Wedding registries: A love-hate relationship

The practical side of me loves wedding registries, and the values-driven side of me has grown to loathe them as brides and grooms seem ever bossier. Registries are nothing new, of course. We registered for gifts in 1973, and as a result received two lovely sets of china and ten place-settings of silver. Beyond that, it was open season: we received all sorts of gifts we had not designated. Most we used, a few we actively hated, and many we came to appreciate and even love over time. (Regifting hadn't been “invented” back then.). From the point of view of the brides and grooms, wedding registries have many upsides. But let's look at it from the perspective of the gift-giver.

Pros and Cons

The pros of a gift registry are:

  • Efficiency. You can order the gift and you're done. The store ships it and you don't have to wrap it, schlep it, or even buy a card.
  • The couple picks what they want, and you know your gift is to their taste, which is especially helpful if you hate shopping or don't know the couple well enough to key in to their life style. Easy. Done.

From my point of view, the negative list is more extensive:

  • It's impersonal. No way to write a note to go with your gift, except electronically.
  • The choices are not prioritized. Recently, after scrolling through scores of chosen items, I finally decided to just purchase a gift certificate from the registry and let the couple decide. Wrapping and shipping would have been an extra $20, which seems mostly wasted.
  • The options are overly directed. The attitude expressed, even if it's not intentional, is DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING US SOMETHING NOT ON OUR LIST! I find it arrogant that young couples think they know more about what they will need over a lifetime than people who have actually lived a generation or two longer. This is often the case because the couple is using a store registry, which is a fixed template without options to comment or personalize any aspect of the choices. They come off sounding very dictatorial.
  • I don't like being limited to chain stores and/or mass produced items. Some of my favorite wedding gifts are pottery and other handmade crafts, which cannot be purchased from a registry. It's also nice to give a family heirloom or something more personal.
  • I still might very well decide to give them a place setting of something they've chosen, or whatever, but as a sport PSAWSWLD [J.D.'s note: Yeah, I had to click that link, too.], I could probably find it cheaper elsewhere online, and/or perhaps using Amazon Prime's free shipping, thereby giving them a more valuable gift.
  • I am often turned off by the actual items chosen since they are way pricier and extravagant than anything I have ever owned. (And I've lived a perfectly abundant life!) I like to feel simpatico with the gift I'm giving, since it's an expression of my values.
  • I dislike not knowing whether our gift arrived, since brides and grooms (or bride + bride and groom + groom) are often really terrible about writing thank-yous. My preference is to bring the gift with me to the wedding, if I am attending. Not an option with a registry — the whole point is to ship the gift directly to the couple. They haven't added return receipts for the giver, so far as I know, so if you never receive an acknowledgment, you don't know if it's just another inconsiderate bride and groom screwing up, or if your gift didn't arrive, and they think you are a creep.
  • The old-fashioned side of me feels uncomfortable with the couple knowing precisely, down to the dime, what I spent on their gift. It feels so calculated. I mean, why don't they just send a bill?!

Other Options

A few brides and grooms I know have worked to transcend the tax-assessment feel of store registries. While they feel obliged to include conventional stores on their wedding sites (because that's what lots of their guests do prefer), they expand their suggestions, including favorite charities and causes. One couple said they would love gift certificates to local bookstores and garden shops and described their garden, giving their guests a sense of their values and passions. A few years ago we gave a giant composter to this couple, since they had included it on a wishlist, and it really spoke to me; I totally enjoyed sending it to them. The fancy china comes out maybe once a year, but that composter is used every day!

Another way some couples counteract the gimmes is to ask for non-material gifts. Recently all the invitees to a wedding we attended were asked by the bride's friend to submit a favorite recipe, which they made into a cookbook for the bride and groom. Another woman I know did something similar for her future daughter-in-law, collecting recipes from all the immediate family, including copies of recipes written by grandmothers no longer alive. (She made copies for all the contributors, and I'm sure they are treasured!)

A nice custom in the Jewish community is to send close friends and family fabric squares to decorate, which are then sent back and stitched together to create the wedding canopy. None of these touches are instead of a material gift, but they serve to make guests feel like they are more than ATMs.

Some couples create an online donation registry in lieu of gifts, but the site notifies the couple of the amount of each contribution, something which makes some people (like me, for example!) uncomfortable. I recently received a link to New American Dream's registry where the celebrants (brides and grooms, new parents, etc) can set up a registry asking for whatever they like, mixing purchased and guest-created items. Their sample asks for recipes, food for potluck weddings, advice, and fair-traded household things. Very nice idea for a small, simple event, but for a conventional, fancy wedding, I think it would freak people out. (It would be a nice additional alternative to a conventional registry, though; a couple could do both, and explain their thinking on their wedding website, the new de rigeur system for communicating wedding plans.)

And what about the most obvious wedding gift? Cold cash, of course. It's nice to receive, but I can tell you, 33 years later, it's the beautiful, thoughtful items which I enjoy, the cash long ago having been plowed into aggregate savings. Many of the brides and grooms I know are mature and earn more than I do, so in those cases money feels like a weird gift. (If the couple is a pair of starving students, money is still a great idea, perhaps along with a smaller material item.)

Let's hear what you all think about wedding registries, pro or con, and from both givers and receivers' points of view. Are they a necessary evil, a godsend, or something in between?

Teutsch previously told GRS readers about the pros and cons of working at home and discussed how to get a grip on consumerism.

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Dave
Dave
12 years ago

Yeah, 13 years later it’s the items I didn’t register for and couldn’t find a return place and cannot sell that I still resent. The gift and the giver. The modern registry system exists because the whole thing is broken. Just give money or otherwise, by all means, buy what they’re asking for. I’m forced as I move to give away stuff that people spent good money on, intending me to have. I don’t think that was productive. Don’t assume you know what they need. I got married whilst in college and people bought us the dumbest, most impractical things… Read more »

Sabina
Sabina
12 years ago

“I find it arrogant that young couples think they know more about what they will need over a lifetime than people who have actually lived a generation or two longer.”

I find this comment ridiculous AND arrogant – why would someone know what I need in my life just because they are older? Give me a break! That would explain why the older people in my life give me presents at Christmas that I have no use for…

Sam
Sam
12 years ago

I’m a big fan of the wedding registry both as a guest and a recent bride (10/06). As a guest, many times I don’t know the bride or the groom well enough to pick out a personal gift so I’m happy to give them something they want or need. As a bride, I loved the wedding registry because Pottery Barn kept track of who gave me what on its handy thank you list tool. Folks who sent me a gift got an e-mail from Pottery Barn letting them know their gift arrived so they didn’t worry. We got married out… Read more »

stardanced
stardanced
12 years ago

Great list! A few of your “cons” can be worked around, though. You can always go to a registry store in person and pick up your gift yourself (to wrap and give to the bride and groom later). I tend to buy a small item from the registry, then personalize the gift by adding some extra related items. For example, if the couple registered for a decanter, add a few bottles of a wine that you know they like and a gift certificate to a cheese shop. If they registered for a casserole dish, include a few of your favorite… Read more »

plonkee
plonkee
12 years ago

I’ve established by looking through the various registries of friends getting married, that most of them don’t quite share my tastes. This means that I’m more cautious than ever of getting something off-registry – I wouldn’t want them to inflict their dubious tastes on me, so why should I do the reverse. I personally dislike giving money, so I prefer to buy from the registry, rather than write a cheque. I’m also wary of charity donations – I don’t really want to give to a charity that I don’t support, even if the bride/groom want me to. Given that I… Read more »

Duane
Duane
12 years ago

Not so long ago people simply contacted the parents of the bride and groom and directly or in a nuanced way discovered what the engaged couple might like. The buyer then exercised creativity and discretion.

Shops like registries because they capture more sales. Many guests like them because it reduces the guesswork.

I personally find them impersonal and tacky, but be prepared for people to directly ask you where you are registered if you host a birthday gathering or any such event. The marketers have firmly established that celebrations and commercial transactions go hand in hand.

Tara
Tara
12 years ago

While I agree with a lot of what the guest poster says, I feel like I must be missing something. A lot of her “cons” for gift registeries have to do with ordering online (not being able to write a card, not knowing if the gift arrived, etc). Unless something has happened with gift registries in the last 6 months, don’t most stores allow you to come to the brick and mortar store and purchase items from the gift registry? This solves many of the author’s “cons” and allows those of us who love gift registries the benefit of using… Read more »

Leslie
Leslie
12 years ago

Part of the problem is the bride & groom inviting people who don’t know them well enough to have any idea whatsoever what they might want. Sometimes that’s a result of family pressure to turn the event into a gift/money gathering or impress friends & distant relations. That calls for some way to learn what the B&G might need and/or want. When I’ve used a registry, I have it shipped to me and then wrap & take it with me. You’re right about the thank you cards–is it too much to ask to receive an acknowledgement? The nicest thank you… Read more »

Jennifer
Jennifer
12 years ago

When I got married 4 years ago, my husband and I had been living together for 4 years before in our own home so we had nearly everything a new couple needs. We couldn’t find anything to register for in the typical sense as we were fully stocked in the kitchen and most of the rest of the house. We had planned a honeymoon to Japan so we made an Amazon registry for guidebooks, luggage, a portable tripod and other travel necessities. We ended up with the entire set of luggage (which we love and has been so handy) plus… Read more »

Jeremy
Jeremy
12 years ago

I definitely agree with a lot of what the guest poster says. My wife and I did something a little different and “registered” for activities our honeymoon. This worked well because we were going to take a nice trip, and we had most of the traditional household items (and as my wife put on the site – “we prefer flight patterns to china patterns”. There are websites that will set honeymoon registries up for you, but some charge as much as 9% of the gifted amount. I already had web hosting, and I am a little bit savvy, so I… Read more »

Matt
Matt
12 years ago

You’re description of the registry process is a lot different from what I’ve experienced on both ends of it (giver and receiver). I’ve never seen a registry system that forced you to send the gift directly to the recipient. For us, people bought things off the registry from the store, took it home and wrapped it and brought it to the wedding or shower. I don’t think its a bad idea for a couple to point their guests in the right direction. At the same time, we didn’t mind getting some things that weren’t on the registry. We also tried… Read more »

Jac
Jac
12 years ago

My sister is getting married and had pretty much these exact thoughts about gift registries, so she got me to create her own online gift registry, where she can make suggestions from ‘this specific thing’ for people who like a lot of direction through to ‘nice art’ for people who like making their own choices. Guests can also add their own items, and so on. It doesn’t have quite the same convenience as an online store registry (no ‘click to have this gift sent to the couple’, it’s just a list for them to look at and then come back… Read more »

Adam
Adam
12 years ago

I’m thinking along the same lines with Jennifer. My fiancee and I are getting married this October, but we’re on our second house and have been living together for almost four years now. Thus, registries for us will help, because we are already farther along the line. Our registries will let us choose gifts to fill in the gaps in our current setup, without suddenly having to deal with a lot of extra gifts that we may already have.

As previously mentioned, this can cause feelings of obligation and guilt, and nobody wants that after their wedding.

Sarah
Sarah
12 years ago

I have two examples where neither registries nor gifts were emphasized and where I think things will still work out nicely. 1) I’m attending a wedding this summer of a couple who are coming out of grad school. They do not know where they are going to live (which includes the city) and the bride is currently staying with her mother. If they had a registry, then it would send too many packages to the bride’s cramped apartment, and then add to their moving costs when they move to their new home. Thus, the bridge and groom had requested cold,… Read more »

22209
22209
12 years ago

What are the opinions on home downpayment registries (cash donations which the couple puts toward the downpayment on their home)? It seems like a great idea to me.

April D
April D
12 years ago

I just got married three weeks ago, and I struggled with registries. There are a lot of ways around the “cons” listed in the article. 1. You can have gifts shipped to you so you can include a card and wrap it as you choose. Many of my guests who shopped from the registry did this. 2. The choices aren’t prioritized, but the couple can always exchange it if, say, they really need a blender more than the lovely napkin rings you bought. 3. The options are overly directed and dictorial? I guess I didn’t feel I was dictating anything.… Read more »

anne
anne
12 years ago

I think this post accurately describes the worst aspects of modern wedding registries. Macy’s and theweddingchannel.com have done an excellent job of perverting the registry tradition to serve their own interests. For instance – couples are now “coached” to include 3x as many items on their registry as they have guests. (“To give them options!”) But the quality of a gift registry is ultimately a reflection of the personalities involved. As long as the couple keeps in mind that it is for the convenience of the guests (who will, inevitably, want to buy them something, and hope that they cherish… Read more »

April D
April D
12 years ago

Argh. My computer had a glitch, and I didn’t get to edit my last comment before it posted. Wanted to add that I personally am not a fan of the “fund” gifts, such as setting up a honeymoon fund, and requesting cash isn’t really kosher, even if it is practical. People will give you cash if that’s what they would like to do. We could have used cash more than anything else since we live in a small space and have little room, but every etiquette guide I read said that there is no polite way to do so. Registries… Read more »

Tom Wallace
Tom Wallace
12 years ago

It’s nice hearing your views on wedding registries! With a friend of mine due to be married soon, he’s in the process now of setting something like this up. I’ll link him to your article and maybe he’ll put a bit more thought into it than just setting up an online ‘wishlist’ so to speak.

The comment about how years later, its the actual gifts you enjoy the most, rather than the cash, is a good point. I may have to rethink my own envelope giving!

Matt N
Matt N
12 years ago

I’m in the same boat as Adam and Jennifer. I’m getting married in Aug. My fiance and I have both been living on our own for several years and are already well equipped to handle every day life. I feel the exact opposite from the way J.D. does about his third point. In my opinion the wedding gift system is far too formalized as it is. In the case of my fiance and I we have no need for numerous small kitchen gadgets yet we are forced to put them on our registry anyways in order to cater to those… Read more »

J.D.
J.D.
12 years ago

Note: This is a guest post. Though I’m not a fan of gift registries, I can see their utility. In nearly every case, however, I am not allowed to choose wedding gifts. That responsibility falls to another member of the household. 🙂

Diatryma
Diatryma
12 years ago

I agree with other commenters that most of the problems listed are due to buying online rather than in person. It’s easier, but then you don’t get to walk in to the reception with a bag of dog food the couple registered for partly as a joke. I sometimes think a Christmas gift registry would be good. My family– people who actually know me– are not good at picking out things I actually want. I think I’m too specific and too book-oriented. How could I expect a friend from college who sees me annually, if that, to know that I… Read more »

Mister E
Mister E
12 years ago

I’ve only attended one wedding and I found the whole ordeal to be rather unpleasant. If I can get away with it I won’t attend another unless it’s immediate family and I can’t possibly get out of it. The tackyness of the registry process is one small part of my general dislike of the whole wedding game.

Brendan
Brendan
12 years ago

I got married 2 years ago, and I felt the registry system was great to guide people on what types of gifts we could use. Many people did not buy off the registry, some items were great and useful, some were recently given to Goodwill, the last supper lace table cloth and the 24k carat gold plated crystal stemware I’m looking at you. I feel the best gift is cash, we paid for a good part of our wedding and it was nice to restore that savings after the fact. Plus it came in handy on the honeymoon.

That Guy
That Guy
12 years ago

My personal view of gift giving is to give the person what they want (or cash or nothing), not what you want them to have. Otherwise they might just be accumulating more junk they don’t use.

What is more wasteful than buying a gift a person never wanted?

Char
Char
12 years ago

This spoke volumes to me. I feel passionately about many of your points and am insulted by the people who talk about a gift as something they “resent”.Why would you invite someone to your wedding that you could ever resent regardless of what they brought – IT’S A GIFT!!! I guess that comes from people who invite people to their wedding they don’t love. To me that is the big down fall of weddings, people invite people to their wedding they don’t love and then they “resent” their gifts because after all the couple spent a million dollars on the… Read more »

Amber
Amber
12 years ago

I’m getting married in three weeks, and while my fiance and I are registered at a big box store we do appreciate the more thoughtful gifts off of the registry. We decided to register because, as adults with two households, we were pretty sure that no one would have guessed what our actual needs are. That we could have come this far in life without a full set of dishes between us, for example, or that his blender belongs to his roommate and mine is broken. I’m sure if we’d both had all of the things we needed then we… Read more »

melissa
melissa
12 years ago

I’m not a big fan of “obligatory giving” whatever the occasion….weddings, Christmas, etc. Don’t get me wrong; I love giving gifts, I just like it to be because I want to and not because a certain date on the calendar rolls around. That being said, I still participate–begrudgingly at times– in our cultural “traditions” regarding gifts, including using registries. In ’96 when I got married, I didn’t want to register, but my future MIL told me that many of her friends (whom she had invited to our wedding) wanted to know where I was registered. I ended up having a… Read more »

Tony Dobson
Tony Dobson
12 years ago

Something doesn’t add up here: “Registries are nothing new, of course. We registered for gifts in 1973…” Followed further down by: “And what about the most obvious wedding gift? Cold cash, of course. It’s nice to receive, but I can tell you, 33 years later…” Either two years have gone missing or I’m missing something here. I know my wife and I didn’t setup a wedding list until a few months before we got married. Onto a serious point, having a wedding list prevented any duplication of presents from guests at our wedding. It may be that we didn’t have… Read more »

Megan
Megan
12 years ago

I go back and forth on whether or not registries are good things. I think it depends on the people and what’s on the registry. When I was just out of college, I loved it. My friends were like me – they didn’t have much of anything, so I was happy to buy them a nice set of wine glasses. They were registering for the basics, nothing extravagant. But now, as we get older, the items are getting bigger. I have one friend who did the charity thing on her list, and it sort of feels forced, to be honest.… Read more »

Saro
Saro
12 years ago

I’m getting married in July and I had a really hard time with the gift registries. The Knot & the wedding channel both really stressed me out, saying that i HAD to register for at least 50 more gifts than guests. Even though we don’t have many possessions since we’re moving back to the states from overseas, we definitely don’t need that much stuff! There are certain relatives & friends who have talents in particular areas (gardening, sewing & cooking). I’d like to ask them to use their talents for a home-made gift (maybe a starter set of seeds that… Read more »

Matt
Matt
12 years ago

I’m getting married in August, and while we’d prefer cash (we’re working on buying a home), we registered because some of the family would rather buy items. 1. As someone else said, how does someone who is two generations older know what we need? My fiancee and I have been living together for a year, and we have most of the standard things. What we want is a little bit different, and so we registered. 2. How do you avoid duplicates? 3. How does someone two generations older really know our style? 4. How does buying something yourself guarantee that… Read more »

Kat
Kat
12 years ago

One wedding I am attending this year has three registries; They live in an apartment, I don’t know where they are even planning on keeping the three sets of dishes and the kitchen aid mixer. I guess just like weddings, registries have gone over the top. I think they are a wonderful idea that has just been taken over by marketing.

meoip
meoip
12 years ago

I like to buy $20-$30 of the cheapest items on the registry, that way I show up to the wedding with a big box full of stuff. Sure it’s selfish to buy all the cheap stuff but it’s fun.

Jennifer
Jennifer
12 years ago

Registries are really only problematic in my mind when either the couple or the guests interpret the registry list as placing an order for gifts, and that nothing not on the list is acceptable. I’ve probably bought gifts off registries 2/3 of the time I’ve bought wedding gifts. In most cases it’s not because I barely know the couple and don’t know what they’d like, either. It’s because of any combination of the following reasons: * I don’t want to duplicate another gift (the stereotypical 7 toasters situation) * I live on the other side of the country, and while… Read more »

Becky@FamilyandFinances
12 years ago

I’m with commenter 23 (Mr. E). I have an extreme dislike for many modern wedding “traditions”. When the gift-giving tradition started, couples were young and just moving out of their parents’ homes. These days, as other commenters have admitted to, many couples are older, have a household already, and are well-set in life. This was the case for my husband and I. We got married last year and each owned a home already. We specifically stated on our invites that we did NOT WANT ANY GIFTS, just the joy of our guest’s presense. We did get many gifts of cash,… Read more »

libraripagan
libraripagan
12 years ago

I’m getting married in June. I’m a few weeks shy of twenty-eight. My fiance is thirty-four. He bought a house shortly before we got together. I have most of the kitchen supplies I’d ever need. My parents bought me a kitchenaid mixer as a graduation present when I finished my MS. There are a few exceptions (like the microwave that’s technically our housemate’s), but, by and large we’ve each acquired things over the years. I used a registry for two reasons. First of all, I didn’t want people to waste their money on things we couldn’t use. Secondly, I looked… Read more »

elisabeth
elisabeth
12 years ago

i’m with those who don’t quite understand the modern wedding — someone ends up spending often very large amounts of money to put it on, and then the gifts seem like one is “paying” for the dinner, drinks and entertainment. For the 28 years dear Dan and I weren’t married (before I met him I had already vowed not to accept heterosexual privelege and so not to marry until everyone could get married) we often joked about what we didn’t have because we didn’t get to register. By the time we did get married, we didn’t do a “wedding,” just… Read more »

libraripagan
libraripagan
12 years ago

# Saro Says: There are certain relatives & friends who have talents in particular areas (gardening, sewing & cooking). I’d like to ask them to use their talents for a home-made gift (maybe a starter set of seeds that are easy to grow & a list of instructions), but then that would be rude too. Excuse me, I’ve worked myself up into a registry panic again. Saro — we registered at Macy*s and Target. Macy*s just did not have some basic things, and, we picked out a few decor items and tupperware from Target. I’d advise two registries — register… Read more »

Sam
Sam
12 years ago

Although my husband and I were 35 when we got married (and both of us had owned our own homes and lived on our own for years) both of us were still using hand me down flatwear, odds and ends cook wear (including some from the 50s that my grandmother gave me for my first apartment), etc. Putting a registry together was a great way for us to receive complete sets so that when we host a dinner party we actually have enough forks for everyone. We had Mr. Sam’s family over for a dinner party recently and I got… Read more »

April D
April D
12 years ago

Have to add that no mention of gifts belongs on an invitation, even if it’s to say that you don’t want any at all. I’m with Miss Manners on that one. Also, as to this: “I feel frustrated when I receive a bridal shower or wedding invitation and out falls 5 or 6 little mini-flyers from the various stores the couple is registered. THAT, to me, makes it feel like this is about material gain on the couple’s part.” Brides do not send out their own shower invitations. The person hosting the shower handles that. I would not have wanted… Read more »

Brandon
Brandon
12 years ago

I didn’t read all the comments, but I have to go on being in the pro registry crowd from both a guest and attender. I like that I know I am getting the person what they want or need (conversely, I am getting those things). I also like that I know that I am not getting something that someone else has already given. Furthermore, I was kind of lost on the whole comments about not getting to give the gift in person where the author said “My preference is to bring the gift with me to the wedding, if I… Read more »

L
L
12 years ago

I agree with Becky and Melissa, originally the point of wedding gifts was to start a young couple usually moving out of their parents homes for the first time. Now with most couples living together, or at least living away from home it has become more about upgrading all their stuff to the most expensive version.
I used to work in a cook store and frequently had to trail a couple round helping with their registries and almost always they just began to list any random items they could find, after picking the upgrades of the items they already owned.

partgypsy
partgypsy
12 years ago

My husband and I eloped and then threw a casual party for our friends. We said “no gifts” but a few people broke the rule. My two favorites: a beautiful hand blown glass vase that the individual had for a long time and wanted to pass on to us (we still have it and is perfect for flowers from our garden), and a large pyrex bowl with snap on lid. We got it 15 years ago and we use it almost every day; for salads, as a mixing bowl, for refrigerating dough, you name it. I think we got alot… Read more »

Chris
Chris
12 years ago

As a groom-to-be going through the registry and shower portion of the engagement, I’d like to address some of your complaints from the other side of the registry. It’s impersonal – Go to the store, buy the item, attach card, bring to wedding. I’m curious as to what sort of registries you are dealing with (or what sort of area you live in) that you can’t go to the store in person. The choices are not prioritized – Totally agree, the first store that offers a priority system wins my heart. I hate that I can’t tell my guests what… Read more »

Audi
Audi
12 years ago

This post is on time with my frustration with the whole process right now. I registered 10 years ago for my wedding with more exuberance than brains. Now when I look at a young couples registry (one that DOES need everything) I cringe at how easily they pick things that look nice but have no value. (How hard is it to read the reviews on Amazon or Consumer Reports to find out that the pretty $100 Chrome toaster they’ve registered for is an expensive paperweight??) It insults me that if I get a better one that isn’t on the registry,… Read more »

Katherine
Katherine
12 years ago

I think EVERYONE who has faced the idea of creating a registry in recent years has the same anxiety. To register, or not to register? But this guest poster had nothing original to say on the topic. In fact I think she inspired MORE registry anxiety, rather than inspiring those of us who follow this blog to instill GRS values somehow into a registry, or into our gift-giving. She also doesn’t even seem to understand how registries work. Look, If we’re already reading J.D.’s blog and we’re engaged, we’re all in the same boat: we don’t NEED anything, we’re trying… Read more »

thespells
thespells
12 years ago

I agree that wedding registries are very useful, particularly when one doesn’t know the bride & groom well. My husband and I are often invited to the weddings of out-of-state friends and cousins. We know the parents, but we don’t know the tastes of the bride and groom. A wedding registry helps us know that they need towels, for instance, but they’re good on stemware, or whatever; and I appreciate that. What I dislike about the registry process, though, is how crass is seems. It implies that instead of an invitation to a celebration, we’re really being solicited to support… Read more »

wife
wife
12 years ago

For anyone keeping track at home, I have the love/hate relationship with registries. I think they are materialistic and tacky but also useful and efficient. I used JustGive’s charitable registry for my wedding, this allows you to select multiple charities so that you make sure you’re giving people options that they don’t object to (though how many charities do people really object to, I’ve always wondered, given that most of them do things like helping the poor, feeding the hungry, healing the sick?) Finally for those who want the registry to be prioritized, Amazon offers an option where you can… Read more »

Kim
Kim
12 years ago

I am not married, but I’ve attended numerous weddings of friends and/or relatives. I like the idea of registries – that a couple can put down things they like. I tend to look at them more as a guideline. Sometimes I buy off of them, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I buy a better quality item than they asked for. As far as listing items on a registry, if you don’t want china, don’t register for it! No one is forcing you to register for it. A friend of mine registered at Macy’s and Crate & Barrel and very few items… Read more »

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