Action Not Words: The Difference Between Talkers and Doers
Published on - August 30th, 2010 (Modified on - March 14th, 2012) (by J.D. Roth) It’s Sunday morning and I should be editing articles in advance of my upcoming vacation. Instead, I just got done playing another game of Starcraft II. Since the game was released on July 27th, I’ve played many games of Starcraft II. In fact, I’ve played at least 150 games of Starcraft II. (I know this because the game keeps track of your record. I played 50 training matches, and have since won 47 and lost 42 against human opponents, putting me near the top of my division in the “Silver League”. Plus I’ve played some single-player games.)
How much time has playing 150 games of Starcraft II sucked from my life? At about 30 minutes per game, it’s safe to say I’ve spent about 80 hours over the past month — or about 20 hours per week — building virtual armies and blowing stuff up.
Now on the surface, there’s nothing wrong with me having a little fun. I’ve been waiting for this game for almost twelve years. Plus, I’ve been working hard for the past two years, and I’ve been stressed because of it. I deserve some time off, and have intentionally been downshifting to a simpler life, one that gives me time for computer games.
However, having said that, in this case there’s a problem. Recently my game-playing — I’ve also been obsessed with Carcassonne on the iPad (getting close to the global top 100 list!) — has been obsessive, and has come at a price.
- I haven’t been cycling (though I have been going to the gym).
- I haven’t been doing my work around the house.
- I haven’t been studying my French. (One of my goals was too be able to speak a bit of French before our upcoming trip to Paris.)
- I haven’t been prepping my Animal Intelligence blog for re-launch (which is still scheduled for Wednesday!).
- I’ve been scrambling to get articles ready for Get Rich Slowly.
I say I’m going to do all of these things, but I never do. Instead I play computer games. Basically, I’ve turned into the old J.D. — the J.D. of five years ago. I’ve become a Talker instead of a Doer.
Talkers vs. Doers
Five years ago, I was full of hot air. Well, that and I was clinically depressed. And lazy. This was not a good combination for Getting Things Done. I talked a lot about the things I wanted to do, but I never did them. I found reasons not to. I even had trouble keeping up my end of the household chores, which my wife found very frustrating.
I was a Talker.
Maybe you know somebody like this. A Talker seems to know the solutions to everything, has great plans on how he’s going to make money or get a new job. But the funny thing is, the Talker never acts on his solutions and his great plans. And he never gets that new job. He’s out of work or stuck in a job he hates. To everyone else, it’s clear that the Talker is full of hot air, but he believes he’s bluffing everyone along, or conflates talking with doing. When confronted, a Talker always has excuses for not getting things done: he doesn’t have time, he doesn’t have the skills, the odds are stacked against him. When a Talker does do something, he often takes a shortcut.
That, my friends, was the man I used to be.
But something changed in the autumn of 2005. I began to read a lot of books. Not just personal finance books (though, as you know, I read plenty of those), but also self-help books and success manuals. I read Feeling Good to deal with my depression, How to Win Friends and Influence People [my review] to learn how to talk with people, and so on. And gradually I began to take the advice in these books to heart.
I began to take small steps, began to be more active in my world. Instead of just talking about doing things, I did them. I stopped looking for shortcuts — I had been a huge fan of shortcuts — and started actually doing the work required to get things done. Shockingly, this worked. By doing the work, I got the expected results. By doing instead of talking, things started to happen.
I became a Doer.
We Are What We Repeatedly Do
Author Kevin J. Anderson has a fantastic post on his blog about the similarities between the Olympics and writing. Here’s a lengthy excerpt:
I’ve had many people tell me, “Oh, writing is easy. Anybody can do it if they just sit down and put their minds to it.” Here’s how the conversation goes:
Somebody at a book-signing: “I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I could write a novel.”
Me: “Oh? Why haven’t you?”
Person: “I just don’t have the time.”
Me: “Hmm. Nobody gives me the time, either. I have to make the time, set priorities, discipline myself to get my writing done each day, no matter how tired I am. I worked a full-time regular job while I wrote my first novels, scraping out an hour here or there in evenings and weekends. That’s how I’ve become a successful author.”
Person: “Yeah, right. I think you’re just lucky.”
[...]
I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was five years old. I sat in my dad’s study and plunked out my first “novel” on a manual typewriter when I was eight. By the age of ten, I had saved up enough money to buy either a bicycle (like a normal kid), or my own typewriter. I chose the typewriter. I got my first rejection slip by the time I was 13, had my first story published when I was 16 (after I had gathered 80 rejection slips), and sold my first novel by the time I was 25.
I have a trophy in my office proclaiming me to be “The Writer with No Future” because I could produce more rejection slips by weight than any other writer at an entire conference. My files now bulge with more than 800 rejections. On the other hand, I also have 100 books published, 46 of which have been national or international bestsellers, I’ve got a shelf full of awards, and my work has been translated into 30 languages. I’ve written more than twelve million words, so far.
Anderson is a Doer. He doesn’t just talk about writing — he writes. He writes over and over and over again. Through the sheer act of writing, he became a writer.
People often ask me about the secret to this blog’s success. “How did you get so many readers?” they ask. “How can I do the same?”
My answer is similar to Anderson’s. There aren’t any secrets. Write and post great content on a regular basis for a long, long time. In short, you can’t just talk about building a great blog; you also have to put in the work. Simple, right? But it’s not easy.
(I appreciate the folks who come up to me and say, “You know, J.D., I don’t know how you do it. I tried to keep a blog for a few months. It was hard.” Yes, it is. It’s work, just like anything else.)
If there’s something you want to be or do, the best way to become that thing is to actually take steps toward it, to move in that direction. Don’t just talk about it, but do something. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Just take a small step in the right direction every single day.
If you want to get out of debt, take small steps toward becoming debt-free. If you want to save for a trip to Africa, save a little bit at a time. If you want to get a new job, make moves in that direction. But take action. That’s the most important step.
Action Not Words
Of course, there’s more to getting stuff than just taking action. It’s one thing to say you want to become a commercial airline pilot and another to actually do it. Here are some of the things I learned as I made the move from Talker do Doer:
- Make time for the things you want to do. One of the keys to getting things done is setting aside time for the things you want to accomplish. You have to make time to get stuff done. As the Kevin J. Anderson article I mentioned above demonstrates, you don’t just become a best-selling author or an Olympic athlete. Talking doesn’t make it so. You have to carve out time to do this stuff. You have to put your Big Rocks first and fit the small stuff in around them.
- Have a goal in mind. I truly believe that the biggest reason I used to struggle with getting stuff done is that I didn’t have any sort of plan. I had no goals. Goals give you purpose. It wasn’t until I became committed to digging out of debt that I was able to actually start moving in the right direction. Part of my current problem is that I’ve recently achieved a bunch of big goals, but now have nothing planned for the future.
- Don’t take on too much. While it’s important to set goals, don’t take on too many tasks at once. I try to set just one or two major goals at a time. Any more and I find I can’t pursue any of them effectively. This year, my one goal is to lose 50 pounds. I’m on pace to do that. Why? Because I don’t have anything else on my schedule competing for time. This is my Big Rock.
- Don’t let failures deter you. This is huge. One of the reasons I used to talk so much without acting is that I was afraid of failure. I’m not sure where I learned to be afraid of defeat, but that’s the way I was. And when I did try something but failed, I’d give up. This is no way to get stuff done. Talkers let fear of failure keep them on the sideline; Doers overcome fear and move on, and when they fail, they simply try again.
- Don’t find reasons that something can’t be done; instead, find ways that something can be done. This is a pet peeve of mine. I hate when people come to me for advice, but when I give it, they tell me all of the reasons it won’t work for their circumstances. (This often happens when I suggest people take a second job to boost their income, for example.) One of the biggest difference between successful people and those who aren’t is that the successful don’t make excuses. If something looks difficult or impossible, they find ways to make it happen anyhow.
In the past five years, I’ve learned that I can do anything I set my mind to. Get out of debt? After I stopped talking and started doing, I got out of debt quicker than I thought possible. Losing 50 pounds? Well, I’m not there yet, but I’ve lost over 30 pounds since January 1st — but it didn’t happen until I stopped talking about it and started working hard to make it happen. Learning French? Well, there’s one where my talk outpaces my action right now, and it’s a perfect example of what I mean when I say actions speak louder than words. I don’t study my French as much as I should, so basically all I can do is count and tell you what color my clothes are. (“J’ai deux chemise noir.”)
For five years, my doing slowly increased until this past winter it reached a frenzied pace. I was burning myself out. I was writing and speaking and working and exercising and…well, it seemed like I never had a spare moment. This was the dark side of doing, and it’s what triggered my desire to downshift. It’s what led the pendulum swinging too far in the direction of Starcraft II.
Finding a Solution
So what’s the solution to my current problem? How can I stop playing computer games so much? How can I stop just being a Talker and become a Doer again? Well, making this public confession is a first step. But the thing that I think will really help is the “decision tree” I came up with the other day. Whenever the urge to game strikes, I’m going to ask myself the following questions:
- Have I exercised today?
- Are the house and yard tidy?
- Have I run all of my errands?
- Have I written and/or edited at least two articles for Get Rich Slowly?
- Does my inbox have fewer than 20 messages?
If I can answer “yes” to these five questions, then it’s okay to play Starcraft II or Carcassonne. But if I answer “no” to even one of these questions, I need to have the discipline to let the gaming go. I believe this will help me strike a balance. It’ll help me return to the world of Doing again. Because you know what? Life is a lot more fun as a Doer than a Talker.
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Great article! I like your solution especially. I tend to watch a lot of TV, and with several shows starting up again in September I know it is going to be a huge time waster. I am going to try this, and hopefully I will get more work done instead of procrastinating all the time.
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Our blog post this morning is on a solution to the above problem by Robert Boice (the psychologist who has studied how to get writers to write in randomized controlled trials).
To sum:
Work in brief daily sessions
Start before you’re ready
Stop before you’re ready
Do the thing you’re avoiding (usually writing) first in the morning.
He has several fantastic books. I recommend that any graduate students or professors check out his Advice for New Faculty Members. Aspiring doers should check out his book on writing and/or his book on procrastination.
Good luck! It’s the start of a new school year, so something on a lot of minds across the country.
p.s. I had to quit computer games cold turkey back in graduate school. Apparently when I’m left alone for a week with Neverwinter Nights I forget to do things like feed myself. We do have Carcassonne as a board game. Board games are more of a social activity in person.
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One thing that helps me with the games is I only play when family asks me to. So if my sons (all grown) want a game I join in.
That way I am building family relationships as well as having fun. This method works for television also.
The result for me: two or three games a month and maybe 3 movies. About 8 hours or less of television a month.
Gives me time for my blog.
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Carcassonne is evil I tell you….evil! (I have it on my iPhone and play it way to much). There is worse coming out soon though…
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J.D.,
I am 1-8 in post-practice matches thus far.
I keep getting rushed within 15 minutes and can’t seem to get my defenses up quick enough!! any tips??
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I have to say that I wondered if Starcraft would be a time suck for you. Being a fellow World of Warcraft (recovered) addict, I truly understand the power of compelling games to take over your life. It sounds like you are back on the road to freedom. The life/work balance never gets easier, does it? It is a constant negotiation — and for that reason I like your list. Right now, I would need to use it to have a bit more fun. I’m in a “work, work, work” period.
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Don’t beat yourself up too bad concerning the video games. Even with that, you’re still more of an “action taker” than most.
From Canfield to Robbins and every motivational speaker/writer in between, it has been stated that the taking of persistent action more than anything else ensures your success. This post is right up there with the best, J.D.
You have success because you have earned it. Without shortcuts. Congrats.
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I nearly failed out of school my first semester thanks to Wolfenstein 3D. I got it two weeks before finals. I ended up having the most obnoxious background on my computer reminding me to stay away from it. But in the end it was only getting to the right place (the library namely) and focusing while there that got me through it all. Useful lesson for me though: stay away from getting time-vampires in the first place.
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Looks to me like you are a doer that talks. In so doing you can’t help but inspire others. You never know how much you contribute to someone’s life but contribute you have.
Thanks for the openess and honesty.
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This is another one of those articles in which you take on a very important topic and examine it in a highly intelligent and honest way, J.D.
The only thing that I feel that I can add is that I don’t think it is always a 100 percent bad thing when we procrastinate (talk instead of do, as you put it). My sense is that the root cause is often some sort of ambivalence. It could be that our minds sense that, if we do, we are are going to end up in such and such a place, and we are not sure that is really where we want to be, so we hold off on action.
It is true that it is only through action that we learn what really works. So we really do need eventually to translate talk into words. But those who do without thinking (there are lots of them) cause just as much trouble for themselves as those who think without doing. The two need to combine in the perfect mix. When they do, we move forward quickly.
My sense from this blog entry and a few other recent ones is that you are trying to figure out where to take your blog in the future. You have some good ideas but do not feel certain which way to take it. So you are pitting up little roadblocks to hold yourself back from moving ahead too fast. I agree that writing about it can be a good way to get things moving again and I believe that you will get to the right place in time.
My point is that the talking stage may be part of a natural and required process. It’s not necessarily all bad.
Rob
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I realized long ago that if I could just “do” stuff, I’d be a lot better off than when I “plan” stuff, but it’s not always been easy to get my brain to stay on track. For a while I felt like I was self-sabotaging my plans and would beat myself up for not being stronger, but when I really thought about it, I realized it was more that I kept trying to do so much, my brain would revolt by going on strike. I was accomplishing a ton of things, but none of it was what I really truly wanted to be doing–it was all little stupid tasks that I’d volunteered to do to be a “good person”, since they were easier to accomplish than the bigger picture tasks. Narrowing down my priorities has definitely helped me start to make progress on the big things that matter to me.
There’s a really REALLY great animated film called “Getting Started” that deals with the tendency to let oneself get distracted rather than doing what needs to be done. We often reference it at our house when we know we’re procrastinating! Here’s the links to it on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0YCoEu9KyE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbjxYsObKDM
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THEY HAVE CARCASSONE FOR THE IPAD?!?! Glad I don’t have one or I *wouldn’t* get anything done.
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I’m a Websudoku addict, and it’s been my substitute for action, especially action I’m ambivalent about.
For getting out of talker mode and into doer mode, I highly recommend Barbara Sher’s Wishcraft (available now in PDF on her website). A solid, practice, wonderful way to get from here to there, wherever there is for you.
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Thanks for the pep talk. I’ve recently discovered a new career path I’d like to take, and need to get motivated over the next year to get all the certifications I need. I’m very excited about it now but I’m afraid my excitement will quickly die down when I actually have to start studying.
P.S. I love the Caracassonne board game, but don’t have an iAnything to play the electronic version on.
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The best solution is to do what you have to do first thing in the morning and get it out of the way – whether it be exercise, blog your post, make your phone calls etc..leave the entertainment stuff for the night!
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Hey, if you have an Ipad, why not take it to the gym and work out while you play the game?
If this works for you, you could even set the rule to ONLY play Carcassone during work-outs…
I’ve bought a ebook reader (the B&N Nook) for the same reasons and have to work-out when I want to read certain books. Works for me.
Regarding Carcassone, have you heard of the online gaming community Brettspielwelt?
It’s a made-by-fans-for-fans project which is entirely free. You can pay against real live players here. The Ipad might have better graphics, but BSW has better players
http://www.brettspielwelt.de/Spiele/Carcassonne/?nation=en
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“I hate when people come to me for advice, but when I give it, they tell me all of the reasons it won’t work for their circumstances.”
YES.
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This is a really good article. I like the questions you ask your self before playing, I need to do this too. In the last few months I had made a lot of changes to be more productive, but since getting sc2 my productivity has waned as I have played almost as many games as you.
@Brian B Getting rushed can be frustrating and it just takes some practice to overcome. Your best bet is to look up some specific builds for the race you like and follow them exactly until you have them down. Also, I would recommend playing Terran and “walling off” quickly, or Protoss and building a forge and a cannon right away to protect yourself. Zerg is the hardest race to defend against rushes if you are a new player.
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I play StarCraft 2 as also. If I play, and its on a work day, I will try to sneak about 2 games and turn it off. Its usually about 45 minutes depending if people are rushing or not. Its easy to get carried away though. If I lose, I can’t stop until I end on a good note (a win). I thought about using a timer.
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I always try and follow that rule with video games. Get my work done first, if complete then you can have the reward.
I recently became a financial doer, after being a talker for many years. Something final click in my head. I think talking to my brother who has 2 children in college and his struggles to fund it hit home for me. I have 3 children myself who are 6 to 7 years away from college. Talking about it isn’t going to pay the bill, only doing will.
I’m only about 3 months on my way but it feels good to be on the right path.
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I think I am a little bit of a “talker” than doer. Seems like I am always planning something and have a bunch of ideas running around in my head. I think Rob hit the nail on the head with that ambivalence factor. Some ideas don’t get acted upon because really in some way we know the end result will not be what we truly want or need.
This weekend I started reading GTD and I have already found success with writing down and then doing those 1st action steps for some of my projects.
I think if you are getting things you need done then enjoying yourself w/games really isn’t so bad. Some of us probably spend a comparable amount of time “goofing off”, but it may be in smaller bits like x hours of tv, plus x hours of surfing, plus x hours of reading…it all adds up.
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Starcraft II has totally limited access to my laptop as both my oldest son and husband have been playing it a lot!
Your advice of not playing Starcraft (or whatever you ‘discretionary’ activity is) until your certain criteria are met is a good idea. However, it is so easy to say ‘I am just going to play one game’. Next thing you know, it is 5 games later and you need to get some sleep.
Sometimes I read back on some of my blog posts and think “I need to take some of my own advice”. However, life gets hectic sometimes and taking shortcuts and the easy-way-out seems like the best option at the time.
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I, for one, would like to see a “What Starcraft II has taught me about personal finance” post. It would be the perfect excuse for me to introduce my (Starcraft mad) boyfriend to your website!
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I love how most of these comments are about the games rather than the talking/doing/making a list!
Here’s my list:
Are the dishes done?
Have I exercised?
Have I practiced the piano?
Have I made my lunch for tomorrow?
Have I worked on one of my sewing projects?
(and yes, I made a note of the online Carcassone community (thanks dajolt) and will be looking at it later tonight)
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you know what you have to do. throw that game away! it’s a waste of time.
imagine how much french you could learn with 80 hours! 5 words an hour x 80 = 400 vocabulary words.
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Hey JD, what’s your battlenet ID? I should friend you and we could get some team matches in.
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Everyone thinks he can write because, well, everyone can “write,” i.e., put words on paper (or computer screen). I’ve been making a living as a writer for three decades and I still run into people who say, “You know, I always thought I could be a writer.”
I bite back Stephen King’s response (“You know, I always thought I could be a brain surgeon”) and say, “You still could. Start today.”
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Hey JD, I read your blog daily and I’m a diamond 1v1 and 2v2 player. If you would like to improve your game let me know. iNFiNiTY / 627
-Chris
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Thank you. I needed to hear this. I was also going to comment further but reading blogs and surfing the internet is my equivalent of online games. So I will leave the computer and go do something.
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JD: I must admit that I stopped reading this post half-way through because those few paragraphs were enough to move me to get some things done.
I’m not a talker, but I am a thinker. Thinking too much can also get in the way of doing.
Thanks for the external force needed to break inertia…
“A body remains in a state of rest…unless acted upon by an external force.” ~ Sir Isaac Newton
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JD,
This sounds harsh, but I wanted to inform you, that is what friends are for right.
The moment you chose to allow others to write articles for you here at GRS, you were allowing yourself to take a short cut route to success.
From that moment, other than a couple of good articles here and there, there have not been good articles here at GRS. But I keep coming here everyday hoping something good comes up.
Sorry, but I wanted to put it out there.
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All I can say is I went through the same transition. Several attempts at college over a few years, I felt like I never had time to do anything. I would find excuses to not do homework (usually going out and riding my horse), then I would do poorly in classes, and then poorly on grades at the end. I would think I just don’t have time for college! Then I got married, I somehow got grounded, then I was doing college, keeping up a home, teaching riding lessons in the evenings and weekends, volunteering for a special needs riding program, and doing GREAT in classes. I think another secret to “doing” over talking is if you have someone else to be accountable to. At the time, I didn’t really care about my future (in your early 20′s it’s all about today and this weekend!). But suddenly when I was shoved into a new phase of life by marriage, I was accountable to someone else in my life. He didn’t nag or come down on my behavior, but something about him being there made me kick it into 3rd gear and get moving. After 10 years, we are still each other’s motivation, but it has become such a habit now that we are both very goal orientated people that we can now carry ourselves to our goals, with alittle backup from our spouse!
Great post!
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J.D. – it sounds a bit like you have an addictive personality to me – it’s always a feast or a famine!
I used to be like this (I played Diablo II obssessively for 6 years, so I know where you’re coming from). When I say obsessively, I’m talking about setting my alarm for 3am to start playing obsessive
I think the only thing that helped me quit was the patently obvious realisation that computer games aren’t real life and that nothing you do in a game will typically help you put food on the table.
I’m still a little obsessive about computer games (browser games such as Dark Orbit and Astro Empires are real ‘time thieves’ as I can play them at work without getting busted), but I’m now able to step back from them.
Normally I do this by deleting my account/login – maybe not the most productive way (as the problem isn’t solved), but it works all the same. Whenever I experience an emotional response to a game that goes at all beyond ‘damn, I lost’, I know it’s time to move on to something else.
@ John W.
In my opinion, it’s a much better idea to get a Protoss Gateway up as soon as possible to prevent being rushed. I tend to build one probe, then a pylon, then a gateway, remembering to get the probe right back to mineral gathering as soon as the new structure is warping in…
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Heh, I have that same problem with video games. They’re addicting, and I often find myself playing Oblivion or Dofus instead of working on my blog or writing in general.
I’ll try asking myself these questions before settling down for a little fun. Thanks for the good read!
Christina
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Wow! You nailed it with this one, J.D. This is a HUGE problem for me. I’m always talking/thinking/reading rather than doing. I mention reading because I think that’s the biggest problem for me. I like to read, so when I want to accomplish something new I set out on a path to learn about it with lots of reading. Problem is, I feel like I’m accomplishing something with all the reading yet I never get to the part of actually doing something with what I learn. The reading is just my way of avoiding the work and possibly failing.
Thanks for sharing this. I’m going to work on fixing this problem this week.
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I have been reading your blog for awhile not but never commented. However, this article I felt was very inpiring.
I would say I am more of a thinker than a talker… I feel like if only there was a computer program that could just take the ideas from my head and formulate them into my business…
But I have started carving a little time each day to dedicate to my blog. It is very little since I am a mom to two and work fulltime outside the home. Nonetheless even if it is 40 miutes on my lunch break then I feel accomplished. And it is amazing how when I finally started to do something I saw results…even if they are small results.
Thanks for this boost of motivation this morning
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I found that the best way to keep myself from spending too much time on the PC playing games, is to unplug my laptop, and when the battery runs out, play time is over. That gives me 45 minutes to an hour, and then its back to getting things done.
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Hehe – But JD – you’re decision tree gives you the perfect excuse to keep playing Starcraft II. “Fewer than 20 emails in inbox” (not to mention the combination with the other items) requires not just discipline but exquisite timing and, perhaps, lightning quick reflexes – leading to the fatalistic “Well, just one quick game since I’m going to spend the next hour on emails . . . ” (or is that just me?)
I’m going to try the JD Roth decision tree method of busting procrastination – as soon as I finish reading all the blog posts on my RSS feed . . .
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I’ve found the downward spiral of depression, procrastination and negative self-talk to be quite debilitating. I’ve worked hard and used lots of therapy to help get out of that rut. Although I do find myself slipping back from time to time.
I would play video games and not get things done. As I realized I was not getting things done, I would become more morose and depressed and this would lead me to more avoidance and procrastination. The downward spiral would continue until the day was over and I had accomplished nothing…expect many hours of gaming.
The next morning I would hate myself and my behavior from the previous day. This often lead me to REPEATING those same behaviors, and so on and so on…not a pretty picture. Self-loathing and self-hatred tend to un-motivate a person, especially THIS person.
I worked a 12 hour, 4-on/3-off, 3-on/4-off rotating shift. This gave me many days off and allowed me to use the excuse, “I’ve still got 2 more days off, I can run those errands tomorrow.”
Now I work Mon- Fri, 8 hours, with weekends off. I am finding my time management skills are sorley lacking. I have noticed some of the old habits are rearing their ugly heads. I cannot allow this to happen again.
I will read the “Getting Things Done” book to see if it wil help. Does anyone have good resources, either book or web based, for time management? I especially need help in the realm of scheduling and priortizing.
Wow. Sorry for the long post. This might be TMI for most of you, but it felt good to get it off my chest.
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I don’t know you at all, but a few things in your post caught my eye – you used to be clinically depressed, and couldn’t seem to motivate yourself to get up and do the things you needed to do… that’s a symptom of depression. You found a way out of it, found something to be passionate about (personal finance), and built a successful blog. Now you’re coasting and find yourself inexplicably getting drawn into a game where you can pretend to be someone else (and work toward and achieve goals) and not doing the things you need to do.
I’ve experienced depression as well, and am a counselor. I didn’t know it was something you’d been through, but over the past month as you’ve mentioned being in the “third stage” and especially having a lot of free time I’ve almost shuddered to imagine being in that situation, because I know that for me it would be a breeding ground for depression.
I’m not saying that gaming = depression (if that wasn’t obvious), just that if you’re that hooked, it seems like it’s providing something for you that is missing from your everyday life.
I used to waste hours and hours on a particular online message board. I tried to regulate my use by making all kinds of lists and rules for myself, but ultimately after 5 or 6 years I had to say my goodbyes and change my password to some jumble of letters I’d never remember. I was finally able to do this when I stopped moving to a new city every year and made some real friends (the thing that was missing from my life and being provided by this message board).
I hope that you’re able to figure out what’s next for you and get a handle on how you spend your time so that you can feel good about your days. Good luck
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Another great post, J.D. Thank you.
I always chalk this kind of discussion up to one question: How badly do you want it?
Kevin Anderson has always wanted to be a writer, probably more than he’s wanted anything else. Which is why he looks at his 800 rejection slips like badges of honor. If you didn’t really want it, just a few rejections would be enough to spoil your appetite for more.
Of course, procrastination is always there, nagging – even for the most highly motivated. But developing a system (yours here is perfect – succinct and clearly defined) is the best way to break it. Once you stare procrastination in the face and recognize it, you can plot against it.
Thanks so much for sharing.
The Skinny On
‘How Badly Do You Want It?’ – http://theskinnyon.typepad.com/the-skinny-on/2010/07/how-badly-do-you-want-it.html
‘How To Defeat Procrastination’ – http://theskinnyon.typepad.com/the-skinny-on/2010/07/how-to-defeat-procrastination.html
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Great article, JD! I also found myself wasting hours of time almost everyday on online games and frivolity for over 3 years. In January of this year, I was facing some surgery and I realized, I was not immortal. (Laughs) I resolved I was done wasting time. It was time to get my butt in gear and accomplish something…anything!
I read a couple of books which helped clarify my thinking, set life and career goals and get moving. Since then, I have taken up an excercise program (lost 20 lbs), changed my diet slightly, started a blog to share my business experiences and completed many long neglected projects around the house.
Perhaps, the most important thing is I feel a true sense of accomplishment, am happier and I smile a whole lot more!!
“It is better to burn out, than to fade away”
~Neil Young
Thanks for sharing, JD!
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I found the most productive time in my life was when I was so broke I couldn’t afford Internet or Cable TV service, not even dial-up for 15/month. (divorce and bankruptcy will do that to you)
I’ve very much considered canceling Internet and Satellite now that I’ve got money to burn, so I can focus on the things that are actually important, instead of sitting around on my lazy duff surfing/playing/watching old movies in HD.
As a matter of fact, I’m going to go do it right now. Thanks, J.D., I guess you were the external force I needed to overcome my inertia. I owe you a brewski next time I’m in the Portland area.
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I have ghosted here for a very long time but this post struck so close to home that I had to comment.
JD, this is a timely post for me. For some unknown reason, I have a reputation as a ‘doer’ but have found myself talking far too much lately. I think my reputation has allowed me to coast but it will catch up with me eventually.
Thanks for the kick up the backside. It always helps to know that others face similar situations.
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My problem is turning the talking of some aspects of my life into doing. I’ve got the same goal of losing 50 pounds (though I’m only about 6 lbs of the way there).
Every day I make sure the house is clean (GF works out and I work from home), but I find I make a ton of excuses for not trying new things on the money earning side. Exercising EVERY day I find difficult as well.
I’ve taken the approach of doing 1 thing at a time to turn it into a habit and then starting on other stuff. Too bad I don’t have OCD about my weight or earning money the same way I do about a clean house.
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This article came just in time to wake me up out of my talker slump. I am a gamer too, it does not take much to distract me from the next actions.
I fear for my goals when Cataclysm is released :d
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You know what could help you with your french is splurging for a tutor off of craigslist. It is easier to attain goals when someone else is holding you to your progress!
Ditch the computer games, they can lead to depression.
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Hi JD,
i just started a new business and the fear of failure has definitely been holding me back. after reading this post though, i just emailed 5 developers to see if they were interested in participating in an upcoming product release. if they say no, i’ll just move on to other developers.
Thanks,
pete
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I have a history of mostly talker and partially doer…
I use to have a certain level of success with something, then get impatient and give it up. Or I stop trying as hard and go an easier route.
But for my kids sake, I’m trying to change that, and become more of a doer and less of a talker…
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Thanks for the words of motivation! I’m printing out today’s post to wallpaper my work space
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