What do you do if you’re struggling to make ends meet?
There are times when it doesn’t work. You lost your job or you can’t get a job. Your ex-wife takes you to court. Your partner absconds with the money in your business account. Your business fails. Your car dies. Your health takes an unexpected turn for the worse. Sometimes you’re actually just trying to get to the next day — and you don’t know exactly how you’ll get there.
When one of you — our Facebook readers — asked us about dealing with really difficult circumstances, we couldn’t help but be moved. And while we’re all at different levels of financial independence (or dependence), we searched through our articles to find some that discuss what to do when you’re in desperate circumstances and found relatively few.
So we thought, Why not ask the community for help? Let’s reach out to the readers and see if, together, we can give our best advice for what to do when you’re just barely making — or failing to make — ends meet.
We’ll consider the brass-tacks basics of what to do when you’re in survival mode. This isn’t an exhaustive list. It’s just meant to be a starting point. Then, we’ll look at the attitudes that can help someone be successful during difficult times. The first thing is to prioritize your needs and stabilize your income…
Prioritize your needs
- Housing — Your safety is the highest priority, and that starts with having a roof over your head.
- Utilities — Electricity and water are essential too, especially considering that extreme weather conditions can be deadly. (It’s also important for the next priority.)
- Food — Clearly a necessity as well, but consider how you can bring your costs down.
- Transportation — Depending on where you live, investigate public transportation and consider walking and/or getting a bicycle.
- Health Maintenance — Maintain necessary prescriptions such as insulin, etc. (Depending on your health, this may appear higher on the list.)
- Phone — You only need simple phone service that amounts to about $20/month (not a smartphone with Internet).
Stabilize your income
Do whatever you can to maintain (or *secure) income that will meet the prioritized needs at least. In certain circumstances, some of the items mentioned above, such as food and utilities, can be subsidized if necessary. If at all possible, secure a second job to help you get ahead faster. If you have an emergency fund — and you should — carefully budget your needs against it to see how long it will last.
(* Another reader provided her solution to when there isn’t enough, which entailed making some hard choices such as moving out of state to find work.)
Your mindset when barely making ends meet
There are so many people desperately trying to make ends meet and failing at it — whether because of their own failures or because of terrible misfortune. And it’s hard. Still, the problem remains that we must get through it, get past it, so we, and everyone else in our lives, ultimately succeed. It’s a problem made more difficult by our own inability to corral negative thoughts, change unproductive attitudes, or embrace new beliefs that could help improve our situation. Sometimes, it’s just not that easy to shake familiar habits and replace them with untried methods that have unknown results. Sometimes that’s exactly what is necessary. Sometimes it takes being pushed against the wall.
We want to look at what has to happen inside to make it through such a difficult time. Do you need encouragement, or do you need to be pushed? What thought process guides someone out of these situations?
- You’ve lost your job
- You are living on the street
- You’ve been out of work for years
- Your health is compromised
Recognizing that it’s never enough to simply pat someone on the back and offer a phrase or thought, how would you encourage someone in this situation? How did you manage your thoughts, change your attitudes, and find new beliefs that improved your situation? Do you have any ideas on housing, food, or income for anyone who is facing extreme financial hardship? This is a broad topic, so as you comment, please indicate at the beginning of your comment what aspect you are addressing so it will be easy to search and find comments on topics that interest future readers… and thank you. Thank you for your generous support of other readers who happen to be struggling.
Become A Money Boss And Join 15,000 Others
Subscribe to the GRS Insider (FREE) and we’ll give you a copy of the Money Boss Manifesto (also FREE)
There are 86 comments to "What do you do if you’re struggling to make ends meet?".
There are two things everyone should have: an emergency fund (for real emergencies) and a social support network. Even if your social network can’t provide funds directly, they can provide emotional support and, often, references and leads to opportunities. An important part of belonging to such a network is being willing to give when someone else is in need. Life is a lot easier, and a lot more fun, when we’re all in this together.
You and I must have been typing at the same time 🙂 Well said!
I know a lot of people — myself included! — find it challenging to network. I’m not a fan of “meet and greet” type situations, but I think networking becomes easier if we adopt an approach of looking for ways to contribute to something. For example, if we focus on what we can do for others — such as mentoring or lending our skills to a project or committee — then there are ways to build meaningful connections.
I believe GRS doesn’t have many of these articles because what you can do depends very much on your individual situation: where you live, any dependents, assets you could sell. As gloomy as it sounds we should all have some idea what we would do when the emergency hit and the emergency fund wasn’t enough.
Housing: Put my house up for sale, move in with my best friend and her husband who live out of state but in a lower cost of living state. They won’t let me live with them forever, but they like my cooking.
Food: Go to church and ask about food banks. I say this whether you care about organizaed religion or not, churches often are in tune to resources for the deseperate.
Great idea! Beyond having just an E-fund, it’s a good idea to have an emergency plan as well.
INCOME: Tell everyone you know you’re looking for work. I’ve dealt with job loss — I know gut reaction is to want to hide under a rock. However, you never know where your next lead will come from, and a high percentage of jobs are never advertised. You have to swallow your pride and let others help you. Chances are you’ll have the opportunity to “pay it forward”.
It’s the 21st century — people realize that job losses often happen to smart, talented people due to circumstances beyond their control. It’s an emotional roller coaster, but I was surprised, touched and grateful by the support I received.
Food: There is a good reason why food pantries exist-its for when people fall on tough times. There is too much noise around people abusing the system, but in reality, not enough people who can use the help go out and get it. If you’re worried about your pride, you can catalogue the food received and plan to make a donation when the tough times end.
The next part is not ethical, but most goods and services will not be taken away/shut off immediately allowing you to play around with money owed. This is given that you’ve been on time with payments so far. For example, if you’re renting/have a mortgage, you can skip the payments for about three months. Many states have squatter protection laws. You will need to pay back any months you skipped and your lease will probably not be renewed.
Is the take-home advice here really “make sure you can pay for the basics by getting a job or two”? That’s a little insulting – I would assume anyone having trouble making ends meet would be trying to secure enough income to live on. So far the four comments above mine are more helpful and informative than that.
Exactly. I get the real sense that not many of these folks have truly been living at or below the povery level. Because “get a job” or “get a second job” is just not going to be the most realistic advice. Sheesh.
It may seem obvious to you (and me), but for some people it HAS to be said. After 30 minutes of my SIL complaining about her unstable money situation, I asked her, “When was the last time you worked?”
She stuttered a few times then hung up on me because the answer was…never.
Their child is 12, so she believes she can’t work at all. The idea that her child is old enough that she may share the responsibility to help make ends meet at this point was shocking/offensive to her.
They have always lived on a shoestring and we have helped them many time$ because her DH has a hard time keeping a job. Now we are retired and making do with less. Maybe I was cruel for for pointing it out to her, but I think she needs to at least consider it.
That’s not cruel, it’s honest. A lot of people choose to whine or complain when the truth is, they are scared at a deep level and they just don’t want to see that THEY are the ones who need to make a change. Usually they are deeply unhappy and in denial.
It does need to be said sometimes–there are a lot of people who think they can cruise on down the road and money will magically appear (Prosperity Gospel, anyone?). It takes hard work to get out of a situation where you just don’t have enough money and truth be told, some people just don’t know the value of good, hard work.
INCOME (clearly temporary but immediate cash can help):
Sell anything non-essential. TV? Furniture? Car? Clearly what is sell-able and how easy it is (urban vs. rural) may make the success of such a sale vary.
Offer services to friends/family. Babysit? Clean? Drive grandma to the doctor?
Participate in one-day research studies (often listed on Craigslist? Sell Plasma?
I like the comments about creating a social/family network that will sustain us in hard times, but if you have been working and paying taxes you should not forget that you are entitled to the benefits that accrue as a result.
Yes, the government can make it difficult to apply/qualify for assistance – you may have to do some research – but if you have paid into the system, you are not abusing it by investigating what you are entitled to and using the assistance to get back on your feet.
Even if you don’t need the assistance immediately, start the application process as soon as you lose your job. That way if things get worse you are already in process – and if they get better you can cancel your application.
I second this thought. Didn’t put it in my original comment because of obstacles in obtaining benefits that sometimes occur, but getting the process started as soon as possible is better than not starting at all.
Become knowledgeable about the smaller philanthropic groups in your community – not only for yourself but for others you may know. I know of a small group of women in my community who donate together to different area non-profits but if they hear of a women needing help paying for something such as a car tire or denture replacement (two events that I know they’ve covered) they will commit to paying for it in as little as 24 hours of hearing of the crisis.
I think this is excellent! I will have to look around my town and see if there is something like that I can join. If not, I will see what’s involved in starting it up. This is the best idea I’ve seen in a long time.
Many Masonic Lodges offer assistance, particularly to members and families, as well as other fraternal and business organizations like Rotary.
FOOD, HOUSING: I have a huge network of friends and family within an hour of my apartment. When I moved out of my ex’s place last year, I stayed with family and later on friends while I saved up and figured out my next move. Similarly, my couch has been used as a temporary home for friends in need.
I have had one of those situations occur in my life, and the number one thought for me was “don’t hide your situation”. Access your family first and your friends second. You will be surprised what kind of help they can provide. Try:
#1 Get yourself out of survival mode. If you are dead out of $, ask for some. Use it to pay mortgage, food, disconnects, in that order. Also, if you smoke, quit.
#2 Tell people what you need. They will either HAVE what you need, or have IDEAS to help you get what you need.
#3 Don’t whine. EVER! Whining takes energy and it makes people tune you out. Unless you are spending their money or help on drugs, booze, or cigarettes, they will help you if you don’t wine.
Remember, to have good friends you must be a good friend. If someone calls you and needs help someday, then help them, even if it’s just a $20 food card to the local grocery. That small gift will pay you back someday. However, never expect anything in return.
+1. This. (Really good comments overall.)
this is great advice!, you will be surprised of all the help that is available church, friends, community etc.
Ok, full disclosure: I’m a therapist, so this is going to be more psychological, less immediate problem solving in nature, but nonetheless important. I see way too many people who have something awful happen (or in some cases, multiple awful things) happen and wind up deep in depression and/or addiction, which needless to say, only makes things worse. It is important to guard against this, as it will sabotage everything else you are trying to do. Talk to people. Get some exercise (just walking daily is helpful here). Don’t fall into the trap of isolating or shaming yourself. Ask for help when you need it. Some places have free counseling resources when people are unemployed. I agree churches are good places to look at too. Often they know of a lot of other resources that could be helpful to you, so ask around.
One other thing: Social workers are often experts at connecting people with resources. If you can find a social worker in your network (friend, friend of friend, etc.), pick his/her brain!
I’d question the electricity part depending on where you live. It may be difficult but it can be done. I’ve traveled and stayed months at time (near a combined total of 2 yrs) in places with no electricity and it’s amazing how used to it you can get. I purposely went with minimal electricity for 1 yr 1/2 before renting out my house. My energy bill averaged less than $50/ month. no electricity means no cable or internet by default.
– You can use solar lights (which can be expensive so see if you can get some from craigslist or borrow from a friend). Put them outside during the day to charge and bring them in at night.
– you can heat water in a pan on a grill and cook on the grill.
– Stick with foods that don’t need to be refrigerated. Certain produce, dry foods (rice and beans), dehygrated food (cup o’ noodles)
– forage; in my state there are wild yams galore. They are a pest vine and so they are not protected and you can pick them. I’ve gone out in the yard at times and pulled some off the fence when I ran out of potatos to eat with my eggs. They are smaller, and slightly bitter and harder. But still good and filling, and safe.
– If the hardship is meant to continue for some time it may be worth it to grow your own food. Start with root veggies which grow quickly and are hardy, and hearty.
– Take care of your emotional well-being. Whatever that means to you. Meditating, yoga, walking, deep breathing, writing and reciting affirmations.
– BE USEFUL; learn to barter and trade your services. Start with friends and/ or family. Make sure you let it be known you don’t want a free ride. Offer to be a caretaker or do work around the house and yard in exchange for a couch to sleep on.
– Realize you can likely only go up and use that to motivate you.
For the average person living in a developed country, when you scrape away everything we have been accustomed to accept as “necessary” you will be amazed by how little we can live on.
This is great information, Imoot! Thank you for sharing it!!!
Imoot,
Your response fascinates me. Where did you learn all of this? Clearly, there’s a story to be told here.
FOOD:
The Prudent Homemaker’s website offers a 3 month meal plan for every season to feed a large family for $.40 per day. Start there. Eliminate juices, pop/soda, alcohol. Drink water. Eliminate non-nutritious foods. Stick with foods that produce a high satiety factor- think oats, legumes, soups, high-fiber fruits and vegetables. Eat seasonally. Reduce or eliminate meat consumption. Don’t eat out.
The problem is, I have only owned my home for 3 years. It would cost me more to sell it than to keep it, and rent in this area is as high or higher than my mortgage. As a family of 3 with a dog, we can’t just “crash” on someone’s couch. So at this point I am prioritizing my house payment. But things like medical bills have to be pushed to the side. I don’t buy things. Our clothes are full of holes. Everything my child wears is a hand me down or from the $1 bin at Goodwill. We don’t have cable. My phone is 4 years old with a cracked screen, and I haven’t replaced it. We have two cars by necessity, but one is paid off, and both are very inexpensive Hyundai accents we bought used. We get books from the library. All my son’s toys were gifts. I make 95% or more of our meals at home. I only buy meat if it’s on clearance. I never pay retail for anything. My husband has to have internet on his phone for work (his freelance stuff). He works, but there were a few months when he didn’t get called in (he’s contract), and the work he got to fill in didn’t pay nearly as much. Add to that several large medical bills (despite having very expensive insurance since his job doesn’t provide insurance), the car breaking down twice, etc. and we are about a month behind (in other words, $5,000 would solve the issue). But I just can’t seem to get there. I am staring down several thousand dollars worth of bills, and I know that the next pay check won’t even cover the mortgage and health insurance. I just don’t know what to cut. I am trying to sell some of our stuff, but we don’t have that much to sell. The idea of investing for the future is a pipe dream. The emergency fund I so carefully saved all went out the window. So did the tax return. I’ve never been in a position like this. My husband works very hard, and has two jobs as well as freelance stuff he does on the weekends. I am working to get a part time job, but with a toddler, it is hard to find something where my husband can watch the baby, as there is no point in working just to pay a sitter. My mom lives out of state, my husband’s parents can’t help us (they both work). Our friends are all trying to make ends meet themselves, and we don’t belong to any religion (atheists), so we don’t have that to fall back on either. We “make too much” to qualify for assistance (for things like Health Insurance or medical bills) but not enough to fit the bills in our budget. It’s so frustrating. I have used credit cards to help pay for things (as much as I hate doing that), but they are mostly full up, so our credit is falling fast, and now I have to eventually dig out of those debts as well. I don’t even know where to start. [In case you didn’t figure it out, I’m the FaceBook reader who posted the original comment.]
If you are paying a lot for a private health insurance policy, perhaps you should consider applying for assistance under the Affordable Care Act. People/Families with incomes up to 400% of the federal poverty level can get subsidies for the premiums on a sliding scale. http://www.healthcare.gov
call your doctor’s offices that you owe the bills. Most places have a hardship application and they can lower or even eliminate your balance owed. Just tell the situation and they will work with you. Don’t ignore the bills, just be upfront.
Call house lender and apply for hardship. Alot of paperwork needed but well worth the lower payments until you can get back on your feet.
Although you are athiest, I would not discount turning to a church or charitable organization for help. Last time I checked, being my brother’s keeper applied to the believers and non-believers.
Places like Catholic Charities will help anyone regardless of religious affiliation (or lack thereof). I know locally, they have a food shelf, free clothes program, etc. They also have a financial counseling program that can help you review your overall budget to see if there is anything to cut or if there are community resources they can put you in touch with. For example, you might be thinking, “I don’t need food from the food shelf.” But, if using the food shelf for one month helps to stabilize your finances and keeps you from getting deeper in the hole (for instance, you can then put that money saved from food towards a bill to avoid an additional late charge), it is worth it.
I agree! Our neighbourhood church supports the community, regardless of faith. For example, every season, they have a clothing “sale” where people pay a small fee (a few dollars) and get a big bag to fill with whatever clothing and household goods they want.
People want to help — especially since many of them have been in a position where they’ve received help and want to return the favour.
You mentioned that rent was high in your area, would it be possible to rent your house temporarily and move into a lower cost area (e.g. renting an apartment) until you are able to get ahead a bit?
I knew of a family who had to care for the wife’s terminally ill mother and didn’t have enough money to afford to keep their house at the time and stay at home to care for her, so they rented their house out and moved in with family to make ends meet.
I hope everything works out for you, sending my positive thoughts!!
I know the feeling when you’re doing everything right but b/c of unforeseen circumstances that occur one right after the other it seems like you’re running fast, but moving in slow motion. It’s really frustrating.
First things first. Find out how much (average) your household takes home. Now figure out the bare minimum you think you would need to cover each basic area: Food/ utilities (electric/gas and water/ trash only…everything else goes)/ housing/ transportation
You have a house. Use it. ANYONE you know and trust who is looking for a place, and even if they’re not, offer the space if you have it. In this day and age it’s easy to convince someone who is renting (especially if rent in your area is more expensive) that if they move into your house with your family for even just 6 months for a couple hundred a month, they can save a few thousand dollars. If you’re comfortable with it and you live in a college town, see if you can rent a room to a student or an intern. Consider providing childcare at your home.
I would suggest renting out the house and getting a single bedroom apartment for 1 yr, but I know first hand how expensive it is initially to rent out your house, so I don’t think that would be a good idea.
It’s obvious from your post that you’ve cut all that you can cut. It seems now that the problem is your family needs more income. Not to get all up in your business, but is there a reason why you aren’t pursuing a full-time job? It would solve 3 problems: More income, stable income, and much cheaper health insurance. I’m just guessing, but your savings on health insurance would probably cover, possibly eclipse childcare costs. Also, at toddler age, children get lots of social and learning benefits from child care; it no longer becomes just a place to stick the baby while the parents are at work. A part time job does not seem like it would do much to help the situation of having only one person in the family who is a primary breadwinner, which has a past of inconsistency. At that point you’re just using toothpicks to steady the structure. My BIL earns almost twice what my sister earns, working parttime and owning side business, but she still works full time mainly for the health insurance for their family of 4. She pays less than $150 out of her paycheck. Or if you’re dead-set on getting a part time job, consider working at 24 — hour, or late night places so the kid can stay with your husband at night. Hotels come to mind, 24 hr stores, restaurants. Maybe the hubs may need to consider more steady type work as well until your family can get back on it’s feet.
Cutting down more will not do much other than make you more miserable. Focusing the efforts on more income is what I would do.
For cutting additional costs…you have a house (and assuming you have a yard) again, use it.
– Grow a simple soup and salad raised garden. Many of the things can be grown using parts of produce you’ve already used. A soup and salad garden allows you to grow just a few items, which can be used to create whole meals. Cabbage, carrots, onion, potatoes (cabbage soup…can be harvested and frozen up to 3 mo). Lettuce, tomato, and cucumber for salads. Buy eggs at less than $1 per dozen for protein, and oil and vinegar are cheap. That is 7 food items only, that can provide two separate meals. I don’t know where you live so this may not be possible, but could be. All you need are several plastic tubs with drainage holes at the bottom if you don’t want to build a raised garden. You don’t have to spend a lot of money getting fancy with it. Just water, sunshine and prayer (and a little research won’t hurt). If they grow, great…if not, what did you lose for trying?
Regarding housing costs. We’re at the beginning of the tax season (unless your state is different), consider removing escrow from your house payment. There may be a fee up front (usually a couple hundred dollars), but for most people taxes and insurance account for up to ½ of their house payment. You could instantly “save” $100’s per month. I put “save” in quotes because you will have to pay the money up front come tax time and when the insurance bill is dues (for me, both of them are due around Nov). So it’s a BIG gamble b/c you will need the money by then, in full. The only reason I would suggest doing this is in order to quickly pay off the debt so that you can have more income to save. Good luck to you.
Can you rent out a room or rooms in your house?
Sending you good wishes.
Also, I have a gift card for the YNAB (You Need A Budget) budgeting software that I got for someone for Christmas, but they bought the software on their own, so it’s been sitting at my home waiting to go to someone who really wants and needs it. I know budgeting probably feels like the last thing you want to think about now, but you DO have income, and there may be holes in your budget/planning that you are not fully aware of. If you want it, email me at peonyzinnia at g mail dot com. The YNAB forums are very friendly and good for crowdsourcing ideas for spending/earning/dealing with creditors. Many have turned around situations that were quite desperate.
Another thought — could you do home daycare?
INCOME:
There was a time when I was the only one working, my partner was fired and was out of work for over a year. I was a sign spinner for an advertising company, we made gift baskets for special occasions ( we had them pay half up front to cover costs) I participated in focus groups, I had experience working in offices so I called offices from the phone book and offered to temp for them.
There are a lot of jobs that can be done from home. Try flexjobs.com for telecommunting options. Ask friends and family if they know anyone that needs their children babysat as well. The website care.com has job postings for this. Maybe try getting a night job if your husbands jobs are usually during the day.
If you are running errands anyway, ask if someone else needs you to get things and charge a fee.
If your husband is a freelancer, offer whatever services he does on thumbtack.com this site is for service oriented business and it is only local to your location.
I would suggest writing down all of your skills and trying to find a way to monetize them.
Food:
Maybe you know others that are struggling with not getting enough food as well. Start a food circle where everyone only cooks one or two nights a week but makes enough for the whole group. This saves everyone money as they are only cooking when it’s their turn.
Laura, I hear you loud and clear. I have lost 80% of my income over the past 3 years. Regarding $5,000 in medical bills, my hospital wiped out the bills via their charity program.
Expenses are finite. Income is infinite. At the end of the day, it is always going to come down to increasing income. There are many sites that list at-home jobs and side hustles: http://www.ratracerebellion.com/ and http://www.budgetsaresexy.com/2011/10/how-to-be-phone-sex-operator/
Income: Try looking for part-time jobs that you don’t need childcare for or where childcare is included. Many daycare centers provide free or discounted childcare for full time employees, or allow you to bring your child while you are working. If you’re not looking for something full-time, there are plenty of part-time options that you can bring your child with you as well, especially with only one child. For example, our local YMCA is always hiring in their “kids club” to provide childcare while people work out – usually workers take three hour shifts, and the employees that I see often have one or two of their own kids there with them.
Also, if you have extra room in your house consider renting out a room to someone in a similar situation. I know one situation of two unrelated single moms living together in a two bedroom apartment. They were able to share childcare when needed, and expenses. If you only have one child and a typical 3-bedroom house, you could easily do this. You could potentially even consider renting out two bedrooms and sharing your bedroom with your child.
Also, many people are looking for babysitters, but don’t mind you bringing your own child with you. This is another great option to look into.
Keep all options on the table. Definitely pay those medical bills last, but call them to let them know you don’t have the money right now. Consider selling the second car to pay the mortgage. Your house should be your priority. If you can’t afford the mortgage and food, then you shouldn’t be paying the credit cards (if they are already close to their limit), they will take about 3 months to go into collections, then if you wait another 6-12 months you may be able to negotiate smaller payments. Just pay attention to the mail, because if you get any judgment notices, you need to try to negotiate right away on those so wages aren’t garnished.
You can contact a non-profit agency called consumer credit counseling to help you create a budget and see if you can pay off the credit cards on your own (they can negotiate lower interest). You don’t have to be late on your cards yet to start this process, and I would try it before just stopping payments. They can help you with other great ideas as well on priorities and may be able to get you mortgage help as well if needed. There is a 1-800 number on your credit card bill for non-profit consumer credit counseling.
You should check out your local St. Vincent de Paul Society if you have one. It is a Catholic Charity that may pay your bills. The local one I volunteer at is all staffed by volunteers with a charity thrift store. All profits are used to help people in our area. Once every 12 months people can qualify for assistance and we will pay your electricity or water (heat isn’t a big deal down here) or buy you medicines. We also have a secret food pantry in the back. We don’t advertise it but when people need food we will give them food with the other assistance. All aplicants are prescreened so the money goes to those who really need it. And we sometimes just give people a voucher to come “buy” cloths and household things from our store. Its free money for those who need it. Don’t worry about your religion or lack of it, our goal is to help people.
Atheists go to church, too, they are frequently Unitarian Universalists (UUs). Check http://www.uua.org for a UU church in your area–all are welcome, in particular LBGT folks in “Welcoming Congregations.” If you don’t like one church/society, find another, as they are all independent of one another, but affiliated.
The ministers usually have a discretionary fund and you can possibly get help with a bill/mortgate payment, etc.
It’s a thought.
Check with a local animal shelter or your vet to see if they can help with dog food. Many receive donations of food and may be able to help. Its a small cost, but one that will help some.
I’ve never known a church to turn someone away from a food bank or clothes. Many may have resources or know of members looking to give away clothes, etc.
Could you keep another child or children for someone in your home? This way you can make some money and not have to worry about childcare for your little one.
Laura,
J.D. kindly asked for GRS readers for suggestions and tips. I’m not going to add into the loving and well-intentioned list.
What I will say is this: clearly you have an outstanding command of English and grammar. You are a strong writer who can clearly communicate and strike strong emotional chords in others. You have at least three highly-prized, marketable skills right there.
You seem to have a loving husband and a lovely son.
You know how to prioritize and persevere.
Many gifts in your corner!
Kudos to you for reaching out to GRS and seeking more information from this community.
I understand that you are in a situation that feels scary. I don’t discount that. And I know what I’m about to say won’t put food on the table tonight.
I also have absolute faith that you will pull through this and land on your feet.
There are thousands of families in similar situations, smart, competent, resilient folks, who never thought the tables would turn on them so dramatically.
There are so few people who can speak to their struggles with compassion, eloquence, and authority.
While you discover solutions over the next few months and years, I highly encourage you to use your writing abilities to catalog what actually makes a difference.
I can just imagine that 3 years from now, you could build a brilliant blog following (or something similar) that offers solutions on these same problems for thousands of people. This time in your life could turn out to be the greatest blessing, not just for you but for those whose lives you touch.
I’m sure the GRS community would love to read your insights and solutions.
The fact of the matter is that no one is going to rescue you. You are the hero you’ve been waiting for. You will figure this out. And as you do, you have the opportunity to take this private battle to the public sphere.
In America, we tend to pretend that this situation doesn’t exist. But it does — way more often that most people realize.
You can be an activist, a mentor, a guide, a teacher, an inspiration, a storyteller of the narrative that is not being shared.
I look forward to hearing updates, and if you start a blog, I’d love to be your first subscriber!
CUTTING EXPENSES: I know this will sound harsh, but you cannot afford a dog. Pets are a luxury that people who don’t have the funds to take care of the PEOPLE in their family (food, shelter, medical costs, etc.) can’t afford to support. See if you can find a family looking for a pet to give (for free) your dog to. That money you were using to support the dog can be used to help you get your head above water.
I also echo others recommendations that you look to your local churches for help and try to rent out a room in your house. It’s all about getting the expenses:income ratio under 1.
Housing:
Live like a student. Rent a room from someone. If you have a house, rent out the rooms to trustworthy individuals.
A network of friends and family will help you get through a lot of things. But don’t forget that there are other resources designed to help.
I live in Michigan and one of my favorite blogs is Monroe on a Budget. Here is a link to a blog post on where to find assistance if you have a situation like this:
http://www.blogsmonroe.com/budget/do-you-need-charity-assistance-five-tips-to-read-first/
It looks like a great site, Anne. Hopefully there are resources like this in other areas too. 🙂
UTILITIES
We recently had a crisis where our furnace died during one of the polar vortex extremes (single digit temperatures). It was an emergency that needed to be addressed immediately. Luckily we had been saving money in an emergency fund for a while and were able to pay for a new heating system right away, and have it installed within a few days. Yes, we could have put the cost on a credit card, but it would have been a huge burden to pay off and would have taken a couple of years at least.
http://www.rathersquare.com/2014/03/how-we-pay-for-surprise-home-costs/
Utilities are a basic need these days, especially with this crazy winter we’ve been having, so I would definitely recommend having an emergency fund to bank against the unexpected things that can happen in your house without warning. It saved us from freezing and from going into debt just to stay alive.
UTILITIES – In Minnesota, they have a cold weather rule that the utility company cannot disconnect your electricity/gas for non-payment during certain months of the year. Of course, the bill would still come due, but it would at least delay the bill. There are also income-based heating assistance programs.
Our family went through a period of two years without steady employment. At the time we owned a modest home and had two small children. We decided that our number one priority was do everything we could to keep our home, keep our children fed, and live up to any of the debts we had incurred. Bankruptcy was not an option.
At one time I had three small part time jobs- none of them were in my expertise – just something that would pay the bills – and I can hardly say they were part time. One night a week as a librarian, two nights a week at a call center, and anywhere the temp agency would send me.
Both my husband and I freelanced at every opportunity. We bartered for babysitting, car repairs, etc., We spoke with our church and received food and assistance and applied for every government program that we were qualified to receive. That’s what it’s there for. Our public library also was a great source of free information and entertainment by checking out books and dvds.
I think that for most people, if they will let go of their pride, will find many people and charitable organizations willing to help. Ask and accept help when offered. You would do the same if the situation was reversed.
But I think the most important thing that I learned during this very difficult time is to remember that this period, although stressful, is not forever. Do not let it get the better of you. Stay optimistic. Do not let the lack of employment or funds ruin your relationships with others. Look at this period as a time to reinvent yourself – but don’t wallow in despair and give up hope. Keep yourself busy by adding new skills and talents – because those things pulled us through. You never know, a new career or opportunity might be right around the corner. But you will never get there if you let yourself stagnate because of your situation.
There are some jobs which seem to be perpetually available. You can survive in one of them until you work out a real plan.
Telesales, for example. Everyone hates telemarketers, and cold sales isnt for everyone, but they will practically take people off the street and pay you at least minimum wage during training.
The job sucks, but even an introvert like myself averaged $10 – $12 an hour when I worked at a place for a couple of months when in desperation mode.
Other than that, sell stuff. That is the easiest way to make quick cash. TV, computer, smartphone. Hell, if neccessary you could sell your car and take public transportation.
Move in with family/friends, and offer your labor to pay the rent(mow the yard, do dishes, etc…). That might be easier to convince someone than just saying “Im broke and need somewhere to stay”. People look at someone that broke and immediately think lazy/irresponsible, so it can be tough to get past that stereotype.
Social support is key, but when I was really desperate to make ends meet, it was also because I was on the outs with my family and felt a lot of friends had left me.
For people in similar circumstances, I would recommend joining a 12-step program. Any one will do. If you’re not addicted to alcohol, drugs, food or sex, then I suggest Al-Anon (for friends of alcoholics) or Debtors Anonymous. No one will give you advice in these groups (at least they shouldn’t), but it is a place to be heard, to bitch and moan, and then find it within yourself to move on and play the hand you’re dealt.
Having a safe space to be miserable without being judged for being miserable is critical when things get desperate.
I’ve been in “survival mode” for several years, and my husband and I are just starting to be able to come out of it. Here’s what helped me:
FOOD: Shop at Aldi. Even if you have to drive 30-45 minutes to get to an Aldi store, the savings are worth it (especially if you consolidate your grocery shopping to one trip a month). Aldi doesn’t take coupons, but their regular prices are between 50 and 75% less than other stores. Just take a quarter with you to “rent” a cart (the quarter is returned when you return the cart) and take your own shopping bags (they have bags for you to buy there, but they do not bag your groceries for free). Also, Aldi only takes cash or debit cards (no credit cards…this actually helped me to not get into more debt, because it wasn’t an option).
Utilities:
Never turn on any lights, unless you need the light to perform a task safely (i.e. cutting vegetables). Perform most tasks that need light during the day, and use candles or a crank flashlight at night.
MISC: Make your kitchen “paperless” by using only cloth rags. Never buy paper towels or paper napkins again!
Look up Donna Freedman’s blog for more ideas.
Some things that helped me when I was a newly divorced, unemployed single mom:
EMPLOYMENT: make a list of ALL possible job skills and things I could do to make money, even if I very much hoped that I wouldn’t have to do some of them. In addition to my degrees and professional experience, I included things like housecleaning, in-home daycare, and custom sewing. It helped me feel empowered that no matter what, I’d be able to do SOMETHING. Within a month I found a full time job in my field, but while I was job hunting I was also actively researching & planning for other options. It helped me feel in control. As a side note, I have hired several housecleaners over the years because a friend of a friend will post on facebook that they have a friend who is temporarily unemployed and looking for cleaning jobs. Every single time that person books up pretty quickly. My sister ran a cleaning business for 15 years and she always had a wait list of clients.
INCOME: sell, sell, sell. After my divorce I pared down the house to absolute essentials, selling off everything that wasn’t absolutely critical. Selling furniture and other household goods allowed me to keep the utilities on and buy eggs, milk, etc, when I didn’t have a paycheck coming in. When I was finally ready to sell the house itself, this made the move so much easier. I also cut out anything non-essential, including cable tv, internet service, etc.
FOOD: in addition to gardening, let your friends know that you are willing to collect unwanted produce from their gardens. We survived that summer from our friends’ apricot trees, excess zuchinni, and bountiful tomatoes. I told my neighbors I’d be happy to use anything they couldn’t, and sometimes I’d come home to find bags of produce on my front door. I think people often want to share but they don’t know how unless someone speaks up.
“I think people often want to share but they don’t know how unless someone speaks up.”
Exactly! We have friends who’ve been in tough spots but rarely brought it up or shared details. We’ve been happy to help when we could, but it’s a lot easier when they come right out and say “I could really use X”. Because it’s not always about money; we’ve loaned out baby items that would’ve cost over $100 for them to buy, but cost us nothing more than a little effort to lend. All they needed to do was ask!
“I think people often want to share but they don’t know how unless someone speaks up.”
Rings true to me.
What worked for me:
FOOD: When I struggled to make ends meet, I also worked a lot, and I didn’t really have time to plan my meals or whatever. So I found a staple of food items that were affordable and versatile. Mushrooms, tofu, potatoes, for example.
HOUSING/UTILITIES: I found an apartment complex that paid utilities. Yeah, I know they probably cushion the rent because of it. But I found a decent, rent-controlled price. So the following year, utilities were still covered and rent didn’t increase very much. It was great, because I had to worry about cutting costs on so many areas of my budget–having one less was awesome.
Health Maintenance
For chronic illnesses local and online support groups specific to that illness has been very helpful for me. Being ill is a very lonely experience and as supportive friends and family can be, and many times they are not, you really need someone to converse and connect with. Someone who really knows what you’re going though.
This is not financial advice because its so different for everyone (most conventional financial advice wasn’t applicable to me in my situation) but without support your entire house can fall to pieces.
HOUSE/UTILITIES/FOOD We too had a job loss to deal with. Here was some things I did.
Call mortgage lender and apply for hardship. With some papers to prove your situation, they will lower your payments for 6 months or more. May have to apply again after if hardship expired but most cases will renew it. You can also apply for hardships on other loans.
Turn down thermostat a couple degrees in winter and turn up in summer, hang clothes as much as possible instead of using dryer and limit showers to 5 minutes. Wash all clothes with cold water for short cycles. Get rid of cable or anything that isn’t necessary.If your house is drafty, seal up windows. Calling them too can help because there are energy assistance programs and if you qualify, they can help you.
For food, stick to meals you can make cheaply in bulk. Goulash, tuna casserole, any pasta or rice dish. Just make due and don’t buy expensive cuts of meat. Clip coupons, price match and if necessary, ask people for coupons. Food bank was never an option for us but I learned to make dishes for very cheap when we went through this.
My husband also used his experience to do side jobs until he got a new job.
When we are just tight but not a huge problem, my husband volunteers for more work and lists more of his side business(airbrushing products) on Ebay.
FOOD: something that I think is overlooked often in grocery stores is the markdown section. I have found some amazing deals on toiletries, meat, produce, bread etc. And most stores allow you to pair a markdown or clearance item with a coupon netting even more savings.
Anything that’s perishable and close to expiration can be frozen as soon as you get home.
I love getting good deals on clearance and almost every single store has one.
EMPLOYMENT: This may seem obvious, and it’s not always going to pan out, but make sure you’re signed up with every available temp agency in your area. I’ve done everything from cleaning toilets to shredding documents in a back room. One time I was put on a two-week assignment at a clothing factory and, because I worked hard, was offered an extension for three months at a decent wage. I later discovered two temp agencies that I had never heard of. So just make sure you’ve got them all covered!
Great Article. I am a New Blogger. Your All Tips is Really Nice and Helpful. Thank you very much for Sharing.
Food banks are one way to decrease your food costs if you need to prioritize that money for rent or bills. Just remember to pay it back once you’re in a better place. There should be no shame when using services like this when you’re in a tight spot, that’s what they’re there for.
Coincidentally, there’s an article over at The Art of Simple regarding giving yourself a financial fresh start: http://theartofsimple.net/6-steps-toward-a-financial-fresh-start/
Laura, I feel like I’ve been in a situation similar to yours and others who’ve posted comments. One thing we did that people thought we were crazy for doing was to sell our second vehicle. It was old and not worth a whole lot, and as a stay at home mom with 3 kids (homeschooled) it was a huge inconvenience. But it was pure desperation…we were able to use the money for bills, saved on gas and car insurance and maintenance too. On certain days I would take my husband to work or he would take public transportation. That way the kids and I weren’t always stuck at home. We’d have their friends over often. Since I was home more, I started gardening and was able to save some money on groceries. My motto is “I can do almost anything temporarily”…it was two years of one car and not easy but it really helped us during a bad time. I know everyone’s situation is different so take this for whatever it’s worth to you. Ebay is great for selling clothes or other items around the house. You might be surprised at what people are buying.
One other thought…a friend of mine in a similar situation got a part-time (evening hours) job at Starbucks. Essentially to get health coverage which saved them $600 a month.
BILLS are always a problem in my life. They seem to come when I either can’t afford them or it will just set back any little savings to be minus again. I guess we all these problems, and everything is expensive these days (gas, food etc.)
In the past I’ve even eat as little as possible during the days to save pennies, and felt ill as a result.
This comment comes from a newsletter recipient, Gina:
INCOME
First I found myself at age 31 with a spotty work record. I couldn’t find work because I had job-hopped too much prior to age 31 for 6 years. So what did I do? I went without my resume to the mall and started over. Yes, I was a college graduate, but I needed a paycheck.
So I got hired on part time at a shop, and stayed there two years until it closed. It was humbling.
Second, I got another job in 2 months after leaving the mall and worked there because of my stable job experience at the mall.
While at the second job, I decided to learn stained glass on the side which resulted in me learning how to draw too.
When the economy tanked, I gave up stained glass jewelry boxes which were not selling and started painting cards.
I am selling in 6 states with 6 stores starting over again this time with a nest egg and a roth ira. No debt. Thank you!
Right now we are facing a very tough situation but we are “surviving”. My husband lost his job a few months ago, he was paid cash, so he does not qualify for unemployment. I was working three jobs, and lost two of them. I do not qualify for partial unemployment because of my part time job.
First thing we did was sit down and go over our budget.
First we were paying $1100 in rent plus utilities($150), we moved to a relative basetsmant, we are paying now $400 in rent, this includes utilities, we clean the yard, shovel the snow and do minor repairs to the house, that is why we pay so little rent. the basestmant is cold but we found a heater on freecycle. We were paying $550 in babysitting now we pay zero, husband takes cares of kids, older is in school(public). We apply for food stamps, wic, and also went to church and community food banks. We got a vip card at thrift store(free) to buy clothes, we always wait went they have a 50% discount. We cancelled cable, internet two cellular plans, and apply for the free cell phone from state. I still work part time, job provides health insure for all of us($10 copayment). I try to make all hours that they have available at part time job. We use regular gas for car(before premium), we apply for medicaid, dont use it for health issues but got a cheaper car insurance this way($400 a year). We dont eat out, we go to community events, free or by donation. Rent movies, get them though the library or buy it at the street. My husband apply for social security he has major health issues, this takes awhile, but in the meantime we used the car for restaurant delivery or giving friends right(taxi).We go to the library for networking and resumes. We cut the gym membership(walk) and kids programs, now we use the community programs(free), karate and rock climbing.
before I did not gualify for college grants, due to high income, now i am trying to come back to school, to learn more English and nursing. I buy laundry detergent and other necesities at dollar store. We got free cloth diapers though freecycle for youngerst daughter. She is young but will try to potty train her early. I wash some of the clothes by hand and air dry them. Husband pays child support for other child, almost 18, but know pays less because we dont have a high income any more. I am trying to get me another part time job, while husband take care of the kdis. We were making alot of money before, did not spend time with our kids, were very tired(overworked) but now we are making it with alot less money but, this situation was a wakeup call for us. We are doing alot of things we could not do before. We Still save $200 a month(before 1k). Its tough but this is a way of living for us now. From were we come this is the norm(we’re from a very pool country). My isnpiration is my mother in law they raised 20 kids, and they were very poor, and keep in mind that in my country you dont have food stamps, free heath insurance, free phone, nothing is free.
I really liked this comment as the poster realized the upside to loss of income was more time with her children.
Amy Dacyzyn chose this route in the ’90s and her books are a good read for someone who wants to stay home while child rearing, but would struggle financially. I have never read any author who has a more positive outlook on living cheaply. I highly recommend her.
Laura, I haven’t scrolled through all of the comments but I listen to Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman frequently and there are a couple things you might try. Dave always advocates calling each creditor and explaining your situation openly. I’ve heard him recommend that you negotiate with the creditor. I am assuming at least the medical bills can be handled this way. Try calling the utility company and ask if they have any hardship programs- many do. If you are struggling with childcare Google “Headstart” for your state and see if there are any programs available for your child’s age group. I don’t go to church either but as others have said it’s a place that can connect you to resources. They’ll more than likely have a master list of places to check out for various things you need help with so you have a place to start at least.
HOUSING – Get a roommate. My husband and I have been renting out a spare room of our own home to friends on and off for 8 years and it helps.
INCOME – Side hustles! I make $500 a month from freelance writing and $1000 a month pet sitting at other people’s homes. I’ve also been a cow mascot, baby sat, sold my hair, and worked in a local used book store. This has all been in my 20’s and 30’s…
I’ve been in survival mode since 2005. Getting divorced forced me to have to quit my job in SoCal and move back in with parents in another state, because I could not afford to stay in SoCal alone on my meager income. So, I moved back in with my parents, and tried to find work. Was unable to get a job, so I moved to Florida in January of 2007, thinking I could find work there (I had friends in the area). Then the recession hit. I had to move back in with my parents again in 2009 because I couldn’t afford to live on my own at all, because I was extremely underemployed.
After no luck of finding work in my career (graphic design), I decided to take out loans and go back to college for a useful degree (accounting). I graduate this May, and have been actively looking for work in the accounting field.
Things I do NOT own due to having to survive: Car, TV, smartphone, pets, the latest gadgets, furniture, house.
I have some basic kitchen ware, some books & bookshelves, clothing, and my supplies from my design business. (I don’t even own a bed).
If it wasn’t for my parents being able to take me back in, I’d most likely have ended up on the streets. I didn’t qualify for unemployment, and didn’t have children, so there were no programs to help me.
My single worst problem has been lack of employment. I could not find enough employment. Most retail jobs wouldn’t hire me (I guess they thought I was overqualified?) and there was no work in my then-current field that I could find. The only work I had was a part-time job at Home Depot (with very few hours), and freelancing my graphic design (neither paid enough to even begin to pay the most basic of rent).
So advice like “get a second job” is often useless for people who are poor and trying to survive. Often, we can’t even get ONE job (not even in fast food!), much less two of them. I think that’s the biggest problem, is finding enough work.
Low-end retail jobs often only hire part-time workers, and then insist you have to be fully flexible to work there, so even if you COULD find a second job, you wouldn’t be able to work it, because of the demands of the part-time retail job. Having regular set hours is a luxury that simply does not happen in the sort of positions that most poor people can acquire (if they manage to acquire those jobs at all). It really is frustrating.
PHONE: I’ve been using a tracphone for years, and not one of the ones that has a monthly payment on it. I only buy the minutes I need. With these sorts of phones you will have to buy minutes at least once every three months, but you can buy the minimum (for mine it’s $19.99 for an hour) and be good for that entire three months. If you tell your friends to please only text you if it’s important, or request that they don’t text you at all because that takes minutes you can’t afford, you should be able to stretch that minimum minute purchase for a long time.
Don’t open any text messages except for the free ones from the service you’re using. Those texts often offer you special minute deals and let you know when you’re close to renewal time. 99% of texts on these phones are spam or wrong numbers anyway, and if you don’t open your texts you don’t get charged (and your friends can be gently reminded when they ask if you ever got their text that you can’t accept them right now, or can only accept texts from them with a special subject designation like 911 or help or whatever code you want to use for emergencies.) Buying only the minutes, with no monthly fees, my phone bill is less than $10 a month. You might, however always have it close by, as this super-cheap service doesn’t always support voice messages.
Back in 2002, I was about to be laid off. I started mowing grass on the side. I made $25K one summer and was in great shape.
As it turned out, I got another job before the layoff came. I was able to keep the side gig and the rest is history.
Income
EBay is your friend! Nothing left to sell? I go to goodwill and garage sales and buy name brand clothes for $2-5, and sell them for $20-$30. I make between 1000-2000 a month on eBay, and I only do it on the side for five to ten hours a week. Its been a huge help bulking up my savings. If I was laid off, I could bolster my efforts and increase the income too.
I would love to hear more about this. What brands do you look for? Is it worth it after shipping costs and listing fees?
Absolutely worth it! The 1000-2000 is solid profit, after fees and shipping costs.
I buy a shirt for $3, sell it for $30. I offer free shipping, so I use usps flat rate envelopes to shop everything. Using those costs $5 to ship anywhere. After shipping and 10% goes to eBay for fees, that’s still $18 profit for one sale. And I sell 30-50 items week, averaging $20 per sale.
I sell brands like JCrew, White House Black Market, banana Republic, Guess. Dresses and sweaters and jeans sell well year round…I avoid knits and tees, they show too much wear
Handbags do well too. I went to a garage sale where a woman sold a box of old Dooney purses for $30. I sold each one for over $45.
Inspect every piece carefully before buying, and list every flaw honestly.
Its easy, but IS a lot of work
I just wanted to add if that for people who have kids in school, talk to their teachers and school admin. It’s helpful to know there’s stress at home, but teachers also have a wonderful way of helping out too.
When I was teaching, there often breakfast programs for kids who needed them and school supply kits available for families who couldn’t afford them. I knew many teachers who would make sure their students could access extra curricular activities and field trips. Sometimes the teacher would initiate a fundraising activity for the whole class, some schools had funds set aside, and some teachers would happily pay out of their own pocket.
It’s so important for kids to not only have great experiences outside of the classroom, but also to feel included and “normal”.
I can feel for you. When everybody was supposed to be prospering in the 80’s, my husband and I were in the Rust Belt with an underwater mortgage (though the term hadn’t been invented yet)in a house we couldn’t give away; his company was reorganizing it seemed like every other month and I was a newly minted college grad who could only get part time minimum wage.
Anyway… you mentioned you had a cell phone. How long on that contract? I’m assuming you killed cable TV long ago, but I’ve a deal with my local provider where I get the 2nd faster internet service (let’s face it, you have to have internet, if nothing else for job searches and any government contact any more requires it) and unlimited long distance and my land line for $65 a month. Then I got myself a cheap TracPhone which I buy minutes for so I can “yelp for help” if the car breaks down. It’s not as convenient as a cell on the hip all the time, but when you buy your minutes on line, you can get 2X and 3X the minutes for the same price and you only pay for the time you actually use. It’s a lot cheaper than your usual cell contract.
Is there any way you can rent a room? We were able to convert our den and office downstairs into an efficiency apartment. But even a room with a bed, chair and desk with kitchen privileges, you can undercut the local 1 bed room apartment by $100 – $150 a month and still be able to have your renter paying most or all of your utilities. It may not save your bacon, but it would take off some of the pressure. If you’ve a college in town, they sometimes have an office to help you rent; if there’s a military base, they’ll actually screen prospective renters and help you deal with any problems.
Check to see if Catholic Social Services or Lutheran Social Services are in your town. Those people are the champs at seriously useful help, whether it’s helping you get your cars back up and running, finding food, or getting you and your children medical care. They are the best. This is not the time to be proud; it you ask for help now, before you’re on the street, it may well keep you off the street.
I highly recommend Net10 cell phones. They are owned by Tracfone but much cheaper – I get 1,000 minutes per month (talk or text) for $25.
My parents had the Tracfone with “triple minutes” – it was not worth it. Even with the 3-for-1 price, the cost was about $0.14 per minute or text.
I haven’t had a chance to read the comments yet, but I’ll reply right off the bat– having gone through this already, I’ll say the biggest hurdle to any crisis is psychological. Shame and denial are powerful (and destructive) forces and your biggest enemy in any situation.
The #1 thing to do IMMEDIATELY is to to accept the new reality as it is, and make any and all necessary changes to adapt to the situation pragmatically and courageously.
What these changes are will vary from individual to individual, depending on each person’s situation, but the #1 thing to do is to pull a Molly Bloom and say YES to whatever life is presenting you. That is what you have and that is what you will have to deal with.
Please note that accepting a difficult reality is not the same as surrendering to defeat. Saying “yes” is simply an awareness of the ground in which you will now fight your battles. See things for what they are and go from there. Wishful thinking and wallowing in regret are a waste of intellectual and emotional energy when you need these energies the most.
Shame is of course the biggest enemy here as it is always with everything– not a sense of shame, which is knowing that one is limited and imperfect and is the root of modesty; but rather the toxic shame that says that one is a contemptible worthless worm bla bla bla etc etc– a punishing inner noisebox that will destroy any success and feast on every failure. Squash that thing immediately because it is no good– refuse to listen to it. It is full of shit and it wants you dead.
Then, accept with gratitude the fact that you’re alive, however badly, count whatever blessings you can count, and move on to deal with your crisis swiftly and pragmatically. Then fight and fight and fight with everything you have.
There is a cartoon I love that makes me laugh every time I see it. I wish we could embed images on this blog but it’s probably a good thing we can’t. In any case the link is here and yes it’s family-friendly and safe for work:
http://www.frogprintz.com/assets/images/never-give-up_2.jpg
Anyway, as for stories: in 2009 as our business collapsed my wife and I swallowed our pride and went to see a social worker who gave us a lot of information to various public resources. The guy was great. One of the thing he said was, “yes, it might feel shameful for you to go to a food bank, but it’s not as shameful as stealing.” Of course he was right and we laughed and went ahead with using some of those resources (food stamps for us, humane society for our cat, a temporary emergency help with utilities; the food bank didn’t take.)
We moved from a 3 bedroom house to a 1 bedroom apartment, we traded our costly import car for a reliable truck, we sold a bunch of things we didn’t need, we became regular users of our public library, we found new clients and kept the house cold and we scrimped like crazy for another year until things stabilized and we got off the food stamps. In another year we started adding a “wants” expense line again and eventually our cat went back to the private vet. We were against the ropes for nearly 2 years I think (I’m terrible with dates) because even as things were stable we hovered around a zero balance rather than around a savings cushion so we required some short-term loans.
In the end, the experience made us a lot better with money and I think it has prepared us for future success because we’re much better handling our resources now than we were five years ago. We used to waste so much money it was *insane.* Tough experiences can make for good learning labs and I think we’ve come out a lot stronger and clear-headed from the ordeal.
Best wishes to whoever is dealing with difficulties right now, and keep strong!
I think it is useful to speak to family and close friends this will no doubt help. It is relevant for families to seek help and settle down.
There is a whole lot of amazing advice here, and it’s hard to find something new to add. But as far as job hunting goes, there is one thing I would suggest–in addition to fast food, telemarketing, etcetera, there’s one other field that’s nearly always hiring, and that’s security. A basic security guard position usually just requires a clean criminal record, a basic work ethic, and the ability to read/write reports in acceptable English, and will at least pay minimum wage. If full-time, they will pay benefits–and after a couple years experience on your belt, it’s very easy to move up to better paying positions/better shifts because of the constant turnover. It can be odd hours and boring work, but it’s usually not scary at all, especially in corporate or mall-type environments–and it can be a good steady income in areas where almost no one else is hiring. Plus, since security is 24 hours, there’s more of a chance of getting work that can be fitted in around childcare duties.
Housing/food:
http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2010/10/04/unemployed-underemployed-heres-how-to-get-help/
Income:
http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2012/07/17/cant-get-a-job-get-a-microjob/
Join a Time Bank if there’s one in your area. Or start one up. Members exchange whatever skills they have with each other, so you can get help with all kinds of things – business and household – without using money as the unit of value and exchange. It’s based on time, so an accountant giving two hours of help is valued the same as one who comes to weed your garden for two hours. It’s very progressive, visionary . . . they are spreading worldwide now. Here is the link for the one in the U.S.A. http://timebanks.org/