Ask the Readers: What If Your High-Paying Job Makes You Miserable?

When I was still in debt, or actually, not where I wanted to be financially, I stayed in a job that I did not like becaause it paid me well and allowed me to get out of debt faster.

If faced with the same situation again, I would probably do the same. Any stress or unhappiness associated with a job I didn’t like paled in comparision to all of the baggage that came along with financial instability. Of course, as soon as I was close to my financial goals, I got out

Mike is being responsible. He’s thinking about what he should do next. He’s asking for advice. He didn’t quit his job suddenly. He’s being thoughtful about it and considering all his obligations.

Sometimes you get to that point, though, where you just can’t do it one more day, for whatever reason. Maybe you just realize this is not what you thought life would be like when you were dreaming about being a grown up when you were still a kid. Maybe the little sacrifices you made, one at a time, in order to squeeze your square self into the round hole of your job just wore you down too much.

Mike, you owe it to yourself to explore your options just as you are doing, thoughtfully and responsibly. But explore you must. Maybe the exploring itself will waken you to all kinds of possibilities that you didn’t even know were out there or within you, even.

I believe that there is a quality to life. And it lies within the balance of faith, family, and work. Wouldn’t it be grand if you and your wife could find a lifestyle that gave you more time with each other and your kids and you both had jobs you love and maybe they were part-time or flex-time or tele-commuting?

At the end of the day (really, I mean the end of our lives) it’s not what we do with our lives but how we conduct ourselves on a daily basis that people remember us for. And I believe that what we remember about ourselves are all the relationships we enjoyed throughout our lives.

One of the most memorable people I ever knew was an elderly widow who worked at our local pharmacy as a clerk. She was always kind and thoughtful and had a word of good cheer for everyone. Her funeral was attended by hundreds of people who loved her. Her daughter said, “This is Mom’s favorite bible verse: Rejoice and be glad in it for this is the day the Lord has made.” And she did live that way. I guess she had found the balance of faith, and family, and work that filled her needs. We should all be so fortunate.

I know this is a column about money but quality of life and money just seem to intersect here.

JD made a great point in the post that I would recommend Mike take to heart as a first step. Reduce your expenses. Mike has a hefty mortgage, by his own words. This makes me think that he is perhaps living above his means and that part of his unhappiness is due to his reliance on his paycheck and in feeling trapped in his job. If you can, Mike, downsize the house, and limit your expenses as much as possible as a first step. Maybe see if your employer can give you part-time contract work at a higher pay while you make your career transition during the rest of the week. Not easy things to do – but definitely all possible.

Hi Mike,

I was in the same exact situation as you. Working in the interactive/online media field – miserable, unmoved/dispassionate, jaded, demoralized and just wanting to leave. I’ve felt this way for the first 6 years on my career. It was tough to give up as I was also earning really good money that I didn’t think I’d find elsewhere.

However, something changed in the last year. It was leadership.

It’s not leadership on my part, but a change of manager and team/dept. I was moved to another department with a different manager. It’s amazing how much your life can change under the right leadership and mentorship. Everything suddenly made sense to me – what we’re here for in the company, what our goals were, where we are headed towards, and how we were doing against our goals. It made me feel like my contributions mattered and it was important. I was there for a purpose in the team and it contributed to the success of our product.

All I am saying is that, before you leave your career completely, see if you can get yourself in a new company or department (one that is more of a tightly run ship and that is more in line with your values and beliefs). Having the right manager and team can do wonders in your life at work. It has for me.

Good luck!

Jennifer

I would tell my story about switching careers but it sounds a lot like the story of Mike and many other posters. Instead I wanted to share a tool I created on Excel to compare the numbers on income and salary to make the leap a little easier.

I left a job that paid more than twice what I make now, but I have more time for my family now, and overall am happier. I did exactly what others here are suggesting. I stuck it out while I hated my job and dabbled in the things that interested me. Then I put numbers to the new profession to see how it would impact my families lives.

I have posted the link to my website only to share the file to an excel spreadsheet that I created for this exact purpose. Looking at an income at a job that pays well and crunching the numbers to see what my pay would look like somewhere else.

Here is the link to the site http://www.5k5k.org

(Sorry for plugging the site J.D. I didn’t know how else to share the file.)

The first thing I would do is clarify exactly why you don’t like the type of work you’re doing as much anymore.

1. Is it the “on-call” status?
2. Is it the lack of acknowledgement for the extra hours you put it?
3. Is it boredom with what you’re doing?

Would remedying one of those things make it better, or is it going to take all 3?

You can remedy the first two by going to work for a different company. Another commenter mentioned the mandated 40 hour week for government jobs in the discussion of the FMF guest post. I have a friend who works for a government contractor, and they have the mandated 40 hour work week also. She is in IT, and if she hits 40 hours at 10 a.m. on Friday, it’s time to go home, and it is enforced. There are IT jobs that don’t require you to be on-call all the time.

The third one can be remedied in a number of ways. Are there other jobs within your company that have a different IT focus? Are there courses you can take in an IT specialty that interests you? The courses can meet your need for more fulfillment now and lead to another career avenue that will be more satisfying in the future.

FWIW – I don’t know if your involvement in construction was as a hobby or as a part-time job before you entered your current field, but I would recommend you keep it as a hobby. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity or some other worthy organization. I can tell you from co-owning a construction business for 20 years that enjoying working with your hands for friends and family and doing it as a job are two different worlds. Once you have to worry about constantly finding new projects to make money and trying to get paid by builders and homeowners, a lot of the enjoyment disappears. It becomes a job like any other job, and you’ll soon find you’re not as happy doing it any more.

I work in IT, and I find that a lot of my enjoyment comes in keeping it fresh by doing new things and always learning. I find that I get bored doing the same thing after about 3 years max so I have to change it up somehow. Best wishes as you figure how to do that in the best way for you and your family!

Tim, I think you’re too quick to diagnose Mike’s problem as needing attention. You really don’t think it can make a difference to us what we do for our job? For me (I’ve had about 25 jobs) the most important thing is to do something that I believe is important. It’s not about other people noticing what I’m doing, but about me believing that the job is worth what I sacrifice to do it.

IT jobs that suck usually are infrastructure jobs. If possible move from systems management to programming. The infrastructure jobs typically are loaded with stress and underappreciation.

Mike,

I have two kids, a house, and am the sole money-maker. I work with people I despise in IT, making same amount as you. It is my responsibility to take care of my family financially, as Wife is a SAHM. I know my work is not appreciated. I am needed; not wanted. I do the job because I have to. I am working on paying off mortgage (only debt left). Once that occurs, I can focus on moving to another position. Facts of life can be harsh, but make the most of it. If wishes were fishes, I’d have a pond full. Work hard now and see what else you can do on your own time. Build that into something more, and when you are financially viable to leave your job, then leave. Until then, focus on building your future and providing for your family. Enjoy the time you have with the family, as that is the fuel to get through the work days. For me, I see the smile on my girls face when she does ballet, and I know that the job I do is paying for that.

If you do not enjoy the job, move on to something that you will enjoy. It’s not healthy doing something that you do not like. Eventually you will quit as you will not be able to continue doing something you hate for the rest of your life. However if you do not have another job lined up well suck it up and continue to work until you do. At the end of the day you need to continue to earn.

This post hits home hard with me. I am in medicine and just finished a grueling residency that averaged 70 hr work weeks full of weekend, night, and holiday calls. Though that is behind me, I shudder at the thought of continuing on this path for another 30-40 years. Healthcare in this country is a mess right now- malpractice threats, increased workloads, declining reimbursements, LONG hours, being on call, malignant personalities, life and death decisions, tons of paperwork…need I go on? With the passage of time, my discontent with the medical field has only grown more and more to the point where I want out. My plan is to be out of medicine within a few years as soon as my six digit student loans are payed off and I have a small cushion built up to allow me to downshift to a much less stressful, enjoyable career. I have been living WAY below my means to hasten this process. I will take a 75K job that I love than work a job paying 150K that consumes my life anyday. Money can be like a drug where you can easily let the pursuit of it steal away your precious time left on this earth. We need to realize when enough is enough and appreciate what we have or otherwise work ourselves to an early grave. I realize this more than ever after spending nearly a decade in medicine. I yearn to be free again.
-medicinesux

Mike is still focusing on money, as he tries to create an equation to solve his problem. They are really two separate questions.

First he needs enough clarity and quiet from his anxiety gallery, to consider what he wants and is good at. This will be a shortish list.

Only then does the money issue enter, and as one of several equally important factors, for example, training required (time and cost), geography, potential satisfaction. He considers the list

I highly recommend aptitude testing before any career counseling. Check out the Johnson O’Connor and Rockport Institutes, among others.

Best of luck to Mike (and others with the same dilemma)–his kids need a happy dad, not a rich one!

I completely agree with JD that it is essential to find a job that you enjoy. Until recently, I felt that it was somewhat self-indulgent and idealistic to believe I should look for a career that I really loved and felt was ideally suited to. However, I have recently changed my views on this; it seems to me now, after much thought on the subject, that in a competitive environment someone who is unenthusiastic about their job, and knows deep down that it is not right for them, is going to have a hard time competing long-term against others in their industry who have a true enthusiasm for it. (Quite apart from how soul-destroying it would be to try and do so…. ) I recently re-read “The Millionaire Mind” by Thomas Stanley and the message there that those who are financially successful tend to feel that their work is a vocation, and something they love, convinced me further that I should work towards finding my own ideal job.

In terms of practicalities – I think those have been covered by other comments, but I would say that the earlier you can make a change, the sooner you will be in a career that is right for you. Also, at this point in your life it will be easier to give up a good income than it might be later, when you are more accustomed to it and perhaps have greater financial commitments.

I am in a similar area as Mike. I have been paying down the debt for the last 14 months, and we have chose to wait on selling our house. My family is growing, but my passion is not. I am the process of embracing change brought about by my action.

I thank you for the comments, many have helped me reinforce my heart’s desires.

I am currently reading 48 days to the work you love.

I have asked some friends of mine if they like their jobs and most say no, they do it for the money. I would not want to be miserable for 30 years (before retirement) of my life just so I can drive a nice car and have a nice house, it would be pointless.

I also reached Mike’s dilemma in my mid 30s, and at the same time, was diagnosed with a chronic illness that is exacerbated by stress. I hated my job, hated the company I worked for, and hated the industy (it was a large HMO). The stress was literally making me ill. Truthfully, you won’t do well at something you hate doing.

Mike, you can make the change. It may not happen overnight, but you can do it, and as your personal fulfillment and happiness increases, so will that of your family. We do bring emotional baggage from work home with us.

I made some drastic changes, and now telecommute and only work 32-35 hours a week. I only earn $50k a year, as does hubby, but we live well within our means. I’m much happier for the change and I have virtually no work related expenses, no time lost to commuting, and minimal office politics.

I went through some scary moments during the transition, and did a lot of soul searching. I came up with a small side business that gives me joy and extra fun $$. Life is NOT about how much you earn – only 40% of the Dutch (or is it Danes) work full time, yet they are some of the happiest people on the planet.

Make a plan, set it in motion, make the timeline realistic. But don’t settle, and don’t let fear dictate your actions!

I’m a software engineer, and I recently did not like my job, despite them paying me big bucks (~120k) at a huge, respected Internet company. The two factors that made me dislike my job were as follows:

1. My manager and I had a hard time communicating. He wasn’t a bad person, but from a different culture from my own, and the communication just did not flow. So even after he gave me excellent opportunities & a promotion, I still felt stuck.

2. My group was doing the same work over & over again. I need a change of pace. I didn’t feel like I was learning anything new or developing new skills.

So I approached another group in the company, spoke to the engineers that worked there about the manager, work environment, and what they did. I made a decision.

Now, no change is ever easy. Bringing this up to my current management, stand your ground when they promise “we have new opportunities coming up, you’re going to kick yourself in the head when you see what we’ll be doing”.

I switched groups, have a new excellent manager, and like (not love) my job, making the same as before.

I think that it’s important to have a job that you don’t hate, but at the same time (and I think you know this), you have to first think of your family’s well being. You don’t sound like you know what you want to do, so I think the first step is to figure that out. The sooner you figure this out, the sooner you will be out of the bad job. Like others suggested, try moving around in your company (if possible), or to another company, but still in the IT field. It might improve things drastically, or just enough to make your life more bearable while you continue to find what you really want to do.

When I got out of university I worked at a job that I hated PLUS had low pay. I had to get out, and I did after a few months. My current job pays very well and isn’t 100% my dream job, but I am EXTREMELY grateful to have it. It will enable me to pursue my dreams (build a company), and I am trying to excel at it. I learn valuable skills daily that will help me with my company.

Try to look at your job as a means to get where you really want to. It makes it a bit more bearable. Whenever I find myself not loving my current job, I remember just how bad my previous job was, and that the money I am making is helping me get to where I want to be in life.

Try to remember that no job will be perfect, though. You will always have some gripe – that’s just the way life is. Hell, even Paris Hilton and Bill Gates have bad days, right?

Starting a side business like some others have suggested is a good idea too, I think. You know you like to work with your hands, but can you make money off of it?

Don’t listen to people who say that you should suck it up for the rest of your days. Why should you? But at the same time, you did choose to go into IT, you did choose to have a family (etc.), so the consequences of your choices dictate that it probably isn’t a good idea to simply jump ship to a lower paying job without serious planning and consideration. I also wonder why it’s always the lose-lose would you rather scenario of “Would you rather be miserable at a high paying job or happy at a lower paying one?” – why not be happy at a high paying job? Who says you have to make a lot less at a new job?

My husband was in a bit of a different situation. He quit a job that had a lot of power and prestige (newspaper editor) to earn his master’s degree so he could teach speech and communications classes at a community college. Many of our friends and family thought he was crazy – was throwing away his life – but he was miserable in his job. He pushed his way through graduate school in 1.5 years, and landed a job at a community college that allows him to work half as much for twice as much pay! It was a very good move for us.

Don’t worry about what other people think. Do what’s best for YOU!

“I could do anything, if only I knew what it was”
by Barbara Sher.
This book is exactly aimed at people like Mike (and me).

I earn six figures, but really don’t enjoy it. but i’ve started taking steps in a different direction. One thing that’s good to remember, is you don’t have to dump your day job all at once. if there’s a different field that appeals, take a course, read about it or something else…
The important thing is to start moving.

I can empathize with Mike A LOT. I’m exploring a number of different options that can marry my loves of business, finance, and education/teaching.

I decided some time ago to focus 40 hours on my day job and take the consequences of not working the hours my company demands to move up (regardless of whether you’re actually getting results – I get more results in 40 hours than many of my colleagues do in 60 or more). I’m much happier knowing I’m trying to escape from the bureaucracy and craft something I love to do. Of course, it helps that my tuition aid reimbursement period from my current employer is rapidly becoming shorter.

Along with “48 Days to the Work You Love”, I would also recommend Pam Slim’s “Escape from Cubicle Nation”. The book is geared toward people like me who want to start something on their own, but I think anyone looking for a career change can gain some excellent insight about having personal finances and career thoughts in order.

I’ve worked in the IT field for the last 29 years and all of that time was working for large corporate companies.

I’ve been fairly successful, Head of IT, managing thousands of staff and earning well over 6 figures.

Three years ago, I needed a new challenge but I knew I just couldn’t give up the job – I needed some money to live.

And someone recommended, “start earning a living on-line”. That’s when I started, 3 years ago. I must admit I thought I was going to become very rich overnight. I believed all the hype. I created my first product – being a First-Class Manager. Thought I’d sit back and watch the money come rolling in. It didn’t.

I knew this was going to be a hard slog. I created another product and another and another.

After 3 years of hard work in the evenings and weekends on my on-line business, while working full-time, I left the corporate world and now work for myself and I LOVE IT!

The income is a lot less (but I have plans for it grow!), but the freedom makes up for it. I still work long hours but I work when I want to.

So if you can, start a plan ‘b’. Start on something while you are also working full-time and earning some income.

It could pay off in the end.

Andrew

I just spent the last 4 years studying the topic of career change, and it is the subject of my new bestselling book, The Leap.

Change happens to everyone. In fact, the ultimate key to fulfillment is finding your own path. In a down market, lots of people feel lost, primary because the traditional career paths are gone. But this is an opportunity – forget someone else’s career ladder and go find your own.

Also, you dont need to make a dramatic change. Those I studied who successfully made The Leap were not daring risk takers – they were great risk mitigators. They used safe, simple steps toward a new path to eliminate the risk of the journey.

Rick Smith
twitter: @ricksmithauthor

If you really dread going in each day is there something immediate you could do to make it more tolerable?

Say, perhaps cutting back to part-time and staying home with your kids a couple days a week? (decreased wages would be partially offset by decreased day care/commuting costs)

This is something I’ve thought about as well. Otherwise, I will share what I’ve already done. I like my job, but I’ve found ways outside of it to challenge myself so I’m not defined by it. I made a “life list” and have started working on accomplishing those items. I also enjoy working with my hands like you mentioned, so a few challenges I want to undertake are: building furniture, volunteering for Habitat, tackling new projects around my home, etc.

A couple weeks ago I accomplished one of the tasks on my list and overcoming that challenge was one of the best feeling I’ve had in awhile. I realized that I didn’t have it so bad at work and could explore other challenges on my own time. We’ve also worked hard at paying off debt and living frugally so when our second child is born, my wife can stay home (she’s P/T right now). It will be a decade or so until our mortgage is paid off, but just having that goal and seeing what options we’ll have when it is done keeps me motivated. Good luck to you and your family!