Ask the Readers: How Much Should I Spend on an Engagement Ring?
Published on - April 27th, 2007 (by J.D. Roth) Jim N. writes with a question that most frugal young gentlemen eventually face.
How much should I pay for an engagement ring? I realize that the ideal answer is, “Don’t spend a lot on the ring because she shouldn’t need material objects to realize you love her.” I agree, but that’s not very realistic. I want to buy her something very nice that she’ll be proud of, but I don’t know if I should try to pay cash, get a loan from the bank, etc.
This question falls precisely at that point where money decisions meet psychology and emotion.
It’s often said that a man should spend twice his monthly salary on a ring, but I have a strong suspicion that this is a marketing ploy from the diamond industry. (Which brings up another point: there’s no rule that you must give a diamond engagement ring.)
How should you pay for the ring? It’s best to pay cash, of course, but that can be difficult for a young man making his start in the world. And remember: you can often negotiate the price of an engagement ring. (Some people claim that buying an engagement ring is just like buying a car.)
I don’t recall how Kris and I set our budget when we went to buy her ring, but I know that I only spent $350. We were still in college, so this probably did represent twice my monthly salary, but that’s not why we chose it. We chose it because it was the ring that Kris liked best. I promptly charged it to my credit card. (If I were buying an engagement ring today, I would save for it.)
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Do not take out a loan. The worst thing you can do is start out a marriage with a debt like that over your head.
If you shop around, you can find a good deal. I found my wife’s engagement and wedding rings at a small store for around $700. She gets compliments all the time about it, and she loves it.
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I think it depends on the girl. I’m aware of the ethical issues diamonds have, and I don’t particularly love diamonds, and I think under $500 is just about right unless the guy in question is super-rich.
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I bought my finace a very expensive engagement ring a few months ago because I want her to know that she was more important to me than money is.
2 month’s salary is a good starting point, and there is definitely room to negoiate. Diamonds (the big enough ones to be certified) have a list price that is followed all over the world. Vendors can take off 5%, 10% or 20% depending on which country you buy it though.
My Own Millions Blog
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Can’t really suggest how much to spend, but where to buy is a no-brainer: http://www.bluenile.com
30 day return policy, free shipping, no tax (this can be huge). They even retroactively applied a coupon I found after I made my purchase! The quality was excellent, and the prices can’t be beat.
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Not speaking to how much one should spend, but rather how to spend that money. My husband spent about 4 months researching diamonds and other gem stones with the assistance of a gemologist. They went to all the high end retail stores and looked at all kinds of rings and stones, etc. Once the gemologist had an idea of what kind and size stone my husband was interested in he had lots of different stones (certified ones) shipped to the gemologist and then the gemologist helped my husband pick out a center diamond. The diamond in my engagement ring is probably twice what my husband could have bought at a retail establishment. Once you have the diamond its easy to buy a ring/mounting. Or you could also do what my husband did and have a jewelry designer design a one of a kind ring to go with the diamond.
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My wife and I were determined to have a frugal wedding as we had cross-border immigration fees to pay (she’s American, I’m Canadian). We also are fairly private and simple people and did not want a big foofarah over our commitment. So, we picked out an engagement ring together and paid for it out of our savings – it came to $750 approximately. Our wedding rings came from a discount jeweller and cost about $150 total. Frankly, nobody has been able to notice the difference.
As for our wedding, we decided to pay for it ourselves (our parents told us they would prefer to split the cost of our first down payment with us 50/50, rather than pay for wedding costs, so we could afford a full 25% down payment on our first house). We were determined to have a budget wedding that reflected our tastes and wishes. We used my mother-in-law’s fabulous backyard and had my wife’s aunt, an ordained minister, do the ceremony; my wife bought a used wedding dress online and myself and the rest of the wedding party wore suits and dresses we already owned; we were able to borrow a sound system for free and burned our own CDs; and a good friend of my wife’s donated her wedding planning and catering services for substantially reduced prices. We then spent our honeymoon camping in the Olympic Peninsula in Washington state.
The total cost of our wedding and honeymoon was about $3500, paid entirely out of our savings and salaries. My wife and I did not go into a penny of debt to start our new life together, and it has been a great boon for our marriage not to have to worry about unnecessary debt. Of course, we had some substantial lucky breaks and chose to invite only 40 people to our wedding; other couples might not have a choice. But it is possible to save considerably on engagement, wedding, and honeymoon expenses, so long as you are prepared to do what is right for you and your spouse and not worry about having a “proper” wedding – the proper wedding is the one that is most memorable and joyous for you two and your guests!
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When I proposed to my wife, I gave her a moderately expensive ring that hurt my budget a little, but didn’t break the bank either (avoid borrowing at all costs). Remember, you will be sharing your $ (and a budget) once you get married. Hopefully, you’ve already talked a lot about marriage and $.
On our 15th anniversary (once I was better established), I upgraded her ring. We turned her old engagement ring diamond into a necklace and purchased a completely new set.
This worked very well for us, and we know others that have done the same thing.
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First, I ditto Jason’s recommendation of bluenile.com if you shop online. We got our wedding rings there and the quality and service are wonderful.
My engagement ring, purchased last year, cost about a week’s salary for my husband, but we’re older and well-established in our careers, so that was still a hefty chunk of change. What made it priceless, however, is that he found a local jeweler who designs the type of rings I love: modern twists on traditional designs. We purchased the stone from him first — a high quality ruby — and then had him create a setting that was personal to us both. The result was an amazing, completely unique ring for a very good price. Additional benefits are that we supported a local business and that the jeweler has been happy to perform maintenance and cleaning since.
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My engagement ring came from a local rock and gem show–the sapphire from one vendor, the setting from another, the total around $750. My fiance paid with his credit card. (We could have paid cash and saved the sales tax if I’d written a check, but he wouldn’t do that.)
As for budgeting, I think the only guideline he had was my comment one day that my brother (hip-deep in debt and hospital bills) had spent $700 on jewelry for his girlfriend’s Christmas present (they broke up not long after) and he should never spend that much on me except maybe for my engagement ring. He commented later that he’d spent $100 on one previous engagement ring and $1300 for another, so mine was a nice middle-of-the-road.
(Wow, that sounds bad. Um, third time’s the charm?)
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Please please please read this article: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/198202/diamond . It’s a fascinating look at the diamond business and why they’re not only a waste of money, but a bad idea in general.
“Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond?
“An unruly market may undo the work of a giant cartel and of an inspired, decades-long ad campaign”
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When I got married, we had just put a downpayment on a house, so even if I’d wanted an engagement ring it wouldn’t have been feasible. I figure getting an engagement house was the better deal.
I think the main thing is to talk to the person you’re getting engaged to about the engagement ring. If you’re combining finances after you marry, she’s effectively paying for half of it. Maybe she’d prefer something more useful.
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I bought from bluenile as well. I was very satisfied. I spent $2500 which is about two weeks salary for me right now. The wedding bands cost us about $1300. I paid cash for everything so there was no debt associated with the purchase.
Her parents paid for the wedding. We paid for the jewelery and honeymoon and some of the other expenses. All in all, we spent about $10,000. Her parents spent over $20,000.
It is the biggest and most disgusting waste of money that I have ever been a part of. We now have to worry about having enough money to cover closing costs on a house because we spent that money and her parents are no longer able to help us because they spent the money on the wedding.
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I also have to recommend bluenile.com for the same reasons mentioned above – top quality products and top notch service. And I haven’t seen better prices anywhere else.
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Pay cash, upgrade later if you can’t afford what she really wants.
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If you’re looking to save money on a wedding ring you could always check out Diamond Nexus. They produce manmade diamonds that are pretty much indistinguishable from the real thing to the naked eye, and still have the same hardness and other properties that diamonds do. They sell for around $80 a carat.
Of course some women might object to not having an authentic diamond. Lucky for me though, my girlfriend has very strong moral objections to the diamond industry, and has actually insisted that I not buy here a real diamond when that time comes.
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My wife and I bought each other gold bands for about $200 each when we got married. We both decided we wanted to save our money to purchase a condo. We have been married for 12 years and my wife sees no need to purchase a diamond.
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I have a friend that recently married right out of college(commissioned Navy officer, so pay not so high but the job’s not going anywhere) who spent about $25,000 on the engagement ring/wedding band set. I can’t fathom spending that much money on something like that, nor can I imagine anyone that I want to be with comfortable wearing something worth that much on her finger going about daily business every day of the year.
I can picture spending a couple months salary, but no more, as that’s a pretty hefty chunk of change, but seeing as I have no debt, much savings/investments, and am financially secure, it seems like less of a plundge to make. And I’m also comfortable splurging here and there for gifts and special occasions, so this seems to be one of the best times to do that.
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I got my wife an absolutely gorgeous wooden ring from Dale Randles (artistreewoodart.com) for $50 (they’re more expensive now). It was perfect for us, as we’re not jewelry people. She then got me a matching one, so we both had engagement rings.
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I just finished buying an engagement ring and the one big thing I learned is to NOT shop at retail outlets for rings. I found a connection through friends to a private jeweler who is selling the diamonds at a very small margin and makes custom designed rings to put them in.
The ring I purchased would have cost me significantly more if I had bought it at a regular jewelry store.
I have seen the rings from bluenile.com and they are nice, but I always have felt that they are pretty generic. My feeling could be unique to me but I really wanted my girlfriend to have a unique piece of jewelery that matched her personality.
Ultimately, buy what you can afford paying cash for. I’ve been saving for this ring for quite a while now in preparation for this. Like John said above, think of your finances after marriage, don’t cripple yourself now because you want to get her a big rock.
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My engagement ring cost us nothing – because it was my great-grandmother’s ring. She passed away a few months before we got engaged, and I asked my grandmother (her daughter) how she would feel about letting us have the ring – she was very happy and excited about it and now I get to tell everyone who compliments my ring about my spunky cool great-gram.
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im 23. engaged for 2 months. the ring was $8900. custom plat setting. 1.3 ct center. .25 side pairs. h&a. D-Si1 Clean. definitely the biggest purchase i’ve made ever. but i do have 30k in retirement saving. i do not recommend bluenile.com. even though its better than tiffany’s there are much better places and prices to be had. pricescope.com is a good start to get the 411 on diamonds. gluck dude.
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I agree with Jason–if you are going to buy a diamond or any traditional jewelry for your ring, use http://www.bluenile.com. After pricing many of the local guys, I found I saved between $500-$1000 on a $2000 ring.
The most important thing, as mentioned, is to talk openly to your fiance about the tradeoffs involved, especially if you would be incurring debt to purchase the ring. If you can get in the habit of talking about debt and major purchases before you get married, you’ll save a lot of time after!
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I would say that a few years ago BlueNile was good, but since this post the diamond market has grown substantially online. Even if you look at http://www.ritani.com there are tons of different diamonds that you can get online for cheaper than a brick and mortar store. Remember less overhead!
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My husband and I started taking our personal finances seriously right when we decided to get married. So we’ve done everything frugal. We shopped together for our rings. I ended up getting aquamarine instead of a diamond. My engagement ring was $340, wedding band $100.00 (70% off sale, and my husbands wedding band $240.00.
We’ve been married almost six months. We had quite a bit of CC debt when we combined finances and are interested in getting out of debt not getting more. So, we paid for our modest wedding (including rings) for about 100 people in cash for 5k (it can be done!) By the time our first anniverasary rolls around we’ll have paid off 12k in credit card debt as well.
Anyway my biggest advice is to talk to her. Find our what your money goals and life goals are. Find out what she’s interested in. If you’re financing (even your not, assuming finances will be combined) the ring she’s paying for it one way or another.
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Jim N., first of all, congrats!
Second of all, moissanite (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silicon_carbide) – for the following reasons: the it shines better than a diamond (moissanite is on the left http://www.moissanite.com/images/jfire_show_both.jpg), it’s several times cheaper, it was originally discovered in a meteorite (insert “the moon and the stars” joke here), and you don’t have to wonder if you’re buying a “blood diamond.”
Thus, the question of finances becomes a lot simpler – save up for it.
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I don’t think there is any set amount that you “should” spend. You should spend what you can afford (paying cash). Why start out in debt over an unnecessary material item?
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Don’t be like my brother. He spent a small fortune on a ring the girl wanted. They later broke up. He’s stuck with like a $15,000 ring he has no use for. I read about a place on the web where people auction them called idonowidont.com
I’ve never done business with them, but it might be worth looking at.
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I bought my fiance’s diamond from an estate. After having it checked out by an independent gemoligist, it turned out to be an even better deal than bluenile. Back in the late 70s and early 80s, people tried to buy diamonds as a hedge against inflation. The price exploded for a while, but then the bubble burst. As a result, many of these people just put them in their safe deposit boxes to wait for the prices to come back.
In late 2005, the owner’s son was looking to unload about 10 different sized, GIA certified stones to settle the estate. I ended up with a 1.01 carat, F color, vvs1, round brilliant. As mentioned above, a local trusted jeweler can make a custom setting for the loose stone at a very reasonable price.
I ended up paying about 1 month’s salary when all was said and done. This includes the cost of the stone, the setting, the gemologist plus I sent the stone back to GIA for regrading (it had been graded the first time in 1979). Since I tend to avoid debt, I paid cash for everything. This also helped with negotiating a final price.
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My wife specifically didn’t want a diamond. They just look pale and cold. So I got her a sapphire. It turns out that the diamond-class gems aren’t really cheaper than diamonds. But she likes her sapphire very much. Paid $500 14 years ago.
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How much you spend is going to depend on you and you fiance and your relationship with each other, your families and your current finances.
When my wife and I got engaged I was still a student and she was still applying for her first teaching job (and doing a fill in low paid job). Taking twice our combined monthly income wouldn’t have got a (decent) diamond. Also neither of us are particularly ‘flashy’ people, and neither of our families expected a traditional wedding (so not have a big diamond engagement ring wasn’t going cause a family scandal). So in the end we agreed a budget and bought each other rings (around $200 each which combined was more than our food, power, and heating for a month – we ate real basic for a while).
As it happens my wife lost her ring while we were on honey moon – she was devastated, even though it was a cheap ring, because of what it meant / represented. Sometime later I bought her a new ring to replace it, but we agreed to stick to the original budget to remind us of the how we’d struggled back then (her idea not mine).
But it’s all got to fit together with your combined view of getting married, your families, etc, etc. Plenty of our friends went with the twice monthly salary route (and the antaganist in me could help but ask if their fiance spent twice her monthly salary on an engagement present, stereo, tv, season ticket on him), another had a family heirloom ring to use, one didn’t bother with engagement rings (just wedding bands) and one other aren’t getting married at all.
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I hadn’t planned to propose, so I didn’t have a ring when I asked her to marry me. We both shopped the night I asked, and only shopped the 6 jewelry stores in the mall. She was looking for the ring she wanted … and then we factored in price. Fortunately, she’s got frugal tastes. We found “The Ring”, negotiated the price a bit and got 0% financing for 12 months. Total cost of the ring was $1,300.
We went back to the same shop for our wedding bands. Hers was an add-on to the engagement ring, mine was a straight forward titanium band. Again we got 0% financing for 12 months, and because we were repeat customers, they came down a bit in the price. The bands were about $450, total.
We were engaged in May of 2005, married in October 2006.
Good luck!
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Not only are diamonds ridiculously overpriced, they are coming under increasing competition from rapidly improving man-made diamonds. So if you go and blow two months’ salary on an engagement ring, you’ll buy a rock that can be cheaply manufactured.
Show your bride that you’re not an idiot: give her a pubic zirconium. She’ll love you for it.
Put the two months’ salary into index funds. Let it grow into a down payment on a house or something useful.
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I can’t believe nobody has offered up the most economical AND emotional solution of all – use an heirloom ring.
If you’re under 40 you were likely born into a smaller family than in most of history, improving your chances of having a parent, grandparent or great-grandparent with a ring they’d probably be thrilled to pass down.
I realize everyone is different but I can’t imagine choosing to spend my life with someone who wouldn’t be honored to wear a ring passed down from a loved one.
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My husband and I decided to go to pawn shops and jewelry stores that carry estate jewelry. We found a lovely one that didn’t break the bank. I realize this is NOT the way 99% of the women out there want to get their ring but for me, jewelry isn’t my hang up. I was proud to wear whatever ring he wanted to put on my hand because in my mind, taking his name was a greater public statement of commitment. Just in case you wanted to hear a completely different method of finding that giant rock.
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Nothing to do with the original question, but for those people concerned with the ethical issues, look into Canadian diamonds.
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Anyone had any experiences with Costco rings/jewelry? I’ve heard they have great quality and prices.
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I went with a couple months salary, loaned at no interest. I knew my debt service timeline and knew I could afford it and pay it off quick enough.
Go bluenile.com. You can get a prettier ring for much less of the cost from brick and mortar stores. We went with a slightly colored ring with a strong florescence and ideal cut to cause it to be more brilliant.
Then again I picked out the ring and stone and proposed with it on the sly, something few men appear to do anymore.
There is a site I cannot find right now for men reselling the rings from engagements that failed. They have some great deals, and you’re helping a guy out.
–Michael
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I spent a couple thousand on the engagement ring for my wife. I went to Kay and was able to pay half in cash. The other half was no-interest for a year. It was perfect because I wanted it to be completely paid for by the time we got married which was a year later. So, I paid zero in interest, spread the cost out over the time, and didn’t head into marriage with a big debt.
Most importantly- I was able to get a great deal on a great ring that fit her tastes and was exactly what she wanted. Another plus is that I was able to continue to establish what has turned into a great relationship with the local Kay jewelery store.
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From Michael: Then again I picked out the ring and stone and proposed with it on the sly, something few men appear to do anymore.
I 100% agree with this. This is the only way to go. I don’t understand all these people who pick out engagement rings with their soon to be fiances… That just doesn’t ‘ring’ very well with me. It’s supposed to be an expression from the soon to be husband… not something that the soon to be wife had to help you pick out. Great way to start that marriage. the dude’s gotta always ask for help
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My wife and I also opted out of supporting the diamond industry for some of the reasons listed above. Our simple gold bands were $250 total.
I know of a few ethical diamond mines in Canada that some friends bought through. This might be a good option for the must have diamond.
As a testament to the inflated prices- I had a friend who failed to get even half of the $3000 he spent on a diamond engagement ring when he was forced to sell it.
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Yes, 2x monthly salary is a marketing ploy.
Whatever you do, don’t go into debt for either the ring or the wedding. Starting off your married life in debt isn’t the way to go.
That isn’t to say that you should start trolling through pawn shops with $100 in your jeans. I got married last year and I spent approximately 3-4 weeks take home on the engagement ring. That still bought something she could be proud of, but didn’t break the bank.
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I involved my (then to-be) wife in picking the ring, no point in spending money for something she doesn’t like. We went for design and customer service, eventually settling on Stuart Moore (www.stuartmoore.com) in SoHo. We told them how much we had to spend and they spent a lot of time getting stones of various size, color, and quality to fit in our price range. The ring was custom made for her and we covered it (after the deposit I put down) with a loan we took out to pay for the wedding. It ended up running close to $16K, but she loves the ring. We went back to them for our wedding bands as well. All of this advice about “not getting into debt” is a little black and white, if you plan realistically on what kind of debt you can manage, why not splurge for a (hopefully) once in a lifetime purchase. We paid our loan off in 18 months and now have a family heirloom of our own.
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I’ll speak for the radical nut-jobs:
My wife had been married before. We didn’t even do rings. A friend who got married the same month asked, “How will people know you’re married?” I told her, “If they talk to either of us, they’ll know.”
We’ll celebrate our 15th anniversary next month.
That friend I mentioned… She’s divorced. According to her ex-husband, she missed that whole exclusivity clause in the marriage vows.
I’m not bashing people who buy rings. If it’s important to you, do it. Just make sure you focus on what’s most important, the relationship.
And, since I’m doing the Financial Peace thing at my church, here’s the obligatory “debt is dumb.” Save up and pay cash. Dave Ramsey is right, there’s nothing like slapping down crisp new bills. I even ask the bank tellers for fresh bills if I’m buying something special.
Like I said, I speak for the radical nut-jobs.
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Go with Blue Nile definitely. I got her engagement ring, and our wedding bands there. The engagement ring was perfect — you get to choose your diamond (do your research, find the best angles, etc.). It was just to our specifications. Perfect.
The wedding bands offered a chance for them to show off their customer service — the first band for me didn’t fit, so we were able to send it back at no cost to us, and get another sent back. Everything at no charge.
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My wedding set is beautiful! And it came from a pawn shop. I’m completely addicted to pawn shop jewelry.
It’s sad to see all the beautiful antique jewelry that likely belonged to someone’s grandparents and in an act of desperation, they would pawn it.
I like taking old jewelry and giving it new history while daydreaming from time to time about what the real history was behind it.
I’ll NEVER buy jewelry at full price again nor will my husband. He can visit our local shop and get me four times the jewelry at half the price.
I’m one happy girl with a nice full jewelry box.
If you learn what to look for you can really cash in nicely.
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Even better, don’t get engagement ring! Instead get a tattoo. It’s eternal, and cheaper!
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My wife and I were never interested in the standard engagement ring ideas. While we were dating, we both got a clear idea of what the other valued in a courting/marriage ritual.
I decided on a titanium engagement ring and wedding bands. The design is interesting enough that we still get interested comments about it four years later.
I think that the statement “I want her to know that she was more important to me than money” forgets the long-term role of the relationship. Obviously, our spouses are very dear to us, but I would add that a long & happy life with our spouse is just as dear. Why not buy small and trade up over the years?
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I think the MOST important thing is to talk to your fiancee-to-be about what she wants. My wife of 10 years and I decided at the time to forego the ring and instead got a CAT. Of course, we now joke that when the cat dies, she gets her ring. Over the life of the cat, we probably will have paid as much as the ring, but the $25 we spent at the SPCA at the time was money we had. Meg the cat has been a wonderful addition to our lives. I think when Meg does die, we’ll probably go the way of the articificial diamond, rather than pay the ridiculous price of a real one.
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I’m in the minority, but I have no intention of ever wearing an engagement ring. The ethical issues are a major concern, of course.
But honestly?
I have short fingers, and don’t think two rings would look nice. So I wouldn’t want more than the wedding band.
I think it’s likely that your girlfriend feels differently, but it might be worthwhile at least asking her how she feels about jewelry. (If you can’t bear the thought of “spoiling the surprise,” ask her close friends.)
Then you can decide how you want to proceed.
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Probably you’ve already talked about this stuff, but not every girl cares about the ring, and not every girl wants a diamond. It may also be more meaningful to wear a ring that’s been in her family or in yours. (My husband bought me a ring after I proposed to him, but if he hadn’t, I’d have worn my grandmother’s ring instead.)
Many couples I know didn’t have an engagement ring at first, but got one years later as an anniversary gift. If you’re young and poor, you have so many better things to spend your money on.
Anyhow, here’s an idea. Figure out what you can afford out-of-pocket, and if it’s not a lot, use that money to buy a SETTING. Put an affordable stone in it, like a synthetic sapphire. (They cost almost nothing, and are gorgeous.) Later, when you can afford it, you can choose to “upgrade” the stone.
Personally, I’ll never upgrade. My setting came from here, and between the striking setting and the deep blue sapphire I get tons of compliments:
http://boonerings.com/stone.htm
I second the comments about not wanting to support the diamond cartels. Synthetic diamonds may be a better option for you … but that’s a topic for another day.
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I would suggest dimondsonweb.com, I recently bought mine there, If you get a signature diamond you get 1/2 price on the ring and mounting, and a free appraisial (great for insurance). But once again this is your call on what to spend, I went all out (by my standards) and spent a little more then i should, but everytime someone looks at or asks about the ring, I get complimented and she smiles ear to ear.
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