Last week I gave a talk at Powell’s bookstore here in Portland. During the question-and-answers session, one woman posed an interesting question. (I’ve forgotten her name, so let’s call her Kim to make things easy.)<\/p>\n
Kim has been aggressively paying down her debt, and is pleased with her progress. However, her boyfriend thinks she’s doing it wrong. If I understand correctly, Kim’s boyfriend believes she should pay down each debt part way (perhaps a half or a third) so that none of her obligations is near its limit. He believes that this will increase Kim’s credit score. Kim wanted to know if this was a good idea.<\/p>\n
Too much control<\/strong><\/em> My recommendation during the question-and-answer period? No surprise: I told Kim that she should use the approach that makes her most comfortable, the approach that actually leads her to pay off her debts most quickly. I think it’s great that her boyfriend is eager for her to improve her credit score, but I think it’s dangerous to be dogmatic, especially if it involved becoming controlling about another person’s financial situation<\/em>.<\/p>\n I believe it’s vital that both partners have an equal say in the finances, and that one person doesn’t take the role of “controller”, especially if, as in Kim’s case, it’s to move from a perfectly good option to a seemingly better option. If the option is good and your partner is happy with it, then leave well enough alone. Why pursue financial perfection at the cost of your relationship?<\/p>\n Not enough control<\/strong><\/em> My husband and I have been married for almost nine years and we have one giant recurring problem. For our entire relationship, even before we got married, he’s been full of nasty financial surprises.<\/p>\n[…]\n The trick is that aside from all of the bullshit surrounding finances, Sam is a fantastic husband and father to our kids. I’ve got health issues \u2014 big ones \u2014 and Sam has been unfailingly supportive. He’s considerate, sweet, with unending patience with the kids, and just an overall good guy, except for this one, glaring area.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\nObviously, it’s difficult to give a complete answer without knowing more about the situation. Still, I think this is a great example of how financial decisions are often about more than just the math involved. There are three basic approaches to debt here:<\/p>\n\n
\nOn the other hand, it’s important not to be completely ignorant about your partner’s financial situation. Recently, an anonymous user at Ask Metafilter posed an interesting question. She writes<\/a> (in part):<\/p>\n