This reader story is from a longtime GRS reader Sumitha, who blogs at afineparent.com. Some reader stories contain general advice; others are examples of how a GRS reader achieved financial success or failure. These stories feature folks with all levels of financial maturity and income. Want to submit your own reader story? Here’s how.
Ever miss the good ol’ days when life seemed so much simpler? When happiness was a lot easier to access and contentment seemed to come naturally? To me, one of the most poignant and wistful memories is from the days when I was an undergrad student in India.
In the Indian culture, parents support their children through college. There are no “student jobs†for students to support themselves – their sole responsibility is to study well, get good grades, and land a great job. (That’s the official parents’ version. The students’ version is to spend this time having as much fun as possible before getting saddled with the responsibilities of the real world.)
Anyway, I come from a middle-class family. Being the middle child, my college years overlapped with that of my sisters – first with my elder sister and then my younger sister. That meant that the allowance that my parents could afford to give us was rather meager.
But I didn’t really think much about this then, because – well, that was the norm. Almost all my friends got pretty meager allowances too. There were two distinct classes of students – the “rich†and the “others.†We were the “others†and, for the most part, we were fine with it.
My allowance was Rs. 800 (approximately US $15) per month during the first couple of years and probably a little higher later. Out of that, about Rs. 600 – Rs. 650 would go to pay for my board (a small room that I shared with two others), electric bills and food bills. That left me roughly with Rs. 150 – Rs. 200 to pay for everything else – from books to birthday presents.
Now, the cost of living in India, especially 15 years back, was quite low. But even then, Rs. 200 (a little under US $4) did not go very far. Ever the resourceful, we had worked out all kinds of arrangements to stretch that Rupee. For expensive text books, we would pool in and buy one copy that all of us shared or took turns to keep it checked out of the library. We waited eagerly at the beginning of the term for lab schedules, to determine who we could share the mandatory lab and engineering supplies with (like everything else in life, sharing with some folks is a lot simpler than others). If someone was lucky enough to receive a motorcycle for her birthday, it was usually shared between several of us, sometimes as many as 10, to amortize the fuel (and repair) costs.
But for a foodie like me, the most cherished arrangement was the one I had with a few other foodie friends, united by our common disdain for what passed as food at the hostel.
Once or twice a month, four of us would each pool Rs. 3 per head, to buy a plate of “gobi manchurian†– a spicy snack made from cauliflower – from a street vendor. Each of us would get 3-4 florets of cauliflower (about 2 tablespoonfuls) in our share.
So, there we sat on the wide stairs leading up to the entrance of our hostel, a dinner plate in our hands with the usual inedible hostel fare. But for once we did not care about how much we loathed it, because our eyes feasted on those prized few pieces of the spicy gobi manchurian and our nostrils rejoiced in their exquisite smell. While the sun set somewhere on the horizon and a cool breeze blew, a hushed silence fell over the group as we relished our meals.
For those few moments, all was well with the world.
I have long forgotten the taste of that gobi manchurian, but to this day, I remember the feeling of pure, unadulterated joy it brought.
Fast forward about 12 years.
I had moved to the US and married by now. With advanced degrees in engineering, both my husband and I had landed above-average jobs and could afford to eat out any time we wanted.
I had sampled more cuisines than I could have named while sitting on the steps of my hostel during those dusk hours. I had discovered more delicacies than I even knew existed back then. I had traveled the world. I had seen a lot. I had tasted a lot. But nothing ever came close to providing the pure joy – the touch-that-spot-in-your-soul feeling – that the Rs. 3 gobi manchurian provided.
In my moments of retrospection, I couldn’t help but wonder, how something that cost Rs. 3 – approximately 6 cents, for crying out loud! – could have offered me such deep satisfaction. With our dual income, we had bought a lot of comfort and luxuries that I really appreciated and enjoyed. But none of it was ever quite the same as the simple, deep-down joy brought by those few gobi manchurian florets.
The journey up (or was it down?)
During the course of those 12 years when I had gone from a broke student in a developing country to a DINK in one of the most flourishing economies, a lot more had changed. I had gone from a starry-eyed optimist to a seasoned cynic.
While I used to cuss a lot as an undergrad student because I thought it was cool, I did so now with real angst and frustration. While I measured how successful any given year of my undergrad was in terms of how much fun I had, I now measured my success solely in terms of how much more money I made. While I was thrilled earlier to finally own an old hand-me-down motorcycle that spent as much time in the repair shop as it did with me, I now didn’t even bat an eyelid as I discussed the purchase of my new state-of-the-art gas-guzzling SUV.
Search as I might, it was hard to find even a few handful of moments of sheer happiness and pure joy. My life now was a continuous rerun of – wake up, go to work, stress out, get back, eat dinner, work some more or watch TV, stress out some more and repeat it all over again the next day – with a lot of complaining/cursing and a few expensive trinkets/vacations sprinkled in.
And then, one day, we got a wake-up call.
With my husband in the emergency room, and me waiting outside with our 2-year-old daughter, feeling numb and incredulous, I was forced to face just how fragile our little world was — and how absurdly lacking in substance it had become. It was time to take a deep, hard look at what life had come to, and to do something about it.
The next two years were a slow progression from a murky muddle of confusion to slowly finding clarity and rediscovering what matters in life. I decided to break out of the rat race. Bit by bit, I worked out the financial and emotional path to freedom.
Fast forward to today
After two years of saving and planning, I finally quit my job in April. The plan going forward is simple:
- Prioritize the simple joys of life over making money
- Become a better person, and a better parent
- Inspire other parents to become better people and better parents
- Eventually, figure out a way to earn a modest living from it
I have no idea if I’ve just flushed my life down the toilet or if I am starting on an epic adventure. I don’t know whether this is mid-life crisis or a reawakening. I still haven’t decided if this is just a long-ish break, or if I’m done for good.
What I do know is that if I don’t try this now, I’ll regret it forever.
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
So, here I am. On a quest to find true happiness. On a journey to rediscover what matters with nothing more than faith and some savings on my side. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so anxious and calm at the same time.
No doubt, chasing money was a fantastic adventure. But now, it’s time for an adventure of a different kind.
What about you? What are you chasing?
Best wishes with your new venture! I’ve found that when I lose sight of the simple pleasures, it’s time to make a change.
I think we forget how difficult the “simpler” times in our lives actually were because we look at them through the lens of the knowledge and experience we have now. My friends and I may joke that “being an adult sucks” but none of us would go back to being teens!
Thanks, Beth!
I agree, no matter how wistfully wonderful the good ol’ days were, I am happy to be where I am. Now if I can figure out a way to live life with the same simplicity as then, things would just be *perfect* :)
Thank you for sharing your story, Kelly! Isn’t it amazing how experiences trump possessions every single time… and for whatever reason, we are all drawn to possessing more and more, even at the expense of simple, touching experiences right where we are!
Just checked out your site, btw. Mmmmmm… just looking at it made my mouth water :)
Hasn’t this been posted before? Nevertheless, a very nice story about lifestyle inflation and awareness.
Can’t say as I’ve ever read it before but I think it definitely puts into perspective what is truly important in life, and that isn’t always money. Though money is a necessary part of it.
We plan on selling our home, everything in it and then purchase an RV to travel and live full time in. If that’s not a new adventure then I don’t know what is. Great article, thanks!
Whoa Jeff, that is an *epic* adventure! Good luck to you and hope you will share your story here with us some time!
That’s awesome and I applaud you! You didn’t flush anything away (except the stress and unhappiness) and I feel confident you and your family will flourish. Of course there may be anxiety and a few bumps along the way, but no journey is worthwhile without those. I think you did a great thing and I hope you’ll give us an update at some point. Good luck and God bless!
Thanks Keri, especially for your wonderful, motivating words — “You didn’t flush anything away (except the stress and unhappiness)” — I will hang on to those when things get bumpy. And they do… I went through a particularly rough patch just when I was all set to quit… I couldn’t believe I was actually going through it… It’s one thing to talk and another to actually do it :) Now that I’m a few months into it, I couldn’t be happier. I can see the impact it has on not just mine, but my family’s happiness “setpoint”…. Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that things sail smoothly even after the “honeymoon period” is over :)
Great article. Thank you for sharing this so much!
I am a 24 male, 2.5 years into my first real career job, and I admire hearing that there is something else waiting.
I enjoy my management job for now but one day I want something different (or at least I think I do).
I hope you will keep us updated with details on your progress! Thanks again!
Thanks, Sean. I hope your career will continue to unfold in many beautiful, satisfactory ways and you don’t encounter the dark dissatisfaction and cynical side of it at all!
I would love to stop by with an update some day (if the GRS editors will have me)…. I love the wonderful feedback from this awesome community!
Awesome story! I recently read a book called “Beyond the Beautiful Forevers” that followed some of the extreme poor in India. It was amazing how resourceful they were, and happy they were for some of the smallest pleasures. Obviously you were in a very different, middle-class lifestyle, but the similarities are still there.
I think your new path of financial independence and escape from the “rat race” will be a much-welcomed change. After years of saving and careful planning, I recently quit my 9-5 job, too. We did it on one modest salary and a grad student’s stipend in about 6 years. I really think, given the right tools and the drive, anyone can do what you and I have done. Congratulations on the new life- I’ll definitely be checking on your progress!
Thanks for your kind words and sharing the book.
And great to hear that you are a fellow “quitter” :) I love your blog! I agree, with the right mindset and some dedication, anyone (who wants to) can do this. Good luck to you in this adventure as well!
I was born in China in 1981. I grew up really poor, but yet it was the happiest most carefree time of my life. The reason is that everyone around me was poor. Sure living in a 500sq room with 7 people is not ideal but not out of the norm if everyone around you lives like that.
I remember my college years fondly and I was poor then as well. It was only until I started working that I had money went on lots of vacations, ate out all the time, and bought lots of designer bags, clothes and shoes. And yet I don’t consider that period a happy time of my life. I think I grew increasingly cynical and jaded.
I tried reading Beyond the Beautiful Forevers thinking it would be like 20 Questions aka Slumdog Millionaire, but it was nothing like that.
In some ways you simply can never go back. Youth is a time of lots of illusions about life and a list of dreams, a lot of which won’t come true. If you became poor again and could barely afford that wonderful food while sitting on the steps of a hostel, you simply wouldn’t feel the same way about it now that you are much older.
On the other hand, as adults, we can (and must) order our lives so we are not overwhelmed with treats and luxuries so they have no meaning. I was a single mother for 8 years and when I finally remarried I made sure I worked only part time jobs when I could get them. It was a joy for me to be able to make a home for the four of us and I needed a reserve of time and energy to do that. I sometimes wavered in my assurance that I was doing the right thing as some of my kids friends had tons of material things that I think my children envied. But overall I feel I was right.
Now that I’m a grandparent I have more money than I know what to do with even after supporting three charities. I have to constantly remind myself to hold back so as not to overwhelm the grandchildren with “stuff.” I work hard to make it all about the memories.
I love your attitude as a grandparent! I hope my parents and in-laws can be like that when we finally have kids. My kids will be the first grandkids for my parents, and I’m worried about an influx of stuff. I’d much rather have my parents visit frequently and take the kids to a museum or the zoo. Those were my favorite memories from my grandparents, and my favorite treat from them was always a simple Rold Gold pretzel rod.
@Anne, I agree, even if I were to go back to those days now, it just won’t be the same. I love the way you said it — “as adults, we can (and must) order our lives so we are not overwhelmed with treats and luxuries so they have no meaning.”
I guess what I am trying to do is something similar to what you did – be there for my family and collect experiences and memories, instead of stuff. I hope that when I am a grand parent, I can have the same attitude as you :)
Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful insight!
This article really spoke to me. My high-paying but stressful job has taken its toll over the years, and I find myself increasingly cynical and unable to find much joy on a day to day basis. I know I’m not the parent I could be, or even the parent I was a few years ago when my husband was alive and all the pressure of providing for our son didn’t fall solely on my shoulders. But I don’t know what to do about it. For one thing, I have no other parent as a fallback – health insurance, college savings, retirement savings, and just day to day living expenses are all up to me. And for another, I really don’t have a passion that I’d rather follow. Left to my own devices, I’d just spend the day doing all the little things I don’t have time for now: volunteering at my son’s school, reading, exercise, cooking, etc. There’s nothing else I’d rather do professionally, so I continue to do this, and just sort of wish that change would fall upon me rather than actively trying to make it happen. Anyway, I’ve subscribed to your email list, I can certainly use the inspiration!
@Kiernan, My heart goes out to you! I can’t imagine how hard it must be.
I’ve been lucky that I was able to quit. But I am beginning to realize that I could have done some of these things, maybe not all, even if I didn’t quit… The key is to start small….
How about maybe pick one of the things you already do – volunteering at your son’s school, reading, exercise, cooking – and do it intentionally to turn it into a rewarding experience? Those are all noble things, and each of them has the potential to do a world of good to both you and your son!
If you’re highly paid but miserable and can’t do anything else but continue you might want to look at early retirement options– because something’s gotta give.
http://earlyretirementextreme.com
Look at the 21-day makeover on the left sidebar.
Break a leg!
Sumitha you are right – that’s one of the things I’ve been trying to do, find opportunities to create small pleasures during the busy week. I actually wrote it down (because I don’t accomplish anything without a list) that this week I will figure out a great recipe to go with the thyme I got from my farm share this week. Also to try and be grateful for my job rather than see it as a burden, because it does allow my to provide for my son very comfortably and that’s not a luxury that all single parents have.
El Nerdo, I think about ERE all the time. I own and rent out a small condo that my late husband I bought 15 years ago, that is nearly paid off. My son and I live in a much larger and more expensive house. If I were willing to downsize … well, it would take some time, and it wouldn’t allow me to save for college and do other things I value, but it might be possible. My son adores our house and our neighborhood, but maybe he would enjoy having a happier and more present parent even more. I have a lot of fears about being without steady employment that hold me back, but maybe one of these days I’ll overcome them.
When you’re financially independent you don’t have to worry about income because it’s already there. But let me be very clear– I’m not an ER apostle and I don’t think everyone is psychologically equipped to become FI in 5 years. But please give the makeover a look– even if you don’t do *everything* he says there, you can start to implement some of those ideas and see where they take you– maybe a happier situation. As Bjork was quoted saying in the prologue to “Manifesta”– *Why suffer?*
@Kiernan, I agree, early retirement is not for everyone. If it is something you would like to try though, but don’t want to go all the way, one option to consider might be to take a “sabbatical” of sorts. That is kind of what I’m thinking of about my time off…. I do not have enough savings or passive income to cover for an early retirement, but I do have enough to pay myself a “salary” for 2-3 years during which I plan to try something different from my “regular” job. I’m pretty sure, through the course of these 2 years, I will have something set up that determines how the rest of my life goes. 2 years is a lot easier to handle (both financially and psychologically) than an unknown number of years in early retirement. And if you don’t want to quit at all, which is totally understandable, then maybe cut down the hours for 6 months to a year and see if you can use that time to set up something that generates steady income to eventually replace your salary. I’ve found that fears about scaling back is as much in the mind as the real practical issues. Anyway, whichever way you choose to go, good luck! :)
Thanks for sharing your story! It really resonates with me.
Not a problem, David! Thanks for commenting and letting me know :)
I loved reading this story earlier this morning. I wanted to reply but I didn’t know exactly how to explain what I wanted to say. So here maybe it goes:
This past summer we were in a transitional period between an artist residence that paid for everything and a derelict cabin that is supposed to become a sort of “permanent artist residence”, i.e., as self-sufficient as possible in the middle of nowhere.
So we were stuck with any and all money directed towards getting the cabin ready for the winter (we’ve already had snow) and with a meager income mainly from selling our old, useless junk (there is so much of it, it’s unreal).
Anyway, so we’re stuck eating the cheapest staples. Bananas for fruit. A 25lb sac of rice and $1-$1.50 bags of lentils or black beans, etc. Eggs when desperate for meat.
One day, looking for something to add a little flavor, a weekend treat, I came upon a recipe for red beans and rice– you know, Louisiana style. It was a huge splurge because on top of the $1 beans I had to buy a green peppers. And celery! And cajun spices! And, most luxurious of all, a $3 pack of salt *gasp* pork!
When that was cooked and eaten (it lasted a long time actually, and the 2nd day it tasted better than the first) we experience an inordinate level of pleasure, the kind that gives you a head rush and leaves you speechless. Seriously–it tasted AMAZING! Not just because it was a great recipe (which it is), but also because our food in previous weeks had been so spartan.
We realized of course, in the flesh and not just as some sort of vague moral abstraction, that when you keep things very basic the threshold for pleasure in your nervous system is much lower, and even the smallest thing can overwhelm you with delight. Just like gobi manchurian.
On the opposite side, getting accustomed to excesses ruins the senses and eventually descends into utter boredom. Which explains why the ruling classes in ancient Rome had to resort to eating exotic animals and all sorts of outlandish concoctions to keep themselves entertained. (Of course some of us aren’t monks and we arrived to this palace of wisdom through the road of excess, just like possibly some of those Romans.)
Anyway, new things happening this season and the wolf is now away from the door, but we’re sticking to simple living because we want our independence and don’t want the pressure and worry of having to make money all the time.
And thanks to this excellent article I started to soak some small red beans very early this morning. They are my gobi manchurian, ha ha ha. I’ll cook them this afternoon, and by tomorrow’s lunch they will be amazing.
Would you kindly post the recipe, please?
@El Nerdo, you made my mouth water for Louisiana style rice and beans with salt pork :)
You’ve said it so well about the threshold for pleasure – lower the threshold, even the smallest things can provide utter delight, and higher the threshold, bigger the stimulation needs to be to get even a semblance of that joy. And not only does the “absolute” stimulation level needs to be high, the “delta” between the current thing that brings you joy and the next one gets bigger and bigger. At some point, there just isn’t much you can do to feel any real joy at all – which probably explains why some of the rich celebrities who seem to have it all get so depressed and commit suicide :(
Nice opportunity for discussion, Thanks :)
Hey, thank you, and for rounding up the idea with the increasing delta (there’s your engineering training showing, ha ha.)
So, another step further– speaking of Louisiana and with the help of free association– what else is typical of Louisiana? Mardi Gras of course– but after that excess comes lent, which is all about the pain, ha ha ha.
Anyway, I’m not religious or anything, but that got me thinking, around this whole idea anyway, that if you go from feast to feast to feast you end up with indigestion (Jan. 2, 2014, here we come), whereas the traditions of fasting and intermittent deprivation, while mostly forgotten in Western culture these days, are actually a great way to reboot the system and re-learn to appreciate small things– a kind of experiential palate cleanser, if you will.
Because, let’s face it– most people, and I’m definitely included there, given the chance, will attempt to maximize their enjoyment of most things by larding up their experiences– but intermittent voluntary deprivation (sounds crazy, I know) might be a better way to keep one from going over to the dark side as well as help one stay healthy while actually maximizing enjoyment in the long run.
@El Nerdo, You bring up another great point!
I am a Hindu by birth (though I don’t practice it much), and it’s one of the cornerstones in the Hindu religion – some festival celebrations call for feasting and some for fasting.
And I know that the same with Islam too… most Muslims go the whole month of Ramzan without any food, not even water. And from what I understand, they are expected to clean their thoughts, give to those in need and not miss any prayers.
And of course, there is fasting and feasting in Christianity as well…
I guess the modern day society has somehow left this behind… maybe that’s why we go through economic bubbles and recessions, so we are forced, at least in some sense, to not lose sight of this cycle of fast-and-feast? ;)
Best of luck on your journey. The link between money and happiness is often complicated – is it better off to be making money and being unhappy with your job? I’m in a transition phase in my life and wondering what the best routes for me might be. This provides some insight.
@Elissa, It sure it! Wish you all the very best in figuring out the path, and on the journey ahead!
I loved reading your article ! It reminded me of something I experienced as a child. I visited my Grandparents in India, and we took a train journey. The best thing I ever remember eating was on that train. Vendors would come to the window at the stops, and we would buy different things. I still remember the taste of chole bhuduri – a chickpea dish in a kind of flat bread. It was hot, filling and delicious – and has left a memory I have never been able to replicate. It probably only cost a few rupees as well – but I still believe it was the best thing I ever ate !
Good luck on your new adventure !
Thanks, Val! You bring back such nice memories for me too :) The train ride in India was another experience I almost forgot about…. More than the food which was always yumm (my favorite was the Maddur Vada), I remember standing by the open door and letting the wind blow across my face as we went past the rolling fields…. Ah, Joy!
Some of the best writing that’s been featured on the site in a while. Best of luck to you!
Awww Kristen, Thank you so much for such kind words!
Thank you for sharing your story and all the comments were very inspiring. I am sick of the rat race. Someone else takes care of my kids, even though one is in high school and one in college, I miss out on pretty much everything. My oldest takes the youngest to her ortho every month and grandpa takes her get to piano lessons each week. My mom does most of the after school events and I rely on text and email from everyone to keep track of who is doing what. And I thought all of that was being successful and independant, but I am just a slave to the race in a sense. I’ve put myself in the position financially where I can’t leave my job or reduce my hours but I have a plan. To back track a bit, 4 months ago our kitchen sink needed replacing with a few pipes – the repair was $534 but we did not have the money to fix it. Our annual income is around $140k. I was disgusted with myself and my husband. Ridiculous! We had to put the repair on a credit card but that was the very last charge. Something inside of me snapped and I said no more debt! No more no more no more. My husband got on board after taking a couple of financial counseling classes and we are on the road to recovery. I dream of a simpler life where I can read a book, schedule a doctors appt without it being an Act of God to get off of work, pick up my daughter from school, and make my husband a yummy home cooked meal. In 2 years I will be able to cut my income by 1/2. I know I will miss out on a lot in that time but I know it will be worth it in the end. I know my kids and family want to spend time with me, and none of them care how much money I do or don’t have. I am also looking forward to reading your blog Sumitha! Thanks again!
And thank you for sharing your story too, Karen! It’s as inspiring as any other story I’ve read.
The past is done, it’s gone… there’s nothing more to do about it! What matters is that you’ve decided “no more!” and you’ve started on a path of change. It doesn’t matter what others say, it doesn’t matter what life throws at you… stick with it and someday you’ll be flush with the excitement of saying “we did it!” (talking from personal experience).
I wish you luck! It will probably be a rough road, but don’t give up… I hope to read *your story* here some day…
Well done! Thank you deeply, for reminding us of the simple, yet hard earned life lesson’s too many have forgotten. How to find that beautiful state of peaceful contentment,- lies not in yet another new toy,or fantastic vacation, but in valuing, maintaining the truly meaningful people and things already -in our lives. Loved this piece…
Thanks, Donna! You’ve put it beautifully.. it’s all about valuing and maintaining loving relationships with the people, and things, already in our lives. Such a simple thought, and for some reason, so easily forgotten!
Sumitha, This we a story close to my heart having grown up in India too. I can totally relate to all the small pleasures that you talked about. It is hard to make these difficult decisions…especially leaving a well paying job. I did the same for seven years and do not regret it! I am glad to be back in the work force doing what I love part time.It was very well written article…good luck!!
Hi Sumitha,
Many thanks for sharing your story, it is very important and valuable to know how like-minded people are doing out there.
I habelieve that the real reason why most people work hard to get money and a “better” status is that nobody wants to be left out of this play-in-action called “real life”.
Our long gone infancy-childhood-teen days are always invariably regarded as non-real life.
In contrast, our adult life is always regarded as “real-life”.
This arbitrary distinction. It is conventional. Such distinction is imposed on us by interested markets.
Save money needed for healthy food, medical care and basic stuff (no, an iPhone G27389 is no basic stuff!) then ask ourselves these questions:
At what point it became important what car you drive? Why it didn’t matter 20 or 30 years ago? Why it matters now?
At what exact day of our lives did money got a different value, an added value, a fetishistic value, a value in itself.
When kids, it used to be a convenient way to buy candies or a bike or a trip to the roller coaster.
When adults its meaning is broader, obscure, shadowy, ghostly, fantastic, misty… fetishistic
Lets reflect upon this very fact
Because this added (and impossible to define) value is what hook us into wage slavery and a never ending consumerist attitude.
If we reflect on this, we will realize we, as adults, run impatiently chasing ghosts and fantasies (dream sporty car, big fancy home at the coast, travel to the antarctic, the artic, flashy clothes so you look like a prince/princess)
We do it with such an energy, fruition and restlesness that no little kid can match us.
When kids, we boys dreamed about being brave Formula 1 pilots and girls dreamed about being extremely beautiful princesses in huge castles and palaces.
But when kids we knew those were just fantasies and we played with those fantasies and we ended those fantasies anytime we wanted to do it. And we started another different fantasy anytime we wanted.
Now adults we do believe those fantasies.
We do believe we can be sporty car drivers. We do believe we can buy castles or palaces.
Maybe not a Formula 1 car but maybe a sporty car worth $100 grand. Maybe not a real palace but maybe a huge home we don’t need.
We adults believe and fool ourselves into fantasies much more than any litlle kid do.
To a point we are happy to give up our freedom, give up our physical and spiritual health, pur peace of mind.
We adults we don’t live the “real life”, we live a fantasy
Kids do live the real life. They do know that box is not a Formula 1 car but they enjoy it anyway and have so much fun.
We adults think we can fulfill our childish fantasy
Who is living the “real world”
My bet kids are much more realistic
We adults risk our health, our lives and gladly give up our freedom in exchange of fulfilling a fantasy that not even little kids are so willing to crave for.
If you say a kid: “ok, you will have a sports car but I will hold you as a slave 9 to 9 monday to friday and perhaps some weekends for the rest of your life” the kid will say no way! But we adults just say “where do I sign?”
I am glad to hear you got out of the rat race to catch your breath Sumitha. I am hoping to do the same in the next couple of years. Does your husband want to take a similar break? I always feel bad for men who have to keep slogging away while their wives enjoy being at home – it’s nice when parents can take turns being at home with their kids so the kids get to know each parent better and the parents get a chance to really enjoy their kids when they are small.
I loved this post. I too grew up in a poor country (Philippines). Even though we weren’t poor but middle class, I knew what it meant to be limited. That made everything so delightful when we get it. Yes, something as simple as eating out or a piece of candy.
Today we don’t think much about buying something we think we “need”. Indeed the delta becomes bigger and bigger.
Fortunately, my husband and I value experiences a lot more than stuff. We have traveled a lot and visit family all the time.
We are on a journey to simplify our lives so that we can semi-retire soon.
Ugh the rat race. The now impossible American dream.
I’ve always thought the dream was nice but reality was ridiculous.
This is the life we’ve been raised to seek:
-12 yrs in school followed by at least 4 years in college
-10s of 1000s in student loans
-find someone to marry, and make sure each of you lands a great full time job with a long commute
-get a mortgage that you can just barely afford, and fill the house with furniture, and the backyard with toys put on credit
– have two kids and immediately send them to daycare. Its important to make sure they’re raised by strangers from babyhood so they can handle the long days of school later on
– move your kids from daycare to school, shift their schedule so they are up at 6 am every morning, on the bus at 7:30 and home to a babysitter at 3 or 4
– work a good 9-5 job with at least a half hour commute so most of your day is spent slaving
– come home at 6 pm dog tired and put a convenience meal in the oven
– do the house cleaning, pay the bills, say hi to the kids and put them to bed
– a couple hours in front of the tv and get to sleep to start it over tomorrow
From everyone I have talked to,watched, and witnessed – this is realistic life for many if not most Americans who work.
I’m sorry, but that is NOT an appetizing prospect. That is not something dreamy to me at all. Maybe I’m just crazy, but I don’t see much lovely about that life.
Instead, I dream about a life where I can spend time with my children, teach them, educate them, love them. Where my life isn’t spent in a cubicle, but doing something lovely and unique.
Where day to day is not about the daily grind, but about living with those I love.
I have fought for years against this inevitable American dream, and will continue to fight it, because it is a nightmare, not a dream.