{"id":171219,"date":"2014-03-28T04:00:13","date_gmt":"2014-03-28T11:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/getrichslowly.org\/blog\/?p=171219"},"modified":"2023-09-18T12:06:53","modified_gmt":"2023-09-18T18:06:53","slug":"ask-the-readers-how-many-wedding-gifts-should-you-buy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.getrichslowly.org\/ask-the-readers-how-many-wedding-gifts-should-you-buy\/","title":{"rendered":"Do you bring gifts to a bridal shower or engagement party?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Earlier this week, I wrote about the problem with trying to buy the perfect gift. Sticking with that gift theme, there’s a question that’s been on my mind: If you’re invited to an engagement party, a bridal shower, and a wedding ceremony all for the same couple, and you attend all three, do you give a gift at each event?<\/strong><\/p>\n

See, I’ve been invited to a few weddings this year. And it seems like the etiquette “experts” all agree that each event requires a separate gift, according to tradition. Here are some examples from around the web:<\/p>\n

Bridal shower gift vs wedding gift<\/h2>\n

“If I bring a gift to the bridal shower, should I still bring a gift to the wedding?” a question <\/em>Peggy Post, co-author of the 18th edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette is accustomed to answering. Her advice is, basically, that a shower gift is not a wedding gift. “I know some of these shower gifts are expensive, but be smart so you don’t have to break the bank.”<\/p>\n

“I’m going to both the wedding shower and the wedding. Must I buy gifts for both?”<\/em> “Unfortunately, yes. ‘That’s part of the obligation you agreed to when you RSVPed for both,’ says [Mark] Kingsdorf,” bridal consultant at The Queen of Hearts Wedding Consultants — Real Simple’s The Essential Guide to Buying Wedding Gifts.<\/p>\n

“According to custom, the answer to whether to give gifts for engagements, showers and weddings is: maybe, yes and yes.” — How Stuff Works<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Hmm, exactly how is one supposed to “be smart” about expensive gifts? And calling gifts an obligation? It kinda puts a bad taste in my mouth, like it’s sucking the joy out of giving a gift in the first place.<\/p>\n

Guests Say, “Forget the Experts!”<\/h2>\n

A lot of wedding guests disagree with the expert advice. For a few examples, I did a very scientific poll (of Yahoo! Answers responses<\/a>). Here are a few that say that multiple gifts are not an obligation:<\/p>\n

“Do not feel obligated [to give a wedding gift after giving a shower gift]. You did give them a gift already, so if you do want to gift them something, you can, but you don’t absolutely have to.”<\/p>\n

“There’s no definitive ‘proper’ way to do this, other than the etiquette stipulation that the shower is a gift-giving event, and the wedding is not. (Obviously, most people do want to give wedding gifts, but that’s tradition, not a requirement).”<\/p>\n

“Etiquette says NOTHING about purchasing multiple gifts for one wedding. You gave a gift, that’s all that you need to concern yourself with. No more gift-giving is necessary.”<\/p>\n

I always thought that you give a separate gift for the shower and the wedding. As for engagement parties and bachelorette parties, I have no idea. None of my friends and family members have had either of those.<\/p>\n

But when I got married, all of our friends and family members gave one gift, even if they attended the shower and the wedding. (This was definitely fine by me — I’m rather shy and I actually would’ve been embarrassed if people bought me multiple gifts. My aunt basically had to force me to register for gifts in the first place.)<\/p>\n

And then, to confuse things even more, Miss Manners has a take that’s somewhere in between one-gift-only and gifts galore<\/a>:<\/p>\n

“Engagement presents were a rarity until a decade or two ago. Perhaps a favorite aunt might be so moved, or a prospective mother-in-law might give the bride a family bauble to wear at the wedding. But no one showed up with a present at an engagement party, because the purpose of the party was for the parents to announce the engagement as a surprise. Multiple showers are warranted only when the bride or the couple has more than one distinct set of intimate friends. They should not be catch-all occasions, and nobody should be expected to attend more than one. Anyway, shower presents should be charming but trivial, and not comparable to wedding presents.”<\/p>\n

No one agrees! And basically, I just want to do what everyone else is doing. I’m not looking to take some kind of gift-giving stance at my husband’s coworker’s wedding. I also don’t want to be the lone weirdo giving multiple gifts.<\/p>\n

So I’m simply wondering, what does everyone else do? If you’re invited to multiple events, and you want to attend and celebrate with the bride and\/or couple, when do you bring a gift?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Earlier this week, I wrote about the problem with trying to buy the perfect gift. Sticking with that gift theme, there’s a question that’s been on my mind: If you’re invited to an engagement party, a bridal shower, and a wedding ceremony all for the same couple, and you attend all three, do you give a gift at each event?<\/strong><\/p>\n

See, I’ve been invited to a few weddings this year. And it seems like the etiquette “experts” all agree that each event requires a separate gift, according to tradition. Here are some examples from around the web:<\/p>\n

Bridal shower gift vs wedding gift<\/h2>\n

“If I bring a gift to the bridal shower, should I still bring a gift to the wedding?” a question <\/em>Peggy Post, co-author of the 18th edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette is accustomed to answering. Her advice is, basically, that a shower gift is not a wedding gift. “I know some of these shower gifts are expensive, but be smart so you don’t have to break the bank.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[32041],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getrichslowly.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/171219"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getrichslowly.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getrichslowly.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getrichslowly.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/92"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getrichslowly.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=171219"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.getrichslowly.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/171219\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getrichslowly.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=171219"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getrichslowly.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=171219"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}