit partially on principle, but mostly for my health. Working at a “boring” job after that was really heart-wrenching after doing work I loved for years, but in the end I have hope for the future (and a lot more free time).
Thank you thank you thank you!!!
This is the best blog I’ve ever read. I’m a teacher and I felt your words. You are clearly a wonderful human being that the children were lucky to have. However, I understand your reasons for leaving the profession and empathise with much of what you say.
If we read to know that we are not alone, then your writing is perfection.
I really appreciate this article as a CPA who had been considering a career change. Being a CPA is a great career that does let me have balance to do the things I love and still feel like I help the school I work for.
Wow, I am SO happy I found this article! I finally got my dream job as a dolphin trainer after working toward it for the last 10+ years. It had been my dream from a very early age and I am still so incredibly passionate about it. The job, though, doesn’t allow me to have balance in my life. I don’t have enough money to do things outside of work, I don’t have flexibility in where I can live (you go wherever you can get a job in the U.S. and the jobs are extremely hard to come by), I have had to sacrifice relationships, rarely see my family, and I work two jobs so I don’t have time for a social life. I am actually planning on going back to school to get a second bachelor’s in accounting and thought that everyone would think that I was crazy.
I cannot thank you enough for this article! I’m a teacher and I can totally relate to the part about teaching being an emotional roller-coaster. Day-in and day-out I only keep thinking about the students and the staff. I’ve become so cynical about everything and a bit paranoid too. And all this stress is taking a toll on my mental and physical well-being. I’m on anti-anxiety meds because my stress levels are through the roof. So, I can totally relate to the part about how one should not pursue something that they love. I always had that mentality earlier but somewhere down the line, my need to give back to society or do something meaningful instead of wasting my hours in a cubicle took over and here I am. In a place that I now want to get out of. And your article is the reinforcement I needed. So, thank you once again 🙂