This post is from GRS staff writer April Dykman.
For the past couple of years, my husband and I have not exchanged traditional, wrapped-and-Christmas-bowed gifts. Instead, we plan an experience.
We started our anti-Stuff celebrations because neither of us could think of a gift we truly wanted. Then we’d each be scrambling to think of something, anything, since not giving a box with a bow was unacceptable. This way, the pressure is off, and we create memories of fabulous meals and trips to vineyards, instead of piling up Stuff to fulfill a gift requirement.
I’m not against traditional gifts, especially if you know it’s something the recipient will use or enjoy. But if you are at a loss for the hard-to-buy-for loved ones on your list, consider an anti-Stuff gift of consumables or experiences. Why?
- No risk that your gift will turn into someone else’s Stuff (quite likely for the hard-to-buy-for recipients)
- People are likely to remember a positive experience, but will probably forget about yet another shower gel gift set
- Easier than picking something that comes down to personal taste, such as perfumes, sweaters, knickknacks, etc.
Meaningful, personal gifts
Anti-Stuff gifts aren’t necessarily gift cards, which often feel a bit impersonal. Think about what would be meaningful to the recipient. If your sister is a busy mom, give her a couple of hours of babysitting and an appointment with a masseuse. Consider the following to generate anti-Stuff gift ideas unique to each loved one:
- Hobbies
- Lifestyle (parent, student, on-the-go, homebody…)
- Anything he or she has “always wanted to do”
Word of warning: make sure the gift is something the recipient would enjoy or something in which he or she has expressed interest, not something you like or think he or she should like! That holds true with any sort of gift-giving.
The anti-Stuff gift guide
Need some inspiration to get the creative gift-giving juices flowing? Consider the following suggestions, organized by interest:
The foodie
- Basket of consumables from the farmers’ market. I’ve made baskets filled with locally-made items such as jam, jelly, biscotti, granola, chocolate, honey, coffee, salsa, vinegar, and olive oil.
- Cooking classes. There are classes on everything from knife skills to sushi rolling to creating Tuscan feasts.
- Wine and cheese pairing class. Bonus points if it’s held at a gorgeous vineyard.
The outdoorsy gal or guy
- Zip-line tour. Send the adrenaline junkie on your list flying through the trees.
- Kayaking lessons. Paddling is a great way to enjoy the local lakes and rivers.
- Cave tour. Give the gift of a tour or a special event. Some caves host dinner and a concert, all underground.
- Horseback riding. A day on a dude ranch is a nice way to get back to nature.
The arts lover
- Gift certificates to the local “artsy” movie theater. They’ll get to see the indie flicks without having to wait for the DVD release.
- AÂ museum membership. Members typically receive perks such as unlimited admission, invitations to previews of exhibitions, a discount at the museum’s store, and invitations to special events.
- Dance lessons. Just make sure you know if your recipient is a belly dancer at heart or more of the foxtrot-type.
- Tickets to a performance. If it’s a date-specific event, you’ll need to be sneaky to make sure the recipient will be available, but tickets to concerts, plays, and other performances are memorable gifts.
- Music lessons. If your brother has always wanted to channel his inner Jimi Hendrix, indulge the fantasy with a few guitar lessons.
The sports enthusiast
- A round of golf. If their sport costs money, buy them some time on the green, at the batting cages, or wherever the sport is enjoyed.
- Tickets to a sporting event. One year I bought my husband tickets to a Dallas Cowboys football game for his birthday. I was living in an apartment complex owned by Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys. Tenants could purchase tickets to the game, including seats on a chartered bus to drive us the three hours to the stadium.
- Lessons in their preferred activity. Find out what they like to do and where they do it. Inquire about lessons.
The crafty type
- Art lessons. Sewing, knitting, sculpture, painting, drawing, photography, stained glass…there’s no end to types of art classes.
- Gardening gifts. Seeds, herbs, perennials, saplings, and bushes make great gifts for loved ones with green thumbs.
For anyone
- Spa services. Massages are appreciated by most people, especially if they are hunched over a computer or on their feet all day. Foot massages and pedicures are good options for those who aren’t comfortable with full-body massages.
- A night at a nearby bed and breakfast. Only for those who have been very good this year!
Not that there’s anything wrong with gifts and bows…
This approach isn’t for everyone. I think children should get to enjoy tearing open a gift and having a few things to play with right away, rather than being told it’s a gift that will be a blast…later.
But I’d venture to say there are probably a few people on your list who would prefer a thoughtful, anti-Stuff gift that reflects their interests and doesn’t have to be stored, dusted, or worse, guiltily tossed in a Goodwill bin.
What do you think about anti-Stuff gifts? What types of consumable or experiential gifts are on your wish list?
J.D.’s note: For those concerned about the cost of these suggestions, be sure to check out last year’s list of homemade Christmas gifts.
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I love the idea but I am also with the poster (#35) that mentioned the majority of these gifts are very expensive especially when you’re talking about extended family.
So, I’ll take the somewhat opposing view and side with stuff. See, I think “stuff” has a bad name and that’s not fair. Everyone enjoys stuff if you take the time to buy OR MAKE things you know they will appreciate and use.
This does require time and planning though and most people just don’t care about that sort of thing. Really, it shouldn’t be Anti-Stuff it should be Anti-Meaningless/Useless.
Some people mentioned the “romance of gift-giving” and I appreciate that. For instance, I maintain a wish list on Amazon but, and I stress this every time I reluctantly admit I have one to my friends and family, it’s a guide to things I like not the end-all of what exactly to get me. I put a lot of effort into the things I buy my friends and family and always get great feedback on them.
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My family started a tradition of a yankee swap for the adults (and the kids still get gifts). We set a price each year $50, and get one gift that most people would enjoy (or we can get a gift for a specific person but they don’t necessarily get to keep it). So we wrap the present and put it in the middle of the room, and draw numbers. Who ever gets number one pick a present from the pile and opens it. From the next person has five minutes to decide if they want to steal the present already opened or pick another present from the pile. This goes on until the last person in the group picks. When someone takes your gift, you get the option to take from someone else or go back to the gift pile. Its a lot of fun, and saves everyone some $$ if there is a large family.
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@Kristy (26) – I wholeheartedly agree with your grad student suggestions. Both my partner and I are grad students and we would love something as easy as a coffee gift certificate – whether from a national chain or a local one (all our family lives 2000+ miles from us). Some people might think this was a boring or unthoughful gift, but since we try not to spend too much money on coffee out, but still love to go and do work at coffee shops, it would be perfect. Same with bookstore gift certs – whether for an academic book or something fun – even though this isn’t really an experience gift, though we both do love wandering a bookstore for a while, esp. with the luxury of having a bit of money to spend at the end.
Also, this isn’t exactly an experience gift either, but it kind of is by default of distance – last year my brother and SIL made a calendar featuring photos of their adorable bulldog. My SIL dressed him up in all sorts of seasonal outfits and then created the calendar with those photos – we love it and have it in our kitchen. Since they’re so far away, its fun to have a bit of them with us all year long.
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I’m *totally* drinking the Kool-Aid on this concept! My brother and I are trying to slowly change our family’s mindset on physical gift giving.
Last year, we did a gag-gift “white elephant” exchange. Nobody receives anything of material value, but everyone enjoys hours of laughter and great memories of spending time with each other.
One exception to the rule: I have started a tradition of giving calendars with my own photography on it. For me, it allows me to share my joy and passion of photography with others. It’s useful, hand-made, and relatively cheap (~$15/calendar). FedEx Office and Shutterfly are two places that have done a wonderful job on these calendars.
Great Article, April!
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Agree with Stephanie (#52) and Kristy (#26) – coffee is always the perfect gift for a student. A study basket is even better!
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What a great post! Some of my extended family members are simply doing a gift card exchange (with $15 gift cards) this year because it’s so hard to buy for people. Then people can go out and get what they want.
And I often do a lot of homemade gifts. They’re useful and inexpensive. Last year our budget was very tight for Christmas, so I made some homemade hot chocolate mix (tons of recipes online) and packed it into nice, decorated mason jars for our friends. It was a hit!
One warning to those considering buying a gift for gardeners: I am a gardener, and sometimes I receive plants as gifts and don’t have a good spot to put them in my yard. If you have an idea of what plants the recipient could actually use, that would help.
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I seem to be the odd one out on this, but if someone gave to a charity in my name, I would probably never speak to that person again. I am extremely particular what I support and none of my family knows who they are. Now, if giftgivers know someone is ok with that type of gift, it is a different story. Just don’t assume that a donation will please someone.
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uh, ok wolfgirl, i guess you’re really particular. Unless it was a charity to drown kittens (or something equally horrible) i don’t think i’d be so angry at a person for donating in my name, even if you don’t support that charity they at least tried to do a good thing.
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I have given both dinner gift certificates (with included babysitting) and massage/spa treatment gift certificates, both went over very well.
As for myself, last year I told everyone that I wanted to take cooking classes, and said that if they didn’t know what to get me, money to go toward the classes would be great. All my siblings and my mother-in-law gave toward the cause, and I don’t think that any of them were affronted that I asked for money. I made sure to gush about the cooking classes in my thank you note, so that they understood that I really appreciated the gift.
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I’ve been doing this for years already, even when my children were small.
I’ve given gift cards to local movie theaters for families of employees, with gift cards for soda and popcorn.
I’ve taken my parents out to dinners and shows.
I’ve bought ballet tickets for my entire family to see something special, from “Nutcracker”to “Swan Lake.”
This year, husband and I will see a Broadway show (we live in metro NYC) instead of getting tangible gifts.
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But if this is about financial sense, why spend money on something that’s gone in an instant, an hour or a day?
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Thanks for the great ideas. My mind is spinning with ideas of how to make this year’s Christmas much more “experience” oriented!
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I love these ideas! Both the combination of a fun event or activity in lieu of a gift as well as the “no clutter” idea!!
As a variation on this, I have started a Google “wish list” for our family of 4. Each of us has access to it and can add or delete items from this list at any time. That way, I’m hopeful that if we do opt to shop, we’ll be getting items that the person truly desires rather than something that turns into dust-gathering clutter (like the digital photo frame from last Christmas…)
My favorite family Christmas tradition is Bingo where there’s very little money spent up front, loads of laughs, every single person can participate, and we’re all enjoying time together. Nothing can beat it!
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My wife and I needlessly exchanged gifts at Christmas virtually for no other reason than to say we exchanged gifts. The gifts we gave were hardly necessities, probably some of them weren’t even wanted.
We finally came to our senses and realized we could spend all the money in the world on each other and it wouldn’t bring us closer to one another.
Since then, we give each other the gift of time. There is nothing more precious in either one of our lives, so each Christams, we plan dates throughout the year that come hell or high water, we will spend those dates together.
It has really strengthened our marriage
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My husband and I haven’t exchanged Christmas gifts in over 5 years. But, we do have a Christmas budget; and use the money that we would have spent on each other to make a very nice donation to our favorite charitable organizations. We still get the joy of giving, plus we know that our gift is needed and appreciated.
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Excellent post, and wonderful comments! My siblings and I have a fun tradition. Each of us picks a charity, and the others make a donation to it in our honor. I love it!! My husband and I also give gifts to a child or two from our local giving tree.
Like Cara, I have in-laws who are all about the stuff. They seem to take it personally if I say I don’t want any THINGS. In the interest of family harmony, I’ve decided to drop it.
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I’m not good with Christmas gifts because in my family, Christmas was “Ki’s Day”, just like there is Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. In other words, parents would give something to their kids, and that’s it (and the kids would give something on Mother’s and Father’s Day).
Since I don’t have children, giving Christmas gift just feels completely weird to me.
Now that I’m married, I let my husband do most of the giving because it still feels awkward and unnatural to me.
Of course, it feels just as weird receiving gifts from people who aren’t my parents (I don’t even receive gifts from my parents anymore since I’m not a kid anymore).
And I have to say I’m not the type to like giving something because it’s the proper time to. When I see something a friend or family would enjoy, I get it for them right away. It could be December, I’m still not going to wait until Christmas to give it to them.
Anyway, I realise my personal experience is different from most. And I do think the gifts you mentionned really are great ieas that people would enjoy more than gifts that were bought because “you gotta buy something”.
I do agree with what someone else said though, that most of these are kinda expensive, and might not be in everyone’s budget (especially if you need to get one for everyone you know).
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Great article, some useful alternative ideas.
BTW where did you get the picture of the cat? it’s a spitting image of my moggy, Milo!
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For well over a year my husband (I really dislike the term ‘DH’) and kids, along with my sister and her family, have been wanting to take my Mom to a dinner and a Broadway show (she went through treatment for colon cancer). So last year, she wasn’t up to it due to the chemo.
Several other times we tried to get together (sis lives 1 and 1/2 hours north of us and mom lives 1 and 1/2 hours south of us), but since my sister has 2 young kids under 5 (my youngest is 9), she always has a sitter problem; to make matters worse, someone always gets sick at the worst time (flu at Christmas, New Year’s, what have you). My sister’s husband travels a lot and my husband works shift work, so their schedules are often conflicting!
There are also so many other obligations during the holidays like work parties, school concerts, piano recitals, fundraising events, church events and planning, decorating, shopping, cleaning, baking; it’s way too much for one person to have to do in a month or so (our husbands tend to do the bare minimun all year long!).
So many good intentions that never pan out is what frustrates me–not to mention the hundreds of dollars to have to spend for that ‘experience’. This year we decided that we would only give the kids gifts, no adult gifts…we’re old enough to buy for ourselves and are satisfied with just spending a holiday together at last!!!!
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Sorry for typo above….’minimum’! Comment editor won’t work for some reason on my computer.
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@Ian–That’s my cat, Mia, in the photo. She likes to “help” with gift wrapping.
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The best give I ever gave involved box and bows … and nothing else.
My mother was always putting things “someplace special” and then forgetting where the special place was. One year I was desparate for a gift and out of ideas. The lightbulb went off. I wrapped the biggest box I could find, in the fanciest manner I could manage, and labeled it “Someplace Special.” She used it for 15 years before it finally disintegrated. I don’t usually get that lucky with ideas, though.
My family has a tradition of sometimes giving money. The recipient is to use the gift for something special – no paying the electric bill – and then telling the giver all about the special thing. One year my special thing was a 3 day group lecture-and-tour of a historic battlefield. Not only did I thoroughly enjoy it, I now understand US history better.
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Great post April! I have been on the receiving side of this idea many times and I can tell you that it means a lot more to me and I usually get a lot more out of it.
Some examples of experiences that I’ve been given:
Membership to the local Aquarium
Adopted Zoo Animal — I was a llama mama!
Cowgirl Creamery Cheese Club Membership
Wine Club Membership — This one was awesome!
Concert Tix
Safari Trip for 2 at Safari West — Perhaps my favorite!
An idea that is always nice and from the heart is making a donation to an organization that is meaningful to that person on their behalf. One year for Christmas I adopted animals for all of my friends through the World Wildlife Fund and another year we purchased animals through Heifer International and gave that to all of our long distance family members.
Perhaps the best experience I ever gave was surprising my mother with a trip to Disneyland. She was 57 the first time she ever stepped foot in a Disney park, and even though it rained on us most of the time, we had a blast and she had the biggest smile on her face the whole day!
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A lot of the above options are extremely expensive! We tend to get consumables for family, and our kids since those gifts are sure to get used.
We do like to teach our kids about giving, so we chose to start a new tradition where everyone buys a gift for each member of the immediate family. This year they are saving their allowances to purchase gifts. It’s wonderful to see them choose something so thoughtfully for each other.
I like to give a receive consumables like food, craft items for the kids, etc. or memberships since we can use those again and again.
We also shop for a child or family in need each year.
The gift I really want? To be debt-free, but I think it may take until next Christmas to get there.
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This year all the adults in the family are receiving brandied pears and amarreto pears, canned this summer. Previous experience tells me they will be appreciated. Two days out of the summer for canning and I’m done with most of my list.
I have been scanning old photos (you know, before digital camaras?). I also have very old family photos. When I am done scanning, I am planning on making (or having made) photo albums for the rest of my family. Before digital, pictures weren’t shared quite as much. They will enjoy having pictures of when we were kids, or their own children, or of their great grandparents.
As someone who just graduated from college, I have to agree with the coffee, consumables gifts for students.
As a foodie I would love to recieve food items that I normally wouldn’t buy for myself. Good quality balsamic vinegar, olive oil, saffron, etc. Things that when I look at the budget and the grocery list I have to make choices about. No, it doesn’t have to be the $100 bottle of balsamic, since I’m only buying the $5 bottle…pretty much anything would be better:)
Gardeners appreciate gift certificates too! We don’t always have a use for plants, seeds, etc. If your buying tools make sure they are good quality and not something they already have,or they will turn into “stuff.” We used to buy my grandmother GCs to her favorite nursery. They were her favorite gifts! Every year she turned them into flowers for her garden. At past 80 she had all the stuff she needed, but had to watch her budget. It helped her to afford what she still loved.
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I am most definitely anti-stuff, because I hate clutter.
The experience and memory is worth a lot more than STUFF to me..
But there are others who clearly don’t feel the same way
And I’ve also highlighted the Major Holiday Busters Part 1 that most people experience. (Part 2 coming)
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The charity donation idea …I swear some people use it passive-aggressively. My old coworker loved to tell about how her in-laws made a donation in her name to a conservative Christian organization, when they knew perfectly well she was an atheist.
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What a nice idea!
I once gave my (now ex-) husband a balloon ride. That was a hoot! Later I gave him a ride in a glider, which he also seemed to enjoy.
When asked what he wanted for Christmas, he would invariably say “money.” Grr! So, one Christmas I took my paycheck to the bank, had it cashed out in one-dollar bills, packed it into a box, and wrapped it as his present.
That was the last time he asked for money. Then he started asking for real estate.
Agreed with Marie about the passive-aggressive uses of charitable donations. Really: who are we to decide what will be donated in someone else’s name? Unless you know the person has a favorite charity, it’s better to ask her or him where to donate. Some people’s favorite charity is their bank account…
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This is an excellent post! I plan on sharing it with all of the people who absolutely insist on buying gifts for me, as I do not enjoy seeing them struggling to buy the ‘perfect gift’ when the holiday seasons roll around (especially since my birthday is within two weeks of the holidays). Anti-stuff gifts are definitely the best, as an experience with all its memories attached can be treasured for a lifetime as opposed to Stuff, which could be lost, broken, or used up.
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I really like this idea. Being a big fan of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu I’d love to have a private lesson with one of the local black belts in my area.
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While I love the ideas of giving gifts of experiences like tickets to the zoo, theater, etc. what do you do if you live so far away from these things that they aren’t practical? I live in a smaller town where these sort of attractions just aren’t available anywhere close. I also have three stepdaughters (19,20 and 27) that are all about things and “stuff” and would most likely not really appreciate gift certificates or food gifts. My husband and I have about decided just to give them cash, but once you put some cash in a box and stick it under the tree it just feels really impersonal.
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My girlfriend and I recently did a glass blowing workshop. It was awesome.
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This is another string to the bow. It won’t suit everyone, but it’ll suit others better than the usual alternatives.
I can’t afford to buy for a lot of people at once, so I make a point of not giving christmas gifts to many people. They will get enough stuff at christmas to drown in, without my contribution. I do place importance on birthdays, especially the ones near christmas, which get submerged.
However, I take my nieces to the pantomime every year. They’re talking about it for weeks, sometimes months afterwards, and it’s the kind of treat their harassed parents don’t have freedom to give them. Nothing I could afford to buy would make that big an impression on them.
Sometimes it goes wrong, though: I once bought entrance tickets (wedding present) to an attraction I knew the recipients would really enjoy. Weeks after the tickets expired, I got a polite thank you for the tickets to the recycling centre. It could have been worse: they could have mistaken it for a sewage farm.
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If today’s (Nov. 21) Zits comic isn’t apropos to this topic, I don’t know what is!
http://www.arcamax.com/zits
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