Lately my personal focus has been on finding balance in my life. I’m trying to discover the proper place for money — and for time. Over the past few years, I’ve allowed money to become too important. I’ve worked too much, and that has hurt other aspects of my life. I don’t have time for anything else.
As part of this process, I’ve been reading the new edition of Your Money or Your Life, the classic book that influenced so many of us here at Get Rich Slowly. One of the authors’ main points is that time really is money. Or, approaching it from the other direction, money is time. They write:
Money is something we choose to trade our life energy for. Our life energy is our allotment of time here on earth, the hours of precious life available to us. When we go to our jobs we are trading our life energy for money. [...]
Our life energy is more real in our actual experience than money. You could even say money equals life energy. So, while money has no intrinsic reality, our life energy does — at least to us. It’s tangible, and it’s finite. Life energy is all we have. It is precious because it is limited and irretrievable and because our choices about how we use it express the meaning and purpose of our time here on Earth.
I know this sounds a little New Age-y, but it’s a profound concept. As it did for many GRS readers, this notion changed my life. But in some ways, it’s an abstraction. I can talk about trading my life energy for money, but I don’t know what this actually means in practice. I met somebody the other night who understands all too well.
Time is greater than money
When my friend Sparky died in January, a group of his friends met after the memorial service to share our memories of him and to reconnect. Most of us hadn’t seen each other since high school graduation, over 20 years ago. That first meeting was fruitful, and we’ve continued to meet once a month ever since.
We got together again last Friday, and this time Jonathan made an appearance. Jonathan was a good friend in junior high and high school, but I haven’t seen him since we graduated. He’s one of those people who just seemed to fall off the face of the earth. We spent some time Friday catching up.
I told him my story, about my struggles with debt and my current career as a professional blogger. “I don’t even know what that is,” Jonathan laughed. I explained that my goal was to turn my former problems with debt into something good, and to help others avoid similar mistakes (or to recover from them) in the future.
“What about you?” I asked. “What have you done with your life?”
Jonathan took a deep breath. “Well, after graduation I got a good job,” he said. “I didn’t go to college, but I learned a trade. I’m an electrician. I got married right after high school to a wonderful woman. We had a daughter and had another one on the way. We were married for almost eight years — but then they both died during childbirth.”
“Oh my god, Jonathan,” I said. My heart ached for him.
“Yeah,” he said. “We were deeply in love, and when I lost her, I was no good for a long time. I’ve managed to turn things around in the last ten years, but for a while it was a real struggle.”
He paused for a moment, and then added, “Earlier, you were talking about money. Here’s the thing about money: I’m not willing to sell my life anymore. When I was young, I was willing to work 60 hours a week. Or more. I was making gobs of money. We had a house and all the stuff that went along with it. I wanted more. I had plans and dreams.”
“But that ended in an instant. All of that vanished when my wife died. It just didn’t matter anymore. I’ve often thought that if there were some way I could buy back time with her, I would. I’d go deep into debt. I think anybody would. And that’s what people don’t understand. I could work 60 hours a week now, too, but I refuse to do it. I’m offered promotions, but I turn them down. These aren’t the things that are important to me. Time is important. Family is important. Life is important.”
“That’s a fantastic point,” I said, “but it can be so difficult to remember. I write a lot about working hard to earn money now so that you can essentially buy time in the future.”
“Yeah, J.D., but what about today? When you reach the end of your life, you’re not going to say, ‘I wish I had more money.’ You’re going to wish you had more time, and that you’d spent more time with your loved ones while you could. If you had a magical credit card and you could buy back the days of your life, how far in debt would you go and not even care?”
“That’s an interesting question,” I said. “I guess ultimately we each need to find a balance between time and money. That’s what’s tough.”
Choosing time
Jonathan has lived through the sort of thing that many of us only have nightmares about. He now has an innate understanding of the “life energy” concept described in Your Money or Your Life. His story affected me deeply. In fact, his words changed my behavior later that very night.
As our group moved from restaurant to bowling alley to karaoke bar, I was tempted to go home. I needed to write. I needed to work. I didn’t have anything ready for Get Rich Slowly. I was about ready to say my good-nights then I thought of what Jonathan had said earlier about the importance of time over money. When I was on my deathbed, which memory would I treasure? That I had gone home to write about money? Or that I had watched Jonathan belt out Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”? That question was easy to answer.
I stayed out late, watching my friends laugh and sing.
A couple of geeky friends grown older…
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New Age-y or not, this is a fantastic point. Turning promotions down sounds like career suicide, but it’s definitely an option we need to keep open to ourselves.
Great story JD, thanks for sharing.
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Hi,
thanks for sharing this story. As Randy Pausch (http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/) wrote in his “Last Lecture”: “Always trade money for time”. After reading his book, I try to follow that advice…
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Nothing like a story like this to put everything in perspective. Thanks for the wake-up call!
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Amen! Now if only we could eliminate the guilt that comes with decisions like these, life would improve exponentially!
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This post brought me to tears. Thanks for sharing a powerful story to make your fantastic point.
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Thank you for the reminder man.
And thanks to Jonathan too.
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Excellent story. I would guess your post wouldn’t be as good as it is if you went home early to give yourself more time to write it.
A balance if we could achieve it, is definitely the goal in life.
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I just requested that I be laid off so I can collect my severance and unemployment. This will give me enough time to figure out what to do next so we have more time as a family, more flexibility, and more time to do the things we love. We worked for years to become financially secure and now is the time to reap those benefits while we have a young child.
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Many of us are trying to achieve the balance you describe. On Friday my boss stopped by and offered me overtime, which I’ve done plenty of in the past. I told him no, that my time was more important to me than the money. I’m still working hard and saving for the retirement I want, but I’m not forgetting to live along the way. I’ve reclaimed my weekends and now we make an effort to make the most of that time – day trips, walks in the park and time spent together. By the way, the only reason I am comfortable turning down the extra work is because I paid off my credit cards and car loan. The ability to say no is one part of the freedom from debt.
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It sounds like part of the balance is also time management. I know that for you – extra time writing really could equate more money. For somebody on a salary though overtime pay doesn’t exist and extra time put into work really just means that you’re letting your worth be diminished.
One way I attempt to find balance is to keep my attention focused. When I’m at work, I try to really just focus on work and productively get one with it. But when I’m at home my attention is truly focused on who I’m spending time with – my dog, my fiance, my friends. They get all my attention. That way whatever I’m doing feels more fulfilling.
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The story of your friend’s heartbreak brought tears to my eyes.
As a mom of 4 kids it is always a balancing act for me.
I have made the choice to be home with them for many reasons, but this is the main one, no amount of money is worth missing out on them growing up.
We are working hard to pay off our debts right now, but I try to balance the need to pay off debt with living our lives.
Thanks for the reminder about what it’s really all about, J.D.
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What a moving post, J.D. Thanks for sharing it with us.
It’s really hard to remember that making more money (whether for spending or saving) isn’t the most important thing. It’s easy for those of us with kids to think we can provide more for them if we make more money, when what they really need is our time.
There’s a small lake near our house and my husband and I took our 3 year old twins over there yesterday to play on “the beach.” It cost nothing but a couple of hours of our time. I’m betting they enjoyed that little adventure more than any gym or soccer class we’ve paid for them to take.
You’re right that finding a balance is the key. Thanks for the reminder.
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Ever since I got married I’ve felt this way. I feel fortunate to have come to this “discovery” earlier in life than most people. I believe that it is a result of my work environment. I see too many people that I work closely with keep climbing the corporate ladder at the expense of their life. They spend endless hours working, and are constantly complaining about the hours they put in on the job, and the lack of time they have to watch their children grow up. They have teetering marriages, but continue to work more, earn more, and spend more. None of that makes any sense to me, especially when they say that it’s not worth what they are going through.
At the expense of my career progression (which was going very quickly), I decided to dial it back a few years ago after 9 months of almost solid business travel. I was missing precious time with the person that would eventually become my wife, as well as the rest of my family and friends.
I realized that I can always get another job, but finding other people that I love as much as I do would be impossible.
Great article J.D. I think this reminder needs to be put out there every so often to keep things in perspective.
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Great perspectives!
Many people underestimate the value of their time . . . it is much more valuable than money.
Once time is gone it truly is gone . . .
I have written on this topic myself:
What’s More Valuable? Time or Money? http://divorceddadfrugaldad.com/2009/01/03/whats-more-valuable–time-or-money.aspx
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Thank you J.D. and Jonathan for sharing this touching story. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to tell, but very much worth the effort
Money is a balancing act for me, and I have been tempted to get a second job for the summer since I’m single and don’t have a husband or kids whose time I’d be sacrificing. I think I need to be open to new adventures and meeting new people instead, rather than taking on freelance work that will chain me to my computer.
The difference may mean not being able to meet my retirement savings goals this year, so it’s a tough choice. But I think I need to invest in other areas of my life instead.
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Really great post. Thank you for this reminder.
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Thank you so much for sharing that experience with us, J.D. It is something everyone needs to hear from time to time, to remind us of what true success is.
I want to be financially free and independent, and I think if you are more financially secure you are sometimes more free to focus on the more important things.
However, your friend Jonathan made a very good point. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow. And in the end, it won’t be our finances that make the difference. Our connection to people and living is what will evoke our most intense emotions, and that is what our focus in life should be on.
On that note, it’s important to remember that avoiding major financial mistakes can help us retain the freedom to spend our time in a way that truly gives us joy. Avoid the tempation to both over-spend or over-earn, and you can achieve that blissful balance, enabling you to live a life with the least regret possible.
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Thank you. I really need to re-evaluate my priorities.
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When I use to work on a transfer ambulance we often transported terminally ill patients. Many of them regretted missing out on time spent with their family. I never once heard anyone wish they spent more time making money.
Recently a former coworker was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer the prognosis is not promising. She is only 26. This past weekend we had a 22 year old die in a car accident and 26 year old pass away.
We don’t have an expiration date stamped on us. I think it is important to enjoy life, you don’t know when it is going to be over.
It may take a little bit longer to pay off my car (my last bit of consumer debt), but I’d rather have time with friends and family. You never know when and if you will see them again.
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This is a concept one of my family members has mastered and I have been in awe of him ever since I realized it. In fact, when I made my New Years Resolutions a few years back, this was one of the main things I focused on. Coming out of a job that honored time spent at work instead of quality work really started messing with my life. I think your friend Jonathon is a great role model in this regard and I would encourage everyone to find someone in their own life who is similar and model your life after them.
~Chris Gammell
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Damn JD. This is a great post.
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This post assumes that a person’s “job” is not their ultimate calling or what really brings the most happiness. A classic case of YMMV.
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This is a beautiful post and, like a few folks mentioned above, I definitely have tears in my eyes too. Thank you so much for sharing this story.
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you can always make more money, you cannot make more time.
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The whole “life energy for time” thing is a great reason to spend as much of your working life as possible doing something that is also your passion. Most of my working life hasn’t felt like a “trade” because I am doing work (women’s rights and human rights in my case) that is intertwined with my identity, passions, and what I’d be doing anyway even if it weren’t a paying job. Long-term, find ways to earn money doing what you love. Scale back your lifestyle if needed to make this happen. And learn to give. While I work on human rights issues, I also care deeply about animal-related issues. So, most of my philanthropy goes toward animal organizations. It makes me happy to think I’m working to earn money in part to help animals. That makes it less of a “trade” of life energy for money since I would regardless want my life energy to go toward helping animals.
Also, my primary problem with this posting is that toward the end of it, you seem to be veering toward saying that debt is okay because memories and time with people now is more important. I would never use that excuse to go into debt. If someone values time more, simply choose to consume less and spend less so that you can earn less and have more time. Debt is not a good way to live or a good “trade.”
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“Over the past few years, I’ve allowed money to become too important. I’ve worked too much, and that has hurt other aspects of my life. I don’t have time for anything else.”
I can *so* understand this one. What I’ve been struggling with lately is a situation where when I “move the energy” with my company (i.e. work on a marketing campaign, improve our software product, etc)., the money flows – and when I step back it dries up.
Keep in mind my software company does *not* require me to do service work (I’m a programmer and marketer, not a plumber).
Lately, though, it seems that if I take a day off, so do the customers.
Odd.
Thanks for posting!
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I find it sad that this is such a revelation to a lot of people. Not because I think lowly of people but because the degree in which this workalholicism is ingrained in society.
I know people who have maxed out their vacation because they simply don’t take it and it. absolutely. baffles. me.
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I totally agree and love your article.
Even though I consider myself fairly young (27), I have recently come to a lot of realizations and one of which is that money isn’t everything. When I got my first(& current) job and made decent money (and gotten big raises), I blew a lot of my money on materialistic things like new computer, flat screen tv, laptops, furniture, etc. However within the last couple of year, come to realize, that they only bring limited happiness if that and to enjoy more moments of now with friends, nature, etc. Time is a valuable resource which unfortunately can never be recovered whereas money is something that can be.
I am working hard to becoming more financially savvy and frugal, but at the same time feel that I don’t need to be all caught up in the rat race of trying to make more money and being happy with what I currently have. I know it is so cliche, but there are soo many people who have it far worse than oneself.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t have dreams, but balancing that with what I have and where I would like to be (which doesn’t include trying to make the huge bucks but obviously would be nice
), is now my current thinking philosophy.
Keep up the great work. I love reading your blog.
*First post and hope to be commenting more.*
-Clayton
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I keep reading your stuff because you’re real. Thanks for a great story.
The dork in me wants to point out that time with family doesn’t have to mean more debt (but it’s a good exercise in trade-offs to see where your values are). It could also mean less junk. I’d choose more time and less junk any day.
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What a beautiful anecdote. Thank you for sharing. I think that too will change my behavior, just a little bit.
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That’s a great story! Life experiences, memories of the times spent with the people I care about, and the fact that once time has passed by I can’t get that time back ~ these are some of the things I think about these days. I wish I had been so enlightened about ten years ago but I guess it’s better than living another ten years into the future in the manner in which I was living. At least, now, my partner has a good chance at early retirement which would not have been the case had things continued the way they were. I’m glad you stayed for the karaoke!
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This is something I have struggled with recently, as a 24 year old recently married man, also new to the workforce.
Due to diligence, my wife and I are in the position to be completely debt free in 4 years (including paid off mortgage). At that time I would be 28, and my wife 27.
The hard part is sticking to this plan, instead of trading up to a nicer house etc.
Its either chase a better life, or live a modest live and basically be able to choose to do whatever we want to do, instead of needeing to climb the ladder to pay for the “better” life we now desire.
Perhaps we need to focus energy on redefining our definition of “better life”.
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I think there is an important component that has to be met before you can afford the luxary of choice for more time.
When people are trying to get out of debt, working more may be the only way to get out of the hole and the impact on time away from family seems secondary. Once a certain comfort level is reached, then the temptation becomes to get more money to be more comfortable. This notion can be a trap that has no end. I think YMOYL deals with this very issue as well in their discussion of the “fullfillment curve.” Getting out of debt seems to be survival, paying the bills would be comfort, once you have built an emergency fund, and began to save for retirement you have to realize you have reached “enough.”
To me the most fulfilling part of becomming stable financially is having the choice and ability to spend more time with family and things I am personally interested in.
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Damn you, J.D.! Now you’ve made me cry.
Good post.
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I DO know people who reached the end of their life wishing they had worked for more money because they were running out and their last years were spent economizing because their money wasn’t guaranteed to last through their lives.
That isn’t to counter your point because I think it is a great one, especially where you are right now. But whenever I hear platitudes like “Live each day as if it were your last” I have to scratch my head and ask, but what if it isn’t? That is how ants live their lives. Grasshoppers plan on winter coming, if not for them then for their families.
As you pointed out it is a BALANCE, and it must constantly be weighed. In school a [self identified] socialist assumed I would be studying engineering even if the monetary reward wasn’t as high and I told him I wouldn’t. Why would I work that hard when I could be a professional sofa sitter for the same pay? I like my job, but I don’t love it. I worked hard and sacrificed a lot of *now* and *life force* for the future reward. Now I make pretty good money and I have been offered to go back to school and I don’t want to. The time and energy investment isn’t worth the future reward, at least not at this time.
I know people who partied away in college and came out regretting that they didn’t trade more life force for grades. I know plenty of people who I think value their life force a little too high and do a little too much karaoke and not quite enough providing for their families.
I get your point and I know people I pity because they work too much, too. But the trite comment that “people don’t reach the end of their life wishing they had worked more” isn’t the full picture.
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Hi J.D. I read your posts daily and have never felt compelled to write a response until now. Like many, due to irresponsible spending in my 20′s I woke up one day and realized that at 35 I had over $30 000 in consumer debt, and was still renting a tiny apartment. I made a conscious decision to do something about it and haven’t looked back since.
Since this wake up call I found a second job, started reading your blog, made major lifestyle changes and began living more simply and more frugally. In the past 15 months have managed to pay off $13 000 of debt and save $10 000 which is split between my emergency fund and an account I created for a down payment for a home – I have never had more thatn $500 in my savings account.
Great you would think – wrong! I am MISERABLE! I am working 70-80 hours per week, I have lost touch with friends who got tired of me turning down plans because I was working or didn’t want to spend the money to go out. When I do have time off to spend with my friends and family I am cranky because I am dead tired and my conversation skills are lacking because I have nothing to talk about besides work! I hate my second job so much that I dread going to it – partially because it feels like the sentence I received for poor choices that I made years ago.
This post made me cry because I realized that life is too short to be miserable. How do I keep my financial goals in view without losing perspective in the rest of my life?
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JD – you just keep getting better and better! Thanks for being so transparent in your posts. I too am glad you stayed for Karoke!
I read all the comments to date and there was one thing I didn’t see mentioned that surprised me. Work is one thing that consumes time/life energy, and as some mentioned so are things (the more you own the more it owns you), but what about all the other often needless commitments I see people make that suck out their life energy.
I’m so amazed as I hear parent after parent complain about how they have so little time because they shuttle Johnny to soccer practice and Suzy to ballet and Tommy to softball, and, and, AND!!!
Don’t they hear themselves?? My wife and I refused to commit either ourselves or our kids to a life of such foolishness. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with soccer, ballet, softball, band, etc., etc. But there is something very wrong with having so many commitments that you can’t have dinner together every night. That Johnny has to work on homework until 9pm because of soccer OR even worse, so that no one has any energy (life energy anyone) to simply sit as a family and read a bed time story together.
Over committing to keeping up with the Jones’ has many evil sides, work, things and waaaaayyyy too many “things” we just have to do! Stop the insanity.
Trust me, no kid is going to remember soccer as a life changer. But my kids to this day (25, 24, 22) still talk about reading with Dad, fishing with Dad, baking cookies with Mom, playing Marco Polo in the pool with the whole family, etc., etc.
Spend your time wisely! You will never have this minute to do over again – ever!
PS – my wife was the brains on this one by the way, early on I worked waaaayyyy too many hours. Fortunately I figured out that was a no go before it affected the kids too much but kudos to my wife on recognizing real time/life energy value!
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JD! You’ve struck a wonderful chord with your audience on the importance of PEOPLE FIRST. Money and things are ephemeral, but relationships and family are forever. It’s important for us all to find balance in our lives so we don’t lose touch of what’s most important to us. We actually just blogged about this exact issue:
http://www.faithbalance.com/2009/03/the-global-meltdown-its-affect.html
If anything, the recent economic times give us a BETTER appreciation of what’s truly important, and its certainly not money.
Keep up the great work JD!
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I absolutely agree and just wish more people could understand the insanity of working so many hours! I’ve never dealt well with overtime – 40 hours a week is enough for me! And if that means my paycheck is a little less fat, so be it. The time means more to me than the money.
Also, I work part-time right now, and my fiancee works full time. If I were to work full-time, we could pay off our remaining debt much more quickly. It’s something we’ve discussed, but my health has suffered in the past… for right now, we are willing to make the trade of my health for less money.
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Great reminder, JD. Nice work.
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Many stay-at-home parents (and their partners) have consciously made this decision. I quit a promising career I enjoyed to stay home with our kids. The gross financial cost of this decision is, so far, about $200K. But if you factor in childcare, work wardrobes, commuting costs, increased food costs (more convenience foods, more meals out), stress, and taxes, it’s actually much less – probably about $50K. So sometimes the decision is less “expensive” money-wise than you’d expect, and the joy time-wise larger than anticipated.
On the flip side, my father-in-law recently died unexpectedly and suddenly from a massive heart attack. He was 68 and lived abroad, mostly because he couldn’t afford to live in the U.S. (and he liked living abroad and eventually met a sweet woman and got married in his country of abode.) His life in both places was a good one, filled with friends and love, but if he’d been a bit more diligent about securing his retirement he would have had more choices, and might not have ended up so far from the children and grandchildren he so loved. So I’d say, yes, balance is really important, but being financially secure enough to have choices later on is important, too.
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During the search for my current job our son was being diagnosed with autism. His education and well-being became the priority with paying the bills being secondary.
I fully expected to make some sacrifices insofar as employment was concerned. I put my cards on the table and (shakily) declared to my future boss that I needed a employer who understood that my little boy came first – the job would get done but I would not travel and if I needed to tend to our ‘special needs matters” I needed that flexibility.
As karma would have it my boss had already traveled the special needs path with his daughter and understood completely. Once I knew and declared what my priorities were everything fell into place; I even walked into a pay raise. Nice to have but I would have taken the position w/o it. (don’t tell my boss that).
Will I ever regret not seeking out a better, more career-oriented job…never. Will my son know that my energies went into his future…I hope so. But even if he doesn’t, I do and I can rest assured knowing that his needs are being fought for every step of the way.
http://www.everlastingdesigns.net
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Wow JD – that was beautiful : )
Kudo’s to you for staying for the karoke too.
I needed that reminder and I wish it wasn’t something that I forgot so often. My father died of cancer at 59 years old. He was able to semi-retire while he was going through his cancer treatments for the 5 years prior to his passing, but I realized that he never got to enjoy all of his efforts and savings towards retirement. It gave me a good perspective that while you should put effort towards saving for retirement and life after work, you’ve also got to enjoy your life now while you’ve got it and while you’ve got your health. I will thank my father eternally for this lesson.
And I thank you for the wonderful story as my reminder.
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Here’s my dilemma… I have about $75,000 in student loans… and about $10,000 in credit card debt. I have 30 years to pay off the student loans, and can manage the payments pretty well. But here’s the deal… I have a bachelors in social services, and experience in that area… but my passions are anything in the arts, teaching, and writing. I have been afraid to pursue things in these areas though because I’m afraid they won’t pay me enough. I’m trying to be realistic. But a number of people have told me to pursue my passions. I want to do that. I have thought for a long time that I wasn’t anything worth while because I wasn’t making enough money or doing something I love… and I think doing something I love is much more important to me. Sounds like that is what others are saying too.
Katie
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Um, JD, you need to warn us when you are going to write a post like this! I can’t be sitting in front of my PC at work with my eyes welling up! People are bound to start thinking I’ve lost it.
Very moving post. Gave me a lump in my throat to read about what your friend went through, and the lesson he shared about what’s most important.
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Thank you for this post. A couple of years ago I came to this understanding of “time is money” on my own — I guess I’ll have to read Your Money or Your Life to get a deeper understanding. It’s very true, and I can totally relate to Jonathan’s statement, “I’m not willing to sell my life anymore”. That’s part of the reason I quit my job earlier this year to explore other avenues of generating income. I’m glad this idea seems to be gaining traction among people who might otherwise work their lives away, and I’m sorry Jonathan had to go through such a painful experience to discover it.
All the best to both of you,
-David
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Another great post JD. Thanks.
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Thank you for sharing this moving story with us. It brought a lot of tears to my eyes as I read this.
My wakeup call came recently for me. Having just turned 30, I was hell bent on working hard at my job and my online business to gain financial security. I would spend 45 hours a week at work and many more at home plugging away. Then came my MS diagnosis and that option is no longer open to me. Now, I’m on disability and constantly dealing with symptoms and some physical and emotional setbacks. This time off is really helping me realize what’s most important in life.
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This post made me feel sick to my stomach. Thanks to Jonathan for sharing his story with us–my heart goes out to him and his family.
Right now, we are making triple house payments in order to have the house paid off by the time our son starts kindergarten next fall. Once the house is paid for, I’ll become a stay-at-home mom. The trade-off is that I don’t get as much time with my son right now. Jonathan’s story made me wish I could quit today.
Thanks for such thought-provoking stuff.
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The difficulty is most people don’t make that change in their life until something tragic happens like with Jonathan.
Good reminder about how fragile life is and to enjoy each moment with those you love…
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