This is a guest post from my ex-wife. It’s a response to the debate on Erica’s recent article about outsourcing life.
J.D. and I have been employing an independent housekeeper for about 10 years. The one who’s been working for us for almost five years, Michele, is fantastic and we feel lucky to have her. (We found her through Craigslist). Housecleaning is her full-time job.
It took us some time to get over our self-imposed barrier of hiring some help with the house chores. I’m not lazy, and it struck me as a weak, self-indulgent thing to do. But, as J.D. freely admits, he’s a slob. We’d fight over the mess in the house, and time and time again would try to institute a “system†to keep it clean, only to fail once more and descend into arguments. With both of us working full-time, we wanted to spend our time at home in other ways than cleaning.
Still, I felt guilty for paying someone else to do work I didn’t want to do myself. I admit it: It feels weird to pay someone to clean your toilets! And I felt guilty for even being able to afford considering “outsourcing†the housework. After all, anyone can do housework, right?
The “housekeeper dilemma”
Over time, however, I’ve realized that my guilt is misplaced. (Although it still lingers a bit.) Why would I feel any guiltier paying someone for cleaning my house than cooking my food at a restaurant, or growing my food at a farmer’s market, or knitting a hat I buy at a cute store? I can cook; I can grow food; I can knit. But often I choose to pay someone else to do these tasks rather than do them myself. Why does the housekeeper, then, represent such obscene luxury in our debates on the complexities of social economics?
Primarily, I believe it’s because we see our housekeeper face-to-face. We invite her into our homes and our lives. We see the struggles in her life (she’s a divorced mom of two teenagers) in a way that is invisible for the many other jobs we outsource. The agricultural worker doesn’t deliver pears to my door, nor the factory worker bring inexpensive mass-produced products to personally stock the shelves in my pantry. I don’t directly pay the garbage-collector, the office custodian, or the guy who sweeps out the theater after J.D. spills all his candy on the floor. For these things, there’s an insulating layer of “a company†between the producer of the goods and the consumer. With housekeeping, no such dividing layer exists.
Professional housecleaning, like agricultural harvesting, child-care, and many service-industry jobs, is a job that is frequently performed by people without much higher education or unique skills. (Or they are choosing not to use that education or skills, or perhaps there is no market for their particular talents.) These jobs are typically low-paying, but that doesn’t mean the people who perform these jobs are unworthy. I’m all for a living wage, but the more specialized and rare your skills, the higher salary you can command if there is a market for those skills. It’s basic supply and demand. And just because a job doesn’t pay well does not mean that job is demeaning.
I won’t pretend my housekeeper has such a “passion for cleaning houses†that it led her to this profession, but she’s a survivor, and has chosen housecleaning for many personal reasons, not the least of which are the flexibility in her schedule, the freedom to choose the clients she serves, and the chance to be her own boss. The trade-offs include a physically-demanding job, inconsistent income, and a relatively low salary (due to not working 40 hours a week, although at $22, her hourly wage is decent).
I think another part of the “housekeeper dilemma†is the historical disregard for the value of work that has been “women’s workâ€, and the expectation that if there is a woman is in the house, she shouldn’t need to pay another person (usually another woman) to do the tasks she is supposed to be doing herself. If someone is cleaning a house that’s not their own, they must feel degraded, right? But any work can be found degrading, sustaining, fulfilling or mind-numbing. I doubt that those of you who clean your own toilets feel degraded by the process.
What matters is not so much the type of work but the working conditions and the self-respect possible for the worker. Michele knows her work is valued in our home. The days I come home after Michele has been at my house are like a treat to me! And she knows it — because I tell her. I’d gladly give up other expenses before I cut Michele out of my budget. For her part, I’m pretty sure she values having us a steady clients who always have the check ready on the table and share the garden produce in the summer months.
Everyone outsources
The popular opinion is that anyone can do housework (so you shouldn’t outsource this labor), but does that mean that everyone has to? As GRS readers know, we grow and preserve much of our own food. That’s something I truly enjoy. Housework? Not so much. Someone else might think canning applesauce in a hot kitchen on a 90-degree day sounds like pure drudgery; they’ll outsource the task and get their jar of applesauce at the store. No one gives that a second thought, but there are a lot of outsourced laborers between the apple tree and that jar. Me? I’ll outsource cleaning the kitchen instead.
In my mind, the bottom line is that everyone outsources. Unless you grow, harvest, and process your own food, make your own clothes from fibers you’ve produced and spun, build your own house, create your own power sources, and are completely independent from the long chain of people in the manufacturing economy, you’re paying other people to do that which you do not want to do, don’t want to make time to do, or lack the skills to do. In the modern word, specialization is the norm.
So, do what work works for you — I’ll be in the garden.
J.D.: What sorts of people hire a housekeeper?
Michele: All sorts of people. Students, new mothers, women with careers. It’s usually women, although lately a lot of men have been responding to my Craigslist ad. That kind of makes me a little nervous sometimes, but so far it’s been fine. I think they’re just trying to give their wives a break.
J.D.: Should people feel guilty about hiring a housekeeper?
Michele: No way! Why should they? I had a housekeeper for a while. I had so much going on that I didn’t have the time to clean like I wanted, and I could afford it then. I’d do it again if I could. But I guess some people do feel guilty — especially women. There’s this stigma: People think women should be able to do it all — raise the kids, go to work, clean the house — but they can’t. A housekeeper helps relieve some of that stress. So I guess women feel guilty because they feel like they’re not doing everything they should. But bachelors that hire me? They don’t have one ounce of guilt! I think once people get past the guilt, they love having a housekeeper. It’s just a matter of where your priorities are and what you can afford.
J.D.: How do you feel about cleaning houses? Is this what you see yourself doing the rest of your life?
Michele: Well, my passion is working with animals. I’d love to work in an animal shelter. And I’m a trained doula, but I just haven’t done anything with that. So, I clean. But that’s what I do anyhow. It’s just what I do. It’s in my blood. My dad owned a janitorial service. My sister cleans houses. My mother cleans houses. I clean houses. I like it. I like being my own boss. I like the variety, going from house to house, and I like the flexibility. Last time, you let me adjust my schedule so I could take my son to get a tattoo, for example. I couldn’t do that if I wasn’t my own boss. And it’s pretty good money — if I can fill up my days, which is harder with the economy like it is. But I enjoy it.
I have a really hard time paying people to do things for me. I always feel guilty.
One thing that I hate is getting my hair cut. I hate the feeling that someone is performing a service for me. It is funny that we feel this way.
There’s nothing wrong with hiring someone to do a task for you. We hire financial advisors, don’t we? We hire tax accountants, don’t we? We hire someone to build our homes, don’t we? We hire someone to maintain our vehicles, don’t we?
*When you can afford it* hiring someone to help you with the complexities of life, whether financial, mechanical, or otherwise, shouldn’t be a source of guilt.
And speaking to the “degrading work” issue, I make a very, very good income in my job as a corporate executive, but nothing is more degrading than having my inexperienced boss (hired because of family connections) second guess every single decision I make. Cleaning toilets would be mild in comparison.
I personally think this is fantastic! I would love to have a housekeeper. I love that you shared this story, Kris. :)
FINALLY, we have a housekeeper. This frees up some time in our life to get to some projects (like “must clean and reorganize the laundry room”) instead of just doing the chores (“must mop the floors, clean the toilets”). We never had energy left for the “projects” after we had worked on the chores.
One, it is easier to keep a home clean with frequent, less intense sessions, so having housekeeper on a regular schedule is better for the worker and their employer, so that no task gets too huge again. I’m thinking that at some point we will have one as well.
Two, I have to say I am getting increasingly angry about the expectation that we women are automatically the world’s janitors, cooks, and chambermaids. In my opinion this is NOT our work, we are just forced into it largely because we are still not paid equally in the work force outside of the home, and I think we feel obligated to make up the shortfall by doing more -in- the home. Even in our rich country in 2010, these two circumstances resist change because SOMEBODY doesn’t want to give up their privileged position of being able to refuse to do certain tasks. I wonder if that will ever change.
I like the way Ron put it (#2)…we hire people to do a lot of things. In fact, any of us that read a variety of personal finance blogs will see people talk about generating income with a side hustle. Find something that people don’t have the time or skill to do and offer your services. This could be consulting, writing, organizing and yes cleaning.
I had a professional housekeeper a few years ago. When I was laid off I had to let her go. Now, I have outsourced the work to a teen in my church. It is an opportunity to discuss money matters with her such as tithing / giving, saving, and investing.
Next summer she wants to start her own business with cleaning and childcare and bring in some of her friends to help….Molly Maids and the Baby Sitters Club better watch out!
My mom cleaned houses for 30+ years. She started one day a week after the last child turned two years old so she could buy a pool for the family. She enjoyed housecleaning and it showed; she is good at it. People started calling her (heard about her from other clients). Some of her clients lived “uptown” – multimillionaires. Some were middle class two income families looking for some help around the house to save some time. They all treated her well, very appreciative of the great job she did.
With four kids, her time was flexible & she could change her schedule in pinch. She was able to get a lot of extras for our family (pool, some vacations at the beach, new furniture, etc), but she liked working for herself the most I think and she was very proud of the work she did. In no way, shape, or form was it ever degrading to her. It was something she was very good at it.
Now that she is retired, she helps out the kids every so often with spring cleaning. Thankfully, all it cost is a cup of coffee & some lunch and some good visiting and not the $20.00/hour she used to make! :)
Thanks for this. Thanks for reminding me that this needs to be first in line when the credit card debt is paid off!
I’ve gotten names and numbers from people before, but I’ve never pulled the trigger.
Very well put.
So JD spills candy on the theatre floor? What else does he do? ;)
What a terrific post, Kris. Thanks for sharing this with us. We don’t have a housekeeper, though we probably should. I could identify with your comments about arguing, then making a plan, then arguing some more. We do a lot of that.
Similarly, my husband is very handy and has the skills to fix most anything around the house. What he lacks, though, is time. Because he works full-time outside of the home and we have young twin daughters, he just can’t get to it all. Yet it kills him to pay someone to repair something he knows he can fix himself, given enough time and the right tools. He’s getting better at letting other people do things, but it’s been hard for him.
I grew up in a home where my parents paid a ‘cleaning lady’ to come in every week. I am totally opposed to this now. Partly, I hate that it’s always a woman, and partly, if you can handle your other chores, why not your cleaning? Personally, I would never have a cleaner.
Maybe the weirdness of hiring a housekeeper comes from that person being in your home? Comparing it to having someone cook your meals at a restaurant: How would that feel if the person cooked for you in your home?
Also, how do you people prepare for the housekeeper? Do you do a “pre-clean”, just so you don’t look like a slob? If that’s the case, then I would say a housekeeper is a horrible way to spend your money!!
My wonderful mother paid for a housekeeper to come weekly when I was disabled. I had three children under 10 and had just had a horrible C-section with complications for both the baby and myself. The girl who came was wonderful! There was a tiny bit of “not the way I’d do it” to get over, but I was so grateful for the help that I got over it pretty quickly.
Now that the kids are (mostly) teens, I have lots of help. But I’ve written the cost of a housekeeper into my retirement plans!
I just thought I’d give a quick look at my perspective on hiring a housekeeper.
Like Kris, I find it a little strange. I feel guilty. I grew up in a family that could not have afforded such a luxury. Our house was a disaster, and I’m sure my mother would have loved to have somebody clean for her, but there was barely food to pay for needs, let alone wants.
But I learned from watching my parents fight about money and housekeeping that I didn’t want to live that way. When Kris and I first began to argue about cleanliness, I saw hiring a housekeeper as a possible solution. I asked around and was surprised to find how many folks have somebody clean their home once a month or once a week.
For the past ten years, this has been one of the top expenses in my (unofficial) budget. Could I use that $180/month to buy comic books? Absolutely. Could I have used it to accelerate my debt repayment? You bet. But I made the decision that if it kept our marriage on stable ground, it was worth every penny.
Kris is right: I’m a slob. I’ve tried to improve over the years, Kris’s “dirty” is cleaner than my “clean”. There’s no overlap there. I’m happy to pay somebody else to find a balance.
We’ve been thinking of supplimenting our cleaning schedule with a housecleaner that comes in a few times a month. Just to make sure the best job is done as possible. You don’t have to hire a housecleaner for every day.
Housecleaners appreciate the money because it puts food on their table. And if you’re busy like J.D. and his wife Kris, a housecleaner sounds like it’s a wonderful solution!
If you have the money and it improves your quality of life, then I would say jump on it! We are not to that point yet, but if my wife worked a full time job, the service a housecleaner could provide would be essential!
I think it would be a good idea to be out of debt first, and make sure you can afford it (like J.D.)…
What a great post–I think you’re spot on. I’m going to bring up some of these points the next time my boyfriend and I have the housecleaner conversation.
I had been wanting to hire a housekeeper for a long time. I love having a clean house as much as I hate cleaning it. But I lived alone and felt like I should just do it myself. But when my fiance moved in, it was a great excuse to do it. We don’t ever argue about chores. If his messes are around, I can just let it go since I know the house will be cleaned again in less than 2 weeks.
We do pick up before she comes, but that’s b/c I want her to be able to spend her time actually cleaning, not putting away my stuff. And I don’t mind tidying up (in fact I kind of enjoy that), it’s the mopping the floor, cleaning the bathroom, etc that I hate.
The joy of coming home from a long day at work and seeing the entire house clean at once and smelling the freshly cleaned house is easily worth every penny I pay her!!
I love your point about ‘seeing the housekeeper face-to-face’. I have felt that when I was purchasing an item I knew was probably constructed in a factory with horrible conditions that if the tag had a picture of that exploited worker with story of how the item was made I would be more active to NOT buy the item. It’s taken me years to support only companies that have ethical business practices.
I have had a housekeeper, I have been a housekeeper, and currently have no housekeeper…..I miss my housekeeper!
I think Kris needs to contribute an article weekly!
We have a housekeeper as well and we love her. My husband and I both have full time jobs, he works 50+ hours a week. I also have a side job of tutoring on weekday nights. We found ourselves always cleaning house on the weekends and when we were busy or out of town things just did not get done.
Our justification is that I would rather tutor for 3 hours on the weekdays to pay for the housekeeper than clean for 3 hours at the house on weekends. It is a win, win for us both. Now we have a clean house and our weekends back.
PS…I never dreamed we would need a housekeeper for 2 adults with no kids, however I was listening to Suze Orman while cleaning the bathroom, thinking how much I hated this, when she approved someone with our income for a housekeeper. So I figured we could afford it too! Too funny, I am sure Suze would approved us as well.
I could never see us doing this, but we are pretty clean to begin with – you have to be with 2 nosy dogs and a 2 year old running around.
But I like your comparison to going out to eat and paying someone for that service.
I think Michele should raise her rate since you guys clearly value her!
My wife and I have discussed a housekeeper for two years and still haven’t taken the step. For us, and particularly my wife, the biggest hurdle is the “how do we know we can trust her” question. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but that seems like a valid question. Aside from personal recommendations, does anyone have any tips for assuring yourself that the person you hire is someone I shouldn’t be worried about being in my house unsupervised?
As to the sexism, why is this even an issue? Some jobs just simply have more women (or men) sign up for them. No one would ever tell a man he can’t be a housekeeper — but have many of then actually want to do so?
This post was great. My wife is a stay-at-home mom and she works her tail off. Chasing around our son and keeping a 4,100 sqft home spotless. I have a $1,000,000 term life insurance policy taken out on her because if she died, there is no way I could afford to pay someone to do all that she does! Side Note: Ok, the housekeeper interview in this post was excellent…then she dropped the funny bomb, “you let me adjust my schedule so I could take my son to get a tattoo.” Wow, that is funny. That is a sentence that I’m sure every mom doesn’t think they’ll ever say!! LOL
I thought about this a lot after spending some time in West Africa. It seems like everyone there (we mostly spent time with white ex-pats and missionaries) hires “house help”. It was neat to see the relationship that the people we were living with had with their help — they were good friends, and there wasn’t at all the feeling of “master/slave” that one automatically thinks of, when initially seeing white people hiring an African for labor. In fact, the wife in the house was, as often as not, working alongside the help.
We do not currently hire house help, but after that trip, I’ve often thought about the stigma that hiring help has in the States. I, for one, wouldn’t mind being able to afford some trusted help for the house.
Kevin M (#20) wrote: I think Michele should raise her rate since you guys clearly value her!
Yes, I was thinking this too. I think Michele is scared to ask for more money (she’s done it once since she started with us). Maybe I should teach her how to ask for a raise! :)
Great post, I really enjoyed it!
I used to clean houses in the summer and never once thought it was degrading. I was happy to have to the work and it paid a lot better than the grocery store job I also had. Cleaning houses was a lot better than cleaning grocery store isles and the people were a LOT friendlier that the typical grocery store customer!
If I ever have the money, I will definitely pay someone to help me clean. It’s funny because I enjoy cleaning other people’s homes, but hate cleaning my own! (Maybe because the work never ends at home….)
I’m not sure if justification for a housekeeper is a good way to save money in 99% of cases. Maybe for people who have the option to work long hours on overtime their money becomes worth less than their time. But for most people working 9-5 mon-friday on fixed income their time is worth less than their money. One way to get rich is to think like a poor person. Poor people don’t have housekeepers. Rich people think like poor people and that is how they get/stay rich. Being lazy is a goodway to stay poor. If people are overwhelmed with work/life balance they should look at going part-time or 30 hour week. The homecooked meals, autonomous housework, less commuting costs, vehicle costs, wardrobe costs can make if financially advantageous. I like this website but once in a while there is a post about something clearly not in line with the purpose of the site…this is one of those posts. On the other hand working nights/weekends as a housekeeper is a great way to make extra cash. Efficent independant housekeepers can rake in 100$ per client/vist for doing some laundry and washing a few windows.
This is illogical. The time of a rich person costs much more than the time of a housekeeper in terms of pay per hour. Going part time in this case is plain stupid.
Kris: I think you’ve skillfully articulated the reasons why hiring a housekeeper makes sense – and JD added the reason why what can seem like a big expense is really a bargain. $180 p./month is cheap for marital happiness.
Bottom line for me: when we had more cash, we hired a housekeeper. I felt guilty as others do, but this woman was a professional – a small business owner. She didn’t view her work as artistry, but she was proud of providing value to others, of making her clients happy, of making a decent living and supporting her family. She did a great job, our house looked and smelled wonderful, and no arguments over cleaning. So long as you’re not going into debt to pay the housekeeper, I think it’s money well spent.
My husband and I have had a housekeeper for over 10 years. And I don’t feel guilty about it at all. I have my own business, my husband works long hours; plus, we both dedicate our free time to making art. Without our housekeeper, we would not have time for our passions. It’s the most important line-item on our budget.
I worked for a cleaning co. for about a year after my employer moved out of the area. We were a 3 person crew: one would start dusting, next one followed them vaccuuming, 3rd would start on the bathrooms. When the duster finished they went to the kitchen and the other two also finished into the kitchen. We rotated the bathroom/dusting/vaccuuming jobs daily. The employer evaluated each house/business as to size/clutter/filth before giving a quote on cost. It was a good experience and I learned people that design/build/furnish houses haven’t cleaned them and clutter and animals are a large percentage of any problem with keeping a house clean.
The one place I disliked the most was a mother with two toddlers that had moved from NYC recently. She watched us and allowed the children to get in our way. Our employer told us she indicated she wouldn’t trust us.
I too, enjoyed working with plants more and quit to go to a greenhouse business.
This is a great post! My husband and I recently hired a cleaner ourselves to do the kind of cleaning that we totally fail at doing- it’s been really worth it, and actually less expensive than I thought it would be(when a professional cleaner comes in, turns out it often takes less time than if I were to do it myself!) If you can at all afford it and don’t like cleaning or can’t devote the time you need to it, definitely outsource- assuming you’re paying your cleaner a fair wage, it turns out to be a win-win situation for everyone involved.
I’m very much planning to play it by ear, but I would consider hiring a helper once my baby arrives. I’ve heard those early months are hell. Plus, my hubby will probably be working at his seasonal job at that time, so he won’t be able to do it. We’ll see. I have money saved if I want to go that route.
But truthfully, I’m really cheap and it would be hard for me to take the plunge. I’m just trying to be open-minded, because our lives are in for big changes.
I think its perfectly normal as we age (and hopefully prosper financially) to feel guilty about some of the “luxuries” we can afford that we couldn’t have years earlier. I have a friend who owns a salon and charges me $50 to cut my hair (I go about every 2 months). For years (10+ years) I struggled to find someone to cut my hair – I didn’t like the job anyone did be it the person at Fantastic Sam’s charging $12 or the salon people charging $35-40. But my friend is great – sure she’s expensive, but I can afford her and I’m FINALLY happy with my hair. I felt guilty at first paying an obscene amount for my hair, but I’m getting over it.
Also when my husband and I moved into our larger (and hillier) home we decided to hire someone to do the lawn. Our previous home was in a large city and we cut everything with electric lawn equipment – no way could we do that now. Frankly the thought of spending several thousand on new lawn equipment ($3600 to be exact), having to put it in our garage (where we’d rather put our cars), and having to do annual maintenance on the equipment was not something we wanted to do. Plus I suffer from allergies and can’t always help with yard work. So the smart thing was just to hire someone affordable. I still find myself apologizing to my friends when they ask which one of us cuts the lawn. But I’m getting over that, too. And I’m breathing easier as well.
But there are still some things I haven’t hired. I’m not doing a housekeeper – I don’t have kids, just a large hairy dog, and I don’t see why I can’t do the housekeeping. I don’t enjoy it, but I can’t justify getting someone in here to do it. But if I had kids or won the lottery I think I could live with the “guilt” of a housekeeper.
I have many friends who NEED a housekeeper. I agree with Kris: if she goes out for dinner sometimes, and buys her clothes in a store, why not have a housekeeper if you both work so many hours per day (or week)? You’re contributing to the economy.
Years ago, I had a male friend with a 18/6 sole proprietorship job. He figured out that it actually cost him $200/hour (his own fee) to clean his own house while he took time away from work, when he could easily pay a housekeeper $25/hour to do it once a week. He actually saved himself by hiring someone, and he felt good about helping a girl with her own job.
I know both you and Kris. I know Kris has a challenging job with hours that can go overtime. I definitely know that JD spends so many extra hours working as well. Consider shelving your mother’s guilt to realize the actual financials of it all.
Nice post. I like the idea of doing this, but I doubt I ever will. My mom cleaned houses for a while, and I used to help her. I hated it.
Also wanted to point out that $22/hr sounds like a lot (it’s quite a bit more than I make…) until you factor in that she’s not getting paid to drive between all her clients, she has to buy her own cleaning supplies, and she has to pay self employment tax (so, double the income tax you’d normally pay). And she probably has no health insurance, or has to pay for it out of pocket.
My wife and I have a housekeeper clean our 1 bedroom apartment. She comes every three months or so for the “heavy” cleaning. She only charges $60/visit, and I really don’t miss the $240 I pay her annually.
Haha, I liked this post (MUCH BETTER THAN ERICA’S). Good on you guys. I have a cleaning lady come once a month for the hard to do cleaning that I’m no good at (scrubbing floors, corners, behind the fridge, the oven, etc.) but generally do the dusting, vaccuuming, and bathrooms myself. It costs me $60/month, and its one of the best $/happiness bargains out there besides the gym for me.
Was anyone else gobsmacked by this line:
“Last time, you let me adjust my schedule so I could take my son to get a tattoo”
WTF. Call me old-fashioned but yikes.
I hired a small local maid service on the cheap as a valentines day gift for my fiance. We are both so busy with full time jobs and lots of interests and hobbies, not to mention my own side small DJ business that can take up entire weekends, we still had christmas decorations up!!
The girls that came over helped me get the house picked up and decorations put away. My house hasn’t been this clean since an hour after I moved all my furniture in! The girls were fantastic, very friendly, amazingly helpful, fast, and they enjoyed getting paid a pretty dang good amount! Since it was a small local business with no franchise costs (like themaids.com business), the girls cost me a little less than those other services but their take home pay was much better. They LOVED that fact and it made me feel great. I was saving money and helping these small timers buy food for their families!
It was tough though, I was super nervous waiting for them to show up. Being my first time I didn’t want to offend them by having such a dirty unorganized home, and I was literally nervous about it. But they laid it down and said “We’re here because we need work and we need money and we’re happy to help people out and make a difference in their life”.
Walking into a freshly cleaned house, all organized and no christmas decorations, was like walking into a sanctuary. There’s a big stress factor that can constantly loom over you if your house is unorganized or dirty and you have trouble finding the time to do everything you need and want to do. The calming effect of walking into my house without thinking “I’m going to have to spend alllll weekend cleaning this place up on top of my other stuff” was more than worth the cost of the help.
Needless to say, I’m sold. I will never hesitate to call these people again to have them come out and clean my place. I can’t afford them every week or anything like that, but just once in awhile every couple months or something, I will have them out now I think.
Haha. I like that the tattoo thing is throwing people. And to be fair to Michele (if she reads this), what she actually said was “you let me adjust my schedule last time”. I added the “so I could take my son to get a tattoo” because that’s what she did, and I thought it was funny, too. :)
Great post Kris! I’m glad you brought up the stigma of hiring out “women’s work.” I thought the same thing when reading some reactions to Erika’s post, and it also, in my mind, intersects with the Motley Fool guest post here on the financial gap between men and women. It is interesting that your housekeeper noted that women feel guilty but bachelors do not. Ladies, learn from the men, we cannot do it all :)
To Bob, #26, everyone has to figure out if a housekeeper is “worth it” The simplest way for us is that we make more per hour than what we pay the housekeeper. However, my per hour is close. But I have used my free time to work and go to school, so that when I graduate I will be making a large jump in income, my raise alone will be 7.5x what we pay the cleaner. So it is worth it. To me, it is a long-term vs short-term view of your # asset, which is one’s own earning potential and career path.
LOVE this post. It answers a lot of questions I’ve had about whether to hire someone to clean for us. One question: how do you handle the tax/FICA issue?
This was a great article, thanks! I find it very closely parallels our decision to hire a lawn service company a while back. I feel like there’s a certain expectation that a guy should cut his own grass, and I still feel a little weird at times when it comes up (even though most people in my neighborhood have moved in this direction over the years).
In the end it boils down to the fact that I would rather spend my free time on the weekends playing with my kids on the lawn rather than cutting it. Worth every penny.
Great post Kris…I’m a new home owner,and LOVE the idea of having someone clean my house. The only problem is how do you find someone you can trust to let in your home when you’re not there? I have a full time career during the day, and am in grad school at night, so I would never be home when they would be over to clean. I tried checking the Orlando craigslist postings and was a little overwhelmed…any suggestions for finding a trustworthy house cleaner in a big city?
@ClaireTN (#40)
Our housekeeper is not out employee; she is an independent contractor. Because of this, taxes aren’t an issue.
For all the reasons mentioned here, we thought long and hard about hiring a housekeeper to come in twice a month.
Now, I can’t believe we waited as long as we did! It has reduced my stress level like I never would have imagined and I think it is some of the best money we spend in our rather frugal budget.
Great post Kris! Could you do a small follow-up post on how to find a good housekeeper? I don’t like the idea of someone new coming into our home when we’re not here. How do you get over that and how do you initially interview someone? Thanks!
To Lynn #39.
Your point is totally valid. I just fear that some/many people may not be making use of that extra time. My father’s wife used to clean houses. 25-50% of the houses she cleaned were the households of “yuppie” hosuewifes. None of them were millionaires or anything. They would drink wine and watch TV or run on the treadmill while she cleaned. This was only a year ago…at the height of a recession!
But like I said in some cases sit makes sense…I would argue in many cases it should be the first thing to cut when going onto a tight budget. I don’t think household cleaning is “that hard”. I like to keep ontop of things and do abit at a time to avoid needing to do a massive amount at one time.
I have 2 small children and 3 dogs, my husband I both work full time, and I am also working on a Ph.D. in engineering. Between the commute, the kids, the dog hair, and school, I just wasn’t able to keep the house where I wanted it. As soon as I got something clean, either my husband or the kids would mess it up. Or, I would spend all of my weekends trying to clean and wasn’t getting quality time with my kids. My husband and I have totally different standards of clean also, and we were fighting about it a lot. Finally, we sat down and I told him that it was really stressing me out, and I really needed the help. I felt terribly guilty about having the service come in, but it is SO worth it. Aaron and I both agree now that we could give up a lot (cable, cell phone) before we could give up the cleaning service. It is like Christmas every 2 weeks to come home to a spotless house! I feel like I have bought time with my family back by spending the money, and I’ve outsourced my stress! I love to cook and can, just like Kris, so I’ve had more time to pursue things like learning to make my own chicken nuggets (for the kids), granola bars, spicy black bean burgers, and I now bake all of the bread for our family.
Oh, and J.D., you are getting a really good deal- we pay $115 every 2 weeks, and I’m certain that your house is larger than ours! Michele should ask for a raise!
I guess I’m in a different demographic than a lot of your readers. My wife is a stay at home mom and we get by on my income. We don’t have to pay for day care, or a maid so she can work. I agree with what bob said above “Being lazy is a good way to stay poor.”
I’d just like to add that like Peggy #13 there are times that the help from someone cleaning can be very justified.
When I cleaned our crew’s favorite place wasn’t the cleanest.
It was the family that’s life did a 180 when the father was paralyzed in an accident. The mother went to work with a long commute and they had two teenage boys. It was obvious from pictures in the house that the father had been very active in sports with his sons. Even though the boys didn’t pick up their room like they were suppose to, we worked harder, did more and asked if there was anything more we could do (the only place we did). They didn’t need on top of it all a depressing, dirty house. The man was very nice, stayed out of our way and was very appreciative.
JD: Be careful on that independent contractor thing. Just because you/she say(s) she is doesn’t make it true. The IRS has a clear view of what they consider an employee vs. independent contractor.
Maybe I’m weird, but as soon as my husband and I weren’t broke college kids anymore, we hired Jacquie. She cleaned our apartment and now cleans the bottom floor of our house every two weeks for $45. I never felt guilty and I know my husband never does…why does anybody need to justify a “fun” expense if they can afford it?
I know Jacquie appreciates the work, especially since the economy has hurt her business. I appreciate my job even though I’m obviously doing grunt work the company’s owner doesn’t want to do…I doubt he ever feels guilty either.
As soon as we bought a house, we also hired a biweekly lawn service for $25.
No, we don’t work crazy schedules or have anything more important to do…we just don’t like mopping, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, or lawn care. I rather watch tv or hang out with friends…wouldn’t anyone?
Money is to be spent to survive and saved for future survival. Once those two criteria are met, we think money is to be used to make life more enjoyable. It’s not like you can take it with you, right?
The worst thing for me about having a house cleaner was feeling like:
1) I had to tell them what to do (dust the ceiling in the bathroom! I can *SEE* cobwebs)
2) I had to pick up lots of little things to get the big things cleaned. This caused me lots of stress in my (neat) home with two young boys
3) I had to get out of the way (I work at home) and if the kids were home I had to keep them out of the way
4) I needed to pee! We only have one bathroom, so if they were cleaning it I was out of luck!
5) I couldn’t make dinner while they were there and it was hard to get a schedule that didn’t impact this.
Personally I found having house cleaners rather more stressful. I pick up all the time anyway because of the kids, so it just didn’t work for me. Of course I can’t fit it in my budget right now either, so maybe some of this is rationalization (except needing to pee, that really sucked).
On the other hand it really pissed me off that my mother in law thought we were having them to “keep up” with my sisters. (Um, not even in the realm of desirable or possible.) My husband loved having the housekeepers, but he wasn’t home to deal with my issues).
I love this post–it perfectly captures the struggle I’ve always with hiring a house cleaner. Just because I hate to clean doesn’t mean I can’t do it myself, right? Well, I agree that it’s definitely worth the money to have someone else do it for me so I can spend my time doing things I enjoy!
That’s a thought provoking article. I had a housekeeper myself at one time but I don’t think I’ll revisit having another in the future. When I had the housekeeper, I also had a large house full of stuff and kids and I was just too busy working to clean. However, since I got rid of all the stuff and the kids (to universities) cleaning my almost 3000 sq ft emptier house is far easier.
As a side note, I am friends with someone who had to resort to house cleaning a couple of years ago when their job evaporated on the financial crisis stove. To say that it was difficult for her is an understatement. She went from working in a fancy office to schlepping mop buckets and cleaning supplies from house to house. Yes, it was degrading for this person in particular to clean other peoples’ toilets but there was a family to maintain and bills that had to be paid. She made pretty good money thanks to her marketing skills in acquiring customers but she only lasted a year before quitting on the spot and regrouping. It was hard physical labor and she often found it demeaning and completely insignificant. I’m not sure how much of that was due to her own projection of stigma related to the work she was doing or society’s in general. Anyway, this article made me think of her.
To Brian B:
Also, how do you people prepare for the housekeeper? Do you do a “pre-cleanâ€, just so you don’t look like a slob? If that’s the case, then I would say a housekeeper is a horrible way to spend your money!!
Yah, I do some pre-cleaning… I clear out the dishwasher, and get the dishes out of the sink, for instance, so that my cleaners can get to the sink to scrub it… I pick up clothes and “stuff” so that the cleaners can get to the counters… floors…etc, to clean, mop, sweep.
So— I don’t run the vacuum and dust, I just clean my stuff away!
I love this post as this is an issue that I have struggled with for years. We had a house cleaner when we lived in the States. She made really good money and I felt it was worth it.
Fast forward to living in Costa Rica. The big thing here is that it is sooo cheap to hire a Nica to be your house keeper. Forget the fact they steal lots of stuff, you have it and they don’t so it is alright.
I have not been able to hire a house keeper since we moved here, just because of the stigma they suffer from. Most are illegal workers and very, very poor. I find myself feeling sorry for them and doing all the work myself before they even arrive. I just can’t get my mind to accept it.
I’ve just had the second visit from a one-man cleaning service, and I’m only wishing I’d started sooner.
In my case, I live in a tiny little house (400 square feet), but I’ve also been fighting significant medical issues for the past few months that include major exhaustion. I kept working, but wasn’t managing to do anything at home.
The service means I don’t have to think about the things I find particularly exhausting (mopping the floors, scrubbing the tub), have an easier time maintaining everything else (splashes on the stove, dishes, keeping the sink clear), and as I’m starting to recover, I can put my time into better organisation and other tasks that require my specific attention, rather than stuff someone else could do.
And like other people, there’s something really great about coming home from work to a totally clean house.
I’m currently having visits every two weeks, and I expect as I recover more it’ll drop to monthly – but after just two visits, I really see a difference not only in the house, but in how easy it is for me to keep up with things between visits.
I consider myself a generally frugal person. I cloth diaper, bake all our breads, make lunches for my husband to take to work, mend our clothing and rarely purchase anything without a coupon. But we recently made the decision to hire someone to come in once a month and do some deep cleaning. With an energetic baby who only naps half an hour at a time and a husband with a heavy workload, my only opportunity to scrub is at night. If $55 per month buys me a cleaner home and more quality time with my husband, well, I never need cable television again.
I have had a housekeeper on and off for the last 12 years. I am a single mom, and I got a housekeeper the first time when my daughter was 3 and I was working and going to school – both full time. It was a stretch to be able to afford it, and writing that cheque sometimes made my stomach tight, but I did not then, and do not now, regret it at all.
When I was working I was making more an hour than I was paying the housekeeper. When I came home from work I had HOURS of homework to do, and somewhere in there I needed to find enough time to raise my daughter. Hiring out the housework ment that I couldn invest that time in finishing my degree, and going on to get my designation as a Chartered Accountant (like a CPA, but in Canada). Being a CA has meant being able to start my own business and support myself and my daughter comfortably. If I had been forced to choose which to cut back on so I had enough time to keep house – university or work – I’m not sure which I would have chosen, but I am sure that our lives would be different now… and not in a better way.
For me it was the only way that everything could possibly get done, and I am for ever grateful I had the option of hiring the housework done.
Jay
PS. As an aside, it was the invention of “labour saving” devices that pushed much of the household labour back onto women. In the 1800’s it was common to have someone in each week to help with the laundry, or to take the laundry to a laundromat, with the invention of the washing machine those tasks became just one more thing ‘mom’ had to do.
While many of the tasks women used to have to do (hauling water, cooking over an open flame, etc) have been reduced by advances like running water and microwaves, there has been a great deal added to our responsibility list: get a job, keep a ‘perfect’ house, ferry the kids around, etc, etc.
More Work For Mother by Ruth Schwartz Cowan discusses this, as does Never Done: A History of American Housework By Susan Strasser.
I too have a house cleaner. It has saved both my sanity and my mairrage. I have a high stress in home job and work about 55-60 hours per week. My retired husband would try to do the work but never “the way I would have done it”. The circle would continue with the snide comments about how it was done from me, denigrate to “if you don’t like the way I do it why don’t you do it yourself”. And we really never had any down time together. I consider my cleaning people to be both a god send and my friends and they know it. My time is better spent working at my job where I earn more an hour than I am paying my help. And there is peace in the family again. I would starve before I fired the help.
The hardest part we’ve had has been in finding good people. I wish Michele lived in our town– there’s also only one trained Doula and she’s a nutcase! (The good doula everybody in town used moved out of state 6 months before my son was born.)
When we were getting our house ready to rent we had a weekly cleaner while we were showing and she started off great (after some initial “you cannot smoke inside the house” negotiation), but by the end of it she was doing a really sloppy job and we’d have to clean again after she came. That was not cool. Luckily we’re both a bit sloppy by nature and neither of us wants a lot of stuff, so monthly cleanings as a bonding activity are enough when we’re not trying to rent the place out. Though I do miss having mother’s helpers keeping the kitchen clean while my son napped.
We also had a fantastic lawn service for a year (mowing in the South is much less fun than cleaning an air conditioned house), after having to fire a couple in a row for trying to cheat us money-wise (hint: never hire someone who leaves a flyer in your mailbox), but then the student running it graduated and the person he sold his company to cut the grass too short and our lawn died. So rather than go through the hassle of finding someone decent again, DH decided to get a manual lawn mower so he could get up once a week at 6 am while its still cool enough to exercise and mow the lawn. (Works for me!)
Maybe we should move to Portland. I’ve always wanted to try living in the Pacific Northwest.
While I think that a housekeeper is a luxury, I also think that in certain instances, it is a necessity. Before we spend money on anything that seems frivolous, we always ask ourselves, “Is it worth it?” Is the expense worth the service/item?? Sometimes the answer will take days or weeks to come to us, but eventually we figure it out. Then we go from there…
I’m not sure why you should ever feel guilty of employing someone especially at a decent salary. Would it be better if the person was making $7 an hour at Walmart?
I once had someone work for me in a good paying professional job. She had been a housekeeper many years before and at the time I thought that was surprising. She told me she actually preferred working as a housekeeper. She got an enormous satisfaction from making things perfect. It didn’t make much sense to me at the time but I understand it now.
The only part of the job she didn’t like were the people who tried to take advantage by pushing for a ridiculous level of cleanliness when things were already clean.
Roblynn #56 no, it’s not alright to steal. Never. Do you think only poor people steal!
Cleaning businesses and individual cleaners can be very far apart in what they will do. We dusted, vaccuumed and surface cleaned bathrooms and kitchens as a basic price cleaning. No underwear, toy or paper pickup. Cobwebs, making beds, deep cleaning were extra. The company had a side business for windows, carpets, wood floors.
We were bonded and so should individuals be.
I, being on a cleaning crew wouldn’t hire one for my home, but would for a business. I’ve seen money laying in a house that I suspect was a test for us.
The bigger/more cluttered/dirtier/more time consuming your home, the more it’s going to cost you. Unless your into slavery and can find a victim (read up on Dubai).
This has been fascinating. While reading, I started thinking of the reasons I am so behind on my projects list! DH and I have a sizable place, we have a lot of stuff, we both work long hours, we have a sport requiring time from both of us, AND we have a social life.
Between all our other commitments I manage to keep the house tidy and sufficiently clean that I’m not embarrassed to have people drop by, but it’s not as clean as I would like it to be. BUT I don’t want to drop the activities that give me joy in favor of spending half my weekend “free” time on housekeeping, either.
I’m thinking seriously now about hiring a once-a-month helper for the deep cleaning. I think that would be enough. I wouldn’t have any problem working alongside someone, in fact it would probably be kind of fun.
Thanks, Kris, for putting this out there.
I don’t like the idea of a house cleaner because I feel directly responsible for the house. It’s the same reason I like to do as many of my own repairs and remodeling as I can.
It’s kind of an echo of the line parents tell kids “Well Jimmy, you can get a Dog if you promise to walk him and clean up after him”.
I feel the same way about our garden (Would never hire a gardener), pets (the reason I don’t get one) and our computers (do my own repairs).
Curiously, I don’t feel the same way about our car which might be why I don’t take as good of care of it as I should.
Edit: I don’t care if other people have house keepers, but I find it hard to believe that those who do sense the same sense of responsibility to their house.
I loved this, thanks for the honest evaluation of this service. Makes me reconsider why we don’t have a housekeeper…
I guess I’m lucky that my dear husband and I are both pretty casual about cleaning. I had a housecleaner for a short time during a stressful period, and it didn’t really help. I didn’t want to be friends with my housecleaner, but as someone who was cleaning my kitchen and my toilets, she did have an intimate connection with us, and her attitude was not “all business.” Maybe I should have kept looking, but in analyzing my own feelings I found that this wasn’t the same as buying clothes or going out to a restaurant. Or, even the same as getting my hair done, when I feel that I’m paying for real expertise.
Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickel and Dimed includes an interesting analysis of the commercial housecleaning world, and there have been tons of feminist debate over the power inequalities of this kind of work. I think it will continue to be something about which people disagree.
This aversion to housekeepers can be seen as a North American phenomenon; having a housekeeper in South America is _very_ normal. I think security is another big issue, because it takes a lot to trust someone to go into your house (and hiring someone who you have vetted is harder than getting randoms through a service like Merry Maids).
I wish I could afford to hire a housekeeper! I don’t think I’d feel guilty at all, because I’ve never accepted the idea that there are some things women should just do. Like when women who work full-time blog about how they had to clean the house, like their husband or boyfriend is incapable, it’s a foreign way of thinking to me. I stay home, and I still have trouble keeping the house clean. *sigh* It’s just NOT in my blood.
I liked this part about outsourcing: “…nor the factory worker bring inexpensive mass-produced products to personally stock the shelves in my pantry.”
I think I will imagine the factory worker doing just that when I want to buy something I probably don’t really need, and will want to just get rid of in a few months anyway.
When finances allow, we’ll be hiring a housekeeper. There are few things more deflating than coming home to a messy house. Yeah, we could do it ourselves, but the dividends paid by having someone else do it would far outweigh the financial costs.
I use to house/dog sit for a couple who had a housekeeper. I would keep things clean and pay more attention the night before she came. I would come back to the place and it would always be amazing. It was like magic.
It wasn’t until I started working for the couple that I realized how uplifting it was to come to a very clean house, and how easy it was to keep clean after the housekeeper was there. I can’t wait until I’m at the point where I can hire a housekeeper.
When my boyfriend and I moved in together, we knew that cleaning would be an issue. I am generally neater than him, we both work full-time, and we didn’t want housekeeping to be a source of conflict. We hired a cleaning woman (referred by a friend) who comes in every other Monday and cleans the place top to bottom.
Coming home to a clean house is such an amazing thing. Instead of giving up hours on the weekend to vacuum, mop, clean the bathroom, etc., we can work on other projects or just spend more time together. It is definitely money well spent.
There are some tasks I don’t outsource (since I started reading this blog, actually). I learned to change my own VW headlights, saving me about $80 a pop. I also did a small repair to my car’s sunroof drain. (All of the info was found via google.) I’d like to do more of that kind of thing, partly because it’s a pain to drive out to my mechanic, drop the car off, etc. I also do small fixes around the house; I recently changed out some plugs and light switches, for example.
If our financial situation changed, housekeeping would certainly be one of the first things to cut. But it drastically improves our quality of life.
Michael at #66 – oddly enough, the sense of responsibility to the house is part of what made it *easier* for me to call a cleaning service: I knew I wasn’t able to take the kind of care of my home that I wanted. (Though, as I said, there’s medical issues involved here, not time alone – though I’m also working in a very time and energy consuming job.)
(I rent, incidentally, but a small separate building that has not always had attentive tenants.)
Elisabeth at #66 – I’ve also read Nickel and Dimed: it’s part of what made me sure I wanted to use an owner-run service (not a bigger commercial cleaner).
I have this feeling about the laundry. Most of my friends/colleagues drop theirs off at the laundromat or dry cleaner (I know, it’s a weird NYC thing where many people don’t have laundry in their apt. or even their building). I sit there and do it myself every week. It saves me about $12 a week. I just can’t bring myself to pay to have someone do it for me.
As a single mom with three small children, it was easy to make the decision to pay a housekeeper to come for 3 hours every two weeks. I was overwhelmed with all that had to be done. And I would rather spend time playing with my kids then cleaning or nagging them to clean.
I felt guilt at first, but then looked at the values that were important to me. Raising my children is not something I want to outsource. Quality family time is too important.
Our housekeeper does see it as a ministry. She wants to help families spend time together in peaceful homes. That helped me get over the guilt.
I lost the topic of the article when I read about the housekeeper taking her kid for a tattoo. There’s a whole other story there. Since when do parents take their kid for tattoos? I’d rather put the tattoo money in the bank where it belongs.
I want to add something touched on earlier about hiring people in foreign countries. When my dad was in China, it was unacceptable for a foreigner to NOT hire a cook/housekeeper/babysitter. It’s considered extremely selfish. Same was true when some friends lived in SE Asia (I forget where exactly). People want to work, and if they are treated decently it’s not “degrading”. It’s not “lazy” to hire someone to do something you don’t have time for or don’t do well; it’s rational economics.
We are considering hiring people for various jobs we clearly suck at (lawn care, carpet cleaning, etc). The hurdle for us is cost; we are not in an ideal space yet financially, so these things have to be weighed against other things.
I’m new here, but how interesting!
I clean houses; I am a single mom of 5 and while I hope to be doing other work in later years, I am now a small business owner and have freely made my choice based on evaluating the necessities of overall balance. If I considered my job demeaning the fault would entirely be my own weak thinking.
For those who want to know how to hire honest work – ask for references and ask those references questions needing specific answers. Consider asking around, most of my clients have come to me through personal recommendations and contacts. My references have been with me for years and love me; I love them too. Look for similar situations. I’ve also seen my new clients “test” me, or drop in unannounced.
It is a matter of leveraging your time and the value of it with your dollars. Delegating tasks is as old as civilization itself; the most successful people don’t get tied up in tasks that they can’t do as efficiently, effectively, or happily as they can do other life-building priorities. It’s no different than hiring a corporate secretary – why get bogged down in drudgery when you have better things to do? How could one call it laziness if you expect to use your time wisely? When you consider your priorities, don’t forget that intangibles such as networking and exercise/stress relievers or the joy of communicating well with loved ones are investments that pay off more over time and in so many tangible ways! :D
I’ve hired regular housecleaners off and on for 15 years or so.
I was raised to clean my own home, and I like it very clean. But living with a man (who is always messy) and having kids (not as messy as the man, but still) and working really long hours–it was just enough to make me crazy. Sure I could get the house clean if I spent an entire day each weekend on it, but when would I spend time with my family? Also, it is so exhausting. I’m almost 50 years old and I make over 6 figures, and I have my finances in order, so I figure why not?
I’ve had much, much, much better luck with independents than with a cleaning franchise company (only “merry maids” is available in my town). I like it that only the people I know are coming into my home, and we can get used to each others’ preferences. MMaids had different people cleaning all the time–very weird. Also the company was much more expensive and inflexible if you needed to change something. Also, the company did a terrible job most of the time–not up to my standards. The last straw was one evening I went home after work to set up for a catered party I was having that evening—and they were still there even though they were supposed to finish their cleaning in the morning! Terrible.
My current cleaners are two middle-aged women who are married to doctors and don’t otherwise work outside their homes. They only clean for a few clients, and they refuse jobs where there are lots of dog hair or the people are extremely messy. They do it to keep busy, they say they love the feeling of accomplishment when they finish a house. I found them through a referral from a friend at work. They have a key to my house and come and clean while I’m at work. I pick up the toys and other stuff laying around so they can clean efficiently–not a problem because it needs to be done anyway.
To those people who worry that housecleaners will steal—this has never happened to me with either housecleaners or babysitters. These aren’t scam artists–they are workers who need their jobs. They know if they steal from you, you will fire them and word will get out and no one will hire them. I’m sure that’s worth more than your ipod or whatever to them.
in the united states certain individuals benefit greatly from hiring housekeepers. disabled, elderly, single moms with children, those with octuplets and some other segments of the population. having said that, it seems the majority of individuals who hire maid help do so in order feel important. they simply want to be able to say they have hired help and they mention it every chance they get. if you are trying to get rich slowly it doesn’t make any sense. it is a status symbol for middle class people. on the other hand, there are worse things one could spend money on. to each their own.
A few thoughts. First, about the trust issue, my grandmother cleaned houses part-time and always felt people didn’t trust her. As a result, she refused to clean bedrooms, since that’s where a majority of valuables are kept. My boss’ housekeeper was the same way: she cleaned the kitchen, bathrooms, living rooms, etc., but not the bedrooms. That might be a compromise for those who struggle with that issue.
Second, I’m not sure why the time must be spent “purposefully.” Why can’t I go out and enjoy myself? Why can’t my boyfriend and I go to lunch and a movie? It seems like there’s this requirement that the cost-benefit calculation must be monetary. If we’re married with kids and have a housecleaner, and as a result of this are able to come home and spend time with them instead of trying to clean things up and pray they don’t get in the way, then I think that’s a perfectly good reason to have a housecleaner. Heck, in my opinion, if you want one and can afford it, you don’t really need a reason.
Third, when my boss had a housecleaner she always used the products that my boss kept in the house. She never brought her own products, and I once asked her why. She explained that she doesn’t know enough about people’s houses to assume that the same products will work everywhere. For instance, my boss had granite countertops that couldn’t use abrasive cleaners. My boss had appropriate cleaners, but the Rosie wouldn’t look at the granite and immediately think, oh can’t use this, got to use something else. Another example, she worked for a woman whose daughter had severe allergies to most detergents. She washes the dishtowels when she’s done and the daughter would’ve certainly had an allergic reaction to any product that she used.
Just my reactions to some of the comments previously posted.
If hiring a housekeepr can free up enough time that can be used to generate more income than what it costs to pay the housekeeper, I say go ahead and do it.
For those of you asking about the employee vs. independent contractor issue, try page 8 of this to get you started:
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p15.pdf
and this:
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p926/index.html
My grandmother spent most of her life cleaning houses and taking care of elderly women up until her late 70s. If there wasn’t a need she would have a harder time making ends meet with raising five kids (married) and being a woman of color that in that day and age. She was very thankful to have the work she did.
I think there is a time and place for a luxury like housekeepers. I really could have used a “cleaning lady” when I was at my sickest last year. Trying to do everything with no outside help was not healthy for me.
What a truly moving article, Kris!
The focus on taking separate perspectives into account when discussing any issue is a very important one, as well as a large step in breaking down the many stigmas that currently exist in our society.
What best suits one individual may not suit another, and we must learn to be more tolerant of the decisions of others, even when they do not jive and sometimes conflict with our personal values and beliefs.
I hope that the day will come when people truly realize that they do not need to justify their choices to anyone but themseleves, for no one else faces the consequences or reaps the benefits but the one who made the intitial decision: you.
A couple comments on the comments: The housekeeper I had in San Jose was male, and ran a housecleaning service for a living. So they’re not all women.
Also, as a housekeeper, you can write off miles spent driving to houses at the standard IRS per-mile rate, as long as you don’t have an “office” you commute to. (This is my understanding; IANAA [I am not an accountant]; see an accountant to get full details for your particular situation.)
-Erica
@ Kris and JD:
You guys obviously read the comments in Erica Douglas’ article at another blog! LOL. your article is so carefully worded.
We had to cut our house cleaner from our budget. We really miss her! I’d referred her to some friends, who now use her services (lucky them). She was very similar to Michele, a hard-working, responsible and trustworthy small business owner. The relationship was much pretty much the same as I would have with any other professional I would pay for services — be that a plumber, electrician or CPA.
Nickel from Five Cent Nickel just dropped me a line. He, too, thinks that a housekeeper is generally an employee. He’ll have a post up on his site about it shortly. Looks like Kris and I may need to talk to our accountant!
I. LOVE. MY. HOUSEKEEPER.
Seriously, I would have a huge problem if I couldn’t afford her anymore and there is other stuff I will cut to keep her. To me, she’s not an indulgence, she’s a necessity. I’m a single mom. I have three children 6 years and younger. I have a full time job and various side jobs. I just can’t deal with the house. I actually wish I could afford to have her come once a week because unless you have them yourself, you have NO idea what kind of damage three little ones do to a house. Her name is Francie btw and Francie Day is the best day ever. By the way, Francie also cleans the house for my aunt, my brother, my mom, and just now has signed on to clean my 80 year old grandmother’s bathrooms once every two weeks.
As for guilt? Zero. Sorry. A lot of people on that OTHER post were all pissy about Erica making it seem like she was doing the cleaning lady a favor by letting her clean her house. Well guess what people it’s as much a favor for Erica to hire her cleaning lady as it is for my bosses to hire me as an admin. Everyone said there was no way a cleaning lady would choose to do that if she had the chance. Well that’s the point, most of us don’t have the chance (or at least feel we have the chance) to change careers and we’ll take what we can get.
I know that I for one feel overqualified for my job. I too feel that I deserve a “better” job but it’s easier said than done isn’t it? So yes, my bosses can take complete satisfaction in feeling they’re doing me a favor by giving me this job because THEY ARE. They chose me when they can choose from thousands of others.
Not only that, but really job satisfaction goes more with the person and their spirit than the actual job. Case in point: my trash collector. I really love running into him. He’s always got his earphones on and is whistling and dancing. He smiles and waves at everyone he meets. That guy looks like he’s having such a great time– collecting other people’s trash. He sure as heck looks like he has more job satisfaction than I do!
Finally @ Scott #48:
“I guess I’m in a different demographic than a lot of your readers. My wife is a stay at home mom and we get by on my income. We don’t have to pay for day care, or a maid so she can work. I agree with what bob said above “Being lazy is a good way to stay poor.—
Your wife IS the daycare and the maid. You pay for those services one way or another– you either hire your wife or you hire others. For example, let’s assume my numbers are the same for you: Daycare is $5550 a year, the housekeeper is $1690 for a total of $7240. Let’s say your wife has the education/skill set/experience to get a job that earns her $25,000 a year (roughly $12 an hour). Take away the cost of others providing services and you’re left with $17,760 a year. So, on paper, this is a fiscally poor decision. After all, that money can go into investments and retirement funds to generate even MORE money. Of course, as Kris is trying to point out here– things solely on paper aren’t always the best way to make decisions. Surely, your wife being a stay at home mom brings more value than the additional income would justify which is the real reason you go that route– which at $17,760 a year would probably qualify as a luxury.
I think one could argue that, in this economy, if you can afford a housekeeper you have something of a moral obligation to do so.
First, it creates jobs in a time of record unemployment.
Second, if you have children and two parents working, your children deserve that time more than your bank account deserves the extra $180 a month. Chalk it up as one more way kids are expensive, but if both parents are away from their kids 10 hours a day at work I can’t see how it is acceptable to spend less time with them if you can afford otherwise.
I don’t have any of the standard objections to hiring a housekeeper that Kris mentioned in her post (though I would personally also struggle with some irrational guilt). Housekeepers who work as independent contracts actually, on average, earn a lot more than the majority of hourly employees and often have a good deal of control over their work lives.
My main concern with the trend of outsourcing housekeeping is more political and philosophical: I don’t like how it provides a method for evading truly challenging men’s gendered roles in relationships. This is how I’ve seen most of my friends use it. Women have changed their roles over time and now work in the paid work force en mass. However, many studies have shown that no matter how much a woman works outside of the house, very little has changed between men and women inside the house — women still do almost all of the housekeeping and child raising, and they feel lucky to have men who “help.” Yes, there are some lovely exceptions, but I’m referring to the statistical norm. To address this in my personal life (remember, the personal is political), I have decided that if/when I am married and can afford a housekeeper, I will only hire one after my partner and I have figured out a system where we split the housework roughly 50/50. This is important to positively affect gender roles and relations in broader society, and it’s something I want to model for children I might have.
JD’s first comment illustrated what I’m talking about well. He wrote, “Our house was a disaster, and I’m sure my mother would have loved to have somebody clean for her, but there was barely food to pay for needs, let alone wants.” JD assumes that the “somebody to clean” for his mom needed to be a housekeeper, which they couldn’t afford. I’m sure his mom would have been equally happy to have that same type of contribution from her husband or children. If men picked up half of all the work in the domestic sphere, women wouldn’t be looking to outsource quite so much. And when the work was outsourced, it might be less marginalized.
Thank you so much Kris, for this excellent post. We do the same thing currently that you used to do… different defitions of dirty house, make a ‘plan’, plan doesn’t work, more arguing. We also have the same dilemma as #4… no time for projects because its all we can do to keep up with the cleaning routine. We’ve got the money, and not the time, so why the guilt? Thanks for your perspective, you’ve helped me take the plunge!
I just responded to Nickel’s article – if you’ve paid over $1700 a year (in 2009/2010) to any household employee (of which a housekeeper would be considered) then you need to pay employment tax.
KF, good points. Gender roles are based on long histories/traditions, not on intrinsic aptitudes. Even the old split of indoor/outdoor servants (women in the house, men outside) was based on assumptions about physical capabilities.
Of course, in those days, women had basically no control of reproduction, so outdoor work *was* more difficult for them; but that didn’t stop farm wives and daughters from planting, plowing, harvesting, shearing, etc right alongside the men.
Household labor is one of those things that every couple ought to discuss just as they ought to discuss their views on money, kids, and religion. Very few people, it seems, actually talk about these things *before* a problem arises.
Frankly, I think people could ask a damn sight more of their kids than most seem to. I know my parents did: my sister and I were helping with housework *and* yard work before we were ten. Whereas now, I know many families whose kids’ sole contribution to the peace and comfort of the home is to MAYBE pick up their own toys.
@Michael (#66)
I don’t see the correlation between mopping and having a sense of responsibility to my home. I love my home, pay for my home, and keep my home maintained. Am I missing something? Are you sure you’re not being judgemental simply because you feel like you have to do this stuff yourself?
I am not sure you are getting a fair deal
$22 and hour is fairly expensive.
I pay $10 and I live in Manhattan..
@KF (#93)
You should know if the man you marry sees the relationship as truly equal before you marry him. You don’t need to “test” him before hiring a housekeeper.
I knew my husband saw the relationship as equal or I wouldn’t have married him. That takes out a bunch of problems right there. We equally hate housework, so we hired Jacquie.
I thought it was awesome when you brought up the fact that J.D. and his siblings could have helped his mom…I was thinking the same thing. My mom would have screamed her head off if we didn’t help out. :-)
I pay $15 an hour in Houston, TX.
My siblings and I should have helped our mother, and our family did have traditional gender roles. There’s nothing that can be done to change these things now (except try to model more equitable behavior to my nieces and nephews).
@ Crystal: It’s not about “testing” a guy. It’s about the importance to me of first building a model within my household where we divide all of the work before we then allow ourselves to outsource. Many of my friends have married “good” guys who believe in equality and see themselves as contributors to housekeeping and child rearing, yet the reality is that the woman still does most of the work and the man “helps.” People can have good intentions, but this doesn’t always translate to action. A lot of people of both genders also don’t realize how strong gender socialization is until they passively find themselves in situations where the woman is doing almost everything just because that’s the pattern we are socialized to follow. Or, as I’ve seen happen before, the conflict becomes too great to try to get the man to ACT on his good intentions, so it’s outsources to a nanny and maid.
I happen to clean houses for a living. This income pays my bills so I can pursue my other interests. I have another business designing home decor, but in a small town there is not enough revenue to live on. I was in retail most of my life and managed high end and discount fashion just making a little over minimum wage. I was making big companies, big profits and getting little in return for my skills and expertise in sales, management and merchandising.
I decided to leave that trade and invest in my own personal skills and talents. I clean houses because I can. I was raised in a household of six kids , five of them boys. We lived in a small bungalow and you could’ve eaten off our floors. My mother ran a tight ship and we all learned to clean the toilets, scrub floors and vacum. This experience has served me well.
I make $25.00 to $30.00 an hour cleaning. I have regular clients that I chose, they did not necessarily choose me. That is the beauty of this occupation, you do get to choose who you work for. When I am going to a potential client to be interviewed for a job I too interview them. I need to know that I can work for the client in peace, without drama or strife. I also love the flexibility of this occupation. I set my hours and the days I work, it just works for me.!!!
JD: I totally agree with your comment at 101. My point regarding my remaining concerns about housekeepers, is that they let people avoid these issues, so something different doesn’t get modeled for people’s children, nieces and nephews. Instead, they continue to see mommy do most (or all) of the domestic work or they see another woman do it who is paid a low or somewhat low wage. That’s why, even though I could afford a housekeeper, I’d want to first model both parents doing the work before I then maybe phased into outsourcing it.
To quote Carol Channing:
Children, when you have a house of your own,
Make sure, when there’s house work to do,
That you don’t have to do it alone.
Little boys, little girls, when you’re big husbands and wives,
If you want all the days of your lives
To seem sunny as summer weather,
Make sure, when there’s housework to do,
That you do it together!
(That said: I’m totally in favor of outsourcing things that nobody wants to do if you can afford to.)
I would have liked to have read this post but found it entirely too long. Plus, I’m rather busy. So I hired a professional reader to read it for me and I’m currently waiting for the cliff notes. When I can browse the abridged copy, I’ll comment.
Don’t you people have something else better to do?
Should I keep my professional reader on retainer in case you write a diatribe on some painter you might hire?
I worked as a housekeeper my last year of college. I was working full-time in a clerical job and going to school at night, but I got laid off. I was a GOOD housekeeper! My mother trained me well — my customers loved me! And I had absolutely no trouble getting jobs, word of mouth did it all. It was fun and interesting, my customers gave me magazines and books they were done with, and I did extra things for them when there was time. Each time I went to a place if I had time I’d try to tackle a big nasty, like cleaning the refrigerator from top to bottom, or emptying and cleaning the entire medicine chest. There’s something really satisfying about leaving a place all tidy and clean. Like Michelle, I liked the flexibility, lots, and in fact the last semester I was able to take classes during the day. I’ve often thought that if there was a way I could squeeze it in I’d sure like to take on a couple jobs a week like that now, for extra money.
There have been a couple times over the years when there was enough income and enough reason to hire someone to clean MY house. I really enjoyed those times!
Hi, I have a question and would like some advise and your opinions.
Some people feel reluctant to hire housekeepers because of privacy concern, like they just don’t like having strangers coming into the house and start touching all the stuff around the house. What is something is missing? etc..
So for those of you who have hired housekeepers, how do you feel about this issue? Is it ever a problem for you?
@KittyBoarder (#108)
I met a few housekeepers in person to get quotes and we talked for half an hour to an hour. I liked Jacquie and she had amazing references. After that, it was a leap of faith like any other relationship. She’s been cleaning our places for the last 3 years and we’ve loved it!
Thanks for sharing this article. It is really funny to see the dynamics of another couple, and see that we all have our vices (candy spiller!). But I loved the interview with the housekeeper. That was smart. And she is her own boss, I would love to be.
IRS Pub. 926 seems to be your go-to source for the ’employee/independent contractor’ question. I expect that’s what your accountant will be looking at to answer your question … It looks to me like if your housekeeper supplies his/her own cleaning equipment, works for other households besides yours, and was paid less than $1700 in 2009, then s/he can be treated as an independent contractor. At $22 an hour, that would mean she needed to have spent less than 77 hours last year cleaning your house, or about an hour and a half per week, by my calculations.
Scott@111 already nailed this but let me reemphasize that you can easily set things up so that your cleaner is not an “employee”. Be sure she uses her own tools/cleaning supplies, files as self employed and to go the extra mile you could even write up a contract for services from her business.
Don’t stress over this, as Scott mentioned read IRS Pub 926!
On another note I found this interesting to read, it sounds to me that Kris is still trying to justify this expense in her mind/heart. I can relate, both my wife and I travel extensively for work and the last thing we want to do on the weekends is come home and clean the house. Even though we are completely debt free, make a very good living and can certainly justify the expense because of our job requirements I find it amazing that we both still feel a little guilty about it. It definitely seems like a “guilty pleasure” to both of us.
I’m not sure if its the fact that we have both worked very hard all our lives. Both of us started at the very bottom and have worked long and hard to become very successful execs. As a old farm boy who shoveled plenty of you know what, I can appreciate the hard work our cleaning lady does. We treat her as an equal, we consult her about our needs and ideas, we pay on time and give healthy bonuses. We value her as a person and for the services she offers. All the same, it still feels a little like we are being too self indulgent – go figure!
Although I was critical of Erica’s post (mainly because of her apparent attitude about spending, not because of outsourcing), I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with hiring a housekeeper if you can afford it. Housework has traditionally been considered “women’s work” because women didn’t used to be expected to work outside the home. In a way, hiring a housekeeper is something that enables you to be a dual-income household. It is a luxury that you could give up if necessary, but if it fits into your budget and you can still meet your other financial goals, why not?
I actually grew up in a family with a housekeeper, but I’m not sure I’d even be comfortable hiring one myself. I value my privacy, and it would make me nervous to think of someone going through my things. I live alone, so my own chores, cleaning, and laundry aren’t too overwhelming, but if I had to work full-time AND do chores for two or more people, I’d probably be a lot more stressed.
Sara, you can read my post here on GRS called “The Ten Minute Budget” (Google that phrase to find it most easily) and see my budget numbers. I spend way less than many of the commenters seem to think–and my savings numbers go up every month. :)
-Erica
#98 and #100
Industry standard is $20-$35 an hour. $10/$15 an hour-it’s likely they are not paying any income tax. If you got no issue with that-good on ya.
Ruth #79 nailed it oh hiring a housekeeper. I’ve been doing this 20+ years and a good chunk of my work comes from word of mouth referrals.
If you have trust issues-hiring a housecleaner isn’t for you. It’s going to be the 1st person you blame when things are out of place. No one needs that stress.
This was a great article.
In China, having a housekeeper is common for families who can afford it, and the housekeeper sometimes even becomes part of the family, sleeps there, eats with the family, etc.
I think hiring a house keeper is something that would never work for me. I would feel like I have to keep things cleaner for their sake and it would become more annoying than helpful, by which I mean instead of taking a load off my shoulders it would give me more of one. Whenever I stay in hotels for instance it’s a bother because I feel like I can’t make myself home.
And if I DO make myself home, then things get moved and it’s even worse. For one thing, I don’t like it when people touch my things, I never have. I wouldn’t feel safe. I’d keep worrying they’re going to break it or damage it or something. I know it’s a silly thing to be afraid of but I am.
Plus, I don’t want to have to look for things. f they’re on the floor I know where they are. I don’t want to have to open a drawer every time.
That must make me sound very bad but that’s how I work I guess.
If it was just to hire someone to wash the kitchen and washroom though, that’s different I think. That would be fine. But I wouldn’t be comfortable with anyone going into my bedroom and seeing my stuff. (And by stuff I mean books, videogames and things like that, so nothing to actually be ashamed of).
But if it fits your lifestyle, then it’s good. And $20 per hour is more than I’ve ever earned (actually, it’s double the most I’ve ever earned) so it pays better than I would have though. Which also means there is no way I could afford it anyways :P
This was a great post and helped me rethink some preconceptions I had about who hires at housekeeper.
Professional housecleaning is the luxury I miss most from my pre-kid days. There’s no way I can justify it on our current budget, but it will be the first thing I bring back when “disposable income” is no longer the punchline to a joke in our house. I love having my house be clean, and I LOVE not being the one to clean it.
Good for you!
We’ve had housekeepers before and it’s great, but mostly because it forced us to pick up before she came over. And really, half of of our battle is just the picking up. If I could train someone to be a great picker-upper as well as a cleaner, then I’d be all set. I thought it could be our kids but alas, no…
I would love to be able to hire a housekeeper, it would make things a lot easier.
Neither my wife or I are very neat, and with a young son, it makes it double difficult.
I think its very sad that people blindly judge those who hire help. Both me and my mother are disabled but our disabilities are not physically visible. We both struggle immensely with judgment passed by neighbors, friends, family and yes the housekeepers themselves.
I am sorry to say after watching so many peoples response to our situation I think it all boils down to envy.
We have both let go of self judgment but it is others who try to make us feel guilty.
This post is spot on! It rocks. Kris, you managed to touch on all the important parts of this discussion. This was really well done and brought up lots to think and talk about.
I am a guy and I have worked for a cleaning crew and as an house cleaner for individual homes. No work is demeaning or beneath you if you do a good job and whomever pays you appreciates the work you are doing.
Side note: I cannot imagine that a home is a business just because you pay someone to clean your home. You would only report a loss every year. It would be your housecleaner’s responsibility to report her income. But…I am not a pro on taxes…
Awesome article! My husband and I have been pondering about getting a housekeeper… he is really pushing for it now, with me wanting to wait a little… but after the wonderful points in the story, I think the time has come. Thanks for taking away the stigma for me.
interesting post… I do the same because I’d rather spend my time to something important like work and projects.I struggle in keeping my home tidy and a helping hand from expert eases the process
Now this is ironic. I’ve been reading this site for a long time now, and while I greatly enjoy it, I can’t say that it’s really changed my behavior all that much. Mostly that’s because I’ve never had consumer debt or issues with that sort of thing. But I read it for encouragement on living the simple lifestyle, saving, appreciating what I have, etc.
So, and here’s the ironic part…what combination of post and comments makes enough of a direct effect on me to make a change? This one, that tells me to spend more money on something I can and already do provide myself.
After reading all these comments, my wife and I talked about it, and we’re going to try a monthly housekeeper. Why not? We’re working all the time, we’re saving over half our income, we have no debt other than the mortgage, and the mortgage balance is only about half our combined annual income, so it will be paid off very shortly. We have a much smaller house than we could afford, by conventional standards, we save over half our income already, and I’m only 31.
This post really hit some of the meat of the issue. We outsource some other things, like car maintenance, and I never felt the slightest twinge of guilt about that. But something about a housekeeper always made us feel that “Oh, we don’t want to be THOSE kind of people.”
BTW, I absolutely love doing lawn maintenance, leaf removal, snow shovelling, etc. I spend all day in the office, so getting outside is always a treat, and seeing the tangible accomplishment and feeling useful afterwards makes it all the better. But I’m just not psyched anymore about mopping floors and scrubbing bath tubs.
I certainly recognize the arguments about “You have to clean up before the cleaner comes” irony, but I guess I can think of that almost like hiring a personal trainer. Basically, paying someone to MAKE you do something that will make you feel better afterwards, because you might not do it otherwise. And then, in this case, taking care of the hard part afterwards. (I do not, nor do I ever want to, have a personal trainer).
Anyway, we’re only talking about once a month here, it’s not like we’re hiring a butler.
Kris, I’m totally inspired to make more money so I can hire a housekeeper!
We have housekeepers come in twice a month and it’s been a great thing to relieve stress from my wife, who has standards similar to what JD describes of his wife (my definition of “clean” is dirtier than her “dirty”. Since it relieves stress from my wife and I can have a few more hours to spend with her on Saturday now, I don’t feel as weird about it as I once did. It’s all about making lifestyle choices and choosing what you value!
@JD(#14)
180/month*12months*10yrs = $21600
Nothing against hiring a housekeeper, but what I see from your comments are excuses. If you say that you are a slob, shouldn’t $21600 be a motivation for you to work on your issue?
I used to be a housecleaner and it was a great way to make money when I was in my 20s. It supplemented sales of my artwork and gave me a good income and flexibility. Now I’m in my early 40s with a career that keeps me very busy and I have housecleaners (they work as a pair) who not only clean the house but do laundry and clean the catboxes. They are awesome! It helps me so much to have this, I really look forward to coming home on Fridays and finding everything so clean!
I wonder how many women hire a housekeeper because they aren’t able to have serious conversations about their husbands and families doing/sharing the work. J.D. admits he’s a slob-isn’t that such a cliche for men? I wonder how many homes wouldn’t require very much cleaning if the men of the household weren’t slobs to begin with.
I wonder if the authors have read the second shift? Hiring a housekeeper to keep the peace is just another sign of how “womens work” is still left to women. Sorry J.D. but I’m not buying this post.
Ask yourselves if you would consider hiring a male housekeeper? I’m going to wager, not.
@Nina.. you would be off a little on your comment about ‘ask yourself if you would hire a male housekeeper to keep the peace, I think not’.
First it is not about the gender of the cleaner, but the job done. Second, I have three employees with my small house cleaning business and my employee that has been with me the longest, is my lead clean and is most in demand is a male who is 21 yrs old with one degree under his belt. He enjoys what he does and certainly if his work keeps the peace in a marriage I am pretty sure he would smile and say “job well done then”.
Nina@131 – wow, how very sexist of you to insult all men as slobs! That would be like me saying all women are horrible drivers!
To set the record straight, I’ve never met a woman OR man who could clean my house as well as I do. I am not a slob and never have been. All of my close guy friends would be equally insulted. Just because the sitcoms today love to denigrate men please don’t fall for the same lunacy.
We’ve hired cleaning staff because we are extremely busy people who travel extensively for work and don’t want to clean on the weekends. And YES, we have had EXCELLENT male cleaners twice. We hire whoever comes with excellent references regardless of sex, age, race, etc.
Let’s not fall for the trap that someone always has to be the bad guy/gal. It may be vogue to insult and sterotype men today in an attempt to uplift women, but it doesn’t make it right. No more than it did when women were referred to as the “little wife” staying at home barefoot and pregnant!! How about we find the strengths of both partners and neotiate solutions that compliment both!
Kris and J.D. – thank you for this post. What I see in this article that I so rarely see in other discussions about cleaning people or other outsourced work is RESPECT.
It makes all the difference in the world to pay people what their job is worth instead of what you can get away with. All of us know folks out there who are scraping by to make a living and will take what they can get because it puts food on the table. I was very uncomfortable with Erica’s post because she talked about how she was saving money by paying X person Y dollars in the Philippines and that was OK because it was within his or her standard of living there. I was uncomfortable because it made me feel like it espoused an attitude that it’s OK to celebrate cutting our own costs EVEN WHEN THAT COMES AT A COST TO OTHERS.
It’s hard to strike a balance between wanting to cut our own expenses to live the kinds of lives we want while not cutting our costs at the expense of others’ well being – I get that. How do we find that balance? I don’t know. I struggle with it on a daily basis.
Thanks to Kris and J.D. for living that example for the rest of us. Keep up the great work.
you guys should stop being lazy and start doing your own chores and keep the $22/hr in your pocket
Just to clarify post 40 and the response: you are not required to pay taxes (FICA or otherwise) for true independent contractors, but you ARE required to file a form 1099 if you pay the individual over $600 per year.
If you are unclear about whether a housekeeper is an independent contractor or employee, you can file for SS-8 with the IRS and they will make a determination.
Filing form 1099 for all annual payments which exceed $600 is very important and can result in tax liability if you do not.
Great article – I also blogged about this issue after you got me thinking about my own reticence about having a housekeeper. I especially enjoyed the comments from the housekeeper herself. Thanks for sharing.
For those interested, here’s the link to Nickel’s article on Independent Contractor vs. Employee http://www.fivecentnickel.com/2010/02/19/independent-contractor-vs-employee-whats-the-difference/
As a single man, I have a team of two women from Merry Maids who come in once a month to clean my 800-square foot apartment. I keep up with the minor cleaning in between visits, and between the two they do all the major work in about an hour and I pay $85 for the service. As they are Merry Maids employees, there is no issue for me with withholding. They do a better job of cleaning than I can, and they free up several hours of my time. Each visit they get the key from the apartment complex property manager while I’m at work, and they have been scrupulously honest.
I think most of us are looking at the issue backwards. If we can hire someone else to do a job, especially a low-skilled job, then we’re helping that person be financially independent and achieve his/her goals. When I hire my friend’s adopted son, the one who was “this close” to going bad but decided not to, I’m helping him be a healthy person, a productive member of society, a good father and role model to his son. Further, there’s plenty of chores I can do better than I mow lawns – I should be doing those instead.
Thanks for this post. I have been struggling with the guilt of not being able to do it all. I’m thrilled to say that I am trying out a cleaning service once every month for a reasonable price. I’m just having bathrooms and the kitchen living room done – the rooms that cause me the most stress to keep clean. I’m so thrilled that they will come on Monday to start! Thanks Kris!
I really like cleaning the kitchen, the bathrooms, and running the vacuum around, and now that I have a new vacuum, I’ll be doing that more often. What I really HATE to do is dust, but it makes me crazy to have things be dusty. Is is possible to hire someone to just come in and dust and do windows?
I appreciate my housekeeper who helps free up time for me to spend more time with my kids and get the chores done that I have neglected to do. Like sorting through clothes that need to be donated or go through all our documents that either needs to be shredded or filed away. I don’t feel guilty to having a housekeeper cause I only feel guilty when I don’t have time to enjoy my kids.
I don’t have a housekeeper, but cleaning is the thing my fiance and I fight about the most (in reverse, he’s much much cleaner than me).
Once we finish law school and are each working 70+ hours a week I have no intention of using my valuable free time to do something I LOATHE.
It’s interesting how ideas about this change over time. The home my grandmother grew up in had three live-in servants (one cleaning, one cooking and one doing??) and the home her father grew up in had six. Of course I’m sure some of those were caring for draft animals, but still there was no guilt over hiring people to take care of what needed taking care of. Or maybe there was… I guess I wouldn’t be in a position to know :)
It seems that arguments about hiring a housekeeper are about guilt or being able to afford it. I would never hire a housekeeper because one of our pets is an escape artist, and I’d be worried sick about one more person having to make sure she doesn’t sneak out.
Jan Wong wrote a fantastic series for the Globe and Mail about house cleaning work and how many of the corporate outfits pay minimum wages or less to their employees, so, if you care about workrs, you should hire a self-employed cleaner.
I found the article and comments very interesting. After reading the GRS article about earning extra money, I’ve started offering housekeeping on my local Craigslist. My husband and I both work, but to speed up our debt payoff, I thought housecleaning is the way to go. I say don’t feel guilty by hiring a housekeeper. I’m very up front and tell people that by hiring me, they are in turn helping me become debt free. Think of it from the housecleaner’s point of view and I’m sure your guilt will subside.
THANK YOU! I’m a homeschool mom of 4 and STRESSED! I want to “outsource” the housekeeping and don’t know where to start, but I found this. Thank you! Homeschoolers don’t “outsource” the schoolwork…multiple grades typically…so it’s only reasonable that something else HAS to go.
I don’t feel much guilt about hiring someone to clean my house. Any guilt I do have is firmly tied to the “should we pay money for this” conflict and not the “I should be doing this myself” or “I have a problem paying someone to do things for me” ideas.
I HATE a lot of the cleaning chores, and I hate nagging people to pitch in with cleaning chores. As long as I think we can afford it, I’m going to keep hiring someone to clean. We can afford the money more than the time at this point in our lives.
As the owner of a privately owned residential and commercial cleaning company, I thought I would give you a little bit of insight as to how a “housekeeper” may think. :)
I don’t find cleaning someone elses home the least bit degrading. I actually enjoy my work and get a sense of pride when I leave a home clean. I know that I would appreciate walking into my house after someone else has cleaned it for me! :)
As far as finding someone that is trustworthy… Ask neighbors, friends, even your realtor could possibly give you the names of people that they have used before. It is also a good idea to make sure that the person you hire is licensed and insured. Being licensed, I pay my own taxes. You don’t have to worry about that. Being insured, if an accident (say something is accidentally broken or God forbid, comes up missing) my insurance will cover this. Also, ask the person if they have a problem with you being home while they are there working… if they have issues with that, then I would have issues with them. Pop in on them occasionally if you are not 100% comfortable with them.
I wouldn’t feel guilty about hiring a housekeeper. I plan on having one when I retire! Sit down and figure out how much YOUR time is worth! How much time do you spend cleaning your home that you could be out enjoying your family and doing things that you love.
Hope this helps!
I never thought we would hire a housekeeper. Growing up, my mother worked full time, did all the cooking and cleaning, sewing, haircuts etc (she is a saint). My father always worked a full time job plus picked up extra hours of work whenever possible. He also did all outside chores and home remodeling etc. When I go married, I had just assumed this was normal and put unrealistic expectations on my wife and myslf. When she brought up hiring a housekeeper after our daughter was born, I have to admit I was judgemental toward her because I was raised to believe you should never pay someone to do something you can do yourself and felt we could both work full time and still do all of the household chores ourselves. Now that we’ve hired a housekeeper, I don’t know why we didn’t do it earlier. The money we spend is well worth it. We don’t fight over chores. We have more quality time together and we are both more relaxed. I would give up a lot of other things before giving up our housekeeper.
I don’t know whether to feel sorry for people who will never understand the work of housekeepers, or feel anger for their complete lack of consideration or understanding of the circumstances that lead people to do this type of worthy labor.
You all talk about needing “leisure time” and time for your “passions.” Did you ever stop to think that these people need this as well? They work long hours, at multiple houses, sometimes at two houses per day, they have families, responsibilities day and night, yet they have the least amount of access to healthcare and other things that would actually require healthcare for their hard, PHYSICAL labor. This is not to devalue the work of those who went through college and got high paying jobs, but I doubt that sitting at a desk, being a CEO etc. will make you end up with a broken back, more exposure to cleaning chemicals and such. I don’t think there is anything wrong with housecleaning, hell, we’d have to do it ourselves, but I have a problem with the way people approach the subject and making blatant statements without researching deeper into the needs of these people or the reasons why they are there.
I should know, I am the daughter of a Guatemalan daughter, who crossed the border with nothing but the clothes she was wearing on her back. She had no family here and she had to fend for herself. WHen she came here, she did not expect to clean toilets and take over the needs of parents who were too busy making money. She is an educated bilingual woman with a degree (my father is also educated- he was an accountant). Not everyone is “unskilled.” WE JUST DON’T HAVE WHITE PRIVILEGE. My mother tried going to college here, but she had to stop going because “illegals” weren’t allowed to have access to education, and they started deporting people. She tried again when she became a resident (she is now a citizen), but my father had a stroke. She was going to school to learn computer programming. She tried again, but she had to make money for the family for food, plus she had to take care of 8-9 other families who were too busy trying to live an overly unnecessary life full of luxuries. My mother pays taxes, she’s the breadwinner, she has worked extra hard, and yet she does not have healthcare. She still squeezes in time to knit hats for St. Johns for children with cancer, she makes dolls for the organization “Dollies Making a Difference” so that children around the world can have a toy. She takes care of our sick neighbors out of her own will, she takes care of my elderly retired father, she cleans, she cooks (I am away at college). She works 7 days a week, and she works on holidays. Think twice before you jump to conclusions about women who clean houses. Also, appreciate women (your wives, sisters, etc.) who do all this labor for “free” after working and looking after your kids.
Just found this site and will definitely be reading more but had to comment after reading everyone’s thoughts but especially after the comment about most people would not hire a male housekeeper.
I run a small housecleaning business in a small town. Two of my employees are woman, one is a young man of twenty one. He has been with me for two years now. The first time out to a clean it still can throw people a little to see a man, but once they start talking with him they absolutely love him.
Word of mouth has spread so much about his great personality (has an awesome sense of humour)and his fantastic work (he is lead cleaner, being better then most of the woman I have hired) that his schedule is always full. Even when a client leaves.
Everyone also needs to stop assuming we do this because we have to make money and feed our families and can do nothing else. In reality is this not why EVERYONE goes to work in addition to loving your work?
For people who say house cleaning is not ‘rocket science’ think again. In this day and age there are so many different levels and grades of flooring and materials used in new homes and then what older homes were made of, I am constantly training myself then training my staff to keep up. Why? So we do not damage your home but keep it clean .
Are we uneducated and this is why we house clean? Absolutely not! I myself have three degrees, all my employees have at least once. We have chosen to work in this field because we enjoy it and we are good at it.
As far as going rate. Well some of these posts are from 2010, now in 2012 but we charge $40 per hour. Our employees are paid well, but then we also pay for any supplies needed, bring all our equipment, pay for the insurance in case anything might break, pay for coverage for the employees in case they are hurt cleaning your house so you do not get sued. There is a cost involved that many people don’t realize. Hire an independent , yes a lot clean well, however if they hurt themselves while cleaning in your house,they can and most will , sue you for damages.
A house cleaner is no different then hiring a plumber, using an accountant , or seeing a doctor. In our world ALL jobs are needed and count. If people did not work fast food, how would you pick up all that pizza after a hard day at your work when you do not want to cook? Be open minded to the fact that every job is ‘difficult’ in it’s on way and that just because it is not “rocket science” as many have said, does not mean it has any less value.
For me, the bottom line in the issue is not if the members of the household are able to manage the running of the household without help. The issue is about whether they are able to do it without anger, mutual accusations and lack of consideration for differing standards and needs. For me, any expense that would make home a more peaceful place would be worth it, assuming I would have the money needed. (At the moment I live alone, and therefore the issue is not relevant.)
This is a great post Kris. We teach people how to start up and run a successful cleaning business. People do get bogged down with guilt over hiring a cleaner, but that guilt comes only from conditioning. What people need to do now is ‘buy’ time and having a cleaner does that.
I don’t think mothers should feel guilty about hiring a housekeeper or nanny to help out around the house. If you can afford it, you might as well get all the extra help that you can get. Let’s face it, being a woman these days has become even more demanding compared to our mothers’ and grandmothers’ generations.
I want to hire a housekeeper, at least once a week. My husband and I together make six figures and we both work full time. Plus, I have a chronic illness and I’m frequently tired during the week. This means we spend weekends (waste) doing laundry, cleaning and chores. I think he worries about us being ripped off and also he thinks it’s lazy and over indulgent. I would rather spend my weekends doing something fun, interesting or getting the rest I often need so badly.
I have been thinking about getting a house cleaner for awhile. Spending my free time cleaning is something I enjoy doing. I think I will try someone once a week and see how that goes.
Diary of a housecleaner from a housecleaner
I clean homes for a living. I do not possess degrees and am unable to offer a career title or skill recognized as impressive and generally accepted as valuable by society. However I learned long ago that my chosen way of providing income for myself and family, once the conditioned perception is discarded, is for me one of the most satisfying, flexible, free, necessary and noble lines of work.
This does not mean I’m ignorant,incapable or an under achiever who settled for less. On the contrary. It is the result of much thoughtfullness. Truly, it has allowed me to provide on my terms. I have a perfectly balanced life due to a deep understanding of what truly matters to me and since we are all part of humanity, naturally gaves insight into what fundamentally matters to all familys. I specialize in giving it. This line of work was specifically chosen. It allows me to give my best to my family and give my best to yours. Some wonder how this could be satisfying creatively etc. Because of my balanced life I have time to express creativity not only through my work but outside, as my chosen profession allows more flexibility than most professions.
My satisfaction and pride are well met in and out of my profession.
I adore meeting customers, coming into their lives and sprinkling my magic. I am the best marriage therapist. I am your surrogate extended family in a century where life demands have increased exponentially but the expectations of the woman’s role has not. This is not just a business exchange. It is my chosen life work. I extend to you that which is necessary, which brings balance to both your life and mine.
An exchange that makes us both happy and satisfied. Though I am not religious in the least, I recognize something in this exchange that transcends the usually more respected “normal” business arrangements. But that matters not, as the true nature is apparent to me and those I service get it albeit on differing levels but they get it. And if you don’t, chances are I won’t be working for you.
I swipe all the stigma and conditioning aside with every wipe and scrub. I am there for you, to communicate that despite what the magazines or your neighbours and friends project,I know it can’t be done alone. I know there’s no Mother or Aunt to come and lend a hand. That you are financially providing your chosen way and that cleaning is impossible to fit in and simply put, of no value to you in the context that it takes away valuable family time, exhausts, as it is akin to a second job, and that resentment can fester and grow as like it or not, it is still firmly categorized as the woman’s duty.
We all agree providing a clean organized home is something important and much desired but on your priority list, with the understanding that your career excludes a major block of time, it’s the elephant in the room.
I provide a service. I have spent years learning and perfecting this service. I develop a specialized routine after communications, observation, where what is needed most. It has taken years to learn how to utilize my time effectively and go through one end to the other. I have researched different cleaning methods and am a keen observer. I customize things just for you. I feel honoured being allowed in your home. I highly respect the situation and deeply understand that what I am providing is far more then just shiney floors. I am providing peace of mind, time with your family, contentment and happiniess. TLC.
Truly, if fully comprehended which at times requires putting your ego aside and contemplating quality of life, a housecleaner is absolutely necessary for fulltime working households and the most value you will get from any expenditure. It truly baffles me why this is not as obvious to everyone as it is to me. I can only conclude that it has to do with conditioning, mind sets still in a different time and place not caught up to two parents working fultime with all the present day demands. That usually only one person shoulders the psychological and phycical burden of womans work. The same one that did in the past, Mamma. Everyone’s so busy! There’s only time to throw laundry in, drive here and there, cook, do homework and on and on and on. No one really thinks about the cleaning cause that’s the Mamma’s job.
But since Mamma’s not home all day and the brain hasn’t really caught up and adjusted realistically to this fact, the reality of the situation is not accurately perceived or reflected back as the enormous and problomatic situation it really is. It is not “seen” and it manifests and presents as fatigue, resentment, depression etc.In these times of fulltime working households it is insanity not to automatically budget for some type of help.
Sometimes it takes a little while for a new customer to fully appreciate help. The deeply conditioned ones never do and if they can’t then the true energy exchange isn’t occurring and you’re addicted to misery and the idea of money makes you happier.
Some notes on the technical nature of the exchange:
If you hover over me, create ridiculous lists of demands, expect me to pick up things that were dropped or left because “the cleaning lady’s coming” it will not work. I appreciate that you have an incredibly busy life. I can make the bed, put back a few toys or move things to get at floors counters etc. but I
I am not a housekeeper. I am a cleaner that comes to do tasks that you do not have time to do like scrub baths and tiles, dust and wipe, mop floors even wash sheets.
I do not expect perfection but to get personal items out of the way such as dirty laundry or dishes or to wipe up spills when they occur is reasonable so I can concentrate on disinfecting your sink, cleaning your floors and baseboards.
If this is too much stress or effort then the necessary degree of respect is not present. and I won’t work for you.
We work together.
And if you get it, I promise you a weight off your shoulders and a touch of heaven.
I have a housekeeper and I got over it. And I mean the pressure of doing it all. Full time job, 2 kids in sports all year. She was found by me on CL and she’s wonderful. I pay her $50 and I supply everything. She cleans 1000 sq ft of my house including windows. She truly is a Godsend and being a single mom after 17 years, I just let go because I need the help.
It’s almost as if you don’t respect us as human beings.
Let’s not kid ourselves. Hiring someone else to clean your house boils down to the simple fact that you are having someone else clean up after you. People rationalize it with words like “priorities,” when it’s a matter of time management and personal responsibility. There is no reason a person can’t pick up after themselves, provided that they are able-bodied, of sound mind, and older than the age of four. How is it that something we learned (or should have learned) as children become something we’ve rationalized as “outsourcing”?
It has nothing to do with being face-to-face with your housecleaner. That is just the symptom of guilt talking. Even the hamburger flipper, the grocery bagger, the dry cleaner and the garbage man are a wholly different example because they are performing a PUBLIC SERVICE. Same with maid service at hotels; their employer hires their cleaning services as part of a BUSINESS that serves THE PUBLIC. Whereas when you hire a housecleaner, you are hiring cleaning services as part of YOUR OWN PRIVATE HOUSEHOLD. It is more akin to having a private servant.
Regarding some of these comments about hired housecleaning as redress for women’s inequality (i.e., women are expected to be able to work outside the home AND raise kids AND maintain the home, while men are not)–it’s NOT the answer. Obviously if you are overworked, the answer is to do less work. Take a less-demanding job, live in a less expensive house, don’t have kids or cut out the soccer practice if you already did have kids, get your partner to MAN UP and DO HIS SHARE of the housework and parenting, and accept the standard of living and of cleanliness that YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF. If you’re getting someone else to clean the pubic hairs off your bed sheets so that you can “spend time doing more fun, relaxing things” and/or drive your kids to gymnastics… What’s wrong with this picture?
We are becoming a society of entitled, irresponsible children who are only too happy to “outsource” our own personal upkeep to “make time” for the things we’d rather do, just because we can. Housecleaners are literally wiping up the fecal waste that we put on our own toilets–why shouldn’t we clean this up?Guilt? I guess it’s solved with a couple lemons and squash we can just pluck from the garden, because you know, that housecleaner is “like family.” In fact she’s like your mom who cleaned your bathroom and let you drop off your laundry for her to do while you visited from college on the weekends. Ah, whoever said we had to grow up?
And the thing about you and your partner dealing with your conflict by hiring a housecleaner… That’s not working anything out, that’s throwing money at the problem in order to avoid it, instead of actually working with each other toward marital and domestic harmony and respect. It reminds me of couples who hire marriage counselors because they don’t understand and practice or don’t want to understand and practice communication, compromise and acceptance. Have a problem or burden you can’t or don’t want to deal with? Pay someone else to do what should be basic and automatic for a functional adult.
Look, it’s your money and your lifestyle, do as you please. But call it for what it is: getting someone else to pick up after you.
Kate (entry 162)
Loving all the hate you have flowing there. That’s great for you.
How about a single mom with 3 kids, no support from the baby daddie because he doesn’t pay child support. The only way to make him MAN UP is to hold a gun to his head. Last time I checked, that is still illegal whether you have a gun permit or not.
I have a job with decent hours and make enough money to get by. (sorry I refuse to go on welfare). I’m not asking anyone to clean my butt or pick hair off my sheets. I’m asking someone to dust because all three of my kids have allergies and asthma. I’m asking someone to vaccuum, sweep, mop. That has nothing to do with picking up behind myself. That has to do with having kids, living life, being humans in a house.
Think my kids are lazy? They do their own laundry, pick up their rooms (so the cleaning person does not have to.) But I’m not going to ask my 2 year old to scrub the floor (yet). My oldest (in middle school) made all-state band – incredible for a middle schooler competing against high schoolers.
But it’s just me and the kids. There are only so many hours in a day. Especially when there is homework to help with (sorry, school is still mandatory for kids, I can’t make them stay home to clean), showers to take (kids shouldn’t go to school dirty) and going to bed early so they can actually learn at school the next day.
Kate, it’s still America. Do what you want. But I will have three kids that learned to pick up after themselves AND have memories of their Mom loving them by being with them rather than spending every spare minute trying to keep the house dusted, swept, mopped, etc. They will remember that people (and kids) are more important.
Yes, I would like to hire someone else to pick up after me. I said it, happy?
I know I’m not happy about your tone that it’s a moral failing to hire someone to clean your home if you want. It doesn’t make me less of an adult or a woman or a wife that I would want to have help come in and vacuum, wash the windows, wash my clothes or do any other number of chores around my house so I don’t have to waste my Saturdays doing OR for those unfortunate people who aren’t neat freaks but have spouses that are because I don’t want to fight night after night after night over the perceived neatness of the my home. Sure a person could take a less busy job, not go to soccer practice, not actually relax on the two days they have off every week, but why? It is my money and most importantly MY LIFE and I have a right to live it however I choose whether or not you have a moral objection to having someone come in and clean your house is YOUR PROBLEM. I don’t think anyone is talking about somebody waiting on you hand and foot and wiping your butt after you go. Just doing some chores. So please, save your moralizing.
I don’t have a housekeeper myself, but if I had a job that made me a significant amount more than I was paying, I would consider it worth it. I look at it like this. If I’m making $30 an hour while my housekeeper is charging me $10, I could live with the loss in income.
With that being said though. If there was a way I could go without the $10 an hour expense, I would definitely find it!
I came across this by mistake but I’m so glad I did. Let me tell you about my demeaning cleaning career. I am a 29 year old mother of two. I started my first post construction cleaning business when I was 19 years old. After COLLEGE, I knew I always wanted to own my own business. It wasn’t apple sauce canning, but I decided to return to the cleaning industry. I guess my sales and marketing director history held me back from my true potential. I started another cleaning company when I was 25 and now own multiple locations in two states. I am a CEO at 29. The only dilemma I have is trying to understand why people like you make such pittyful comments. When I signed my son up for private school I didn’t feel degraded. When I bought a car just for fun I didn’t feel degraded. I never view my CHOSEN career path as anything less than successful. It’s your “empathetic” comments that create such a stigma. What if we actually do this because we love it?!! Who are you to presume that we couldn’t possibly love our shameful no skills required wrong turn of a job. It starts with you. I felt nothing but fine until seeing what you’ve written. I also come from a long line of cleaning ladies. My mother is my administrative director who had 30 years of nursing under her belt before coming to work for me. My grandmother retired in 20010. She was the janitor at my high school. She was paid a salary and it exceeded the office secretaries, assistant teachers, resource teachers, security officers, and a few regular teachers. She was perfectly happy doing her job. Please do us a favor. Don’t think for us, feel for us, and don’t try to treat us as a charity case. You obviously see us as being beneath you although I’m not sure how. I’ll be sure to title my next blog entry ” Apple sauce makers have feeling too”. You can let me know what you think and P.S. While I am out cleaning alongside my employees tomorrow, my house will be getting cleaned by somebody else and it doesn’t bother me a bit.
I so enjoyed your letters. I am single and do not
like housework. On the other hand, I live in a HUD funded apartment. Management inspects the apartments twice a year. I am disabled and cannot find anyone to clean for me!! As such, I almost get physically sick when apartment inspection rolls around. I am not financially well off by any means. One way I do like the situation has to do with money. So many, many people are hurting financially. If I haave someone clean my apartment, is this not helping the other one that is in financial need? Would like some feed back on thia one. The housekeeper who cleans every day, goes to the grocery and does other things conducts herself as if she is an employed woman, not a servant. I admire her greatly. For me, the main point – if they agree to do a job, the please do it well. God Bless
Although I cannot afford a cleaning lady or housekeeper at the moment my question is with regards to the example it sets for kids. I feel uncomfortable with the idea of hiring someone to clean my home, I do not want my kids to think that they do not have to clean up after themselves. I do not want to create the expectation that the luxury of paying others to do work that you should and are capable of doing yourself is the norm. Will they go to college and learn to cook and clean for themselves or just call mom and dad for extra money to hire the help “they need”. If someone is old, disabled, or even if it makes financial sense and that person is working hard at their occupation, I can see the benefit of having help. However I was raised to take care of myself. If that means I work a 70hr week and have to cut out hobbies to clean and cook, is that not part of being responsible? I just want to set a good example for my kids. I don’t want them taking things for granted and not working hard.
@John Appleseed,
A thought. You make the statement: ” If someone is old, disabled, or even if it makes financial sense and that person is working hard at their occupation, I can see the benefit of having help. However I was raised to take care of myself. If that means I work a 70hr week and have to cut out hobbies to clean and cook, is that not part of being responsible?”
You say if it makes financial sense & that a person is working hard at their occupation you can see the benefit BUT then you turn around and contradict that by saying even if you must work 70hrs a week, cutting out extra curricular activities and all relaxation you still believe you should clean because that is what being responsible is about.
These two statements show that there is still a huge stigma of not wanting others to see one as feeling “entitled or better than another” as well as the feelings of guilt or shame that many take on thrown at them again by others for “not being responsible and taking care of everything themselves”.
… Often hearing the statement “MY (insert mother, wife, grand mother etc) in her day raised 9 kids, handled the chickens, grew a garden, fed all those mouths AND still was able to clean a her house in her day,,,,why cant woman today do it?”
Gets old hearing the same guilt heavy statements from others that say this for their own reasons. At the end of the day, who cares.
If you need help, can afford it, then get help and let others with their judgement calls talk to the wind.
Is it going to teach your kids irresponsibility to have a housecleaner? Well what is it going to teach your kids if you are in the hospital because you tried to do it all type ‘A’ personality? That we should LITERALLY run ourselves into that ground because thats the way it has always been done?
Household rules are household rules. If your children have duties in the house, then that is what they do. The housekeeper is for what YOU want done, not for them. Their duties will still be there to do and the consequences of not doing them as well regardless if you have a housekeeper helping you with cleaning your room, your bathroom and maybe your floors for you.
Hi:
Why should people clean their own homes if they can responsibly take care of it by paying others to do it for themselves? You wouldn’t say that about purchasing prepared meals, designing beautiful flower arrangements, installing a furnace or water heater? If you are concerned about setting an example for your children you should just say to them, we can do this because we have chosen this as a financial priority and we hope that when you are holder you make financial priorities that are satisfying for you too. In the meantime ask them to clean up their own bedrooms. I don’t see the point of working a 70 hour work week to take care of myself if I can live a healthier lifestyle by paying a reasonable amount out to others to do the work on my behalf. Sandra
I have 6 years college education. I never wanted to be a teacher but I found as time went on that I always loved cleaning my own house so why not clean others’?? I make a lovely living doing what I do. I do not clean for certain types of people. I do not clean when people are home that’s a recipe for disaster for many reasons….toooo much talking, micromanaging. I choose who I want to work for and they must meet MY standards. The first sign of whinning or talking in a positive way about their last cleaner I am OUT. I don’t discuss how my clients compare with other clients ergo I do NOT want or will listen to “Maria the marvelous cleaner” again I leave it’s a set up for disaster. I have been hired to give lessons on cleaning. I’m happy doing what I do and it’s all because I’m in control! Note: a good, truly good housekeeper is NOT easy to come by. If you find one keep her … whatever you have to do.
A point that needs to be made here is the reason *why* you are outsourcing your housework, and why people “outsource” things like cooking and growing food. With housework, you are entirely capable of doing it, you just don’t like doing it because you don’t have enough time in the day due to working full time. You’re working 40 hours a week so that you can pay for a place that you find satisfactory, maybe even a little bigger than satisfactory. But then you don’t have enough time to clean it because you’re working too much. Perhaps you should re-evaluate that part of your life before relieving yourself of the ‘guilt’ that you so easily admit to having.
I can cook very well, but I pay restaurants to cook for me because they are better than me. And if I go to a restaurant where they can’t cook better than me, I *do* feel guilty, and disappointed at the fact that I paid for something that I could’ve done myself, and better.
Finally, there’s no need for a feeling of guilt, whether man or woman. Just a reconsideration of your priorities that keep you at work so long that you can’t keep your house up.
I am starting a new business and have been looking around for ideas to “set myself apart.” Certainly, a housekeeper must do the job well and be efficient. What are some of the nice little things have been done in your home to endear you to a particular housekeeper?